TT,
I need your advice about disciplining other people’s kids. I know most parents are superly sensitive about their parenting, but c’mon– sometimes I see kids with terrible behavior and just can’t help but say something. My sister thinks, “Kids will be kids.” But I feel compelled to do it to her kids AND to strangers’.
Example 1: At the McDonald’s play area, I see an 8 year old girl look at my 2 year old nephew, look around, then kick him in the face. While he’s on his back crying, she steps toward him until she’s standing on his hand, smiling. (This isn’t a kid being a kid, this is a kid training to be a serial killer. So, I have to say…threaten accordingly, right?)
Example 2: I catch my 7 year old niece say to her bff’s 5 year old brother, “Go away! No one here likes you!” He runs away crying. (This is normal kids’ stuff, but if you catch it you have to say something, right?)
Am I right or am I being a total cunt satchel?
Is your two year old nephew a cunt satchel? Perhaps he deserved a swift kick to the head? Also, taking a two year old to McDonald’s, let alone the snot infested “play area”, should be a reportable offense to Child Protective Services. Don’t believe me? Ask this lady who has been railing about the issue for years:
Since then, she’s visited playlands at McDonald’s, Burger King, Chuck E. Cheese and more in Arizona, California, Colorado, New Mexico, Michigan, Wisconsin and Illinois. She says she’s found equally gnarly conditions in every state.
Wherever she travels, she takes swabs off the play structures — tunnels and other places where kids put their hands and feet — and sends them to a contract laboratory to be tested for the presence of potentially harmful bacteria. So far, she says, the samples she’s collected from playgrounds have tested positive for coliform bacteria indicative of fecal contamination, as well as strains of staphylococcus and streptococcus.
So you are feeding a two year old McDonald’s which will lead to a lifetime of obesity and some horrendous bullying in middle schools and then taking him outside to play in other kids; feces? Any you think the 8 year old girl is a cunt? She’s doing the kid a favor by toughening him up for the rough life he has ahead of him. What is worse, poisoning a two year old, plunking him down in a wonderland of feces to play or kicking him upside the head.
Yes, You ARE the Cunt Satchel.
Sadly, in the second scenario it seems that the cunt gene is pervasive in your pool. In this situation, your niece is the cunt. You deal with this by giving her a taste of her own medicine. Next time the ice cream truck comes by, buy some for you and the five year old pussy boy. When the niece turns up, tell her to go away, that no one here likes her! And enjoy your orange pushups while she sobs big splashy, salty tears.
Also, find some boys for that kid to play with. He sounds soft.
In this instance you will once again be the Cunt Satchel. But in this case, it’s justified.
Speaking of cunts, I received two long questions that were basically about how much of a whore she should be allowed to be while worrying about all the dudes her “friend” was screwing. Those questions were written by someone who got tossed to the window licking section a day or so ago. She posted that my blind item didn’t interest her. I can’t imagine why she would ask me for advice. She certainly isn’t going to get any.
If you want Tamara to let you know if you are the cunt, send her an email with your well thought out question.
TT just want to say this is such a brilliant idea. Also looks fun. I have got to get a question together lol
Seriously, you crack me up. For way too long.
OK, here’s my question. Can I be a cunt satchel? As you well know, I have never, ever been one, so this question is purely epistemological… but is it even possible?
I guess I was supposed to read the instructions and email my question, so I can see where this is going…
bD
As one of only a handful of straight males who post here, or have any contact with me at all, you can never be a cunt satchel. But you are capable of doing things that would necessitate a beating about the head with an old bedroom slipper.
On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 6:24 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I am the mother of a well behaved child – and I have no problem telling other children when they are being assholes. A child was teasing my son about being a slow runner and I said ‘get away from him now, and go and tell mummy she raised an asshole’.
I have no problem people correcting my child and I have no problem correcting the little assholes. It’s simple, if you raise your child to be a good person- people won’t correct them. I might add, I am not that popular at school, but my child is well loved by all children. There are 2 kinds of parents in the world – those who raise Paris Hiltons and those who raise Ivanka Trumps. I know which child I would be more proud of.
I used to tell my students to go home and ask their parents for more home training. I was shocked how infrequently this came up at Parent Teacher conferences.
Oh, and your kid sounds fat. I just wanted to get that out there before TeeCee comes along. 🙂
On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 6:30 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Lol the Kardashian clan is a whole other species??? Lol! Great post! Love how you dealt with those kids!
You sound like a cuntsatchel — telling a little kid basically that he or she is an “asshole.” You’re totally doing it wrong. Who the fuck made you Mother Superior?
I’m not sure who you are talking too but LOTS of kids are assholes. Lots. It’s the whole apple, tree thing. You’re not going to get a mango from acorn tree.
I hate Brandi Glanville but I don’t slam her for calling her kids out on their dickish behavior. Some kids are dicks & some are assholes. They’re human, after all.
The person who sent in this question is a favorite commenter of mine. Was I so harsh that no one is willing to Ask Tamara for advice now?
I see no Ask Tamara emails in my inbox. 🙁
On Tue, Mar 24, 2015 at 7:38 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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So right about the filthy ball pits. I worked one at Universal Orlando, and we had to empty and clean the filthy thing. We would also, now and then, find used syringes. I’ve seen gas station bathrooms that are cleaner.
Jeezus H..USED SYRINGES?? Why would someone shoot up in a ball pit of all places? Lol
Because they are addicts and have no common sense but what the drugs tell them to have. And because they can.
My first job was at McDonalds, and when I was told to go clean shit off the balls in the ball pit (bc some kid doesn’t know the difference between a toilet and a ball pit) I quit. That was not in my job description!
