We start this episode with Andy asking a stupid question. Raise your hand if you are shocked. I see no hands. He asks Eileen why such an awarding winning actress would do RHOBH. Um, Andy, you pay these hyenas way more than actual trained actors make. Which by the way is the whole OPPOSITE of the point of doing reality TV shows. They are supposed to work for peanuts.
They play a montage that is heavy on the fact that Eileen has an Emmy. Both Kim and Brandi are throwing up a little bit in their mouths. THIS is what jealousy looks like. A viewer ask, “You were a fan of Eileen before the show, what do you think of her without a script.” Brandi says, “I don’t really think of her.” You know except for every waking moment. Eileen was said she thought Brandi was funny when they first met and then the wine toss just put a kink in things. Eileen says that there were many ramifications about Brandi’s comments about her being a homewrecker. People started calling Vince’s ex-wife trying to get tabloid stories. She had to have unpleasant conversations with her children. Brandi seems incredulous that her behavior had ramifications for Eileen. Brandi says it was always already on the Internet. Eileen says that she is great friends with Vince’s ex-wife. Eileen tells Brandi to shut the fuck up. They exchange several rounds of fuck yous! Eileen is on the verge of tears. Brandi looks awful and not just on the exterior. Brandi goes in on LVP about being friends with Kyle. Lisa Rinna and Brandi are arguing at a decibel only dogs can hear. Rinna freaks out and says that Brandi needs to be shut down. Brandi says Rinna needs to change her Depends because she is so full of shit. This is too much to give you all the blow by blows but it is bang away on Brandi time and not in the way she is used to. Rinna says fuck you (that is two housewives to tell her that within five minutes.) Brandi makes another Depends jab and Rinna responds with, “Where is your tampon endorsement!” I die.
I can’t ABIDE listening to Brandi’s defensive voice. It is so high-pitched it hurts to listen. Kyle points out that Brandi has had a problem with everyone on the show and tons of housewives from other franchises. Kim keeps defending Brandi even after being reminded of the crystal meth incident. A viewer points out that Eileen has everything Brandi wants and she is just jealous.
(omitted the kids stuff)
Time to talk about Kim. Rinna says that when Kim came to her house on poker night she knew she was high. Kim tells the bronchitis and pneumonia story. Then she tells a very odd version about what happened at the poker party. She argues with everyone about it despite admitting to being “accidentally” on something. Kim says it was not a slip and it was not a relapse. Apparently, it was not a relapse because “she had a reason.” Rinna brings up the lunch with Brandi. Brandi says that she did not bring up Kim first at the lunch. They show the clip where she does exactly that. Unfortunately, during the reunion, the ladies don’t see that. Kim says she saw the scene. I don’t believe her. Kim launches into how hard she has worked for the last three years on her sobriety and she is not going to let Rinna destroy that. Kim says she doesn’t feel like she owes Rinna or Eileen and apology. Kim is pissed that everyone wanted Kim to eat some pizza before she left the poker party. Kim thinks that means they wanted her to be on camera longer to embarrass her. Another verbal barrage of fuck yous and shutups is exchanged between Rinna and Kim.
It’s time to talk about Kim going after Harry. What did Harry do? Rinna says that Kim is welcome to tell the world what Harry did. Kim won’t say what Harry did because there is nothing to say.
We move on to the battle of the wine tossings. Which was worse. Brandi is losing her mind. She clearly did not take enough Xanax for this. Brandi is furious with everyone telling Rinna that she committed assault and battery. Brandi is insane. Has she been drinking? Kim is pissed about everyone comforting each other about the glass breaking incident instead of her. Kim actually apologized to Eileen for calling her a beast.
So many commercials tonight. There are six minutes left and I am all caught up still. Four minutes left and commericals still going. Are we done with this episode?
Final scene and Kim says that Kathy is on her side about the dinner in Amsterdam. Kyle says that Kim never defends her from Brandi and points out she just stands there and watches it. Kyle tells Brandi that she deliberately caused problems between Kim and Kyle. Kim and Kyle decide they don’t want to reconcile. Kyle says she can disinvite her from her daughter’s wedding. She is very emotional about Kim trying to take Kim’s kids away from Kyle.
Next week: It looks like Rinna sent a threatening tweet to Kim. And Kim makes light of the dog bite as if it were nothing.