Tamara Tattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade.

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You are here: Home / Entertainment News / Daily Tea Weekend Edition: Varietal Petomato

Daily Tea Weekend Edition: Varietal Petomato

May 1, 2015 by tamaratattles 222 Comments

I give you the Petmato.
I give you the Petmato.

Sigh. Such utter disrespect from you people. I simply asked that we all bond this summer by growing a tomato plant and trying to walk 15 minutes every day. What do I get? So many excuses and outright refusal by some.  And then, there is the Petomato.

What the fuck is a Petomato? And does if count if it is really your boyfriends and you have custody but not responsibility?  The Tamara Tattles Tomato Enforcement Department (TTTED) is mired by people pleading for exemptions. This Petomato thing is very perplexing.

It’s like a bloody tampon in a plastic bottle inside the house!  And now it is sprouting!  Doesn’t it need to be outside? How does it all work?

I believe the whole point is to play in the dirt and participate on the gardening page.  Help me, help you people. Help me, help you.

On the other end of the spectrum we have people who planted a tomato plant on Tuesday and the following Friday are claiming they have fruit already. Sigh.

And who the fuck is allergic to tomatoes? No one that is who. The TTTED is not amused.

It’s going to be a beautiful weekend. Get your asses in gear and plant a damn tomato.

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Filed Under: Entertainment News Tagged With: Daily Tea, Petomato

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. Gingersnap says

    May 1, 2015 at 11:56 pm

    The Petomato is kinda cool…I think I want one. Can I say that?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:13 am

      ​NO. You. Can. Not.

      On Fri, May 1, 2015 at 11:56 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • Gingersnap says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:30 am

        lololololol

        Reply
    • TeeTee says

      May 2, 2015 at 8:01 pm

      Sorry Tamara, this is hilarious! Thanks for the smiles!

      Reply
  2. cawoman23 says

    May 1, 2015 at 11:57 pm

    bloody tampoon? lol I actually thought it looked like a bloody condom!

    Is that supposed to grow more than one tomato? Is it a cherry tomato?

    Has anyone had any luck growing a tomato plant in a clay pot? I usually plant in a small veggie area but can’t this summer due to water rationing *sigh* I already have a tomato cage. I’ve had to use it to try to keep one of our cats out of the pot where I like to plant catnip. The cage doesn’t slow him down much. I usually find him passed out in the middle of the pot, smashing the catnip. Which is why it never gets very large! Hopefully he would leave a tomato alone 🙂

    Reply
    • Angel says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:10 am

      Clay pots work but the soil dries out fast if it is unglazed. It would require less water in a plastIc pot. Be sure to use a big saucer so you catch the water.

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:21 am

        ​I disagree with all of that. Unglazed is best. Water holds fine. in fact add some rocks to the bottom of the pot.

        On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:10 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:17 am

      I grow some of mine in clay pots but they are pretty damn big pots. I was cruising through a neighborhood of stately old money homes and there were all these fancypants pots out by the trash and you KNOW I pulled over and shoved them all in the car. The clay ones break down over the years so I also have bought those big pretty ones at Home Depot as well. BUT the bigger they are the HEAVIER they are so I would recommend for a ground floor patio and not so much for an apartment balcony. You can probably go smaller for a balcony. In the long run, you want less roots and more foliage anyway.​

      On Fri, May 1, 2015 at 11:57 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • Riley says

        May 2, 2015 at 1:22 pm

        I use the big plastic buckets every year. I added herbs this year. Everything looking good with exception of one of my basil plants. Looks like something is trying to eat it up. But other than that one….they are doing great. Can’t wait. And yes walking too, which I was already in the habit of. Back problems. But thanks for caring about us. Why don’t you add smile to the list ?

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 3:17 pm

          ​Riley, just between you and me, I’m basil-impaired myself.

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 1:22 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • cawoman23 says

        May 2, 2015 at 7:04 pm

        I love old pots. I would have nabbed them too! If plastic pots require less water, I think I will try a one on my patio for a tomato plant. And hope to god i don’t get any tomato worms chomping on it. I HATE those monsters. *shudder*

        Reply
    • Skeeter says

      May 2, 2015 at 2:55 am

      @cawoman – LOL! I have a cat that passes out in the middle of the pot too and then tries to act all innocent. We planted some new catnip this year because as soon as the other one comes up, he mows it off! It’s to the point where we planted it and won’t even go near that area if he’s on the prowl LOL!

      Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 2, 2015 at 4:43 am

        I havent grown catnip in years, but when I did I would always have two plants. Plant One would be caged and the other one open. After Plant Two had been smashed and thoroughly rolled in, I would cover it to let it recover. Then Plant One would be open territory.

        Reply
    • HotToddy says

      May 2, 2015 at 10:55 am

      We’ve used tall plastic buckets to grow cherry tomatoes (and cukes, bell peppers).

      Reply
      • Angel(?) says

        May 2, 2015 at 11:03 am

        I’m using those but the tomatoes and peppers are upside down. I have squash, snow peas, and dill in the top. I got the buckets at Home Depot. So my hanging garden looks funny. Each bucket says “Lets do this”, so it’s like inspiration every time I walk outside!

        Reply
  3. tootsie says

    May 2, 2015 at 12:01 am

    I know I’m supposed to buy a magic tomato. I have not done so. I know I’m supposed to walk 15 minutes a day. I have not done so. Can I still come to this site and read and comment?

    Reply
    • tootsie says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:04 am

      tootsie sighs.

      Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:20 am

      Sigh HELP ME HELP YOU, Toots. HELP ME HELP YOU.

      Don’t make me come down there I know where you live.

      I such at the walking part but have done it the past three days. Trust when I tell you the tomato is much easier.

      I would not ever send you to the window licking section. BUT THERE WILL BE SEVERE CONSEQUENCES FOR YOU.

      Because, you are my special friend and if you don’t it would hurt my feelers. ​

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:01 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • T D says

      May 2, 2015 at 10:09 pm

      Gardener’s have been known to tell a “fish stories”. ( ouyay ogay otay armerfay arketmay. Uybay iggestbay omatotay, wearsay tsiay romfay ouryay ardengay.

      Reply
  4. lisamia says

    May 2, 2015 at 12:15 am

    My babies are famous! I am humming “On the Cover of the Rolling Stone” song at work. I think I am going to call the little shoots Kim and Kyle. Bloody condom is kind of creepy. I think I’ll stick with bloody tampon, cause that’s not gross at all! LOL Thanks, TT! So if the TTTED come to arrest me and I kick one of the enforcers in the stamen, do I get to go to rehab in Malibu? Of course their bark is worse than their bite. They are all saps. Okay, will try to turn over a new leaf. I am too excited. I need a xanax.

    Reply
    • tootsie says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:19 am

      Great idea. TT: I’m not a subversive. I just need rehab. Will you send me to Malibu?

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:37 am

        Yeah sweetie, in our relationship, I’m the Brandi. You need better friends.

        Let’s just focus on a tomato plant and a leisurely stroll for now.

        I’m your free Doctor Phil

        Then maybe we will all cut back on the booze. Maybe. Or not.​

        On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:19 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:32 am

      ​So wtf is the plan? Does this go into the ground outside at some point? Is it a house plant? Do you realize how big a plant has to get to bear tomatoes? Are you on crack? You do realize that the actual OWNER of this plant is embarrassed to have it at his place, right?

