By Guest Blogger Lady Cocotte
Kandy Ho has sashayed away and all that’s left is her final message on the mirror: Everything happens 4 a reason, pero la vida continuo! Big things will come! Kandy Ho xoxo. Jaidynn Diore Fierce is clearly exhausted from being on the bottom, both mentally and physically. “I survived the lip-sync and no Ma’am, pam, no ham, no turkey, no cauliflower, I can’t do that again.” Discussing the runway comments, Max informs the girls that she’s going to wear a colorful wig only once and then go right back to grey. Violet Chachki gives her a stink eye as if we’re supposed to forget that a few episodes ago she stated, “I hate Michelle Visage” after getting criticism she didn’t like. “Bitch, if they give me specifics, I would f***ing do it.” Violet is right but she’s not the right girl to say it. In talking heads the girls start shit talking Kennedy Davenport’s crystalized chicken look. I’m still a little annoyed that she wasn’t on the bottom for that look, especially when she gets nasty about Max’s talent. Watch it, Queen. You’re time will come soon enough.
In RuPaul’s “she done already done had herses” message, Ru has Bianca Del Rio show the girls what a winner looks like. And she reads them to filth, of course. “I have one tip for you: You’re a Drag Queen. Be funny.” Instead of a mini-challenge, Mama Ru let’s the girls know that the maxie-challenge is Snatch Game. Yay! My favorite episode of the season. We’ve seen some truly amazing performances in Snatch Game but we’ve also seen some big duds. Take it seriously, girls. This is where you earn your spot in the RPDR family.
Since we’re already in season 7, the girls know to come prepared for Snatch Game. They instantly start talking about who is going as who. Violet Chachki is doing Donatella Versace. Uh-oh. Miss Fame is also doing Donatella Versace. I don’t think we’ve ever had two girls wanting to do the same character in Snatch Game history. “I’ve been working on this Donatella Versace for like 8 months,” Violet whines. Miss Fame feels just as entitled to play the Italian train wreck. “I’ve been planning to do Donatella since the first time I auditioned for RuPaul’s Drag Race. I mean, come on, girl.” Hmmm, this should be interesting… Max states the obvious that someone is going to have to give up. Violet has no backup. “I literally don’t have any other choice. I’m doing her.” Miss Fame pouts.
Katya and Ginger Minj ask Kennedy Davenport who she’s going to do and she surprises everyone. “I’ve been thinking about doing Little Richard.” Dead silence. “But he’s a man!” Katya shrieks. “You can’t do that,” Ginger adds. Kennedy doesn’t doesn’t think it’s such a big deal since “he’s been in Drag his whole life.” The girls don’t agree. It’s right there in the title: Snatch. Plus, they’re in a Drag competition. When Alaska Thunderfvck did a challenge as Barnyard Billy in season 5, the judges tore into her for portraying a man. Katya and Ginger Minj suggest that Kennedy do Sweet Brown (Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That) but she really wants to do Little Richard. Proceed carefully, Kennedy. And don’t forget your herstory.
Max is doing Sharon Needles, winner of season 4. Violet is surprised. “Really? Sharon is shocking. Punk rock. And you know, that’s kind of out of character for Max.” But isn’t that the point of playing a character? I guess we’ll see. No one has yet to impersonate a fellow contestant but in past seasons, playing a RPDR judge has brought some huge laughs. Jessica Wild started the trend with a bizarre, yet somewhat funny RuPaul impersonation in season 2 (the first time Snatch Game was played). In season 4, Sharon Needles should have won for her amazing job as Michelle Visage but lost to Chad Michaels’ Cher. And, although she’s not a RPDR judge, I have to include Alaska Thunderfvck’s hysterical portrayal of Lady Bunny (Dean of Drag on RuPaul’s Drag U and one of RuPaul’s closest friends). Last year, BenDeLaCreme almost did Alyssa Edwards (season 5) but instead decided to portray Dame Maggie Smith, winning the episode and a place in our hearts. It will be interesting to see a contestant play another Ru girl. Hopefully Max can handle the satire.
