The Queens spend a few seconds mourning Max’s departure while Jaidynn Diore Fierce cleans her farewell message off the mirror (Stay kind. Stay gracious. Stay humble. I love you, darlings. Xx Max). But before you can ask “If you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” all talk turns to the curveball RuPaul threw at them on the runway: one eliminated Queen will return to the competition. Ginger Minj wants Jasmine back but Miss Fame strongly disagrees. “She’s been gone for too long to come back now.” They bring up Kandy Ho and Katya snipes, “she can’t lip-sync 4 times.” In all truth, they don’t want anyone coming back. It just makes the competition harder. Ginger suggests they band together and go on strike. “We shall not, we shall not do drag.” They tried that in season 4 and it didn’t work, ladies. This is RuPaul’s show and if she wants to bring someone back, she will.
RuPaul’s “she done already done had herses” message is: “what goes around, comes around.” After the video plays, RuPaul sticks her head into the workroom. “Is everyone decent? Cuz we’ve got company…” All the girls seem super annoyed that Mama Ru is bringing someone back so quickly. They stare intently at the door and out walks Latrice Mothrf***ing Royale, in her Tuckahoe Prison outfit from season 4’s Queens Behind Bars episode. The girls scream in delight. Everyone loves Latrice! And how can you not? She’s an amazing performer and a truly lovely person. Sidebar: my most prized possession from the Drag Stars at Sea 2014 cruise is a jewel that fell off of Latrice’s gown at the performance of her life story, “Here’s To Life”. Sidebar #2: she has a very sweet, very young boyfriend with the cutest southern accent and you can tell he really adores her.
Sorry about the detour… Back to the show: This week’s mini-challenge is “Orange is the New Drag.” The Queens have 20 minutes to drag up prison uniforms using items from the commissary. “Plus any contraband you smuggled in,” RuPaul whispers. Latrice walks around the room, in character. And then it’s time for the Tuckahoe Fashion Show.
Ginger Minj, aka Wide Receiver, has a great head wrap plus earnings made out of tea bags. “Her dream conjugal visit would be from the NBA,” RuPaul tells us. “The whole NBA…” Kennedy Davenport, aka Ho ’N’ Good Stuff, has a side ponytail (shoutout to Andy Cohen) and ashy knees. Her prison job is washing trade underwear and cooking ramen noodles. Sounds like an Italian felon we know. Pearl, aka Lil’ Bitch, looks pretty in her chola makeup and long skirt. “I wonder who Big Bitch is?” RuPaul asks. Latrice Royale answers, “That would be me.” Miss Fame, aka Bam Bam, aka Sad Eyes, aka Pinky. “She got a lot of AKAs,” RuPaul scoffs. “You could call her Sad Pink Eyes.” Wow, her chola eyebrows are even better than Pearls. Katya, aka Olga, is wearing a leopard print mask that Hannibal Lechter would have worn had he been a Drag Queen. Violet Chachki, aka Princess, has handcuff earrings and shorty shorts. Her prison job is crack dealer. “I know what kind of crack she’s selling,” Rupaul deadpans. Jaidynn Diore Fierce, aka Slutisha, has smudged lipstick and does some Beyonce moves. “She’s from cell block XXX,” Latrice adds.
The winner is Kennedy Davenport. “Boom! I look good in orange, don’t I?”
After Latrice leaves, RuPaul is ready to bring back the eliminated contestant. The girls all groan but it’s happening. And Trixie walks into the room! The girls pretend to be happy. “But, wait a minute. Wait a minute,” RuPaul says as she looks at the doorway. The doors open and Tempest DuJour walks in. Huh? They’re bringing back 2 Queens? The girls can’t even pretend to be happy at this point. RuPaul welcomes Tempest and then says, “Now I’ve got this sneaking feeling that…” The girls all look at the door and Kandy Ho walks in. And then Sasha Belle enters. Followed by Jasmine Masters, Mrs Kasha Davis and Max. They’re all back! The girls look genuinely confused at this point. RuPaul informs them that he’s brought back all of the eliminated Queens but “which one gets to stay? That’s up to you.” For the maxis-challenge, each Queen will be paired with an eliminated contestant and they’ll be in charge of making her over as their twin. “As your conjoined twin.” Ok, this sounds like fun. The eliminated Queen in the winning pair will return to the competition.