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:15 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • lisamia says

        May 2, 2015 at 1:02 am

        I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know! I just want go to Malibu for rehab and a facial!
        There’s a lovely illustration of a thriving tomato plant with little tomatoes on it on the box.
        Last year, for our anniversary, I gave the boyfriend a mead making kit. It was basically a still and a lot of honey. He made the mead. It was pretty good. Then he decided to make prison hooch. Worst tasting crap in the world. He used rotten fruit, ketchup, who knows what else. He labelled the bottles HOOCH. He’ll probably make hooch out of the tomatoes.
        He’s gotta great ass, which makes it all make sense to me. 🙂

        Reply
    • Gingersnap says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:48 am

      I really like Kim and Kyle 🙂

      Reply
      • lisamia says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:18 pm

        Eeks! I just read the instructions. It says if more than one shoot grows, I have to cull the herd! Kyle’s going to steal the house again!

        Reply
  5. calipatti says

    May 2, 2015 at 12:19 am

    Good GD Grief, I’ll buy and plant a f**king tomatoe plant tomorrowed.
    You’ve guilted me into it, besides I am do damned depressed maybe it will help.
    Petomatoe photo looks nasty.
    Plant porno.

    Reply
    • calipatti says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:20 am

      Tomato not tomatoE, angry typing.

      Reply
    • tootsie says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:21 am

      calipatti: Stay strong! Don’t let the guilt get to you. We don’t need magic tomato plants. We just need rehab in Malibu! TT is going to send us.

      Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:22 am

        At this point I don’t know if I need rehab or if I just should have had that taco for dinner I wanted. It’s confusing.

        Reply
      • calipatti says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:28 am

        Whoopee, Malibu and Tootsie, happy days are here,
        thank you TT.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 12:48 am

          ​Please. I only have a plan for step one and two of my program. Stopping/limiting drinking won’t be a step until…well maybe never.

          If things go according to plan that will happen naturally.

          PLANT A MOTHER FUCKING TOMATO.

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:28 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:38 am

        ​tt is gonna whoop your damn ass. That is what tt is going to do.

        On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:21 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
    • calipatti says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:25 am

      Jeeze I am sober and still full of typo’s.

      @Tootsie, if I have to grow a damn tomato so do YOU. I don’t want to do it either.

      Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:31 am

        OK. If I buy a tomato plant, love and nurture it, it will bear fruit. If it bears fruit and I eat the fruit, what does that make me? A tomato killer? A woman who eats pet tomatoes? Isn’t it just easier to buy a tomato at the store and eat a tomato I didn’t love and nurture? It’s getting harder and harder to be a part of this blog. *sigh*

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 12:51 am

          ​At some point, in summer. It will all make sense. I promise. One of the steps in this mental health therapy THAT I PROVIDE FOR FREE AND YOU STILL CAN”T FOLLOW will be make a BLT. Then and only then will you fully appreciate my wisdom. It’s a leap of faith. I get it. But unless Dr Phil is setting us all up in a Malibu rehab this is all we have.

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:31 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:46 am

        ​Exactly. Since when is this about what you people what? You want my therapy? THIS IS MY HOMEWORK!

        It’s like you don’t even watch the fucking housewives therapy. THERE IS ALWAYS HOMEWORK.

        Y’all are whining like I told you not to have indiscriminate sex in bars or something.

        Plant the goddamn tomato.

        On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:25 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:35 am

      Ah, I love submission. Submit to the program. Plant a tomato. step one. Walk 15 minutes a day OUTSIDE step two.

      For the record you will enjoy step one way more than step two.

      Quit your bitching we haven’t even gotten to cutting back on booze yet.

      Cheers! ​

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:19 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:38 am

        Wait, what? I have to plant a tomato, walk outside, and cut back on booze? Are you serious? I didn’t see any of these requirements in the commenting rules.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 12:55 am

          ​You don’t have to cut back on booze yet. stop being ridiculous. We are first trying to have a reason to stop wearing Pajamas all day. It’s such a simple goal.

          Taking showers will come well before cutting back on booze. It will happen naturally. NOBODY PANIC.

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:38 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:50 am

        Plant a tomato. Walk outside. Cut back on booze. Stop having indiscriminate sex and bars. Geeze TT. Where does it end?

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 1:07 am

          I SAID WHAT I SAID.​

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:50 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • Nancy (the other one) says

        May 2, 2015 at 11:45 am

        Miss Tattles,
        Thank you so much for this challenge. I’m having a lot of personal life stuff that really sucks and your challenge is exactly what I needed. I planted a 6 foot by 8 foot raised bed of tomatoes. I planted an herb garden. I planted bell peppers, eggplant and green beans. I feel so much better. Off to make a play list for my walk. Do you have any tunes to suggest? I will walk and remind myself that my life is 1000 times better than Kim Richards’. Love you TT for kicking my lazy ass into action.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 3:15 pm

          ​Why is the needle on my bullshit meter doing that?

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 11:45 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • Theresa says

        May 2, 2015 at 6:06 pm

        Well crap, I am doing them backwards!!! Have the walking park down but don’t have the tomato. I am getting on it. Promise. I eat tomatoes every day. Must be time to give back a little.

        Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 4, 2015 at 3:51 pm

        On of the steps in the therapy will be to make a BLT. Maybe I should buy and raise a pig for the bacon?

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 5:26 pm

          ​I don’t care for the attitude, toots.

          On Mon, May 4, 2015 at 3:51 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 4, 2015 at 4:13 pm

        Tootsie if you raise the pig, I’ll teach you how to make your own bacon.

        Reply
  6. T D says

    May 2, 2015 at 12:22 am

    Maters, onions, basil, oregano, olive oil, yesterday’s elbow of Italian bread.

    Reply
    • Sick of "Reality" TV says

      May 2, 2015 at 4:52 am

      In my house, fresh basil is mandatory to go with the tomatoes…Caprese salads with tomatoes, basil and fresh mozzarella, here we come! Crostini with grilled bread, tomatoes and basil, I’m on my way!

      Reply
      • SaraSally says

        May 2, 2015 at 8:34 am

        It’s ludicrous to think one can eat tomato without fresh basil in the summertime! Those are two gardening mainstays each year for me… Hands down!

        Reply
      • cawoman23 says

        May 2, 2015 at 3:37 pm

        I attend a 4th of July bbq every summer and one of the other guests always bring a tray of treats. Homegrown tomatoes and basil on top of cream cheese and those little french toast rounds. I swoon with every bite.

        Reply
        • lisamia says

          May 2, 2015 at 3:47 pm

          That sounds so yummy!!

          Reply
      • SaraSally says

        May 2, 2015 at 10:04 pm

        Mmmm bruscetta! Best appetizers ever!

        Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 4, 2015 at 12:49 pm

        Another good recipe is Ina Garten’s Panzanella. It is awesome! And yes, you ItaIian purists, it is not a TRUE panzanella, it is just amazingly delicious! I took it to a picnic this weekend and even the dogs were wanting some.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 2:28 pm

          Is there a weight limit where one is not longer allowed to eat Italian food?​

          On Mon, May 4, 2015 at 12:49 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • cawoman23 says

        May 4, 2015 at 3:09 pm

        No No and No to weight limits. Tomatoes and garlic are good for you! And isn’t cheese a protein? 🙂

        Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 4, 2015 at 3:20 pm

        TT, I passed 150 about 35 pounds ago myself. Pajamas, bathroom slippers and yes (in my opinion) yoga pants on other than Skinny-Minnies should stay at home. Curlers too. But hey, those are MY rules. You do what you want, I’ll avert my eyes.

        A weight limit for eating Italian food??? ARE YOU CRAZY?

        Reply
  7. kendrawm says

    May 2, 2015 at 12:22 am

    Walking check, have hit 10,000 steps or more everyday since Monday.
    Tomato is coming, I can’t plant until Memorial Day up here and can’t start one inside, cat keeps fucking with it. I have to do containers as the front porch gets the sun, the backyard is full shade.

    Reply
    • calipatti says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:31 am

      Kendrawm, your 10,000 steps are something to roar in pride about.
      Is that about 6 miles?

      Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:33 am

        On average, 10,000 steps is 5 miles.

        Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:43 am

      ​same here with the sun. I hate gardening in the front side yard, but Dammit I want a garden.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:22 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
  8. JustJenn says

    May 2, 2015 at 12:31 am

    My Grandma plants tomatoes and lets me pick them…I think this should count as my tomato contribution, plus I have been jogging 20-30 mins a day and cursing all of the way.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:53 am

      ​JustJenn. Don’t make the TTTED come after you. You will not like it.

      And where does grandma live? I would like to come for lunch.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:32 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • JustJenn says

        May 2, 2015 at 1:05 am

        Sorry, TT, but I don’t have the green thumb. My Grandma and I live in Minnesota (Hi, Pip!) and she makes the best Italian food
        …ever, that is if you like garlic. She would love you 🙂

        Reply
    • Sick of "Reality" TV says

      May 2, 2015 at 4:53 am

      Cheater!

      Reply
      • SaraSally says

        May 2, 2015 at 8:38 am

        I know… We will file that under cheating cheater who cheats! Time to move over liars!!

        Reply
      • JustJenn says

        May 2, 2015 at 10:58 am

        At least I admit it! I could have taken some pictures in Granny’s garden and owned those tomato plants, but I’m much too honest for that :p

        Reply
  9. tootsie says

    May 2, 2015 at 12:46 am

    OK. This is the internet, and everyone lies on the internet. So, I have 25 magic tomato plants thriving in my borrowed back yard, and I run 5 miles a day every day. I only eat almonds and lemon juice. Whenever I venture outside people constantly mistake me for Angelina Jolie.

    Reply
    • Gingersnap says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:50 am

      LMAO!!!

      Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:56 am

      ​I can send someone to your house.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 12:46 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • calipatti says

      May 2, 2015 at 1:07 am

      Tootsie, I believe every word you write. I am going to share in your borrowed backyard plants.
      TT, will be so proud of us.

      Reply
    • calipatti says

      May 2, 2015 at 1:10 am

      Tootsie you are so damn funny.

      Reply
    • SaraSally says

      May 2, 2015 at 8:39 am

      So that was you?!

      Reply
  10. calipatti says

    May 2, 2015 at 1:16 am

    Tootsie, I seriously do not want to do anything, even take care of a plant.
    Let’s do it and grow better ones than TT and maybe she will stop threatening you, ok?
    I’m off to bed and TV.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 2:37 am

      ​I am going to have to separate you too.

      I am about to send you a VERY STERN EMAIL .

      You WILL BE BUYING A Tomato PLANT TOMORROW.

      And I would be too if you people did not keep me up all night.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 1:16 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 2, 2015 at 2:48 am

        *sigh*
        I will try to buy a tomato plant. I just want everyone to know that I am complying with these rules under duress. Why do you all have to be so mean? Oh the pain, 100% pain…..

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 3:05 am

          ​DID YOU THINK REHAB WOULD BE EASY?

          And I have moved your seat away from CaliPatti. She is an enabler.

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 2:48 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 2, 2015 at 4:59 am

        Tootsie, would you like some cheese to go with that wine? Get with the program!

        (Tamara, may I have an exemption on the walking thing? How about I walk an hour or two on weekend hikes instead? Just because I’m a lazy ass and hills are big when I’m in the mountains…)

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        May 2, 2015 at 4:32 pm

        Omg y’all! It’s just a tomato. Buy the damn thing and plant it. TT’s not asking for a kidney or something. Though when she mentioned getting out of our p.j.s I thought maybe she had had a little too much wine because that’s stretching it waaay too far lol.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 5:07 pm

          The pjs thing is not in the near future. We are supposed to actually feel more human with the gardening and the walking and the sunshine. Then perhaps we might WANT to put on clothes and stuff.​

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 4:32 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
  11. spk says

    May 2, 2015 at 1:17 am

    Finally – the infamous Petomato! Kyle and Kim, my four baby tomato starts could kick your plastic bottle arse.

    But seriously, is it basically a Chia-Tomato?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 2:38 am

      ​right? Is this some dumb shit?

      Let’s make her dump her BF and start over.

      🙂

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 1:17 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • lisamia says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:28 pm

        With that ass? Never!

        Reply
    • lisamia says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:24 pm

      Not sure. Never had a chia pet. It grows in a bottle of water–sprout at the top and roots going through the bloody tampon.

      Reply
  12. janshell says

    May 2, 2015 at 1:30 am

    Gosh I hate planting! It works so much better in my dreams!! Tomatoes are a good place to start! If I buy one from lowes is that cheating?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 2:42 am

      ​No that is what most of us do. Just keep it alive until you get a tomato.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 1:30 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
  13. Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka) says

    May 2, 2015 at 1:46 am

    I’ve been walking an hour every day!! And dragging my lazy dog with me. #laziestdogintheworld And I WISH I could plant a tomato, but my apartment patio does not get enough sun. But I bought flowers today, and I’ll be playing in the dirt and pots with them on Saturday! Next year I should be in a house again and then I’ll be having a dozen tomato plants.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 2:42 am

      ​FINE. Keep the plants alive. ~TTTED

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 1:46 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • Popcorn and Vodka (@popcornandvodka) says

        May 2, 2015 at 11:50 am

        I am a VERY good gardener!! I’ll send you pictures.

        Reply
  14. I.Just.Can't. says

    May 2, 2015 at 2:09 am

    Lolol. This reminds me of the pet rock back in the day.

    Dear TTED,
    I have yet to get the plant. I did, however get a new baby puppy which requires night feedings. (There are reasons women of a particular age aren’t supposed to have human babies). May I pleeeeease be exempt from tomato? This puppy is cute but he’s killing me!

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 2:46 am

      ​Dear I.Just.Can’t.

      Did TTTED tell you to get a puppy? NO! NO WE DID NOT. Coming up with other responsibilities does NOT change the rules.

      You must plant a tomato plant.

      I stupidly revealed Step Two: Walk for AT LEAST 15 minutes a day OUTSIDE. Your excuse/Prop will make that easier for you. I suggest you leash train early.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 2:09 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • I.Just.Can't. says

        May 2, 2015 at 11:33 pm

        Fine. Ok, ok. You have succesfully guilted me. But, no joke, I need help on this one. I have never gardened as I can never even kept a house plant alive very long–have a black thumb instead of green. I don’t have option of planting in a yard. Guidance please!! Can I plant in a pot that will fit on a balcony/patio? If so, how big a pot & what variety would be best in this scenario? I am completely retarded at this kind of shit. Please help. I want to be a team player.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 3, 2015 at 12:48 am

          ​You need a spot with lots of sun. Containers are fine.

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 11:33 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • I.Just.Can't. says

        May 3, 2015 at 6:43 pm

        Dear TTED,
        This was an expensive assignment so it better work. For the record: TODAY I BOUGHT THE FUCKING PLANT! And had to buy all the shit to plant it, hand tools,& stuff to feed it etc. I bought “early girl” wtfever that is! Hope ur happy bc I’m not… Its hot as balls here & it was not my thing. Maybe tomorrow when I’ve cooled off I’ll water it. What a pain in the ass. Please tell me when this assignment is going to be actually enjoyable. Lol

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 12:11 am

          Dear I. Just. Can’t,

          Even your name reeks of negativity. Gardening is not for pussies. This is an therapeutic exercise in perseverance and appreciation. Appreciation for the weather, the sunshine, the work involved in growing the food that we eat. Taking pride in a job well done, and reaping the benefits of your work.

          To plant a tomato in a pot with soil that you purchased does not require hand tools, or gloves. You just stick your hands in there and go for it.

          It is rather crucial that you water a plant when you plant it though.

          Your compliance, despite your attitude is appreciated.

