It seems like everyone is having trouble adjusting to the time change. I wonder if it is because they are west coasters? I never have jetlag in Europe but I do have trouble getting back on schedule when I get back home. I think it is because I sleep on the red-eye on the way over, but the flight back is daylight the whole long way.
Yolanda wakes up ill. The Lisas walk up on Brandi and Kim and Kim immediately calls them “stoners.” They happily report that they had “one bite” (looked like more than that to me there, Pumpy) and they both slept 7 or 8 hours straight. Touché. The Lisas ask what the plan is and the drunks say they are going shopping. Rinna asks if they would prefer to go by themselves and Kim who seems quiet sober say, “no! we would love for you to join us!” as if she has no idea why they would not all be thrilled to spend the day together. Eileen walks up and finds out that the Lisas are going shopping with the drunks. She says she’s going to a museum. She can’t figure out what Twilight Zone she has stumbled into where everyone is going shopping together like nothing happened the night before. Eileen plans to go with Kyle and Yolanda. Rinna says she doesn’t want to hang with the good people because they will just relive the nightmare. She wants to just move on. By the way, Kyle brought TWO of those caped jackets to Amsterdam. Yolanda is staying in bed.
Kyle comes down to meet Eileen and explains that Yolanda is sick. Kyle seems shocked the other four are off together.
Amsterdam is gorgeous. This show is moving it up my list of destinations. Barcelona is sort of topping my list at the moment but my list is always changing with the terrorist activities. The foursome finds a se store. Eileen and Kyle find a confectionery where Eileen enjoys a goodie while Kyle settles for simply having coffee.
Later, Lisa and Eileen meet for a glass of wine. Eileen tells Lisa new girl to new girl that she is having trouble adjusting to the madness. Eileen is perplexed by Lisa’s desire to “just move on.” Eileen had Rinna’s mouth during the argument. Eileen says it doesn’t feel like Rinna has her back. Oh no! I can’t have these two having animosity. Eileen tells Rinna she is pretending like nothing happened. Rinna says she is just in survivor mode. Eileen calls BS on Rinna letting everything slide.
Yolanad gets up for some evening champagne and a canal tour with the ladies. Yolanda accidently offers Kim champagne. Kyle and Rinna are irritated with Vanderpump and Rinna for pretending like nothing ever happened.
Tensions are high.
Kyle walked over to the bar because of all the fake bullshit. Yo goes after her. Then Vanderpump wanders over to those two leaving the drunks, Rinna and Eileen. It’s very awkward. Eileen mutters, “I’d love to talk about it, but…” *shrugs* Brandi takes the offer and starts apologizing for “being a dick” to Eileen. She even gives some examples like throwing wine in her face and making fun of her home ( I suppose she forgot to mention this to the ghostwriter for her blog, who may or may not have gotten fired this weekend) and then she goes on to justify it saying that “people talking behind her back about her being an alcoholic” Eileen points out she never did that…she said that Brandi is mean when she drinks. She doesn’t think this is some huge revelation. She asks Brandi if she is the first one who ever said that. Brandi says kind of. Kim jumps in to try to defend Brandi by saying that when Eileen tried to moderate a peace treaty between the sisters she was mean to Kims’s BFF, Brandi. Brandi says these are relationships that go back YEARS. (or at least a few filming seasons). Eileen says well my relationship with you is new and you have been mean. Rinna has not opened her mouth despite Eileen already telling her that her support was expected.
Sidenote: What’s his name, the straight one on Million Dollar Listing NY is on the preview saying he wants to propose to that chick and shut down Time Square to do it. Didn’t he propose last season in a park with a flash mob? How many proposals do they need? Am I confused?
After the break Brandi apologized to Eileen. Yet Eileen continues to go for more. Vanderpump and Kyle have rejoined the table and at that point Eileen mentions that Brandi says that Kyle doesn’t want Kim to succeed. Really? She said that again? I thought that was dealt with at the last reunion. Can we get new writers, please? Brandi’s next line is, “Why are you saying this now? Right when she sits down? This is not a soap opera, I just want to enjoy a lovely night with Yolanda…” She delivers it with a dollop of ennui and a side of eyerolls. Eileen discusses deflection in her talking heads. Kim seems wasted again on the boat. She has absolutely no contrition about her behavior at Eileen’s home and even moreso, she seems to resent Eileen for having witnessed it. Kim in her talking head says that Eileen needs to see her like that 2 or 3 times or 5 or 6 times before she can come to her with concerns. Um I see it once a week during the RHOBH season. I think we all have concerns. Except for production who are thrilled that Kim has a storyline. Eileen and Kim get into it and Brandi joins in. Yolanda tries to get Kim to accept Eileen’s apology. Then Brandi goes around the table and makes accusations about everyone in sort of an everyone has issues way. Oddly, for Vanderpump she mentions promiscuity, Kim popping pills, her drinking, Yolanda being bossy, Rinna not eating and Eileen being a homewrecker. Oh, Eileen is not going to allow this. We may have another jump across the table moment where Brandi take an unexpected swim with the fishes in the canal. Kim says that Brandi is just making a joke.
