Well, fuck. I was just watching last night’s idol and doing a bit of hormonal singing and crying. VOTE FOR QUENTIN! We have 3 great black guys in the top 12 and the black guy vote is being split and Quentin is on the bubble. I loves me some Quentin! And also vote for Joey with the green hair and the Ukulele! #StayWeird! Anyway, I was doing that and eating tons of stuff from Trader Joe’s (currently sliced pear with goat cheese) instead of recapping so I am off to a very late start with Real Housewives of Melbourne but am all ready to go now!
We start with PetitFleur at a fancy car dealership. Please forgive me if I FF though this. Then I FF thought Lydia shopping for dog clothes or whatever. Then I FF through Gamble doing something with her dog. I think Gamble’s rich husband, Rick, is very good-looking. Win-Win!
Gamble and Rick are hosting a murder mystery party. I am excited by this. It has a witches theme. That is rather odd, but whatever. Janet doesn’t need a special outfit for this potty. Pettifleur is a cunt.
Two lunches occur. Lydia is stuck with Pettifleur, who is bashing Gamble. She calls Gamble stupid. And when Lydia asked what she thought of her she said she found her pretentious. She would be the expert on pretense. I’ll take Lydia over Petti any day. Lydia asks if Petti is from Indian origin. She says no and that she is Swiss, and a bunch of other things. I think she is Indian.
Finally, I get some Giner and it’s with Petti. /Heavy Sigh. Gina looks as bored as I am listening to Petti talk. It looks Like Gina is stuck riding in the limo to the potty with Petti.
Did Rick just propose to Gamble? I didn’t realize they were not already married. I didn’t see that coming. It was a very simple dinner and Rick suddenly got sentimental and blurted it out. It was sort of adorable.
The ladies arrive at Gamble’s house and it is really decorated to the hilt with dozens of chandeliers and candles and cobwebs and cats and an elaborate food display with dismembered body parts and such. And Gamble looks amazing. Petti is obviously jealous of Gamble’s fiancé and quickly makes a ridiculous stab at his appearance. It’s rather like Nene making stabs at Cynthia’s appearance. Quite laughable. Janet however is loving Rick.
Lydia is the last to arrive. She is the witch from Snow White and carries a basket of poison apples.
The looked like fun but they really weren’t that into it. Petti rambled on about her stupid bitch book. No one cared. Rick announced that Gamble is soon to be his wife. Janet is sad and jealous. Janet is dying to spread rumors and lies about Gamble. Janet is a cunt.
The next day Gamble, Janet and Chyka go out for lunch. Chyka says that she has heard a rumor that Gina is ENGAGED!!! We are not sure if this is true so for now, until at least Micheal arrives it will be unconfirmed. Chyka starts talking about fun gossip versus mean gossip. This gives Janet the opportunity to tell Gamble the gossip that is out about her. And Chyka (!!!) is the first to start the spilling! Janet says she heard that Gamble is a stripper and a call girl. As a job! Says Janet. As a serious job! Yes Janet being a stripper and a call girl is a job. If it were a hobby it would just be a whore. We get it. You think she is paid for sex. Gamble giggles and says that’s interesting! I didn’t know they called me that! Janet says it get worse. Gamble is all like, “do tell!” Janet says there are all these SEX POTTIES! Gamble disappointed me. I would have said, “Darling there are sex parties every Saturday night! I’d love to invited you sometime but I’m afraid membership is currently closed! Can you pass the salt, please?” But sadly Gamble said there are no sex parties and that is insulting. Where are you getting this information? Janet says it’s viral among her friend everyone has mentioned it! Gamble wants a name and Janet says Carlos P. So now Gamble seems to recall a sex party. Damn, if there really ARE sex parties then all the more reason to acknowledge them! Gamble talks about her personal trainer girlfriends who had a pool party she was at. It was not a sex party it was a bunch of hot girls having a swim! ( In the lady pond?) Gamble is not pissed at Janet for making everything such a huge drama and saying that everyone is talking about her. Meanwhile Janet the cunt satchel is rubbing Gambles back while she is talking. I’d have cut her hand off by now.
Next Week: Since Janet has actually sent for Gamble, Gamble comes for Janet. I hope T. Kyle is making gifs because there is one of Janet I need. Because Janet is a cunt.