RuPaul enters the workroom to talk to the girls. Jaidynn Diore Fierce is going to do Raven-Symoné and RuPaul gives her the trademark confused face. Pay attention to that face, Jaidynn! She’s telling you something. Next up for Ru-view is Miss Fame. She tells RuPaul about the Donatella Versace incident. Ooh, Ru lives for drama like this. Miss Fame has ceded Donatella to Violet Chachki and instead is doing Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium. RuPaul is as unimpressed as I am. Ru decides to stir the pot: “Being kind is one thing, but being the winner is a completely different thing.” It kind of shakes Miss Fame but she probably needs a little jostle right now. “Well, s***, I’ll be Versace.” Violet’s head spins so fast she almost loses it. Miss Fame is giddy while Violet is bumming out.
Katya is doing Suze Orman. RuPaul wants to know why she’s not doing a Russian character. Katya goes deep and starts explaining her lifelong anxiety issues. Ru gets right to the point. “You have an addiction to the anxiety.” What an interesting perspective. Needless to say, this floors Katya. “I’ve been addicted to alcohol, crystal meth, cocaine… Addicted to anxiety?” RuPaul is not just a pretty face. She’s your mother/judge/psychiatrist rolled into one. Kennedy Davenport tells RuPaul that she’s going to do Sweet Brown. RuPaul likes the idea but you can tell Kennedy isn’t excited. So then she throws out Little Richard again. All the others girls laugh. Kennedy is really torn about who to play. “Well listen,” RuPaul tells her. “I’m going to leave that to you. I can’t decide for you. Uh, that’s all I’m going to say.” Read between the lines, Kennedy. It’s a big risk. Kennedy knows. “The stakes are very high going into the Snatch Game so I’m just debating…”
Violet Chachki is on edge. RuPaul just messed up her plans when she encouraged Miss Fame to play Donatella Versace even though Violet was. RuPaul asks how she’s going to avoid doing the same Donatella parody other comedians have already done. She starts talking about her look but Ru cuts her off. “Look is one thing but there is a different skill to make a character funny.” Violet does her “Italian” accent and Ru asks what her other options are. Yeah, she wasn’t good. RuPaul may have saved her with this switch. Violet does a better send up of Alyssa Edwards (season 5) and RuPaul cracks up. “That’s good! You might want to consider switching to Alyssa.” Violet whines but it’s good advice. Alyssa Edwards has so many -isms that she’s a great character for Snatch Game. Violet starts slamming around the workroom, moaning about having to change characters. You can see her fear at competing head to head with Miss Fame. But that’s because she’s only thinking about the look. I actually think it would be pretty funny if there were dueling Donatellas. But she’s too scared. So she’s going to do Alyssa Edwards.
The Snatch Game players are Michael Urie and Tamar Braxton, an alum of Snatch Game when she was portrayed by Roxxxy Andrews in season 5 for the win. Max is Sharon Needles with orange hair and white contacts. She looks great but missed the first joke entirely. It’s kind of awkward. Jaidynn Diore Fierce is Raven-Symoné and she looks a lot like her. “I just had a vision. I’m a lesbian now!” Katya is Suze Orman. Does she have that weird voice? The wig is not quite and neither is the blazer. Hopefully Katya’s comedic timing will make up for her lackluster costume. Violet Chachki is Alyssa Edwards and she kills it both in look and mannerisms. Good on you, Violet. Have fun with it. Pearl is Big Ang from Mob Wives. I’m so glad she finally loosened up because Pearl is really quite funny. Miss Fame is Donatella Versace. She has the look but she’s not being funny. Well, other than that accent she’s using. It’s almost as bad as Violet’s was. Violet doesn’t agree. “I would have probably had more of an Italian accent, less of a Russian accent. But, hey…” No Violet, you weren’t doing Italian either. You should be really grateful Ru encouraged you to change characters. Kennedy Davenport is Little Richard. She went with her heart and she doesn’t look as out of place as I would have thought. Ooh, her Little Richard is funny! I think I need to apologize. She was right. Ginger Minj is Adele and she looks just like her. She brought wine, ciggies, cakes, awards and a hysterical cockney accent. Michael Urie and Tamar Braxton are already in stitches. This is going to be fun.