          Sincerely,

          TTTED ​

          On Sun, May 3, 2015 at 6:43 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • I.Just.Can't. says

        May 4, 2015 at 12:30 pm

        Dear TTED,

        I guess the chick helping me at Home Depot upsold me crap I didn’t need–I told you I’m retarded when it comes to the plant thing.

        Please accept my apologies for the negativity & not being appreciative of your help. I do have a lot of negative shit consuming my real life (working on getting rid of it) & I again apologize for taking it out on you & the innocent plant.

        Going forward, I will make effort to embrace this process and adjust my attitude.

        Your above reply reminded me of how it is good to try new things. I hope I can keep the plant alive.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 2:31 pm

          Dear I Just Can’t

          Your attitude adjustment has been noted on your permanent record.

          Watering your tomato plant is the most crucial part of the process. Please keep us informed on your plants progress. Its life is in your hands. Please be responsible.

          TTTED​

          On Mon, May 4, 2015 at 12:30 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • I.Just.Can't. says

        May 4, 2015 at 7:10 pm

        HELP PLZ ANYONE
        potted plant yesterday soil was moist. Lady sold me this tomato food that i mixed w mini rake thing into top 2″ of soil in the container I potted plant in. I did water it a bit & sprayed leaves w water yesterday. Its in full sun. Chick at home depot said water in evenings (its 85 degrees here) & she said water 2-3 times a week. Soil is semi-moist but think I would need to water this evening BUT… Its sposed to start thunder-storming in the morning & when it rains here it rains alot. I have no clue what I’m doing– first time plant potter. QUESTION is do I water this evening or wait for morning rain?! Afraid of overwatering. Any helpful replies appreciated!

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 7:43 pm

          ​Wait and see if it rains. Stop watering the leaves. Pinch off any low to the group leaves or shoots.

          Don’t got to that plant place anymore. That chick must be on commission.

          On Mon, May 4, 2015 at 7:10 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

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          Reply
      • I.Just.Can't. says

        May 4, 2015 at 7:49 pm

        Thank you!

        Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 4, 2015 at 9:06 pm

        I. JUST…How big are your pots? Very important!

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 11:51 pm

          ​Good point. Lord knows they sold her the biggest ones with all the mini hand rakes and fertilizers and shit. But in this case we must ask. 🙂

          On Mon, May 4, 2015 at 9:06 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • I.Just.Can't. says

        May 5, 2015 at 1:20 pm

        Yes pot is big & plastic that has attachment cage like thing that took forever to get it to snap onto the pot. Plant is about 2-3 ft high & has lots of blooms on it. But, its raining & wont be able to check it til tonight to see if it rained too hard w wind afraid blooms may have blown off. I moved it as close to covered door before I left this morn. Fingers crossed it survives storm.

        And.. Ya that chick totally upsold me! Piss me off! She was one who told me to spray leaves & of course I bought the spray bottle, too! Guess I had “complete dumbass” written on my forehead… Which I am at this plant thing but still… At least I’m trying.

        Reply
      • I.Just.Can't. says

        May 5, 2015 at 2:02 pm

        PS- thanks so much for your help, guys!!

        Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 5, 2015 at 2:14 pm

        I.Just…CAN!

        Your plant will survive, and so will you. Even if you come home and it is wilted, it will perk back up when you water it.

        And don’t worry about wind and rain unless it is a hurricane, tomato blossoms are tough!

        If you are unsure about whether to water it, stick your index finger into the dirt to the second knuckle. If it feels damp, let it go another day (unless it’s 90°+, then check it again later in the day. Another option, if Garden Commission Chick did not sell you one, is to have a 2-3″ deep saucer under the plant. You can fill the saucer with water and the plant will suck it up as it needs it.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 5, 2015 at 2:38 pm

          Let the pot in the sunniest spot you have. The blooms will be fine in the storms.​

          On Tue, May 5, 2015 at 2:14 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • I.Just.Can't. says

        May 5, 2015 at 11:26 pm

        Update: plant, puppy & me still alive. Thanks for your support & guidance!

        Reply
  15. Skeeter says

    May 2, 2015 at 3:12 am

    I can’t plant tomatoes outside yet but we have about 100 plants started inside just waiting the for fear of frost to leave the area. That usually happens in late May.

    TT when things are big enough, I’d like to share pics with you. May I? My gardens take up a huge chunk of my summer, but I (we) am very proud of them. I feel great satisfaction when harvest is over and everything is canned and/or frozen and I look at a full pantry. Of course I can send you pictures now – of nothing but turned over dirt!!! I know I am wishing time away but DAMMIT I’m sick of the colder weather and I want summer!!

    BTW – my lettuce is up and I had my first salad 2 nights ago!!! There was arugula in with this mix. I stood out by the hot bed cutting it and eating it before I got it to the house! It’s an acquired taste, but arugula has got to be by far my favorite type of lettuce green.

    Reply
    • Sick of "Reality" TV says

      May 2, 2015 at 5:03 am

      100 plants? Skeeter, are you sucking up to TT, trying to be teacher’s pet? I see you! (Doing the Nene two fingers thing…)

      Reply
  16. mark says

    May 2, 2015 at 7:06 am

    But I hate tomatoes. 🙁

    *sits in corner with no friends*

    Reply
    • Queen of the Nile says

      May 2, 2015 at 8:22 am

      Scoot over — you have a friend. I hate tomatoes too. What’s with that gooey undeveloped stuff inside? Ugh. My family has to add tomatoes to their salads because I don’t want parts of that weird inside sticking to my lettuce. I know it’s neurotic. And I’m not even a picky eater — I eat everything else!

      Reply
    • Cat says

      May 4, 2015 at 3:25 pm

      This reminds me of the scene in “Steel Magnolias”, when Ouiser tosses bags of tomatoes at the women in the salon, and says she hates tomatoes, but grows them because she is a Southern woman, and Southern women are supposed to dig in the dirt. Love that character!

      Reply
  17. Microop says

    May 2, 2015 at 7:54 am

    You can buy a plant, replant it and have a tomato in a day

    Reply
  18. SaraSally says

    May 2, 2015 at 8:14 am

    I wake up this morning, and the first thing I get is a TED talk. The second is that I am given a gross pic of a petomato suggesting it may be something else. Come on everybody, “LeaveTT alone!” and just follow her freaking instructions. ….And TT, quit feeding the animals!

    Reply
  19. Queen of the Nile says

    May 2, 2015 at 8:14 am

    Thank you to TT and everyone who posted!! This was just hilarious and a wonderful way to start the day! I can’t plant a tomato because we have hungry deer strolling through the neighborhood who eat any tender leaves they can find. I’ve only been lucky with geraniums. And even though I “walk” 15 minutes a day, it’s absolutely no exercise because my old jack russell waddles, and stops to sniff something every few inches we go. If I try to sneak out to walk, he watches me from the window and makes me feel guilty. As far as a possible rule #3 to limit/cut back on my wine — that’s just not happening. I think I’m going to work on a “getting out of pajamas before noon” goal. 🙂 Maybe tomorrow …

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 3:01 pm

      So about the pajama thing. Do you mean on the first day you wake up in them? What if you just sleep in your clothes? Does that work?​

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 8:14 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • Queen of the Nile says

        May 2, 2015 at 3:20 pm

        “on the first day” — too funny! And sleeping in your clothes only works if you spend the night out unexpectedly because you’re too wasted to drive and it seems like such a silly effort to take anything off when you’re going to have to put the same clothes back on to go home in the morning. Allegedly…

        Reply
  20. Toni Lee Gildea says

    May 2, 2015 at 9:04 am

    Tamara scares the hell out of me, so I walked Chloe the Wonderdog until my lungs stuck together….and I have my tomato pots ready to plant at the end of the month. Can I take a nap now?