Yolanda walks away from the table and goes and sits at the dinner table. Vanderpump walks over to Yolanda and she seems half in tears saying she has been faithful to her husband for 32 years.
Back at the table, Kyle tells Brandi she is a mean person who says mean things. Brandi responds like a 9-year-old boy, “Vice Versa, homie!” I am not making this up. Yo motions for Eileen to join the grown folks at the dinner table where their plates have been placed. This is a dinner cruise, it can’t go un forever like other dinner shoots. The boat will dock and the crew will leave. Rinna follows Eileen to dinner. Yolanda seems to really like Eileen.
Meanwhile Kyle and Brandi fight. Brandi is drunk and is going in on Kyle. She is waving her arms and ands at Kyle and claiming that Kyle points at people and hits them. All photos I have of people pointing and getting in someone’s face and hitting people are all of Brandi.
And there is a brand new one about to debut tonight! Brandi says all of that hand waving is the same as hitting someone. Kyle says she is done with Brandi. They each wish each other happiness and for their kids success. Please. Why pretend to give a shit about the kids. Enough with the bullshit. Kim is sitting there crying quietly waiting for the camera to pan in her direction. Kim has apparently been to the head and dosed up during all of this because she is out of it again. Too bad we all know she didn’t fall into the canal and drown taking Brandi with her.
Yolanda and Lisa Vanderpump invite the drunks to the table. Which was stupid. They should have just let them stay where they were.
God these women are so fucking ridiculous. Now Brandi (with a Rinna backup) wants to go around the table saying nice things about everyone. I swear I would jump into the canal or start throwing them overboard. ENOUGH WITH THE FAKE BULLSHIT. Only Eileen is willing to acknowledge the stupidity of this exercise. Brandi’s positives are only about their appearance. And the drunk and high and hormonal people start crying. Rinna blurts out to Kim that she loves her. Kyle sobs talking to Kim. Man. This is a great way to enjoy Amsterdam focused on shit you can discuss at home instead of the beautiful surroundings. Brandi tries to one up Kyle’s speech. It’s fucking stupid. They are all fuck stupid except Eileen. Even Rinna is a disafuckingpointment this week. Brandi goes to the bathroom before the ladies can say nice things they don’t mean about her. What the hell is Brandi wearing? A red shirt and black panties with a leather trench?
Everyone is done and exiting the boat. Some Love Boat references are made. Vanderpump says she has never seen the show. Brandi is talking to her about it, specifically Julie who she claims would kiss everyone and she tries to show Lisa how she would kiss. Lisa is uncomfortable with the drunk chick hanging on her and tries to pull away. Brandi keeps on with her odd story. Lisa tell Brandi to leave her alone. Brandi persists. Brandi pushes Lisa. She is smiling. This is the most attention she has gotten from Lisa in over a year. Lisa says to leave her alone or she will slap her. Brandi grins and says, “slap me!” then she slaps Lisa. Lisa says, “No! That is wrong!” Brandi says, “Do it to me!”
Lisa and Kyle meet for breakfast at a pancake shop. Yolanda and Brandi meet somewhere else. Lisa points out that Brandi was drunk and tried to kiss her. Then she decided to slap her instead. Brandi tells the story to Yolanda. In Yo’s talking head she seems to finally be seeing the light with regard to Brandi. Lisa tries to be sure not to over dramatize it.
Next Week: We are still in Amsterdam and Brandi tries and fails to make up with Lisa (and the others by extension) so she decides to pick up some Dutch dick in a bar. I think that is the wisest decision she made the entire season. She can slob a know and the civilized folks can enjoy a dinner without drunken insults flying their way. Especially if Kim falls ill ( aka decides to ditch dinner in order to get high in her hotel room). That would be a win-win-win! And Kyle tell Kim that Brandi is telling everyone about her relapse. Brandi has a breakdown and no one cares except Yolanda.