I am going to do a quick catchup on Real Housewives of Melbourne. This will be a double recap. For the window lickers who are a tad slow that means I will be recapping TWO episodes as if it were just one two hour show. I really need to do this fast so I can try to get Banjo a quick walk before RHOA. The RHOA Recap will likely run late today because I have been quite busy having a life and enjoying the sunshine.
We are finally back from the Philippines. And we start with Jackie. Jackie has said “couture” within seconds of her first scene where she recaps the Philippines to Ben. FYI I you missed the big news about Jackie, exclusive to Tamara Tattles, click here.
Jackie has a La Mascara party to select the face her brand. It’s 50s style pin up girls. All the way there, the women are bitching about Gina naming a shoe after her. Janet says she is going to name her bowel cleansing tea, Gina. I love Gamble’s talking heads, especially about the inappropriateness of Jackie trying to hook Janet up with a badminton boy. Jackie takes of in a helicopter and everyone waves. Pettifleur does the pageant wave. Because, Pettifleur.
Lydia has a new house. I hate her artwork. Not because there are a lot of topless women, I have a nude or three in my house. Just because it is tacky. It’s a gorgeous house and I assume it is her new home since separating from Andrew. Yet in her talking heads she still talks about the house being hers and Andrews.
It’s time for Janet’s tea launch for her foundation. I like that her business is for charity. Let’s see who will show their ass at the charity event. Janet has been through so much. This is kind of touching. Jackie is wearing a peplum and Gina immediately asked Jackie if she is pregnant. Who is the psychic again?
Carlos is at the party. He is the source for all of Gamble rumors. Gamble immediately confronts him. Carlos is stuttering. Then he says he has seen the photos from her sex parties. Gamble is threatening to sue Carlos. Jackie tells Gamble if there is a photo out there, she needs to shutup. Gina tells Gamble to show her the photos. Carlos backpedals.
Lydia approaches Pettifleur to harass her about her accent. Then Lydia tells Pettifleur to confront Gina about mimicking her accent. Gina denies doing it, so they show a montage of Gina mimicking Pettifleur’s accent. I hate the fighting between Gina and Pettifleur. The less I have to hear Pettifleur speak the better.
Gina has a shoe line. Everyone comes to her shoe launch at her store, The Doll House. Gina has named shoes after each girl. Lydia and Pettifleur are pissy about it. Wow, Gina has a red soled shoe. She will hear about that. Janet and Chyka are pissy about the shoes too.
Gamble goes and get a new diamond engagement ring.
Gamble has a party. Here house is AMAZING. It’s a James Bond Girls Theme. So Pettifleur comes as James Bond. I didn’t realize that Gamble wasn’t married to her man yet. So this is her Hen’s night. I guess we will be seeing her wedding. Gamble’s sister got a facelift and I can’t tell the difference. They have strippers and Gina loved them, but Gamble doesn’t care for strippers. Everyone acts like Gamble is pretending not to like strippers because she has been around the block. But I believe her. Strippers are creepy. Janet starts pulling their undies off. I am going to zip through.
Somehow Gamble is mad a Gina when Gina tells her that her makeup artist is the one starting the rumors. I really didn’t care enough to pay attention. Speaking of the rumors, Gamble and he sister seem to have made up with Janet. Chyka gives Gamble a dildo. Jackie says it is very couture. I’m not kidding. She also gave Gamble a vibrating egg. Gamble is over the whole party at this point.
Chyka goes shopping for four new outfits for the Spring Racing Carnival. She needs four of everything from hats to handbags to sunglasses. Why? I understand needing a new hat for each day. But sunglasses? Shoes? The first day is black and white day and everyone looks fairly ridiculous. Jackie is miserable with a giant heavy chess piece on her head. The wind is threatening to blow their fascinators off. The party setting is really pretty. The fashion sense of these women is, a bit different.
The ladies are all betting horses. When I lived in Tallahassee I used to love to spend the day drinking draft beer and betting on the greyhounds. It’s so much fun.
Pettifleur is launching her Bitch Switch book. Perhaps we can finally stop hearing about this book. I really don’t like scenes with Pettifleur in it. Gamble is mocking the book to anyone who will listen. The book is self-published. So gamble asks in the Q & A who the publisher is. Heh. Pettifleur says she doesn’t need no stinking editors proofreading her book. This scene is way too long and I have plants to water and dogs to walk and RHOA to recap. I’ve got to zip through this.
Next Week: Pettifleur has a fiftieth birthday party and all hell breaks loose.