    Reply
    • Dee says

      May 2, 2015 at 9:14 am

      Thank you so much for this hilarious blog! I woke at 3 am and found this. It was so funny! I am happy I found TT and all of you so fun! Well most of the timry. I live near DC and am heartbroken re Baltimore. The conditions there are deplorable. Thanks for telling Spooky to read the Baltimore Sun. Very enlightening. To my eyes, it appears they were trying to kill Freddie. Going to get a tomato now, can it be a small plant? LOL

      Reply
      • Dee says

        May 2, 2015 at 9:19 am

        Ssrry, forgot to say Tamara, I am amazed by your blog! Not sure how you have time to do anything else 😉

        Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 3:04 pm

      ​Yes! Naps should be taken often.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 9:05 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
  21. Nancy says

    May 2, 2015 at 9:50 am

    I was GOING to plant a tomato…I WAS! But I had been having bronchitis for 6 to 8 weeks, in and out of the doctor’s office. And the PAIN…..oh, the PAIN was just so…..but I do like tomato sandwiches! I really DO! But then I was having problems with my yard, and then the mailman was really ugly to me one day, and then I read some nasty things about myself on a blog. I just couldn’t………..So anyway I went to Home Depot yesterday. Did I already say that? I don’t know….but I forget why I went there.

    Anyway, it’s just hard…you know? So I took one of my sister’s pain pills, just ONE! And it really flipped me out, like, I was not THERE! Seriously!

    But I’m going to get some soil, and maybe a pot, like the kind you grow stuff in, you know? And then maybe I can get a tomato plant from a plant nursery or someplace that can tell me about stuff like that. And then when the tomatoes get big and ripe, my sisters and I can ride around Beverly Hills looking for homeless people to give them to. I do a lot of charity work, you know? Because someone, I think it was somebody at work, told me it looks better for you if you do stuff like that, in case you ever get in trouble, like for not paying bills and stuff, and you have to go to court? You know?

    Okay well I have a terminally ill person staying at my house so I have to go now, he might need something. And I haven’t been home for four days, or so I’m told. I don’t really remember. And I have to pull my dog off this bitch that came to clean my house because he does NOT like her and I’ve told her a million times not to startle him with anything and what the fuck do you think she does? She turns on the Goddamned vacuum cleaner!!! I told her that I’d tell everyone about how she doesn’t flush the toilet after she uses it and she rolls up to my house in a low-riding car that has the loudest fucking muffler I’ve ever heard. I’m going to TELL EVERYONE and she WON’T FUCKING LIKE THAT!

    Anyway, Turtles! I meant, Toodles everyone. Love and Light, right?

    Reply
    • Queen of the Nile says

      May 2, 2015 at 10:10 am

      OMG …. I’m LMAO!! Nancy, that was hilarious. Thank you! 🙂

      Reply
    • addie2u says

      May 2, 2015 at 1:50 pm

      You’ve got me lmao! ☺

      Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      Nancy, if you don’t plant the tomato, people on Twitter will call you a drunk and a liar and the next thing you know you will be in rehab again. I’m just saying.​

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 9:50 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • Jujue says

      May 3, 2015 at 8:43 am

      Nancy that was brilliant! The last paragraph was especially creative.

      Reply
  22. fivecatsownme says

    May 2, 2015 at 9:54 am

    Okay with the BLTs Mayo or Miracle Whip. And what kind of Mayo? Kraft, Best Foods/Hellmans, Dukes, or Blue Plate?
    I grew up on Best Foods. Hate Miracle Whip which started a fight of epic proportions with the in laws, and now use Dukes because for some reason the commissary stocks it. Will buy Blue Plate too. Kraft Mayo tastes like miracle whip to me. Mayo is the most important condiment in conjunction with tomatoes. Forget those caprese salads with balsamic reduction. Mayo, salt, and pepper. I am not a southerner, but as a native Californian we took our Mayonnaise seriously.Especially with hamburgers and BLTs.

    Reply
    • Shellbelle says

      May 2, 2015 at 10:15 am

      The kind of mayo you use can cause a war down here in the south. We use Dukes only on Tomato sandwiches but Kraft mayo for everything else. My husbands 98 year old grandmother will punch you in the throat if you dare use anything other than dukes mayo. 🙂
      The bacon also must be crispy.. Maybe even extra crispy.

      Reply
      • fivecatsownme says

        May 2, 2015 at 10:25 am

        I agree, bacon must be crispy. Even though I now live in the southwest, I am known to stick a little avocado on my BLTs and Clubs.
        The BLT is the best sandwich ever followed by a med rare sirloin burger.

        Reply
      • lisamia says

        May 2, 2015 at 12:41 pm

        Anything less than super crispy bacon is a deal breaker.

        Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        May 2, 2015 at 3:10 pm

        Your 98 year old grandmother is correct. ​

        On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 10:15 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
      • Queen of the Nile says

        May 2, 2015 at 3:23 pm

        Here in Virginia, the only real mayonnaise is Duke’s — the rest are pretenders.

        Reply
      • lisamia says

        May 2, 2015 at 3:57 pm

        Okay, they don’t sell Duke’s mayo in California…I know I know, I am putting a big L on my forehead with magic marker. Anyways, I ordered some on Amazon.

        Reply
    • lisamia says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:39 pm

      I am okay with plain mayo, but I have to confess I am a Miracle Whip kind of girl. Best BLT I ever had was in this little restaurant in Morro Bay–drooling thinking about it.

      Reply
      • fivecatsownme says

        May 2, 2015 at 1:27 pm

        Went to Morro Bay for honeymoon

        Reply
      • cawoman23 says

        May 2, 2015 at 3:47 pm

        So funny – my husband and I stopped in Morro Bay for lunch on our honeymoon. We enjoyed watching the sea gulls fight on the boats and dock while we enjoyed our clam chowder.

        Reply
        • lisamia says

          May 2, 2015 at 3:52 pm

          @cawoman23 Love Morro Bay! Did you see any sea otters? They are so cute!

          Reply
      • cawoman23 says

        May 2, 2015 at 4:04 pm

        Not there, but we always do up in the Monterey Bay area, especially Pacific Grove. I love to watch them! They’re the best part of the aquarium up there! I would love to rent a kayak and paddle out there – except I have a bit of a shark phobia lol

        Reply
        • lisamia says

          May 2, 2015 at 4:23 pm

          The boyfriend and I kayacked in Morro Bay a few years back. It was so amazing. We didn’t go beyond the dunes, just in the bay. Hoping we can go back this summer. Monterey is so gorgeous.

          Reply
      • cawoman23 says

        May 2, 2015 at 6:23 pm

        It really is. I love the north coast. If you like heading up north of SF on Highway 1, take a stop at Elk. It’s about 20 miles south of Mendocino. My very favorite place on the coast!

        Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 3:09 pm

      If you weren’t a yankee you would know the answer to this question. ​

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 9:54 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • Shannah says

      May 2, 2015 at 6:40 pm

      Strictly Hellman’s.
      People who use Miracle Whip are liable to do anything!

      Reply
    • TeeTee says

      May 2, 2015 at 8:12 pm

      fivecatsownme….never, ever, every again. think, type, utter, say…Miracle Whip!! I do believe that falls under the mortal sin category. Dukes and Blue Plate however are acceptable. 🙂

      Reply
    • fivecatsownme says

      May 2, 2015 at 8:31 pm

      Right now I am sticking with Dukes. Best foods and blue plate in a pinch. Californians take their mayo as seriously as surgeons.
      Used to go to Monterey, get squid and chips and a beer and feed sardines to the sea lions and otters. I miss the ocean and west coast.

      Reply
    • Kate62 says

      May 2, 2015 at 9:07 pm

      Five cats, you have southern blood somewhere in your family cause that’s the way 99.9% of the southerners eat a tomato sandwich, even those with clogged heart arteries.

