Banjo was up all night with some sort of tummy issue or something I thought I might have to take him in, then the asshole with the leaf blower showed up a couple houses over shortly after 8 am, and I felt the need to guzzle a ton of beer and have a meltdown last night (I feel much better now. Sometimes you just need to let it all hang out). So a midday nap went long and somehow this day has sped by me. However, I was informed that my purple pen was needed because Brandi’s blog is chock full of crazy. Again. I think I am sort of immune to these blogs. It is clear that she isn’t writing them anymore, and that just makes the stupidity even more stupid.
Nonetheless, I can do this while binge watching season one of Married at First Sight, so let’s do this!
First of all the usual discussion about how much time she is spending with her boys was blathered on about. I am not sure anyone believes that. I do believe that she just now discovered that letting her boys be on the Internet unsupervised was poor thinking on her part.
We’re still in Amsterdam, and it was still gorgeous. We spent all day shopping and having a great time, but you saw the awkward moment of my apologizing to Lisa V. for the umpteenth time, which was not fun for me and probably annoying for you. Apologies between Lisa V. and I seem to be forever ongoing and super one-sided.
If I was paying someone to write as me, I’d pay someone who could pick a verb tense and stick with it. Anyway, apologies are by nature one sided. One apologizes when one fucks up and is genuinely hoping for forgiveness. Also, “Hahahahahah! Just Kidding!” is not an apology.
Lisa V. finally admitted, on Twitter no less, that she did know Scheana, but as her daughter Pandora’s friend, for three years before I met Lisa.
Um, duh. Scheana has worked there for years. Why are you so hung up on this little girl? We get it, your husband cheated. MOVE THE FUCK ON! You have spent more time thinking about Scheana than Eddie or Lisa or Pandora ever have. You are obsessed. It’s a creepy obsession at this point.
That’s her only daughter living at home and socializing with her good friend Scheana. Hanging out, swimming, eating, whatever, and talking about “boyfriends” (Scheana’s happened to be my then-husband).
You really do a lot of visualizing of Scheana. You seem to be making up scenarios in your head. Perhaps Lisa pushed Scheana o a swing and brought her a pool towel out to the pool. The horror!
Finally, the truth! Then Lisa V. tweeted again, clarifying that she had been Scheana’s “friend” for five years. How many times have I heard personally and you’ve heard Lisa V. say “she’s just an employee” and “she’s not my friend” and “I dooon’t knooow her.” Thanks for finally admitting that a year later…on Twitter. I found it all out a year ago as I’ve said numerous times, and you wonder why our friendship went south so fast.
Um, I think this creepy obsession with who Lisa employs and who her kids spend time with is the reason your relationship went south. Even I Amsterdam you managed to find the one guy to fuck that was one degree of separation from Lisa Vanderpump. Again, creepy.
So, there we have it, finally, the revelation. Years too late. I can promise we’ll wait around forever for THOSE multiple admissions and apologies.
Wait, she is now supposed to apologize to you because her daughter is friends with someone who fucked your husband years before she knew you even existed? Seriously?
Different people. Different rules.
No, you are apologizing for physically and verbally attacking LVP on the regular. She has NOTHING to apologize to you for. NOTHING.
Is it just me, or does anyone else see the hypocrisy here?
It’s just you. Unless you are talking about your own hypocrisy, which everyone sees.
The best we can hope for is more spin, human chess moves (AKA Bobby Fisher), and word games.
Spin about what? What are you talking about? Do you know what human chess is? Bobby Fisher didn’t play “Human Chess” that’s more something you see at a Renaissance Faire. What do word games have to do with anything? What the bloody hell are you talking about?
Honestly, I just don’t care anymore, but hey, I have to write about it for you guys, so…think of it like the old SNL coffee talk skit, “Discuss amongst yourselves.”
Yes, we can see how you don’t care as you are bringing up Lisa’s relationship or lack thereof with an employee from many years ago before you knew her. Your constantly bringing it up, clearly indicates you don’t care.
Next, my travel romance. I skipped the last dinner party. What a welcome reprieve. Hello, I was single after all. I had a great time. Lovely man. Lovely dates. Lovely city. Lovely nights…and what a great way to end a vacation abroad. Oh, and shame on Lisa V.’s comment trying to shame me for dating a younger man. She married a much older man herself and her best friend’s fiancé is 30 years younger than he is. Live and let live!