As the mini-challenge winner, Kennedy Davenport gets to pick everyone’s twin. Kennedy chooses Jasmine Masters as her twin. “Why it gotta be black?” Ru asks. Ginger Minj is paired with Sasha Belle. And she’s not happy about it at all. Pearl gets Trixie Mattel. Hopefully they win since Trixie really deserves to come back. Miss Fame gets Kandy Ho. Hmmm. Katya gets Mrs Kasha Davis. The clown sisters. Violet Chachki gets Max. Good team. I’m happy if Max comes back. And that leaves Tempest DuJour for Jaidynn Diore Fierce. Oh, the shade of it all! How are Jaidynn and Tempest supposed to play twins? They keep a straight face. They’re not giving Kennedy the satisfaction of seeing them sweat.
Ginger Minj tells her partner, Sasha Belle, that she’s happy she’s back. “That’s a f***ing lie. I’m not happy to see any of these bitches walk back in.” Oh, Ginger. They decide they need to do something different in order to stand out. Long montage of them thinking. Well, Ginger’s thinking. Sasha looks like she’s already given up. It’s sad. She’s paired with a multiple challenge winner. She has an actual chance to win. But they can’t win if she doesn’t get in the game. Ginger suggests they connect at the breasts. “Like one big boob.” Sasha will agree to anything and she’s not going to bring her own ideas. Ginger is also nervous because neither of them sews. Well, Ginger isn’t winning this one.
Pearl and Trixie Mattel are excited about the maxi-challenge. They start with the idea of being beauty queens and it grows into being child beauty queens. Which reminds me think of Lil’ Poundcake from season 5. Pearl is feeling stressed out but happy she has the chance to bring Trixie back. So are we, Pearl. So are we.
RuPaul visits Violet Chachki and Max and wants to know their strategy to win. Violet says they’re going to take Max’s style and amp it up and throw in a little Chachki gaudy, tacky. Violet is taking control of the challenge. Since they’re both skinny bitches, they decide to be attached at the waist. “We’re going to be completely hourglass together,” Max explains. Kennedy Davenport stares daggers at them.
Miss Fame and Kandy Ho talk to RuPaul about their lack of connection prior to this challenge. “I wish I had a bit of Kandy,” Miss Fame adds. “Because she’s fearless and I’m full of fear.” And then Miss Fame starts talking and talking and talking. “Her answers are paragraphs,” Kandy complains. I love Miss Fame but she would drive me crazy irl. Even Ru is over it. “So, Miss Fame, in the past you’ve talked about being just too cerebral, and in your head,” RuPaul says. “And, while we’re on it, how is your head?” Miss Fame misses the joke again. Is this the third or fourth time RuPaul has asked her that? Yes! Ru finally calls her out on missing the joke! And then she asks again. “Miss Fame, how’s your head?” Miss Fame answers, “Fine.” She still doesn’t get it. RuPaul starts hysterically laughing and Kandy looks mortified. Hopefully Kandy will clue her in on the joke later.
RuPaul moves on to Ginger Minj and Sasha Belle. You know, every time I see Sasha out of drag I’m always surprised how young she looks. She paints old. And I say that as a fan… Ginger tells Ru about their plan to be conjoined at the nipples. They show her their breast prosthesis. RuPaul looks a little nervous and Jasmine Masters cracks up at the table next to them. “Girl, y’all better not try to have no kids. No kids is gonna want to suck on them tittys.” Oh, it’s nice to have Porsha back. Oops, I mean Jasmine. Ginger tries to sell the idea to RuPaul while Sasha stares off into the distance. Shake out of it, Sasha! You have talent. Use it! Ginger is really nervous about this challenge. And she should be.
Now it’s Katya and Mrs Kasha Davis’ turn to talk to RuPaul. They’re going to be aging hookers from Atlantic City. I love it. Katya is really funny and I think she can elevate Mrs Kasha Davis’ drag. Ok, not only are they hookers but they’re connected by the vaginas. “But, you know, we make do with the other orifices,” Mrs Kasha Davis deadpans. “Yeah, there’s several other options,” RuPaul adds. Silly boys. They bring up that they were partners in the challenge that sent Mrs Kasha Davis home. Neither of them are very happy thinking about that. “If I have to go home and one of those eliminated whores gets to stay…” Katya moans. “I’m going to have a wonderful time traveling to their house and burning it to the ground.” Amen, sister.
