I need your advice about disciplining other people’s kids. I know most parents are superly sensitive about their parenting, but c’mon– sometimes I see kids with terrible behavior and just can’t help but say something. My sister thinks, “Kids will be kids.” But I feel compelled to do it to her kids AND to strangers’.
Example 1: At the McDonald’s play area, I see an 8 year old girl look at my 2 year old nephew, look around, then kick him in the face. While he’s on his back crying, she steps toward him until she’s standing on his hand, smiling. (This isn’t a kid being a kid, this is a kid training to be a serial killer. So, I have to say…threaten accordingly, right?)
Example 2: I catch my 7 year old niece say to her bff’s 5 year old brother, “Go away! No one here likes you!” He runs away crying. (This is normal kids’ stuff, but if you catch it you have to say something, right?)
Am I right or am I being a total cunt satchel?
Is your two year old nephew a cunt satchel? Perhaps he deserved a swift kick to the head? Also, taking a two year old to McDonald’s, let alone the snot infested “play area”, should be a reportable offense to Child Protective Services. Don’t believe me? Ask this lady who has been railing about the issue for years:
Since then, she’s visited playlands at McDonald’s, Burger King, Chuck E. Cheese and more in Arizona, California, Colorado, New Mexico, Michigan, Wisconsin and Illinois. She says she’s found equally gnarly conditions in every state.
Wherever she travels, she takes swabs off the play structures — tunnels and other places where kids put their hands and feet — and sends them to a contract laboratory to be tested for the presence of potentially harmful bacteria. So far, she says, the samples she’s collected from playgrounds have tested positive for coliform bacteria indicative of fecal contamination, as well as strains of staphylococcus and streptococcus.
So you are feeding a two year old McDonald’s which will lead to a lifetime of obesity and some horrendous bullying in middle schools and then taking him outside to play in other kids; feces? Any you think the 8 year old girl is a cunt? She’s doing the kid a favor by toughening him up for the rough life he has ahead of him. What is worse, poisoning a two year old, plunking him down in a wonderland of feces to play or kicking him upside the head.
Yes, You ARE the Cunt Satchel.
Sadly, in the second scenario it seems that the cunt gene is pervasive in your pool. In this situation, your niece is the cunt. You deal with this by giving her a taste of her own medicine. Next time the ice cream truck comes by, buy some for you and the five year old pussy boy. When the niece turns up, tell her to go away, that no one here likes her! And enjoy your orange pushups while she sobs big splashy, salty tears.
Also, find some boys for that kid to play with. He sounds soft.
In this instance you will once again be the Cunt Satchel. But in this case, it’s justified.
Speaking of cunts, I received two long questions that were basically about how much of a whore she should be allowed to be while worrying about all the dudes her “friend” was screwing. Those questions were written by someone who got tossed to the window licking section a day or so ago. She posted that my blind item didn’t interest her. I can’t imagine why she would ask me for advice. She certainly isn’t going to get any.
If you want Tamara to let you know if you are the cunt, send her an email with your well thought out question.