It’s kind of ironic that some of my favorite people are Brandiloons. It’s even more ironic that my oldest and dearest Brandiloon has a) Given up alcohol for Lent …and stuck with it unlike me and (2) Is claiming she is not going to watch the reunion. I would suggest that she, and all of my sweet, deluded Brandiloon friends avoid reading this recap as well. The Brandiloons seem to all have a deep Anglophile streak so perhaps something interesting is on BBC this evening.
Brandi’s face. It’s just. I can’t believe people pay to have that done. What a dorky opening. Then he starts right away with other peoples questions (He’ down with OPQ). Kim is in Sharknado 3 (sounds like Kathy is calling in favors). Someone wants to know how the most Eileen has ever won on a sports bet. She says she has lost several thousand and won several thousand it all evens out. Good answer for the IRS. BTW When I had a big win in Tunica they bring out the chips in dramatic fashion with guards and then you sign away your taxes and pay them right there. Brandi describes Kenya as very, very, smart, a little bit crazy and evil. Which is of course why Kenya is my spirit animal. Another fun TT fact: Kenya tweeted me about buying furniture in Atlanta last weekend. I’m sure she has no idea that her haters think she pays me to say nice things about her. But that fanned the flames as I knew it would. OTOH, DID I MENTION KENYA MOORE TWEETED ME! #Dead
Yo is talking about her girls walking in Tom Ford and I am thinking hell I do not know how this woman holds it together. I am such a horrible sick person and she makes it look so easy and then Andy asks her about the tweet where she says she can’t read or write or process information anymore and she bursts into tears. I am shocked. And feel so badly for her. Yolanda explains that her reason for treatment in South Korea was stem cell treatment. That’s interesting. I worry that Yolanda may be overdoing her treatments. I’m poor so when I overdo I take too many supplements for a few days before I see something shiny and forget to take them anymore. If you are Yolanda who can afford a limitless supply of physicians, if you pick them all over the world with all different specialties, that can get very complex and serious with interactions between all the treatment plans. Andy does this upfront and says that he knows she is struggling to be there so she is free to go at any point it becomes too much.
Andy points out that the sisters haven’t talked in almost four months. Kim does the talking. She says “the girls” (cast) have been making things worse between them Kyle says, Brandi has the rest have been helpful. Kim says if they are going to reconcile it will be through counseling and frankly she is fine with the way things are right now. Kyle looks medicated. KYLE. This worries me. Kim says, ” I mean I am happy in my life today is what I am saying. I am very happy in my life.” Yeah, I’m no happiness expert, but Kim Richards is not the bar I am shooting for trying to climb out of the hole. I’m just saying. Kim says she misses her sister a lot. Kyle says that she is only interested in honest conversations with Kim. Seriously, Kyle looks like she took a pre flight bump of Xanax drank several glasses of wine, the plane experienced severe turbulence and she took 2 more Xanax and washed it down with a glass of champagne. She is very sedated looking.
Andy is like, well I am going to have to do this sister drama later because Yolanda has to get back to her lemon groves and infinity pool which over looks the Pacific so her brain can rest so simmer down and I’ll get back to you two later. Long montage. I actually took a bathroom break and it was still running. It’s supposed to show Yo as the peacemaker. He asks LVP about it and she says that Yolanda makes excuses for Brandi (ahem just like LVP used to do when Brandi was denigrating Joyce ) and Lisa acts all mystified as to why Yo would do the exact same thing she did. Kyle says that Yolanda has never been on the receiving end of Brandi cuntiness. Kim says she has been and she has learned that there comes a time where you put things aside and forgive. You know like when they are buying the tequila shots!
LVP points out that Brandi made terrible comments about Bella. And Yo made allowances. Yep. If my “friend” had said that about my “child” I’d be in jail. Yo said her way to react was not to remark. Yo said she knew exactly what Brandi was doing and that was try to throw the attention off her drinking problem and she chose not to engage. Because she’s a mature adult. Which I commend her for, because I would have seriously harmed her while throwing her out of my Malibu home or calling in some servant to cunt punt her out the front door. OPQ why is it Yo”s job to fix Brandi after she chided Lisa for this same thing last year. Brandi goes into denial about her drinking problem. She lies about making it through the 21 days. Lisa jumps in and again starts talking about Brandi saying she can’t function in the group without drinking. Brandi says you guys can all have a drink but I can’t? THAT RIGHT THERE IS AN ADDICT COMMENT. Brandi gets PLASTERED on a TV show where people are mocking her for being a drunk and her children’s father and his new very rich wife are watching her drinking problem blossom on national TV. You know Eddie has suggested she slow it down in front of the cameras yet, she doesn’t. That’s a problem and no matter how many time Winston Churchill pulls on her fancypants to write her blog and begins with these new “tributes to her fantastic mothering skills” that is not going to hold up in a custody battle. And if your cosmetic surgery bill where you get everything from the tip of your head to the bottom of your cunt “rejuvenated” and it costs more than anything that is going to the boys, that will be a problem. I don’t even think they were in private school during all the homelessness evictions. Also Showing up at the HoJos in WeHo three nights out of five in the wee hours does not bolster your “I’m a great mom!” theory.
Brandi’s dress is very ugly. I do not understand this. Can she not get a stylist? Some of my Brandiloon friends are quite wealthy are are cringing about so many things right now, but couldn’t one of you have offered to buy her a dress? Or put her in touch with your stylist? I know you are dying here.
Anyway, it is all bang away on Brandi. She has drinking problems and acts like a cunt. We all know this. All of us except Brandi. It’s like an intervention. The point is Brandi is a mean, aggressive drunk.