      Reply
      • fivecatsownme says

        May 2, 2015 at 9:14 pm

        I married a southerner, but his mom liked miracle whip. I am a 6th generation Californian and mayo was part of the 5 basic food groups. Fat salt sugar alcohol and caffeine

        Reply
    • hannahkingrose says

      May 3, 2015 at 4:39 am

      Being southern Dukes is the one and only mayonnaise allowed in anything that requires mayonnaise. Anything else is unthinkable. Shellbelle your grandmother is a wise woman. It cause all kinds of arguments discussing Dukes versus Miracle Whip. At our house we say Miracle Whip tastes so bad it must taste like whale sperm lol. We have a cousin that moved with her husband to his home state of Washington. She begs for care packages of Dukes mayonnaise. She says that’s the bad thing about living there that and no Cracker Barrel Restaurants. How barbaric. Lmao.

      Reply
    • Sick of "Reality" TV says

      May 3, 2015 at 8:54 am

      t my house it’s Duke’s or Hoe Made (as my daughter says.) I once made a batch of bacon fat mayo. Lordy, Lordy, Lordy it was a religious experience!

      Reply
    • Sick of "Reality" TV says

      May 4, 2015 at 12:51 pm

      The balsamic reduction is just overkill, a drizzle of olive oil and some kosher salt is all it needs.

      Reply
      • fivecatsownme says

        May 4, 2015 at 12:53 pm

        I agree. I do like straight balsamic on roasted asparagus with kosher salt and black pepper.

        Reply
  23. Jeanna says

    May 2, 2015 at 9:58 am

    I am a horticulturalist. I specialize in kitchen gardens. If and when you plant your tomatoes, (if you are a smoker) make sure to always throughly wash your hands and gloves before touching your tomato plant. There is a disease called Tobacco Mosaic Virus (TMV) that can harm the growth and fruit production .
    It is always helpful to plant “Companion” plants to naturally ward off insects and diseases.
    Allium (garlic, onions, chives) and mint (peppermint, basil, spearmint) plants are best.
    Heirloom seeds are the best! They haven’t been genetically modified or engineered so they have original flavor of a true tomato.
    TT- I know I pissed you off being a darn Yankee and all that jazz. I apologize for my irrational behavior. I apologize for my hurtful comments towards you personally. I have learned my lesson. This is your blog and I will respect that.
    “I can’t quit you” in my feisty exit I attempted to find other blogs comparable to yours, to no avail. Your blog and wit are one of a kind. I still read you everyday, every chance I get. You are well informed, you do your research and you are a genius!
    I have seen other comments/interactions and realized you don’t fuck around and don’t accept any BS. Much respect

    Reply
  24. HotToddy says

    May 2, 2015 at 10:58 am

    Thanks for the nasty ass image. Was about to reach for 3rd donut and stopped cold. What the H?!? As my grandma would say.

    Reply
  25. kk bella says

    May 2, 2015 at 11:17 am

    1. That picture scares the hell out of me. At first I thought someone hacked this page.
    2. HUMBLY, I submit to the TT plan. I will undoubtedly go overboard, and then have to start at ground zero, but for now:
    -Tomato (plus 7) purchased yesterday. It is overcast this morning, so I will put them in wine barrels (cut in half), and put out pistachio shells to keep snails away. Saw this on pinterest, and have no idea if it works. People? (answer in gardening forum if more appropriate)
    -I made a date to walk with a friend today at 10. My shoes are out.
    3. The alcohol thing? Have a measuring cup, to keep accurate count of my ounces-it really blows one away when you do it that way! Sobering, really.
    I love reading all your comments, and I laugh! Now, on to a second cup of joe.

    Reply
  26. Cheychey says

    May 2, 2015 at 11:33 am

    I had allready purchased and planted my tomatoe plant early last week and planted it as I was told to do. I didn’t have very high hopes I can’t grow anything. Then we had a frost come thru last week out of nowhere. It actually made it thru that and my husband ran it over with the riding mower. So now I’m back out to lowes again today to try again.

    Reply
    • jeannafofeanna says

      May 2, 2015 at 11:45 am

      Don’t throw the run over tomato/rootstock away! Keep it, it will grow. Solenacea/tomato plants are very resilient. It will grow.
      It is best to plant a tomato on its side, yes really. Make sure to keep an inch of dirt over the stalk of the plant and do not cover the top leaves with soil. After a week or so you will have more plants than one. At each node (growing point) on the stalk it will send out new shoots and you will get the most for your money! It is amazing

      Reply
    • lisamia says

      May 2, 2015 at 12:44 pm

      “and my husband ran it over with the riding mower.” Fucking husbands!!

      Reply
      • Dee says

        May 2, 2015 at 2:46 pm

        Men will screw it up every time, I laughed so hard when I saw the plant made it through the frost, then hubby ran over it. I love this blog. Best one I have ever seen. You guys n gals are so funny! I found this blog when BOBBI Kristina drowned, never left 🙂

        Reply
  27. natalie says

    May 2, 2015 at 11:54 am

    TT, I have been reading your blog for years. At first I thought you were a teenager living in a basement trying to have some fun, that evolved to the thought that bravo blogs must be owned by bravo and you were an intern, only when the whole Sheree situation occurred did I realize you were an independent blogger. Its fun to watch evolution of TT, thank you!

    What is the tomato deadline? Us yanks are still dealing with freezing weather. I’ll get a topsey tervy tomato that hangs up or else doggie will use it to mark his territory.

    Reply
  28. Angel(?) says

    May 2, 2015 at 1:28 pm

    Because of this garden therapy, I am making new friends. I just came face to face with a spiney lizard. I mean that literally. I was like hello what are you? I had to look it up. I don’t think I’ve seen one before. So far I’ve met the earth worm, the garden snake, and now the spiney lizard.

    Reply
  29. Nancy83 says

    May 2, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    Those of you who hate tomatoes, have you ever eaten a warm homegrown tomato picked fresh? No store bought tomato compares to it and don’t refrigerate tomatoes, it ruins the taste!

    Reply
    • Kate62 says

      May 2, 2015 at 9:31 pm

      Oh Nancy isn’t that the truth. When visiting my grandparents as a kid there was nothing better than taking on of my grandmas cathead biscuits, putting some dukes on it and walking straight out to their garden plucking a ripe tomato and sitting in the warm tilled garden soil to eat the tomato like you would an apple then taking a bite of the biscuit. Btw, for you non- southerners, no cats were harmed in the making of those biscuits, they are called that in the south because they were the size of a cats head. I miss my grannies biscuits…

      Reply
  30. Rebecca Bartholow says

    May 2, 2015 at 1:52 pm

    That is a Tomato Abomination, pure and simple. Next thing you know dogs will be living with cats, cats will be living with dogs. The world has spun out of control. I need a drink.

    Reply
  31. jen says

    May 2, 2015 at 2:10 pm

    My husband just reminded me I have not planted the tomatoe plant as I was taking tomatoes out of grocery bags. I have been doing 20 minute walks. I push the stroller too so that’s an extra 70 lbs right there! I have been drinking peppermint tea this week for the furst time. I really enjoy it. I love tea

    Reply
    • Kate62 says

      May 2, 2015 at 8:58 pm

      Uh , Jen how much does your kid weighed, I mean, how old is your kid, er, I mean how much does a stroller weigh these days? 70 pounds ? Whoa! You will get in shape for sure.

      Reply
  32. eastjames says

    May 2, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Guys….just think of all the fresh delicious organic bloody Mary mix you can juice out of your tomato plant! This is a great plan

    Reply
  33. lisamia says

    May 2, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    So I told my son that the instructions for the petomato said I had to cull the herd if there was more than one baby plant. He replies, “Wow, it’s just like Sophie’s Choice.” I love this boy.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 4:55 pm

      ​Don’t Kill KYLE! Take out Kim and put her in a little cup of water and see if she sprouts roots.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 3:40 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • cawoman23 says

      May 2, 2015 at 6:31 pm

      Shouldn’t you find a way to split them equitably, since they currently seem to have a joint tenancy sort of an arrangement? Equal bottles!

