By Lady Cocotte
This one is going to be short because I’m super busy getting ready for my trip to NYC and I don’t usually like these recap shows. I’m also heavily medicated (I’ve had really bad travel anxiety the past few years) so take everything I say with a grain of salt. RuPaul looks great with big blond hair and glasses. Yay! Adore Delano is there! She looks gorgeous and sounds high. Just how I like her. Wow, Sharon Needles looks different. She’s discussed her plastic surgery addiction and her low self-esteem before but I thought she had it under control. Is that a new nose or just different shading? Sharon, you’re gorgeous just the way you are! I wish you could see yourself the way we see you. Yikes, I also not liking Alaska Thunderfvck’s look. She is my #1 girl and can’t do anything wrong in my eyes but either the angle of the shot or her breastplate is making it look like she doesn’t have a neck.
They’re doing a section on body-ody-ody. #4 is “Abs, Abs, Abs” starring Jasmine Masters. I forgot how washboardy she was. I think you’d call that an 8-pack. And I’m glad they’re starting out with praise for Jasmine. She wasn’t my favorite Queen but she didn’t deserve the backlash she got. She got so many death threats that she’s still scared to leave the house. For real. So let’s celebrate Jasmine’s amazing abs because she deserves some love. #3 is “Sleek Chic” starring Miss Fame. She really is gorgeous. #2 is “No Pads, No Problem” starring Pearl. Jinkx Monsoon says, “If you’re not wearing pads, you’re not doing Drag.” Adore Delano and Sharon Needles are the only Queens who thinks Pearl is fine without pads. #1 is “Cinch It” starring Violet Chachki, of course. Yes! They have outtakes of Alaska Thunderfvck as Anna Winter. “Violet Chachki’s a lovely girl. It’s a shame she’s morbidly obese.” Now they’re giving love to the big girls. As Latrice Royale says, “Fat is where it’s at.” #3 is “It Do Take Curves” starring Kennedy Davenport. #2 is “Binge On The Minj” starring Violet Chachki (jk). As Tamar Braxton says, “You owned being thickums.” #1 is “May The Fierce Be With You” starring Jaidynn Diore Fierce.
Top 5 favorite bearded Queens. #5 is “Abe-solutely” starring Katya. #4 is “Red Alert” starring Pearl. #3 is “Use Your Head” starring Kandy Ho. #2 is “Hello Dali” starring Max. #1 is “Good Golly Miss Molly” starring Kennedy Davenport as Little Richard.
Top 4 skin moments. #4 is “Show Your Assets” starring Katya bending over and mooning the judges in the naked bodysuit challenge. #3 is “She’s A Real Cut-Up” starring Ginger Minj cutting herself away from her conjoined twin as she lip-synced for her life. #2 is “When In Doubt, Whip It Out” starring Trixie Mattel’s uncut penis in the workroom. By the time she came back all the girls were so sex starved they were begging to see Trixie’s unit. Trixie was embarrassed because she was had just untucked and wasn’t feeling her finest. “Can I like fluff for a second? I need to think good thoughts.” #1 is “You Do You” starring Violet Chachki’s naked look. All the other girls wore bodysuits but Violet simply wore duct tape and a smile.
Top 5 fitness tips. #5 is “Don’t Forget To Stretch” starring Katya. Doing a jump into the splits, a cartwheel into the splits and some good ole Kyle Richards splits in her lip-synchs. #4 is “Don’t Act Your Age” starring all the girls dancing in their old lady looks. #3 is “Get Plenty Of Rest” starring Pearl. You know, because she was sleepy the whole time. #2 is “Dance Your Padded Ass Off” starring all the girls in their dancing challenge where they were 1/2 man, 1/2 woman. #1 is “Fly Girl, Fly” starring Kennedy Davenport jumping off the stage into the splits.Yeah, she deserved #1.
