Here we go. The final RHOBH Reunion episode. We start with all the discussion of vaginas and such. I just don’t know women who talk about vaginas all the time.
Andy goes straight to the texts from Lisa to Kim. One says ” Be very careful or I will fuck you up! You be nice to your sister! You believe her and stop telling lies! In that order. Thanks.” The next one says, “You need to get wise. Brandi is not telling the truth. She is lying. I should have said that to you in that moment, but I didn’t want another Amsterdam to happen, and it would have.” A third says, “Your behavior and the way you treat people is not okay. You are nasty and you need to be stopped now.” As she is reading these, Rinna is giving Kim a look that could kill. Kim said she really got frightened. Oh please. A fifth grader could break Rinna in half like a twig.
Andy asks what made Rinna send the texts. Rinna says that she has an issue with people shushing her. And she wanted to get her feelings out. Her father used to shush her all the time. It’s one of her hot buttons. Kim says she thinks Lisa Rinna probably has record for violent crime. Andy finally sticks up for Rinna. FINALLY. Rinna is crying which is the perfect excuse for Eileen to flee the left couch for the right on. She also sticks up for Rinna. Rinna apologizes to Kim AGAIN. Oddly, after mocking Rinna for a full three minutes. Kim gets up and walks over to hug Rinna. We are already at full bore crazy.
We have a conversation about space cake that is very boring until Andy asks Brandi why she didn’t have any and she says, “Because I was in a lawsuit with my ex-husband at the time and the last thing I needed to be doing was having space cake on TV.” Interesting. So being a giant cunt, calling your kids assholes on your podcast, being drunk off your ass on every episode, and throwing wine in people’s faces is all a good look, but you draw the line at space cake? Okay. Brandi brings up the Kyle smoking pot thing on TV again. Now Brandi is implying that Kyle has a drug problem.
The conversation turns to what if Kim had eaten the space cake. Andy asks, “Is it different for someone struggling with their sobriety?” Kim says, “Let’s get this straight. I was not struggling with my sobriety. I have never struggled with my sobriety. I took a pain pill for some chronic pain that I was having. I did I take somebody else’s pill? Yes. Was that right? No.” Wait, why was that not right? I thought Kim’s position was it is fine to pop pills when you are an addict as long as you have a reason. Kim launches into how she has never had a problem with her sobriety and she doesn’t appreciate all these rumors going around. Kyle says Brandi was having a lot of conversations about it as well. Brandi says not a lot of conversations. Brandi claims that she told Kim about the conversation with Jennifer off camera and Kim said she wished she had not done that.
Time for the sister smackdown. Kyle is already crying during the montage. Kyle brings up Kingsley biting her daughter. Kim says that Kyle decided to Instagram it and make it public. Kyle says her daughter almost lost her hand! Kim says your daughter had a bite on her fucking finger! Kyle says yeah that infected the bone! Why do you think she was in Cedar-Sinai for five days? Kim threatens to leave. So does Kyle. Kim is furious with Kyle for discussing this. She says, “I’m going to tell you something, what you did making the public display! My daughter called and asked her to take it down and she didn’t!” Kyle says “What about my child’s hand?” Kyle keeps saying she never said it was Kim’s dog. Kim starts threatening to “tell the real story and she won’t like it!” Kyle says, “Do you want to have an honest conversation? Do you want to do it now?”
Kim keeps threatening to tell the real story. Only there is no story. Andy asked where the dog is now. Andy says, “Is that true? He’s with a trainer?” Kim says, “I’m not talking about this anymore, Andy.” Kyle refuses to confirm the dog is with a trainer, because he is not. Kim tells Andy that her dog is off limits like her children. Kim, newsflash, Kingsley is not going to watch the reunion and get humiliated at school the next day because his bad behavior was discussed in public. You are being ridiculous. Not to mention that you seem to keep threatening Alexia about the dog bite as if she somehow deserved it. Kim equates her dog with her children. This is the most painful thing she has gone through. Monty is best friends with Kingsley. Oh for fucksake. Monty doesn’t even know Kingsley you are confusing storyline with real life again, Kim.
Kim starts a monologue on what a great sister Kathy is. They talk two or three times a day. I do not believe that for a second. Kathy is way too busy bailing her own children out of jail to be yammering with Kim on the phone all day. Kim says they go to dinner. Kathy is just a great sister. Kim looks really horrible.
Andy asks Eileen if she would do it again…she doesn’t give an answer…WHICH IS A YES! LVP says that they will all work things out. Brandi rolls her eyes. LVP says mending the sisters is the important thing.
Wait? Where was that redemption for Brandi? I thought she said we would all end up seeing things her way! Did I miss that part?
Thanks to all of you for all your enthusiasm with this season. I’ve really enjoyed all of your participation! Now I’m off to recap RHONY!