I am going to do a quick catchup on Real Housewives of Melbourne. This will be a double recap. For the window lickers who are a tad slow that means I will be recapping TWO episodes as if it were just one two hour show. I really need to do this fast so I can try to get Banjo a quick walk before RHOA. The RHOA Recap will likely run late today because I have been quite busy having a life and enjoying the sunshine.
Jackie
We are finally back from the Philippines. And we start with Jackie. Jackie has said “couture” within seconds of her first scene where she recaps the Philippines to Ben. FYI I you missed the big news about Jackie, exclusive to Tamara Tattles, click here.
Jackie has a La Mascara party to select the face her brand. It’s 50s style pin up girls. All the way there, the women are bitching about Gina naming a shoe after her. Janet says she is going to name her bowel cleansing tea, Gina. I love Gamble’s talking heads, especially about the inappropriateness of Jackie trying to hook Janet up with a badminton boy. Jackie takes of in a helicopter and everyone waves. Pettifleur does the pageant wave. Because, Pettifleur.
Lydia
Lydia has a new house. I hate her artwork. Not because there are a lot of topless women, I have a nude or three in my house. Just because it is tacky. It’s a gorgeous house and I assume it is her new home since separating from Andrew. Yet in her talking heads she still talks about the house being hers and Andrews.
Janet
It’s time for Janet’s tea launch for her foundation. I like that her business is for charity. Let’s see who will show their ass at the charity event. Janet has been through so much. This is kind of touching. Jackie is wearing a peplum and Gina immediately asked Jackie if she is pregnant. Who is the psychic again?
Carlos is at the party. He is the source for all of Gamble rumors. Gamble immediately confronts him. Carlos is stuttering. Then he says he has seen the photos from her sex parties. Gamble is threatening to sue Carlos. Jackie tells Gamble if there is a photo out there, she needs to shutup. Gina tells Gamble to show her the photos. Carlos backpedals.
Lydia approaches Pettifleur to harass her about her accent. Then Lydia tells Pettifleur to confront Gina about mimicking her accent. Gina denies doing it, so they show a montage of Gina mimicking Pettifleur’s accent. I hate the fighting between Gina and Pettifleur. The less I have to hear Pettifleur speak the better.
Gina
Gina has a shoe line. Everyone comes to her shoe launch at her store, The Doll House. Gina has named shoes after each girl. Lydia and Pettifleur are pissy about it. Wow, Gina has a red soled shoe. She will hear about that. Janet and Chyka are pissy about the shoes too.
Gamble
Gamble goes and get a new diamond engagement ring.
Gamble has a party. Here house is AMAZING. It’s a James Bond Girls Theme. So Pettifleur comes as James Bond. I didn’t realize that Gamble wasn’t married to her man yet. So this is her Hen’s night. I guess we will be seeing her wedding. Gamble’s sister got a facelift and I can’t tell the difference. They have strippers and Gina loved them, but Gamble doesn’t care for strippers. Everyone acts like Gamble is pretending not to like strippers because she has been around the block. But I believe her. Strippers are creepy. Janet starts pulling their undies off. I am going to zip through.
Somehow Gamble is mad a Gina when Gina tells her that her makeup artist is the one starting the rumors. I really didn’t care enough to pay attention. Speaking of the rumors, Gamble and he sister seem to have made up with Janet. Chyka gives Gamble a dildo. Jackie says it is very couture. I’m not kidding. She also gave Gamble a vibrating egg. Gamble is over the whole party at this point.
Chyka
Chyka goes shopping for four new outfits for the Spring Racing Carnival. She needs four of everything from hats to handbags to sunglasses. Why? I understand needing a new hat for each day. But sunglasses? Shoes? The first day is black and white day and everyone looks fairly ridiculous. Jackie is miserable with a giant heavy chess piece on her head. The wind is threatening to blow their fascinators off. The party setting is really pretty. The fashion sense of these women is, a bit different.
