For some reason at exactly 8 pm Banjo needs to go out, the phone rings, three people start emailing me crap, and 20 moderated people start a posting frenzy and the creepy Gaybor starts standing in the yard tripping on drugs of one sort or another so I am quite far behind getting started with this reunion.
But let me try to move on through the first bit. Stassi is back looking sort of pregnant in her picnic tablecloth dress. Which is rather appropriate as she is sitting next to Katie who actually IS pregnant. And the two are whining about the end of their friendship which I think should be celebrated with a sparkling non-alcoholic beverage while we all move on to something we might actually care about.
Stassi is sorry now. She is sorry now that she has no friends. Katie is not having it. Swartz goes in on Stassi. Scheana and Sandoval also go in on her. Stassi doesn’t see anything wrong with any of her behavior.
Jax got a tattoo that he admits is a hybrid of Stassi and Carmen. It actually looks like Stassi only one side of the face is all ghoulish. I dunno how else to describe it. I spent way too much time trying to find a photo. Jax is ridiculous. He wants us to know he doesn’t care how stupid we all think it is because he likes it. The weirdest part is I think there was already some sort of huge tattoo there to start with.
Is this reunion going to just be about Stassi? Now it’s about Lisa and Stassi. I can’t be bothered to care about this. 
Andy asks Jax why he was so interested in Katie and Swartz breaking up. And Sandavol jumps in to defend Jax. I swear to God you can’t say anything about any of the Toms or Jax without the other two defending each other. They won’t defend their own females but those three will defend each other all night long.
And now we go back a few seasons about Katie motor boating a dick. This is somehow to make Schwartz not look as bad for all of his cheating.
Lisa sitting by Andy with the children flanking them on both sides makes them seem like annoying, condescending parents. They need someone much younger for this shit show’s reunion.
Revisiting the Kristen and Miami Girl thing. Kristen looks so odd on this reunion. James has to get involved in the debate. Sandoval retells the whole story about Miami Girl replete with the whole “nothing happened because she was on her period” excuse. She could not possibly have been bleeding as bad as this horse that we are beating to fucking death. Again.
This reunion should have only been one episode. That said, it appears we are going to get to the sex tape scandal here in a bit. WHY DIDN”T THEY SPEND MORE TIME ON THAT! This ring on a string nonsense is ridiculous. More of Stassi trashing Scheana and everyone else.
Stassi finally brings up that the reason she hates Scheana is because her ex-boyfriend played a masturbation video that Stassi made in front of Scheana. Stassi says that Scheana didn’t do anything to stop it. Apparently, he brought it in to SUR and Jax and others saw it. The ex was a SUR bartender I believe. Stassi says that she was told that Scheana told the guy he should sell it to TMZ. I can believe Scheana said that. Apparently, Stassi dashed off to NYC or wherever with not so much as an I quit to Lisa because of this sex video.
Jax is REALLY mad at Kristen for outing him about telling on Sandoval and Schwartz for cheating. Somehow, Jax being a douchebag is Kristen’s fault. And all the little morons seem to be fine with this theory.
Next Andy points out hat it has been five months and three weeks since Katie gave Schwartz the six month ultimatum about marrying her. Schwartz says he needs to file for an extension. Kate really needs to dump him but it really does look like she is pregnant.
Everyone wants to make sure that Stassi understands she is not welcome back at SUR.
I just realized Mike Shay was not there. Oh wait. Just as I was typing Mike, and Peter and Ken came out with drinks for a final cheers.
fin.
They are all douchebags! Over VPR!
I missed it, thanks for recap!
One question though… what happened when Schwartz seemed to pull out another ring for Katie (as seen on preview)?
It was a promise ring.
If he thought that was funny he has a terrible sense of humor.
It was his own personal ring he pulled off of his own sorry limp hand, as he put it on her finger he told her it was basically a promise to keep thinking about getting married. True dick head!
Imo the two Toms and Jax are true ride or die friends. Not always in a positive way for their women either. All three of them repulse me.
Didn’t Stassi date Creepy Peter? Makes a person go hmmmmmm, we didn’t see Peter on the reunion either night . Did we even see Vale (sp) ?
What a douche. I really like Katie. I think she’s the only one I like.
Oh yeah, where was Vail?
Peter came out with Ken & Shay with the celebration cocktails.
Stassi seems on very good terms with Peter , so I dont think its him. Was maybe the guy she dated right after Jax, that Jax was upset about and said the guy allways wanted to get in Stassi’s pants. He got fired later on, dnt remember his name.