They start with Tamar. “Quentin Tarantino is remaking the wizard of Oz as an action movie. In this new version, Dorothy _____s the Tin Man.” Well, well. They finally switched up the Snatch Game questions. Tamar thinks Dorothy kills the Tin Man. Yawn. Big Ang says, “gut him like a fish.” Pearl is cracking me up with the deep voice, huge lips and even bigger tits. Suze Orman thinks Dorothy would bang him. “…which is exactly what I’d like to do to most of these women here on this panel.” Katya is a clown in the best sense of the word. Ginger Minj’s Adele interrupts to tell Suze Orman, “I love you, Justin Beiber.” And the race is on! Little Richard thinks Dorothy tightens the screws. “Because we all like a tight screw. Oooooh!” Kennedy, I was wrong. I’m sorry I didn’t believe in you. Raven-Symoné thinks she blows the Tin Man. Jaidynn Diore Fierce has the look but no where to go with it. So sad. Adele says, “Well, if it was me, I would say she rips out his heart and then sings a whole album about it and gets really popular. But it’s not me. So I said she polishes his chrome.” Her voice and accent are so funny. Michael Urie and Tamar can’t stop laughing. Donate Versace makes a lame joke about confusion that the answer card is a prescription which got a nervous laugh from Tamar. Her answer is House of Versace boots. To lighten the mood, Suze Orman stage whispers, “honey, that wig was a bad investment.” Oh, it’s nice to laugh again.
Michael Urie’s questions is: “Rumor has it they’re making a gay version of Batman and Robin. In this movie, the dynamic duo convert the bat cave into a _____.” He suggests a bed and breakfast. Sharon Needles says a haunted house. Max looks so good but her portrayal makes everyone uncomfortable because it’s so not Sharon Needles. Raven-Symoné is doing some weird “getting a psychic message” thing that gets more annoying each time she does it. I never watched “That’s So Raven” but I’m assuming it’s from the show. She thinks they turn the bat cave into a weave shop. “Ooh, Jaidynn. I just got a vision,” Ginger Minj jokes. “You might be lip-syncing for your life tomorrow, baby.” Suze Orman says Big Ang gave her the idea of a foreclosed mobile home. “You know what? That’s f***ed up,” Big Ang complains and she gives Suze Orman the cutting your head off gesture. Funny stuff. Alyssa Edwards says a dance studio (#BeyondBelief). Not funny but very much true to character. Big Ang says mansion. When Michael points out the bat cave is already under a mansion, Big Ang explains “I had a rough childhood, ok. I wasn’t watching f***ing Batman and Robin.” Little Richard says a bathhouse in a dark room with glory holes. “There’s a lot of singing going on in there, honey! Oooooh!” This isn’t your grandma’s Little Richard.
Back to Tamar. “Portia de Rossi says Ellen DeGeneres is so hilarious, even her _____ makes her laugh.” Tamar says coins because “they so rich they pee pennies.” Sharon Needles says temper tantrums. Her explanation is even worse than her answer so we’re just moving on. Adele says sad, sad tears of a clown. “It’s a song,” she explains. “Did I sing it?” RuPaul tells her no. “So it’s not a good song,” she goes on. “I probably still won an award for it anyway.” Ginger Minj is making RuPaul and the other judges laugh the most. She may have won this one.
They run out of time and RuPaul announces the winner: “My therapist!” Ba dum bum.
Back in the workroom, the girls are getting ready for the runway. Katya is having a hard time. I’ve never seen her look this upset. “This morning I’m second-guessing myself about my performance in this challenge. I don’t know where I stand in the eyes of the judges. All I can hear is the voices in my head telling me how terrible I am. Uh…” This is so sad. Katya won last week. She did great this week. But none of that matters when the anxiety hits you. She pulls Miss Fame aside and bravely opens up about her sobriety and how much harder it is during this competition. Miss Fame sweetly shares her own feelings. “I’ve been sober for 9 years but counting days, in here, feels like being a newcomer.” “Exactly! That’s exactly what it feels like!” You can see Katya gain some strength just by having her feelings validated. I’m so proud of Katya for being so open and raw but it’s what saved her from those negative thoughts. And props to Miss Fame for taking time out of a competition to help another contestant, not because of friendship but because someone was in need. “You’re in it, but you’re not alone. I’m here with you, having the same fears and feelings.” Drag Queens can be real bitches but they’re also some of the sweetest people I know.
The guest judges are, obviously, Michael Urie and Tamar Braxton. Ross Matthews is on the judging panel again and I can’t even remember who Carson Kressley is anymore. RuPaul is wearing a laugh-in inspired dress in homage to the Snatch Game theme.
