The ladies must move on from their Zen resort (The Farm) and move on to their next destination. Everyone is relaxed and getting along! They are heading back to Manila to stay at the Shangri la Makati Hotel in Manila. They are really putting on the dog for the housewives with half the staff greeting them a manager escorting them to penthouse level.
I was just going to ignore this part, and then there it was! Another shocking talking head look. It’s not even the wig that is so damn bad. It might be the eyebrows. It might be the eye makeup. The lipstick is God awful. The teeth are bigger and whiter. She looks like a drag queen but I can’t figure out what exactly makes it so shockingly bad other than…EVERYTHING. Especially the eyebrows.
THEY ARE GIVING NENE A MONTAGE OF HER MOMENTS ON RHOA! THIS IS A GREAT SIGN!
The Volcano Outing
The Manila Tourism Department is really getting their money’s worth out of this trip. Lots of pictures of the city and the little countryside places. It seems the girls have been properly couched to make pleasant comments about their host country this time, which is refreshing. Oh wait. I spoke too soon. Phaedra and Kandi were muttering some thangs and then Porsha and Demetria had a “twerk off” on the bus. I can’t stop shaking my damn head. Kandi points out that Porsha has her pubes hanging out of her Daisy Dukes and her response was, “Oh I know.” Demetria is not wearing a shirt, just a bikini top. And Phaedra says she wants to go gawk at little people at “the hobbit house.” I can’t believe it was just four sentences ago that I felt like these girl might have had some breeding courses prior to this trip. Nope. They’re just as ratchet as they want to be. Apparently, The Hobbit House is a restaurant. Phaedra says if you are under 4″9″ you can get a handicap sticker. But she doesn’t qualify. For those of you who enjoyed Easter with your families and are relying solely on this recap, I feel the need to say for the record, I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP.
The ladies arrive in Bantangas for their volcano visit. Cynthia, who is appropriately dressed for a horse back ride has some problems with her miniature horse who got spooked about something. But Porsha hopped right up on her horse with the visible twat hairs and rode that thing like the pro she is. It starts to rain and locals jump out of the bushes to sell them rain jackets. #TouristTrap
At the top of the hill overlooking the beautiful view we have Porsha in her skank outfit which appears to be a black bikini covered by black lace very short boy shorts. Was it Phaedra who called her Princess of THOTland? That is so classic. And in her talking head, days or weeks later, dumb ole Porsha still has not realized that she’s been called a whore several times already on this trip and that’s just the stuff that aired. Clueless, THOTs. Gotta love it.
In an oddly touching moment, Phaedra gives some cash to her guide whose husband died two years ago to help with her five children. I seriously doubt she will get to keep that.
Later the ladies travel to a local market (not the Louis Vuitton store dumb old Porsha wanted to hunt for) and bought durian. I’ve never had durian (it’s a big ugly fruit) but I have watched enough Travel Channel to know it tastes like ass. It was fun watching the ladies just go right on and taste it because it is supposed to stink to high heaven. This will make them sick. Dumb old Porsha wants to have sex with the fruit after she microwaves it. It seems like something she knows a lot about. It’s fun seeing the market and all the live sea creatures but they really should have left Porsha at home. Kenya has a twirl off with a boy girl. Do I have to tell you who wins?
While in the Phillipines, Phaedra calls the fake religion scammer dude that doesn’t know the difference between a spiritual cleansing of a house or an exorcism. I was sent his arrest records shortly after that show aired (Drugs). On a totally unrelated note, the Phillippines has a big drug problem and is said to be the hub for most of the meth in Asia. So anyway, this drug dealer dude is Phaedra’s spiritual advisor and he gives her some guidance about her meeting with Kenya.
Cynthia asks the butler to give them a massage. Actually, I think Cynthia was asking if she could get massage from a masseuse because she is sick. Of course the other ladies had Dante give them a neck rub. Claudia says some inappropriate “deeper, harder” kind of ish and then in Porsha’s talking head she says that Claudia is always bringing things back to sex, so she must be hard up. Um, the ladies have called Porsha a whore at least ten more times now. It’s fucking hysterical that Porsha thinks Claudia is the one bringing everything back to sex.
Phaedra and Kenya have their discussion and it was a bunch of fakery. Phaedra apologizes. Kenya’s crying was almost believable. Phaedra has been watching too many Farrah Abraham interviews on Teen Mom Reunions and Couples Therapy and has adopted her infamous tearless whisper cry. At the end they pray and Kenya cried a lot.
Next Week: Todd and Kandi fake fight for their spin off show. Kenya shoots her pilot. And there is a big show down at an event that Phaedra was part of for black male youth or something and Nene shows up and has a total shitfit and leaves nearly getting run off by a TT commenter who happened to be there in the process. You can read my exclusive on that HERE. It all makes sense now. And it went down EXACTLY as I said. As usual.