RuPaul asks Jasmine Masters how happy she is to be back. “Just as happy as a ship full of sailors and one hot hooker.” She does have a way with words, doesn’t she? Kennedy Davenport explains why she chose Jasmine: they come from the same drag background. “And plus, I can make her look like me.” Kennedy also thinks Jasmine deserves to get back in the competition.
RuPaul tells Jaidynn Diore Fierce and Tempest Du Jour that they’re the oddest coupling in the challenge. Kennedy giggles. Shade. They’re going to be disco divas. Ok, I guess. I should reserve judgement until I see it. I’ve been proven wrong before (cough, Kennedy Davenport, cough). Their backstory is their mom was a slut and after a night of multiple partners she had them. They’re going to play on their size differences which is always a good idea. They’re going to be conjoined with Tempest’s “junk” in Jaidynn’s back. Hmmm. We’ll see. They both have a sassy attitude so maybe they can pull it off.
Pearl and Trixie get their turn with RuPaul. Trixie lets him know that she learned from the judges feedback and she’s really going to go for it this time. That makes Ru happy. Their strategy? “They say there’s always a prettier twin and we’re running with that,” Trixie explains. “We want to look related but maybe related in an in-breeding accident.” RuPaul seems excited and both Pearl and Trixie are feeling really good about this one. Trixie isn’t willing to go home again.
Violet Chachki asks Katya and Mrs Kasha Davis if they’re going sexy or slutty. “And that was a complement, not a read. I’m doing this thing now where I tell people when I’m complementing them.” Mrs kasha Davis says Violet has changed a lot. “I’m blown away by the difference in her. She’s so much nicer.”
Sasha Belle is traipsing around the workroom, kiki-ing with everyone, while Ginger Minj works alone. And Ginger is not happy about it. She finally grabs Katya to vent. “I need to take a moment to process my feelings before I go all Yosemite Sam and explode.” Ginger’s one-liners kill me. Jasmine Masters notices that Ginger is upset. “She don’t want none of us back.” Kennedy Davenport says it’s the most nervous she’s ever seen Ginger. “She’s almost completely shutting down.” Uh oh. That’s the worst thing she can do. She’s already saddled with a checked-out partner. She needs to keep her energy high to pull them both thru it.
The girls start painting and dressing for the runway. Kennedy davenport notices that Jasmine Masters has lost some of her glow. Off camera, Kennedy told Jasmine to keep her head up “and Jasmine tells me that no one has ever told her to keep her head up.” So sad. Jasmine promises that if she gets back on the show she won’t hold anything back. Kennedy really thinks she deserves that chance.
It’s really cool to see the girls paint each other. Everyone has their own style so they’re probably going to look really different painted like their partner. Tempest Du Jour starts talking about her devout Mormon mother watching the show. Well, she can’t ,Tempest, because they don’t air the Logo channel in Utah (sorry but that’s a pet peeve of mine). Then Tempest relates how she did conversion therapy to pray away the gay. “It nearly destroyed me.” That also explains why she was so heavy before the show. It’s so crazy that people can be taught to hate themselves just because they love the wrong people. But Tempest is proud of RPDR and thinks talking about their issues will maybe help some kid out there to know they’re not alone in how they feel. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the big gay agenda. “If you can help one kid live another day, then it’s worth it.”
Violet Chachki talks about her stepdad and that gets Trixie to open up about her abusive childhood. “The police actually took me out of my home when I was 15.” In her home, if she was being too sensitive or too feminine, her stepdad would call her a Trixie. “For years that was one of the worst words I could think of.” So when she got free, she decided to reclaim the name and make it something positive and something she’s proud of. Good for her. You’re a strong bitch, Trixie.
The guest judges are Nelsan Ellis (Lafayette on True Blood) and LeAnn Rimes (eat that, Brandi Glanville). Ross Matthews is back from visiting the dungeon he imprisoned Carson Kressley in.
