We are back with Craig getting fake fired from his fake job. I really don’t care about Craig. He’s from Delaware for fucksake. Who the hell lives in Delaware? Anyway, Craig is almost concerned that he just lost a six figure imaginary job. What will he do? I’m guessing party.
Landon and Shep go to a flea market. Landon wants to open a vintage shop. I would die to go to a Charleston flea market. Why haven’t I done that before? Oh yeah, mornings. Oh Landon wants to take everyone to Jekyll Island. DAMN you Landon. No cameras on Jekyll! Can’t you just take them to SSI or Sea?
Meanwhile, Kathryn and Danni sit outside by the pool at the downtown house. God I love these houses. Kathryn says that she is not happy with her life and ready to make a change. I think I could put up with (ignore) that Ravenel creature for her life. We get a montage of all of his assholery. Kathryn says she is sick of putting up with him. He thinks she won’t leave him but she will. He needs to be a partner or she needs to go her own way.
Whitney calls Craig and Craig says he didn’t get fired, they just mutually decided to part ways. Craig is drinking glass from a tumbler and about to watch some Lifetime movies. All that is missing is the pint of Ciao Bella Pistachio sorbet. Not that I have any experience in the area.
beard girlfriend is in town. Patti tells the butler to prepare some cocktails as the cocktail hour is nigh. She will have her usual and the girls will have rosé. Whitney and Larissa get together on a park bench on the battery. Whitney wants Larissa to move in with him. She hesitates. This may be taking the whole “double blind beard” thing too far. Patti is trying to get Larissa to move to Charleston. Which is silly fake storyline because Whitney lives in LA. I do recall telling you guys you did not want me to recap this show. It’s all such a farse. But, I do it for you! /heavy sigh. Well, Also the scenery. And Shep. And Cameran who I have loved since her Real World days.
The thing I hate most about this show is they preview the big story line ten times in an episode. Last week it was, so Thomas, are you taking Kathryn to the ball? Are you going to the ball with Kathryn? Really, so you are going to show up with Kathryn? And then of course he doesn’t. This week it is going to be… Do Craig’s parents know he got fired? Now Patti is telling her baby boy who parents want to know when their kids get fired. Which is the first of I predict many “blatant foreshadows” that ruin the actually absurdity of the fake moment.
Cameran, why the hell are you beeping your horn like a hoodlum picking up a prom date? Don’t young people today just text, “I’m outside?” Anyway. Cameran tries to talk sense into Craig and it gets nowhere.
So Shep, Whitney and Craig apparently hitchhike at the airport and find three seats on a prop plane or something and end up in Delaware. Where? Wait, that was a commercial prop plane? I wondered why there were strangers on the plane. They flew commercial? On a prop plane? Seriously? Whitney is not happy. So there is that. Shep is already pointing out the uncouth behaviors of the yankees. Because Shep is perfect in every way. As they go into the house, Craig mentions the things they can’t talk about. Especially his job. He hasn’t told them “he is not working” yet. Craig’s childhood bedroom is exactly how he left it. Lots of frat stuff.
Craig has a great family. Whitney is meeting them for the first time and is less than completely positive with his first comment to Craig’s mother. Shep is charming and since the girl from the ball dumped him for being a manwhore the night before, he is wasting no time in calling in some chick he knows in Delaware. Wait, he knows someone in Delaware? He invite her to dinner at Craig’s parents. Who does that?
Whitney keeps making horrible comments about Craig to his parents. It’s time for dinner. Craig’s mom asks how work is going. Craig says he doesn’t want to talk about work while he is at home. So she asks how he is doing getting ready for the bar. He says that is fine. He got his application in. Whitney asks when it is, which he knows. Craig says February. Whitney tells Craig’s father that Craig has no work ethic. Then he says that Craig parties all night and asks Craig’s mother who he has never met how they can give him a kick to get his life in order. Whitney would back been punched in the face and out of my parents house before dinner at the first crappy comment.
Whitney says he needs to go away somewhere, not to an institution but somewhere away from temptation. Why hasn’t the Dad asked him to leave by now? Why? Because this is all fake bullshit and they are in on it. What is next? Fake rehab? Clearly, Whitney missed the memo of what is and what is not polite and acceptable dinner conversation when studying to be a fake Charlestonian. And the chapter about how to behave as an invited dinner guest in someone’s home. And how to respect the parents of your friends even if the parents are the same age as you are. I’m beginning to wonder if he studied anything at all.
OOOOHHHHH Delaware is pretty!
The next morning the guys wake up at the beach house hung over and ready to play some golf. Except for Craig. It’s noon and none of them can really motivate. Especially, Craig. On the golf course Shep and Whitney gang up on Craig and force him to admit he needs to make some changes and be honest with his parents. Craig is embarrassed.
Later that night, the boys go to eat some crabs with the parents before leaving. Shep and Whitney leave early so Craig can talk to his parents. His parents tell him that drinking problems run in both of their families. Craig admits he lost his job. They have a sweet talk. Was that fake too?
Next week: The gang goes to Jekyll Island. Whitney attacks Kathryn again in defense of Thomas.