Now they’re talking about catchphrases. #8 is Ginger Minj’s “I flood my basement” anytime she saw a cute guy. #7 is Violet Chachki’s “Come Thru” which I don’t remember at all (except for during Katya’s final lip-sync). #6 is Jaidynn Diore Fierce’s “No Ma’am, Pam.” #5 is Miss Fame always talking about her “brand.” #4 is Kennedy Davenport’s “the struggle is real.” #3 is Jasmine Masters’ “no tea, no shade, no pink lemonade.” #2 is Pearl’s “fla-say-dah.” Or, as she spells it: flazéda (and she’s very insistent about the accent on the E). #1 is RuPaul’s “she already done had herses.” The catchphrase no one understands. Ooh, RuPaul explains it. She went to Krystal Burger in Atlanta late at night. Somebody went to pick up a bag of food but it didn’t belong to them. So the girl behind the counter said, “she already done had herses.”
Alrighty then…There’s unseen footage about the guest judges but it bores me so no recappy for you. I’m much more interested in Raja and Raven’s opinions about the season 7 fashion. Raven loved Kennedy Davenport’s leather and lace dress. Raja loved Katya’s death by shark look. If Raja was in the “Death By…” she would have done hung herself from a floating chandelier and then performed Chandelier by Sia. “Oh, no. We can’t afford it.” Raven’s top look was Violet Chachki’s Hello Kitty outfit. You know, the pink corset with statement headpiece. Someone on my Facebook page said it reminded them of a condom and now that’s all I see. But a very avant garde condom. Every recap show they talk about RuPaul’s looks. Raja’s favorite Ru look was the black velvet painting of herself with a big white afro. And finally they talk about the worst look of the season. Can you guess which one? Kennedy Davenport’s “burnt chicken” look, of course!
Top 3 moments of truth. #3 is “Mad About Michelle” starring Violet Chachki. You remember it. “I hate Michelle Visage.” Oh, Violet. I don’t even know what to say. #2 is “Queens Go Clean” starring Katya and Miss Fame talking about their sobriety. I was so proud of Katya for asking for help and Miss Fame for giving support. That was a really touching moment. #1 is “”Motherly Love” starring RuPaul and Pearl. That scene, where Pearl was a bitch to RuPaul about the negative feedback she gave her, made me super nervous. And then there was the stare-down that ended with Pearl saying, “Do I have something on my face.” I can’t believe RuPaul didn’t slap her. I would have.
Bianca Del Rio reads the girls. Tempest DuJour: “I saw a Drag Queen in a Mexican restaurant do that same entrance except it wasn’t a baby.” Mrs Kasha Davis: “Mrs Kasha Davis is from upstate New York where they produce winners like Pandora Boxx and Darienne Lake. There’s something in the water and it’s not talent.” Trixie Mattel: “It was really so sad to see Trixie go. Twice.” Max: “Max is always complaining thtat Drag Queens are too vulgar. You know what’s vulgar? That fucking accent, bitch!” Miss Fame: “Her personality is so amazing that growing up her only friends were chickens.” Ginger Minj: “She claims to be a Glamour Toad but you look at her, she’s been eating more than flies.” Pearl: “The best thing about Pearl’s Drag? She’s cute as a boy.” Violet Chachki: “ I was really shocked when I saw Violet come out with that oxygen tank ‘cuz that meant Ru wasn’t using it.” Michelle Visage: “She’s constantly saying that ‘RuPaul is my best friend.’ Funny thing is, you don’t hear Ru say it.”
The top 3 girls get an extra look. Ginger Minj is a great actress, likes to talk shit, and leaves you wanting more. Pearl took time to come out of her shell but when she did, she shone. Violet Chachki is young and mouthy but, damn, she got style. RuPaul is still pushing the “hashtag your winner” thing but I can’t imagine the decision has’t been made already (sorry for the double or triple negative… I warned you). The episode ends with the world premiere of the music video of RuPaul’s “Born Naked.”
Grand Finale. Plus, I’ll bring you all the deets from the live crowning ceremony.