The Queens are walking the runway as conjoined twins. First are Miss Fame and Kandy Ho. They’re wrapped in surgical bandages and Kandy looks gorgeous as Miss Fame. Jaidynn Diore Fierce and Tempest Du Jour are disco-rific in gold spandex pants and blonde afros. I’m a Jaidynn fan but I have to admit they look a little tacky (even for disco). Kennedy Davenport and Jasmine Masters look lovely in a violet gown. It’s the prettiest I’ve seen Jasmine look. They’re conjoined at the leg and are doing a great pageant walk anyway. Pearl and Trixie Mattel are a cloud of puffy blonde hair and white taffeta. Pearl looks gorgeous and Trixie has freckles and braces. They’re really pulling off the comedy of it and it’s great to see Trixie painted like Pearl. Violet Chachki and Max look like real twins (I had to look a couple times to figure out which was Max). They’re wearing flapper corsets and feathered boas. I love Max in her grey hair but she looks stunning and sexy in a blonde wig and painted like Violet. LeAnn is jealous of their asses. Ginger Minj and Sasha Belle are wearing pink leopard print jumpsuits and are, indeed, conjoined at the breasts. Sasha looks cute in Ginger’s hair and makeup but they look a little boring. Ginger is hamming it up and luckily Sasha has woken up a little on the runway. Katya and Mrs Kasha Davis look exactly like they described it: aging hookers from Atlantic City. Katya did a fantastic job choosing a scenario that really played to Mrs Kasha Davis’ strong suits.
The judges think Miss Fame and Kandy Ho’s plastic surgery schtick is tired and worn out. RuPaul asks, “Miss Fame, how’s your head?” And she replies, “I’ve never had any complaints.” Oh, thank the lord, she finally got the joke (I have a feeling we really should be thanking Kandy). Michelle Visage finds Jaidynn Diore Fierce and Tempest Du Jour’s look basic. Michelle expected more from Jasmine Masters and Kennedy Davenport. Ross Disagrees. Be careful, Ross. There are only so many times you can cross Michelle Visage and live to tell about it. Kennedy explains they were channeling Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday and LeAnn Rimes gets excited by a music reference. Pearl and Trixie Mattel get rave reviews but Michelle thinks Trixie overshadowed Pearl. Michelle Visage is jumping out of her seat in excitement over Max’s new look. Max is really happy with it, too. Nelsan Ellis thinks Max and Violet Chachki “did their thing” but Ross wishes they added some comedy. RuPaul calls Ginger Minj and Sasha Belle “a tale of two titties.” Michelle gives them crap for the execution and LeAnn rightfully complained about the breasts not looking lifelike. Katya and Mrs Kasha Davis crack the judges up. “Sometimes you gotta get ugly to win,” Ross says. “High five. Ugly beautiful,” Nelson adds.
Top Queens: Pearl/Trixie Mattel, Violet Chachki/Max, Katya/Mrs Kasha Davis, Kennedy Davenport/Jasmine Masters. Pearl is the winner so Trixie Mattel is back in the competition.
Bottom Queens: Miss Fame/Kandy Ho, Jaidynn Diore Fierce/Tempest Du Jour, Ginger Minj/Sasha Belle.
LIP-SYNC FOR YOUR LIFE
The two Queens up for elimination are Ginger Minj and Jaidynn Diore Fierce. They perform I Think We’re Alone Now by Tiffany.
Oh, my word! They’re performing conjoined. That doesn’t seem fair but I don’t make the rules. Ginger Minj starts things off by motor boating herself. She is going to fight for this. Jaidynn Diore Fierce isn’t lip-syncing as fiercely as usual, probably because she has a 6 foot something man strapped to her back. Ginger is playing for the laughs and it’s working. Ginger and Sasha Belle “tumble to ground.” They’re being hysterical but not overly campy. Ginger and Sasha pull out scissors and start de-conjoining. Now that Ginger is free she is performing her heart (and her boobs) out. Jaidynn is still tethered to Tempest and she gives up a little, bouncing in place. Ginger loses her wig but doesn’t lose a beat. Ginger Minj, shantay, you stay. Jaidynn Diore Fierce, sashay away.
Next week: Divine Inspiration. And don’t forget to watch Untucked, available every Tuesday. You can watch this week’s episode right here on TamaraTattles.com !