Wasn’t it that guy Frank that she thought was so much better than Jax?
Yes, so I hear.
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 6:54 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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T, great recap as always. I noticed that during their break, they all had makeup touch ups, etc. Are they all styled for the reunion? I thought their dresses looked hideous.
they bring in their own wardrobe. They can bring a stylist or use a Bravo one. (For Pump Rules) It’s a bit different than RH.
On Mon, Mar 16, 2015 at 11:12 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Could it the bartender Stassi dated be that blocky blond guy, the one right after Jax? He seemed kind of dickish.
Iheard he was before Jax… I’ve already forgotten his name… Frank?
On Mon, Mar 16, 2015 at 11:17 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Frank was the dude that told Stassi about the girl in Vegas Jax got pregnant, which led to their break-up. She started sleeping with Frank the next day, trying to make her friends sub him for Jax and that caused the riff season 2 with everyone believing Jax (he even lied to the therapist)! God, no wonder I can’t remember shit in real life… I have used all my neurotransmitters on this horseshit.
OH God, Frank is coming back now, in all his skeevy glory.
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 7:05 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I love it, Shay. Fill your brain with Bravo! Ha ha ha!
Is Jax their dealer or something? Why do they put up with his *ish? Anyway, no way do I think Katie is pregnant or that would have been a real ring.
I’m going to break a comment rule (I think) and say I saw a show that said that most most D-list celebs actually shop their own sex tapes to gain fame and control of the rights and royalties. Read: Paris, Kim K., Pamela Anderson, etc…. Perhaps they are allowing Stassi her chance to market herself. I would have never known she had a tape of herself if not for this show. I would have never seeked a “Stassi Sex Tape.”
Duh.
Mean girl rant: Those dresses look like the cheap ill-fitting crap you find at Forever 21. And did Kristen get her hair and makeup done for free by some teenager at Walgreen’s? …. the hell. And Stassi is unsuccessfully trying to hide the weight gain with an extra coat of spray tan. meow!
So is “nothing happened because she was on her a period” his best version of a good excuse?
As in something would have happened if she wasn’t? Is it just me or is that the exact same as admitting guilt of your intentions?
I wonder how he knew she was on her period to begin with, and so yours is an interesting point.
I was just thinking, Who fucking cares about Miami Girl/Stalker? If Tom and Arianna don’t, then it doesn’t matter!
Agree totally.
I believe Ariana cares, but she wants to keep her ” hands” close to her chest ( as in playing her cards when she needs to.)
That was the highlight of the reunion! Except for andy missing out on the obvious follow up question. But I guess he was busy trying to shush up lisa who was so grossed out with the period convo. ” awww let him talk. look how passionate he is! ” lolol
Katy would be perfectly justified not being friends with Stassi because of what Stassi is wearing. That is a hideous dress! Also, I have gone back to totally hating Schwartz. Run Katy, run! Why is Stassi so upset about her sex tape? Kim Kardashian turned hers into millions of dollars. That dress was really awful. It was hard to focus on anything else, except how James made the rest of them look old. It will be interesting if the show does come back. What story lines? Maybe there will be mostly a new cast.
Maybe she is upset because she was loving herself in that dress, so to speak. Or maybe, traditional hetero sex she was not having-she was doing herself, which may not sell? Yet I know nothing, because I would die happy if I never had heard of KK or her tape.
Stassi’s reaction shots were great – you can tell she wanted so badly to jump in and say something, but the others weren’t giving her a chance, it wasn’t her fight any more, and I think she may have still been in shock from seeing Jax’s creepy Dia de los Muertos tattoo of her.
Boring nothng new. You have to say Katie didnt acknowledge Stassi apology at all, was jusr a bitchfest. Stassi apologized and Katie just kept griping and piling on. I think Katie is so desperate to get Tom to marry her, she isnt interested in keeping that friendship at this point in time. She is now a disciple of Sheanna. Hope it works out for her. Tom is so dragging his feet. Ive read that after a certain amount of years a man is unlikely to propose ,I thnk when over 5 years and then 7 its even worse. Dont know how long they’ve been together. Sure theres allways exceptions but there are pretty signfcant statistics about stuff like this. Guys are weird and follow patterns f behaviour I guess due to the ways theyre wired.
Kristin looked so different. She usually has a very diamond shaped face, very angular. Don’t misunderstand me, I think She is very striking and normally very very pretty. But on this reunion, her angles were softened way too much. And that garish lipstick did her no favors.