      Reply
  34. lisamia says

    May 2, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    @fivecatsownme Morro Bay is my favorite place in the universe–perfect for a honeymoon. It’s my go to place to destress and become human again. I want to live there when I retire. Where did you all stay, if I may ask? We usually stay at the Baywood Inn in Los Osos.

    Reply
  35. Josie says

    May 2, 2015 at 4:03 pm

    The terrifying threat of the TTTED made me purchase the Petomato. That and finding out that we will be making BLTs. Yum!

    Reply
    • lisamia says

      May 2, 2015 at 4:04 pm

      High Fives, Sister!

      Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 4:59 pm

      ​The stupid Petomato doesn’t even officially count! What is wrong with you people! You don’t eat your pets!

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 4:03 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • cawoman23 says

      May 2, 2015 at 6:32 pm

      I looked it up – You can order them online!

      Reply
  36. deco says

    May 2, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    I googled Petmato after spending and hour or more on he he gardening page. I don’t even garden. But I used to and Love tomatoes, warm off the vine.
    While googling I found a hybrid developed in the UK. A TomPot or Pot Tom.
    It is a plant that was grafted and produces cherry tomatoes at the top and white potatoes below soil.
    Now, this could be interesting. I will make myself venture out into the world and pick up some tomato plants.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 5:05 pm

      ​I think you all have lost your minds. Buy a real tomato plant. Stick it in some dirt. Dump some water on it. Dayum.

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 4:27 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • deco says

        May 2, 2015 at 7:26 pm

        I will submit. You’ve worked very hard for years blogging and snarking for our enjoyment.
        The least I can do is get up , get dressed, and venture out and join the Sunday crowd at Home Depot and find a pot, some soil, and a real tomato plant.
        I hope it won’t take too to long. I don’t like to mingle. Or shop. But I will get a plant. That task will probably take care of the 15minute walk.
        Hey, how many plants can you fit in one of those big pots? Maybe two?

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 2, 2015 at 9:08 pm

          One plant per container​

          On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 7:26 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
  37. NeverBeenJaxed says

    May 2, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Tomorrow is supposed to be a stellar day in Northeast PA. Yes I said it. Damn Yankee territory. That being said, I am planting the tomatoes tomorrow. I grow mine in containers. I have huge decorative containers that work well because the soil in my yard sucks. I grow different varieties of grape tomoatoes and usually heirloom or beefsteak. Haven’t decided yet. But I am going to get a Petomato. It’s an interesting looking thing and now I’m curious. Also planting basil which I usually have great luck with. As TT mentioned, a good layer of rock on the bottom of the container is necessary for good drainage. I also put holes in the bottom of my containers and cover them with river rock. Another tip I learned from my grandfather who was a farmer is to mix a tablespoon or two of bleach per gallon of water into the watering can every so often. It kills the fungus and bad bacteria in the soil and will cause the plants to grow huge. A few years ago I had 6 ft. tomato plants in my containers and had to build stakes around the containers to support them. I had great bruschetta as well as everything you can put tomatoes in that year, salads, BLT’s, etc.. And they are also good right off the vine with a sprinkle of salt on them, while they are still warm. Refrigeration is abomination. My walk is complete. I did 30 minutes today! Love this thread!

    Reply
  38. Tarek'sWife says

    May 2, 2015 at 4:55 pm

    Nothing makes me laugh more than a TT post! Thank you, precious! I love you!!!

    Reply
    • KatherineNola says

      May 2, 2015 at 6:04 pm

      Hmmm.couple questions: I kill everything in my house and apt. Literally.
      Can I call someone to deliver a tomato tree and plant it at my house? This way sprinkler system will keep it alive.
      I love tomato’s EXCEPT on BLT’s – prefer a BL on toasted bread with blue plate mayo. Although I could make a BLT for the hottie pants I want to lock in my room and take hostage just for a week or so (kinda kidding)
      This exercise thing-does it count what exactly you do for 15 min re exercise or does it need to be walking? If walking, can it be broken up?, you know like errands.
      No worries about stopping wine consumption. I prefer vodka!
      I adore wearing PJ’s all the time or yoga pants that don’t actually do yoga.

      Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 4, 2015 at 10:40 am

        I too wear yoga pants that have never seen a yoga mat.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 11:15 am

          ​what a yoga mat and what do they have to do with my pants?

          On Mon, May 4, 2015 at 10:40 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 4, 2015 at 12:45 pm

        +1 on the yoga pants, but puh-lease! If you weigh more than 120# we don’t want to see you in them outside the grocery store or in the Walmart parking lot!

        Reply
        • KatherineNola says

          May 4, 2015 at 12:52 pm

          @sickofreality hmmm. You are correct, I shouldn’t be leaving the property in my current ensemble! Also, since everyone else is on board with project tomato, I am going to try the tomato plant thing. No car for a few days but when it comes back from shop, then will go to lowes or Home Depot and purchase something mangable that I can actually attempt to keep alive. That will be challenging, but TT directed and I will try for all she does for us!

          Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 2:28 pm

          ​Do tell, do you have any more rules for women who weigh over 120 pounds you would like to share with the class?

          Are there more rules for those who are *GASP* over 150 pounds?

          What about over 200? or 300? What about 500? At what weight must we not be in your presence at all.

          I’ll wait.

          On Mon, May 4, 2015 at 12:45 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • Cat says

        May 4, 2015 at 2:44 pm

        I own and wear more pajamas than street clothes. I wear what I want. And if I weigh 1000 pounds and decide to go for comfort vs fashion, I will do so. If someone doesn’t like it, they can turn their scrawny little chicken neck and look the other way. Otherwise, I may just flash you with one boob. One boob to another, so to speak.

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        May 4, 2015 at 4:46 pm

        @Sick of “Reality” TV, I weigh 117 lbs. so I just make your cut off of 120 lbs. to wear yoga pants in public. However, having lost so much weight my ass from the back looks a lot like what’s in front of my ass. In other words my ass is flat as a board so even though I meet the weight requirement I don’t look good in yoga pants. You can’t always determine what looks good on someone based on their weight. My best friend weighs 165 lbs. but she’s also 6′ tall and looks the same size as me. Having been on the sliding scale at different times of my life from 110 lbs. to 182 lbs. I’m still me and have dressed the way I wanted to dress. If people like it great. If not they can turn their heads and have something to talk about later. As long as they are smart enough not to say it to me we’re good. If they are that stupid then they get “I may be fat but you’re stupid. I can loose weight but there’s no such thing as a personality and intelligence transplant. So who is screwed me or you?”.

        Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 4, 2015 at 5:03 pm

        You’re right Katherine, I probably wouldn’t care to see an anorexic in yoga pants either. And I’m sure some very fit or very tall 150+ pounders look great in yoga pants. Some of us, me included might look less sausage-like in other attire. I won’t be the idiot that approaches you in the parking lot to tell you.

        Reply
  39. Katherine says

    May 2, 2015 at 6:22 pm

    Bought the plant. Planting it upside down. It’s called Early Girl. Looks promising. Hiked 3 miles. Where’s my gold star?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 6:49 pm

      ​So I take it you have plans to go buy another one next weekend that you are going to plant the way God intended?

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 6:22 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 2, 2015 at 6:52 pm

      I drug Banjo around the block again. I did not want to today. I’m going to try to behave tonight so I can go to the gardening shop somewhere tomorrow. ​

      On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 6:49 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      > ​So I take it you have plans to go buy another one next weekend that you > are going to plant the way God intended? > > On Sat, May 2, 2015 at 6:22 PM, Tamara Tattles [email protected]> wrote: > >>

      Reply
    • Jaded says

      May 2, 2015 at 9:25 pm

      I have an early girl too and also a celebrity. The celebrity is much bigger than the early girl. Didn’t walk today but did chase my one year old around the yard for about an hour. I hope that counts because I am worn out.