I’m glad the ladies and more so Yo had a good dinner party discussing Bananas Foster, or was it bananas in azzes? (JK, Yo). Donkeys, sex shows, kumquats shooting out of vjjs or something, somewhere, across rooms, and X-rated ping-pong balls! Whatever! Haha. It was kinda funny to watch. Anyway, I’m sorry to have missed Yolanda’s quintessential Dutch dinner at the truly perfect Hotel l’Europe, but I probably would have added my own little sex joke and ruined the proper “ladies” evening.
Yeah, I’m being a smartass. Lighten up!
I have to give this much to Brandi, clearly the ladies can’t keep blaming her for all the raunchy talk. They manage to go there every time they get together whether she is there or not.
Next, we see Lisa R. having dinner with Kyle in LA. Conversation topic? Rinna’s work, hobbies, family? Nope. I know, I know, we all found it hard to believe, but surprisingly enough, Lisa R.’s topic du jour was, and continues to be, Kim. Specifically, Lisa R’s fixation with the idea that Kim isn’t sober. Good thing she said she had “dropped it” and never talks behind Kim’s back.
Will this ever end? Not only on RHOBH but on Twitter and in the media. Lisa R. saw Kim on one pain pill months ago. DROP IT.
So, there they are pretending to eat, so they can gossip about Kim and I behind our backs. What would they even talk about without us? Kyle heard Lisa R. use the word intervention and visibly salivates and is just chomping at the bit about running to Kim with this hurtful gossip. Only stop, rewind. Bravo replayed our conversation, and it was Lisa R. who brought up the word “intervention,” NOT ME. I quipped back, “Maybe you could do an intervention with (for) all of us.” Not quite the same thing.
Wait, how is that not quite the same thing? That is exactly the same thing.
Oh, and remember a few episodes ago, also behind Kim’s back, Lisa R. tried to convince a driving Lisa V. to join her in an intervention for Kim? What was Lisa V.’s response? “We can’t, because we don’t know. It’s not our business.”
Behind Kim’s back? Did your sober coach friend never explain how an intervention was done to you?
So, cut to Kyle showing her newest real estate purchase in Palm Springs. Kyle has decided the best possible place to talk to her sister is in the enormous multi-million dollar house she just bought from selling her and Kim’s shares of their deceased mother’s house…This always confuses me. If Kim was not of the mind to enter into business at the time, it looks like Kyle took advantage of her. If she was, it looks like a fast one was pulled. Clearly Kim is still unhappy about whatever transpired, and Kyle is hiding something.
What the fuck are you talking about? Kyle is hiding something? Why do you continue to pretend that you know all of the Richards Family business? You have done nothing but talk shit about Kim until this season, and now you think you are a family insider?
Wasn’t this the family house that Kim worked and paid for as a child star? Anyway, ask Kim, not me, but don’t ask Kyle, unless you’re a gossip site or magazine. Kyle’s been giving tons of interviews about her sister lately, even though they haven’t talked in many months. But file that under keeping Kim’s private life private. Right, Kyle?
Kyle has been giving a lot of interviews in which she says she hasn’t been talking to her sister. That’s about as far from talking about her sister’s private life as you can get.
Backtracking to that dinner between Kyle and Lisa R., Kyle muses on the night of the glass throwing, “I feel bad that Kim was talking to Lisa R. like that” and “I feel bad that Kim was screaming at me.” Kyle also puts this on the record about me, “If she’s so concerned about Kim, but she won’t come to me?” File this under bad acting and lie No. 126 from Kyle Richards. Make a chart, you’ll need it later.
Crazy. Train. Brandi is on it.
So Kim and Kyle alone in Palm Springs. Kyle really doesn’t get why Kim is upset with her? OK. Well, Kyle, it could be because you’re a lying, empathy-lacking, narcissist who only cares about the appearance of looking wealthy and having famous friends, while throwing your sister under a fleet of buses. It could be that. But, what do I know?
What do you know? Not a damn thing, but that doesn’t stop you from continuing to flap your gums. Here is hoping this is your last season.
Now if you will excuse me. I am going to throw up a post for the Empire Finale in case y’all want to talk about it.