The ladies are all betting horses. When I lived in Tallahassee I used to love to spend the day drinking draft beer and betting on the greyhounds. It’s so much fun.
Pettifleur
Pettifleur is launching her Bitch Switch book. Perhaps we can finally stop hearing about this book. I really don’t like scenes with Pettifleur in it. Gamble is mocking the book to anyone who will listen. The book is self-published. So gamble asks in the Q & A who the publisher is. Heh. Pettifleur says she doesn’t need no stinking editors proofreading her book. This scene is way too long and I have plants to water and dogs to walk and RHOA to recap. I’ve got to zip through this.
Next Week: Pettifleur has a fiftieth birthday party and all hell breaks loose.
Cannot stand Gamble’s voice. It makes me want to douse myself in gasoline and light a match. I felt like a real asshole learning she’s partially deaf tho.
Jackie’s hat looked fucking ri.dic.u.lous. Poor thing. She probably thought she was so cheeky with it being a Queen chess piece.
Gina looks like an Egyptian pharaoh with all of her makeup. I just can’t.
I like Chykah. I even liked watching her try in clothes. There is something warm and comforting about her. Like Mother Goose.
Don’t ask me why I like Janet, but I do. She’s like a geriatric Bond girl herself.
Pettlifleur- GOD! What is there to say?? I have to believe that she’s acting. No one could truly be so self unaware…right?
Lydia and Andrew separated? How did I miss that news?
Great recap as always, TT.
I almost hate to admit it but Pettifleur is growing on me. I think it was her 50th birthday party and preparations for it. I fully expected her to totally lose it when she was sure Chyka’s crew wouldn’t be able to pull the snow theme off. Then when she dances, and sings, and the way she was just getting into the music. It sort of humanizes her instead of the caricature of little woman with napoliana complex you get to see there’s a real woman in there that off camera might be interesting to get to know.
Sounds like you are an episode ahead of the rest of us.
Oops I forget sometimes. I just watched it the other day and I thought we were caught up in the states up til the reunion shows. Hope on one thinks there’s a lot of spoilers in the post.
The reunion is going to be hard for Tamara to watch. Sooo much Pettifluer. But it was funny.
Oh fuck noe. tell me they do it in one episode.
On Mon, May 11, 2015 at 12:51 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Two episodes. However! There is one amazing moment where all the ladies band together to laugh in her face. Worth.
Thanks for the teaser Micheal.
I can tease you in other ways ;).
Lol oh gawd I stepped right into that one didn’t I?
Do I need to separate you two?
On Mon, May 11, 2015 at 10:57 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Micheal just saw it. You’re right I think people are really gonna like that scene. Man she gets so freakin mad. And they bring back douche head with the glasses on his head to moderate again. Lol Tamara is gonna really like Janet during the reunion I think.
Janet usually ‘plays’ better in the reunion that she does during the whole season. Less pot-stirring for camera time and more snarky reflection on the show, which I enjoy. Sadly Gina is kind of the opposite. She doesn’t do as well on the reunion. Must be the advocate in her.
Totally agree on Gina. When she has a go at Chyka she comes off as mean girl, maybe even just plain bitch.
Lydia and Andrew are still together, he recently had open heart surgery that’s why he wasn’t on the show this season. Also Lydia’s son is in trouble for distributing naked pictures of his ex girlfriend and stalking her and he also has charges relating to some driving offences.
Old news. He is a super creep. His sentencing will be interesting. In Victoria the Courts really are trying to discourage revenge porn and sexual crimes against women (as all states should).
I thought it was interesting that Lydia didn’t go to Court with him.
I can’t stand the 2 newbies, Pettifleur and Gamble. I fast forward through them.
Love Chyka and Jackie. Am so hoping your tea on Jackie being pregnant is accurate (it usually is), because I think it would be great to watch and I think her and Ben would make awesome parents!
OF COURSE Chyka has a personal milliner. Because she’s Chyka. and I don’t begrudge her that.