This is TT gold! Love it!
Give me more more more!!!
Sure, it’s all fun and games until it is YOUR question. Send one in, IF YOU DARE!
On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 7:03 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Not me! (Go ahead, call me a pussy.). 🙂
Yea, I am good too – no burning questions so far. I’ll hold hands with Cat 🙂
God ! This is going to be good.
Ms. TT: After the death of Robin Williams, I took this from him, and posted it to my Facebook page: “To my children: (names removed from here to protect the innocent): Robin Williams, amazing. He has caused me to reflect, directly with his quotes:
1.”Ever wish you could freeze frame a moment in your day, and look at it and say “this is not my life”?
2.”Ohh thank you, dear. Yes, touch me again and I’ll drown you ya bastard! “( Sadly, me directing it to those other obnoxious parents, not toward you!)
3. (And again, to those others…)”I just want to know one thing. Are your kids well-behaved? Or do they need like, a few light slams every now and then?”
Thanks for taking my ‘slams’, fully supporting the famiglia that came before us, knowing their stories, and giving me nothing but pride.”
So uh, NO. NO WAY IN HELL ARE YOU A CUNT SATCHEL. However, the new “free love” entitlement people may feel otherwise. Steer clear of Marin County, CA. No. I do not live there.
Can someone translate KK’s post to a human language? I gotta go get ready to recap RHOA and I feel kinda stoned. Which is weird. Because I don’t smoke pot. I slept too much today and am drinking a beer. #Sluggish
On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 7:24 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Justifiable. Robin Williams supports your position on others children. I can’t wait for the translation of others!
In “Charlie Brown–speak”: ” Wah, wah-wah wah wah wah!!”
Really, someone emailed you these questions? Asking for parenting advice?? I think the whore question would have been more interesting.
Unfortunately there is no upside to telling off little asshole kids, they need to be reprogrammed.
I thought they were great thought provoking questions!
The whore questions seemed sort of self serving and whorish. I would have answered them if they were not sitting in the window licker section. They are on punishment.
On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 7:29 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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So, the important childhood lesson is “stay away from dirty balls”. And somehow many of the Housewives missed that lesson, hehe
This! This is something that we nedd to teach all kids, that and “make sure your balls are clean balls.”
Words to live by.
Just beware if Little Johnny is a Cunt Satchel, chances are his mommy is one too…if she hears you admonishing him there will be hell to pay…
Key point @Sick… it’s 99% the parents, always.
Tamara, you are better than a PSA, Dear Abby, and Ask Eloise. The burning question in our society is “Are you a Cuntsatchel?” I can see a Nobel Bring on the Truth Award in your future.
I’ve spent so many years looking after other people’s children that I can’t control my mouth around bad kids. Sometimes I get a stink eye but they almost always do what I say. Luckily, their parents haven’t caught me doing it yet. Meany Moms are the reason I’m not working with kids anymore (it’s just not worth it). So I’ll wear the Cuntstachel badge with pride.
Oh I glare and give the hairy eyeball to kids in grocery stores all the time. If a kid is throwing a tantrum, I’ll ask them what their problem is in my mean teacher voice. A simple “what on earth is wrong with you?” from a scary stranger usually does the trick.
On Sun, Mar 22, 2015 at 10:55 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Ahhh TT I have no problem doing that either. I love when the parents/grandparents come back at you in their cherub’s defense. Then I say “nevermind I see where you get it from”. I usually do it loud enough to make people look. 🙂 I usually end up saying “yes I do have children AND grandchildren and I have yanked every last one of their asses out of stores for acting up”. Usually leaves the other person speechless as I walk away. I only got applause once though!
As you can see I have no tolerance for kids that act up in a store (or anywhere for that matter). I guess I should say that I have no tolerance for their parents/grandparents/guardians, they’re the ones that let them act up.
When I taught elementary I was amazed at the parents that would argue with me about their children’s behavior in my class. Most of the time they were incredulous that their kid was well behaved, followed the rules and was polite and respectful.
Whenever I was out, the kids would hate having a substitute because, “she talked to us like we were Children (they were 7 lol). I never did talk to them like they were kids. These are the rules. They will be followed. And for the most part they were. There was a respect issue there.
And also we used to sneak outside a lot. We were a tight group. I always hated the last day of school because I knew the next group would suck and could never measure up to the group I had that year.
Somehow, I always got the smartest, best behaved most attractive kids. Funny how that happened.
On Mon, Mar 23, 2015 at 3:33 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Now you are going to get bombarded with questions! So, if I ever needed to ask you a personal question for a friend or something, it would be OK? Just wondering.
Brava!! I see a bright future for you in the advice department, TT.
As for screaming kids in the grocery store, my dear departed granny used to gently say to the mommies, “Bless his/her heart! That poor baby needs a nap!”
Me? I have gone all Hand that Rocks the Cradle on mean kids. Out of earshot of parents, of course :). As for the toddler set, I give them a pass. They’re transitioning and probably DO need a nap.
Please post these every Monday morning TT! This was the best way to start the work week & awesome entertainment over morning coffee while agonizing over all the work I have to do!
I have to get questions in my email to post them!
On Mon, Mar 23, 2015 at 9:25 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I don’t know Tamara..but about example , the thing to do would have been to wait until her Mom wasn’t looking and step on her hand. Now be ready because when the Mom approaches you, you must lie and say Ma’am, I couldn’t have stepped on her hand or at least I don’t think I did while smirking-ly looking at the little child, like I lied on you, I lied on you, I lied on you, na nana nana.
I think cunt satchel might be too generous of a term here.
So funny!!