      Reply
      • Katherine says

        May 3, 2015 at 9:25 pm

        Should have gotten the Celebrity. For my TT approved planting, I probably will. The Kitchen Sink sandwich from The White Trash cookbook (yes,it’s a real book) calls for a large mater.

        Hellman’s on white bread and a big tomato slice. Lean over the sink and enjoy. No muss no fuss.

        12,000 steps three days in a row. Feeling righteous

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 12:13 am

          ​Wow impressive on the steps.

          On Sun, May 3, 2015 at 9:25 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
  40. Jen says

    May 2, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    Oh my goodness this thread is hilarious. I laughed so much.

    Reply
  41. T D says

    May 2, 2015 at 9:23 pm

    Goes against Mother Nature. The purpose is to open up the earth and plant something. Gardening/Landscaping is a wonderful way to put hope in the ground and with nature/nurture enjoy the result of your hard work. Nothing competes with a tomato plucked and eaten while still warm from summer sunshine.

    Reply
  42. Angel(?) says

    May 2, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    I have a question, when you have friends over for a BBQ or cookout do have the party in the front yard or the back? My husband and I are discussing the etiquette of friendly gatherings because I can’t figure out why the people across the street are hosting a shindig on their front lawn instead of the big backyard they have.

    Reply
  43. T D says

    May 2, 2015 at 10:25 pm

    After a couple of days that abomination of nature will demand “Feed me Seymore”. Looks like rhubarb. It’s all fun and games until you are devoured, alive, by your petomato. The horror of it all.

    Reply
  44. Angel(?) says

    May 3, 2015 at 9:23 am

    Time to put the feeders out. I saw a hummingbird in my backyard this morning.

    Reply
  45. tamaratattles says

    May 3, 2015 at 5:14 pm

    Did a bit more planting today. Updated Gardening page

    http://s17948.p858.sites.pressdns.com/gardening-discussion/

    Reply
  46. tootsie says

    May 3, 2015 at 6:01 pm

    Well, the magic tomato plants appear to be working. I’m proud of all of you for your gardening and exercise efforts. Right now it’s taking all of my energy to NOT buy a 6 pack and swing by Taco Bell drive through. And of course I feel compelled to share this info on the internet. Yeesh!

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 3, 2015 at 6:39 pm

      ​There you are. The magic tomato plant, especially if you just planted one, curbs the desire for PBR and Taco Bell. As does waddling around the block. Did you at least waddle Toots?

      On Sun, May 3, 2015 at 6:01 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • tootsie says

        May 3, 2015 at 7:03 pm

        I waddled out to the back patio to grab a smoke. Does that count?

        Reply
        • KatherineNola says

          May 3, 2015 at 8:39 pm

          @tootsie, you crack me up and sound like me. I was feeling guilty so I walked in the french quarter for 40 minutes and only smoked twice while walking. No cocktails. Gold star I belive also!!

          Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 12:11 am

          ​Nope.

          On Sun, May 3, 2015 at 7:03 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
  47. naa says

    May 3, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    Tomatoes are all started, but we can’t put them in the ground yet. Maybe around the 15th.

    I worked out today. ~ Gold star member….

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 3, 2015 at 6:40 pm

      ​We are going to need pictures of your gold star member.

      On Sun, May 3, 2015 at 6:36 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • naa says

        May 3, 2015 at 7:43 pm

        I thought this was a motherfucking family site.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          May 4, 2015 at 12:12 am

          ​You can’t just mention you have a golden member and expect me not to inquire further. It’s like you don’t even know me.

          On Sun, May 3, 2015 at 7:43 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • lisamia says

        May 4, 2015 at 4:14 am

        One of the rare moments where I agree 100% with Miss Tamara.

        Reply
    • Sick of "Reality" TV says

      May 4, 2015 at 3:23 pm

      Mikey Souhed, is that you with the Goden Dul?

      Reply
  48. jen says

    May 3, 2015 at 10:00 pm

    TT could we have a recipe thread???? Please please. I would love to make some delicious southern cooking.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 4, 2015 at 12:14 am

      ​no. The mayo conversation alone makes my head explode. I do not wish to facilitate the spread of bad recipes.

      On Sun, May 3, 2015 at 10:00 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
  49. Cat says

    May 4, 2015 at 1:49 am

    Looks like things have calmed down…and so have I. I had to step away for a bit and get my head together. Unlike Jodi Arias, I really do have PTSD.

    But I feel better now. I took a few days away from all the senseless fighting on the internet. I spent those days immersed in old sitcoms that are mindless and pure nonsense. Best therapy, EVER!

    I also planted my tomato seeds…finally. Cherry tomatoes on my balcony. The gardeners planted some huge lilac bushes in front of my apartment. They smell heavenly, and are attracting the most beautiful butterflies. No, I did not chase them with a net. But I did spend time just watching them, and smelling the flowers.

    Remember the good old days when “riot” meant “hilariously funny”? We need to get back to that. That’s my plan, anyway.

    Now, I am out of time on my data plan. So, I will continue my therapy, and be back on the 19th.

    Be happy. Be well. Be good to each other. Laugh. Love. 9 lives.

    Reply
  50. IslandHousewife says

    May 4, 2015 at 10:55 am

    Petomato looks like it came from the Bedroom Kandi collection. Can’t even say the word without feeling dirty. The big orange hardware has 4/$10 herbs and veggie plants (no excuses). Got four varieties. Finally feeling worthy of dipping my toes in the gardening blog. The Lentils saved my life, hoping this will be better.

    Reply
  51. lisamia says

    May 4, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    I have arthritis in both knees, so walking as a form of exercise is hard. I swim as many days as I can a week and do resistance training with weights and bands on Saturdays. I love swimming, makes me feel like a little girl again.

    Reply
  52. Gingersnap says

    May 4, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    I now have three (yes, three!) lovely little tomato plants happily settled in their stinky potting soil, in pots. I bought a ‘patio’, a ‘sun gold’ (a small cherry tomato that never gets red, just ripens to a orange gold color, and are called ‘tomato candy’, that’s how sweet they are supposed to be) and a ‘roma’. I am expecting great things from these little darlings. I have already checked on them today, and I guess they were happy to be freed from their little pots, because they already look like they are bigger 🙂

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      May 4, 2015 at 5:25 pm

      ​I am jealous of your sun golds. I haven’t found a good grape tomato yet. The plant I planted just two days ago is the only one behaving. There is already a small fruit on it already.

      On Mon, May 4, 2015 at 2:55 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • Sick of "Reality" TV says

      May 4, 2015 at 5:34 pm

      Gingersnap, are you in Atlanta? A friend of mine adores Sungolds and has not found them. I find them a bit too sweet.

      My favorite cherry is Black Cherry. TT, you might like them, they have red wine undertones. And I might have an extra plant that I started from seed. You’re welcome to it.

      Reply
      • Gingersnap says

        May 4, 2015 at 5:57 pm

        @Sick of “Reality” TV ~ No, I don’t live in Atlanta, but I do live in the South. I found the sun gold at the local WalMart, and as usual, had no idea what it was. I just liked it because it was different. I looked them up just today, and read all the rave reviews and so, I’m pretty happy!

        Reply
      • Sick of "Reality" TV says

        May 4, 2015 at 6:31 pm

        My fiend adores them and her dog eats them right off the vine. I will check Walmart. She will be thrilled if I find one for her! Be prepared for a huge sprawling plant. Do not be afraid to pinch off suckers.

        Reply

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