As someone who reads way too many galleys of self published books (I have to, for the job), let me tell you – 1) don’t self publish a book 2) get someone, anyone, who is not in your family and not on your payroll to read and edit that book and 3) a list is not a book. Nor is a page of you spouting definitions followed by three blank pages for the reader to write something in. These are not books. They are akin to a paint by numbers picture or a LIteBrite outline. It is lazy and a scammy way to make money off of stupid people who buy these in the supermarket checkout line.
X, this is why writers don’t want to write anymore. The book industry was dead once housewives became “New York best selling book righters.”
On Mon, May 11, 2015 at 12:42 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I blame The Secret and the Kevin Trudeau ouvre.
I love Gamble. Her facial expressions at the reunion made it for me. She really took Petiffluer to task.
What was kind of good at the reunion this year is that they were encouraged to discuss the fights off camera; leading to one housewife walking off declaring “I’m too skinny to be a drunk” (paraphrased).
Gamble will be back next season. Pettifluer….probably not.
I could not understand Gamble for the first half of the season, but I’ve picked up on her accent. I was disappointed in this season. And since my recaps for this show don’t bring many views, it is constantly being pushed to the back burner. If Nene farts or Kim gets arrested, this show falls off the list of things I can write about for the week. I think I would like it more if I didn’t “have” to recap it.
On Mon, May 11, 2015 at 12:47 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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This season was a huge downer. I wonder how much better it would have been if they fired Pettifluer early into filming.
Here’s hoping, Pettifleur is an ass
The ladies really let her have it during the reunion.
Yeah I’m still of two minds, she does bring the ‘drama’ but if everyone on the show dislikes her and dislikes doing promotional interviews with her, then viable of a cast member is she really?
I am really enjoying this season of Melbourne, I think it’s much more interesting than the first one. Not mad on Pettifleur but I like watching Gamble. TT I can’t believe that you can’t see the difference inTempest after her facelift! She was fugly before, but now she’s quite pretty and looks years younger!
I didn’t know that Lydia separated from Andrew (I really didn’t remember her husband’s name-is he her husband?) She seems like a real snob to me. What’s her occupation if she has one?
No occupation. Last season she studied to be an interior designer. Lydia’s husband just had surgery and overcame some sort of blood infection so he didn’t film for the show.
I agree I don’t like the way she acts. It’s ugly. At the beginning of the season she learned her lesson from the flack from the first season and acted accordingly, but as the season progresses she’s backsliding. And it’s gonna get worse yet.
She admitted that because of the fan backlash last season, she purposefully befriended Gina and ‘dialled it back a bit’.
Gamble was a bit off base on the self publishing thing. Most authors get paid crap for their books – $5-10,000 up front. Depending on what a writer’s goals are, self publishing can be far more lucrative than traditional publishing (I have several friends with good, niche market books who’ve done it). It requires upfront costs (like hopefully an editor), but the return is much higher (15% or so of cover versus cents). If she’s planning on selling the book as a supplement to speaking engagements, it’s good business sense to self publish. Most self publishing houses distribute directly through the same distributors as the traditional houses, so it’s not harder for stores to pick up the book. That said, I suspect the book may be awful. But that has nothing to do with being self published.
So you work for a self publishing house? 🙂
On Mon, May 11, 2015 at 5:55 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Pettifleur needs to go.
I have come to the point of not liking any of the women. I just havr varying degrees of dislike.
I thought Lydia told the camera she and Andrew were separated in her first ot second scene of this season.
Gamble, who is my least unlikable, wears such extremely matt makeup, I want to polish her skin to make it look a bit less peach fuzzy.
Pettifluer needs to be dead headed, her bloom is gone.
I like this show and love the aussie spunk. My feeling is this group is suffering somewhat from the second year syndrome. Jackie and apettitfleur too obviously self promoting And not really likeable. In general though, it’s been fun. Love gina, gamble and janet.