Her hair and outfit were not flattering. And she had a really goofy smile. I think she was tranquilized. While these people don’t make for a good reunion, I think the show is good.
And I would call Stassi a cunt, but she has neither the warmth nor depth.
“neither the warm or the depth”
Great line!
I wouldn’t have accepted Stassi’ apology either, Stassi never sees people as friends, only followers. It’s either Stassi’ way or the highway!
Stassi’s desperate “I have no friends so I’m going to say I’m sorry” apology?
Or wait, “everything she says is sarcastic”. So is her apology sarcastic?
I could go on all day, but all it boils down to is: Who would want to be friends with that miserable horse in a picnic blanket dress? Yuck. She is the most unhappy person I have ever seen! At least Kristen gets joy out of her evil exploits!!!
The dress Stassi was wearing has become quite fashionable. It started slowly coming into style around several years ago in certain areas of the country it seems. I wanted a dress like that. It was a sweet floral pattern. But, alas, my waist isn’t small enough to pull it off! Hah! It’s a 1950’s look. A crinoline underneath the dress would have made it look a little more “sassy!” and a solid color would have looked great too. I’ve noticed Scheana has worn the “fuller skirted dress” as well. But Sheana’s dress was much shorter. She looked great in the dress !
So Stassi’s dress was fashionable several years ago in a floral or a solid color or with a crinoline on someone else.
Um, okay.
I think I saw the dress several years ago too, in a Yogi Bear cartoon when Yogi was swiping a pic nic basket off of it.
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 12:00 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I saw it at my prom in the eighties.
Why would she want to get married so bad in the first place? Is that piece of paper going to validate your life? NENE LIES GIRL. Yeah you get to throw a party – then everything is the same as it was unless you’re actual adults that have actual extensive future plans.
It’s kind of ironic that the dream of being together forever is tearing them apart. I hope she gets out of bed one day, feels an incredible rush of embarrassment, completely detaches and breaks up with him, and finds herself a nice plastic surgeon huzzband or goes lesbian or something.
I wish she would realize that forcing a man to marry you isn’t a recipe for happily ever after!!
TT, I like your comment above which was… “I think I saw the dress several years ago too, in a Yogi Bear cartoon when Yogi was swiping a pic nic basket off of it.” Your comment was totally hilarious! I saw the visual in my mind of Yogi Bear when I read your comment . 😉
What about Vail, the former soap star turned SUR hostess? It seems she just got faded out of the show…
I think Vail OD’d right before the reunion. Oh no wait, if she did that, she would definitely make it to the reunion so she could talk about it non-stop, even though no one asked.
We need a good conspiracy theory on her.
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 3:35 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I couldnt stop staring at James’ plunging neckline.
James looks like the Geico gecko.
I hate to admit it but I think James is gorgeous and should get into modeling.
Wasn’t that awful? I think they had some sort of Kristen body double on the finale. She looked horrible and she would have never allowed the boytoy to wear that hideous giddup.
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 4:56 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Scheana had something more to do with Stassi’s tape than she’s admitting to. She looked Stassi straight in the face when she said “I watched the video and I shouldn’t have”. But there were a couple of times, I think when they were discussing selling it to TMZ, when Scheana would look down and side to side. Makes me wonder. Also, who are we left with for next season? Scheana is now the head bitch in charge? Ugh! The odd bi-sexual bro three some? Doesn’t look promising.
Hopefully, Kristen shall return leading the pack…
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 6:46 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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They need to start with a fresh group and fresh drama. They also need to give Kristen her own spin-off.. “Kristen Doute: Maniacal, Malicious and Movin’ On.”
Lolol. YES!! I would watch that in a hot minute
I was really hoping they’d play the clip of James telling Sheana, “That was so high school & I haven’t been in high school for, what three years?” As much as I love me some crazy Kristen, I’m super annoyed with her pride over sleeping with a child.
You really need to bang as many 22 year olds as possible while you are young because once you get ol…
I mean, um. YOLO and shit.
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 9:43 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I wish there was a “like” button on comments
I just do this: “LIKE!”
I don’t know if I’ve ever slept with a 22 year old. Even when I actually was 22. Weird to think about, maybe I will give it a go in my 40’s.
22 year olds are exhausting after a woman reaches a certain age. It just reminds you how TIRED you are. 🙂 There is something comforting about a man of a certain age who is starting to slow it down a bit.
So I hear.
On Wed, Mar 18, 2015 at 12:06 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Scheanna you dirty dog…now I know why Stassi hates you. I would hate you too and I am sure you made a comment to sell it to TMZ, that’s just you.