I think the asked WAY TOO MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT BELLA’S DUI. She is a CHILD. Probably the worst thing Bravo has done on a reunion.
OMG! Andy brings up the fact that Yolanda’s “chronic lyme disease” is not a real disease. There are numerous articles that support this science, but Yolanda chooses to ignore it. I am glad she is aware that science does not support her diagnosis. I have said that all along. Yo doesn’t get the difference. She says there are people in her family that don’t believe she is truly ill. I GET THAT. No so much family but people who I’ve dated. We are not saying you are not sick Yo, we are saying that there are so many of us that have a fucking illness at midlife and find it hard to think and move and do things and the asshole doctors just keep making up bullshit diagnosis and CHRONIC LYME is one. It is not a real disease, Yo. It doesn’t meant you are not really sick. In fact your rich ass having the same problem after exercising and eating organically and juicing your own lemons and STILL being this debilitated… makes those of us in this situation feel a bit less judgemental about ourselves. But sugarbabe, CHRONIC LYME DISEASE is not a thing and ten rich husbands can’t fix you. I only have one rich husband (in my head, the husband part, not the rich part) and if there was some thing I needed to feel healthy again, I have a feeling he would have already sent it in a Styrofoam airlift in place of a meat shipment. I wish you would be NOT SO CONVINCED it’s “chronic lyme” and more on the hunt to find out what it really is.
And with that they let Yo go home. It was very sad. I think she stayed for like an hour. I commend her for that.
I love her. I know she is going to apologize to Medford. And her kids who seem to hate people who eat food.
Lisa’s dad is very ill. She’s struggling with that. Lisa says Delilah was horrified over the chub chub comment. Lisa said it was a tough moment. I found her response to be an insincere PR move. Lisa is obsessed with being thin, and while I think she works out and has a good muscle mass and is likely healthy I think she is terrified of losing her figure. I wish I would have carried more about mine in the years before shit went sour. I didn’t. I was still getting laid AND eating ice cream. Why fix what ain’t broke? I’d give another overshare but I’m running long. You can ask me later if you want.
They ask Rinna how much she made exactly to do the Depends ad. She would prefer not to say. Andy says, “Seven figures?” She says “OOOOH Yeah.” Eileen says she will wear a Depends on her head next year. 🙂 I love these two.
Kim Richards says she is 100% more discerning when it comes to taking jobs than Rinna. Which of course is why she is working for just a SCONCE about SAG minimum wage for her Revenge role where they mock her for being an addict. COME ON RINNA HIT HER BACK FOR THIS. Andy fucking mocks the hell out of Kim for doing “Diving With The Stars” for peanuts and refusing to ACTUALLY DIVE. See? It is shit like this that drags me back into my abusive relationship with Andrew. I need to KEEP READING OUR LOVE LETTER.
Bear with me for being late. I sort of want to WATCH some of this reunion rather than just listen and transcribe in broken English and misspelled words…
ROFLMAO OMG! OMG! OMG! OMG! LISA RINNA SLAY KIM RICHARDS WHEN SHE SAYS, YOU KNOW, THAT IS SOMETHING THAT I DID TURN DOWN. SO THERE IS SOMETHING I SAY NO TO.
I’m done. I can drop the mic right here because Lisa Rinna just slayed the fuck out of Kim Richards. Andy Cohen SO had to know that through Kyle and BWAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAH.
Some sort of shit slanging from Brandi and Kim comes toward Rinna. Then Andy does an OPQ about her weight. She says, look, there was a lot going on with my parent’s health at that point, I was filming, it was a lot, I was too thin at a point, but I have it under control. Eileen supports Rinna saying that she has always been that way. Brandi says that she is not going say Lisa has an eating disorder because she doesn’t want people judging her drinking. Lisa points out that Brandi texted her that she would not want to to hang out with an old hag with an eating disorder. Brandi denies it.
Look I am not sure where eating disorder starts and skinny person begins or where eating disorder starts and obesity begins, I get both ends can be confusing. But to me Lisa has muscle tone, she is one of the few women I have seen eat on camera, and I love her and hope it is not a health issue for her. End of Story. As someone who feels like they can’t say to their doctor, um, so I’m suddenly huge without them thinking I suck down Twinkies all day, I GET IT. I am VERY concerned about my weight gain at the moment because my caloric intake has not changed. Um except when I said fuck healthy choices and then I merely did a PSA about the health pitfalls of lasagna as a processed food item . I still think I should make my comparison a choice here but I feel like I make this place too much about me already. If you want me to tell you I will.
Sigh. I don’t want to transcribe this. I am sure you are watching. It’s sad. Brandi is trying to pretend she doesn’t have a drinking problem. Kyle brings up THIS.
This was Brandi not having a drinking problem what two, three years ago? Her response was Kyle doesn’t have a period anymore? This just FUELS MY FIRE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS AT MENOPAUSE. Or Perimenopause and no one knows what it means. I’m going to write a goddamn book.
Oh it’s Brandi and Lisa drama.
The wine is setting in. I don’t want to transcribe this shit but BRANDI JUST SAID TO LISA THAT PROPER HUMAN BEINGS … seriously are you going to hold your self up to LVP and tell her what “proper human beings would do?” She is LISA FUCKING VANDERPUMP and she is A PROPER HUMAN BEING. You angle should be to her underbelly is she is the most horrific boss ever. On the other hand, she is rich, and runs lots of restaurants and has a cute accent. If all you have going for you is someone wants to give you some financial attention… you should back off.
Lots of high pitched shit I can’t take it
I seriously have to make this stop. It hits all of my panic attack triggers. I am sorry I can’t go further but no. I cant