For some reason at exactly 8 pm Banjo needs to go out, the phone rings, three people start emailing me crap, and 20 moderated people start a posting frenzy and the creepy Gaybor starts standing in the yard tripping on drugs of one sort or another so I am quite far behind getting started with this reunion.
But let me try to move on through the first bit. Stassi is back looking sort of pregnant in her picnic tablecloth dress. Which is rather appropriate as she is sitting next to Katie who actually IS pregnant. And the two are whining about the end of their friendship which I think should be celebrated with a sparkling non-alcoholic beverage while we all move on to something we might actually care about.
Stassi is sorry now. She is sorry now that she has no friends. Katie is not having it. Swartz goes in on Stassi. Scheana and Sandoval also go in on her. Stassi doesn’t see anything wrong with any of her behavior.
Jax got a tattoo that he admits is a hybrid of Stassi and Carmen. It actually looks like Stassi only one side of the face is all ghoulish. I dunno how else to describe it. I spent way too much time trying to find a photo. Jax is ridiculous. He wants us to know he doesn’t care how stupid we all think it is because he likes it. The weirdest part is I think there was already some sort of huge tattoo there to start with.
Andy asks Jax why he was so interested in Katie and Swartz breaking up. And Sandavol jumps in to defend Jax. I swear to God you can’t say anything about any of the Toms or Jax without the other two defending each other. They won’t defend their own females but those three will defend each other all night long.
And now we go back a few seasons about Katie motor boating a dick. This is somehow to make Schwartz not look as bad for all of his cheating.
Lisa sitting by Andy with the children flanking them on both sides makes them seem like annoying, condescending parents. They need someone much younger for this shit show’s reunion.
Revisiting the Kristen and Miami Girl thing. Kristen looks so odd on this reunion. James has to get involved in the debate. Sandoval retells the whole story about Miami Girl replete with the whole “nothing happened because she was on her period” excuse. She could not possibly have been bleeding as bad as this horse that we are beating to fucking death. Again.
This reunion should have only been one episode. That said, it appears we are going to get to the sex tape scandal here in a bit. WHY DIDN”T THEY SPEND MORE TIME ON THAT! This ring on a string nonsense is ridiculous. More of Stassi trashing Scheana and everyone else.
Stassi finally brings up that the reason she hates Scheana is because her ex-boyfriend played a masturbation video that Stassi made in front of Scheana. Stassi says that Scheana didn’t do anything to stop it. Apparently, he brought it in to SUR and Jax and others saw it. The ex was a SUR bartender I believe. Stassi says that she was told that Scheana told the guy he should sell it to TMZ. I can believe Scheana said that. Apparently, Stassi dashed off to NYC or wherever with not so much as an I quit to Lisa because of this sex video.
Jax is REALLY mad at Kristen for outing him about telling on Sandoval and Schwartz for cheating. Somehow, Jax being a douchebag is Kristen’s fault. And all the little morons seem to be fine with this theory.
Next Andy points out hat it has been five months and three weeks since Katie gave Schwartz the six month ultimatum about marrying her. Schwartz says he needs to file for an extension. Kate really needs to dump him but it really does look like she is pregnant.
Everyone wants to make sure that Stassi understands she is not welcome back at SUR.
I just realized Mike Shay was not there. Oh wait. Just as I was typing Mike, and Peter and Ken came out with drinks for a final cheers.