This week, the runway category is “Leather and Lace”. Ginger Minj wears all white leather jacket and lace leggings. It’s cute but not my favorite Ginger Minj outfit. Katya has a black lace bodysuit, leather thigh high boots, and a sequined lace duster. I usually find her a little sloppy when she does glamorous but she’s looking hot tonight. “Look out, Tawny Kitaen. We got a new Whitesnake video bitch.” Kennedy Davenport is wearing a black lace dress with leather inserts. I like the dress but her wig is too flat for my taste. She needs more hair. Violet Chachki is in 1950’s fetish wear, like you’d see Betty Page wear. It’s hot. The only lace she’s wearing are her stockings peaking out of thigh high boots but I don’t care. Damn, she has a juicy ass. I always thought that was padding. Mmm hmm, I’m liking me some Violet tonight. Max is wearing a short black get-up with a, gasp, black wig. She gave in to Michelle Visage but I wish she picked a different color. The black is so harsh with her makeup, it’s washing her out. Plus, I think she only knows how to do makeup for grey hair. Oh, Max. I started to have hope you could win it all but now I’m scared you’ll be lip-syncing tonight. And that makes me sad. Jaidynn Diore Fierce has a nude illusion lace top with a leather skirt and she’s wearing all of Kennedy’s extra hair. “That’s not a carry-on wig. You gotta check that.” Pearl has on a white lace dress and pink leather jacket. She’s giving a Grease vibe. Wow. Miss Fame looks different. She has a lace dress with a leather corset but I think what’s throwing me is her long black hair. Her hair needs more height but she’s always beautiful.
Violet Chachki and Pearl are safe. The judges loved Ginger Minj as Adele. Michelle Visage isn’t crazy about Ginger’s hair today but she loves that Miss Fame gave a new look. Snatch Game, on the other hand, was too many missed opportunities. Ross felt like Miss Fame was only 20% there. Next is Kennedy and you can see she’s nervous. “I am so not a fan of anybody doing boy drag,” Michelle Visage tells Kennedy. “Know this: you killed it.” Ross wasn’t expecting a risk like that from a pageant Queen. “I’m not always head to toe. I like to get messy, too,” Kennedy confides. Michelle thanks Max for wearing another hair color. “But you know what I miss?” Ross asks. “The grey hair.” Michelle starts breaking down where Max went wrong in Snatch Game and Max starts taking her corset off. RuPaul acknowledges it so Max explains, “I just really need to loosen the corset.” Judging is halted while she leaves the stage to fix her corset. Ginger Minj thinks she’s acting. Max sits on the stairs, topless, and starts singing a song because, “I took advantage of the moment.” The whole thing is weird. The girls look annoyed and the judges looks confused. When Max gets back in place, the judges move on to Jaidynn Diore Fierce instead of dealing with Max anymore. Tamar isn’t crazy about Jaidynn’s runway look and Michelle though her Snatch Game routine was boring. Michael Urie complements Katya’s look and she loves it so much she starts playing with her tits, which totally distracts him (in the sexy way). Tamar calls Katya’s runway look “Britney at 45” and thinks her Suze Orman was “hilarical.” Michelle Visage asks for more, explaining she only asks for more when she knows they can give it.
Top Queens: Ginger Minj, Kennedy Davenport and Katya. Kennedy is the winner. And deservedly so. Ooh! Ginger Minj is also the winner. The first time there have been two winners in Snatch Game. Brava, ladies!
Bottom Queens: Max, Jaidynn Diore Fierce, Miss Fame
LIP-SYNC FOR YOUR LIFE
The two Queens up for elimination are Jaidynn Diore Fierce and Max. They perform No More Lies by Michel’le. We’ve never seen Max lip-sync so I’m curious to see if she has the chops. Jaidynn Diore Fierce wants to win and the song is more her style. Jaidynn is going strong. Max is playing it sassy but that’s not really what the song calls for. Jaidynn has the attitude. And the moves. Max is white girl dancing. Jaidynn Diore Fierce, shantay, you stay. Max, sashay away. I’ll miss you, dear one.
Well, hello. RuPaul has an announcement. She’s not sure if she sent the right girls home but she doesn’t know which of the eliminated Queens to bring back. It seems like we get to vote someone back on. But I thought the show filmed in 2014? Now I’m confused…
Next week: Who knows? I’m too confused to care. Fine. I looked it up. It’s Conjoined Queens. Are you happy? One thing is for sure. They’ll need an even number of Queens to conjoin so someone’s coming back next week. And don’t forget to watch Untucked, available every Tuesday. You can watch this week’s episode right here on TamaraTattles.com ! Check out all of my Ru Paul Drag Race Recaps here.