Scheana is experienced with selling things to tabloids.
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 10:33 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Oh, she’d be doing Stassi a favor if she shopped around that tape. Stassi is completely irrelevant. Too bad no one wants the damn tape.
Hilarious how that Kristina chick spent all season kissing Stassi’s ass and filming basically all her scenes with her but wasn’t any part of the reunion.
Im amazed you even remember her name. Bland bland vanilla boring minion.
Where was Vail?
Loved the way Andy asked James if it bothered him that Kristen was so out to get Tom. He tried to avoid it but Andy wouldn’t stop, Awesome!
James taking the blame for Kristen smacking him??? WTF? He looks like the poster child for Abused Males! Doesn’t he have any true friends that are trying to talk some sense into him? Maybe the sex is that good, yuck! Hopefully, in a few years when he is actually an adult he will look back on all this as a learning experience.
He may even have saved some of the money!
On Tue, Mar 17, 2015 at 1:04 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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TT- you are a fucking genius! ( I am serious BTW)
He is allowing all this ( abuse, looking like a complete idiot ) bc he is getting paid.
If that is the case, give the kid a Emmy! He definitely does a wonderful job looking nearly as crazy as Kristen does.
Isn’t it strange how aggressive James gets toward the group when he’s around Kristen, but when he and Kristen are on the outs everyone welcomes him with open arms and he’s happy to hang out with them. I thought with Kristen being fired and not friends with anyone at Sur, and unwelcomed there, James would do the smart thing and join the bro-pack. When he’s with the group sans Kristen, he actually seems happier and less British robo-bones.
Every time James opened his mouth, something more stupid than the last time came out. It was so uncomfortable, it was palpable. You could see Kristen’s body language moving farther and farther away from him. I have to give Stassi a teeny but of credit for not running off stage when everyone was going in on her, she has run off for much less in the past. And Kristen looked so…weird. Hair, makeup-weird.
Stassi can’t run off the stage because she desperately wants to hang out with all the people she hates.
True. The “sex tape” was a desperate last grasp of relevancy, and leaving the stage would be counterproductive.
I think Bravo has destroyed this show, along with the help of some of their players. I can’t imagine how they can bring it back with any watchable story lines. I’m at the point where I can’t stand any of them. I have always enjoyed LVP, but it wasn’t pretty watching her shake her finger at a woman 30 years her junior. The truth seems to be problematic with this crew. On several occasions Scheana claimed, on camera, that she actually witnessed Katie motor boating some guy’s dick. On the reunion, she parroted back what Katie claimed happened (that she was just bending over to put on a shoe), and that she had never said that she saw Katie motor boating some guy. Uh, except we saw you on tape saying just that?
I ended up feeling a little sorry for Stassi, actually. She has been saying for awhile now that she would make her sarcastic comments and then laugh since she was joking around, but production would edit out her laughing and made it look more bitchy then intended. I may be jumping to conclusions, but I wonder if that’s why she kept telling them “you guys know me,” as in you know I’m joking around. So Bravo begged her to come back in order to make her look like crappier? Sounds like Stassi is gone, if Kristen comes back, she will be on the periphery like Stassi was this season, and Scheana will be the queen bee. Uh, no thanks. This show made more sense when I thought they were all on the younger side like Stassi. Nope. The Toms are 32-year-olds with peter pan complexes. Jax is a 39-year-old tool. Katie will be 30 next season, and now she is just following Scheana instead of Stassi. I liked Peter the first two seasons; he just seems a little creepy now. Probably more selective editing but who knows. And Vail….former coke head but she still seems boring. Why bring it back for another season?
If Bravo keeps it up, I may have to go back to reading in the evenings 🙂
At least they’ve got James representin!
I guess I’m showing my age here, but in my day of being a young twenty something, the guys were so masculine. I can’t imagine what any of these girls see in the two Toms. I can’t understand why a pretty girl like Katie would show the world how little self esteem she has by practically begging that foppish boy to marry her.
James doesn’t seem to be as delicate as the others, and does seem like he could be a sweet guy, though I could not imagine having sex with him either. That low cleavage tee shirt is just not something I’d want to see on my guy. Not flattering at all.
Jax is the only masculine one, but he’s creepy, like a werewolf I saw on a SyFy movie once, just scary like he’d chase you through the forest.
He smells like he sounds, hungry like the wolf, and he sure looked nice perched in the tree roots. Beware the moors or you might get Jaxed.