Okay, it’s time for the finale so I am making some adjustments to recap this live. I took a shower, and put on clean jammies in honor of the first clean sheets night of 2015 (I’ve been sleeping on the couch mostly). After this and Shahs I will likey pile up in my nice clean bedroom for the night and deal with GiGi (and Reza I think, not Kristen 🙁 ) in the morning/afternoon.
It’s time for the annual calendar shoot as all restaurants have each year. The location is cool this year. It’s The Pink Hotel which is so cute and 1950s that it would not surprise me if Lisa buys it before the episode is over. James is super hot in the photo shoot. Yes, little Europeon boy James. He photos very well. I want those one piece 1950s swimsuits. Sort of. I mean if I have to wear a swimsuit.
Sandoval and Jax are always in a lovers quarrel for these things. Scheana just let Sandoval know that Jax is saying he slept with Miami girl. that was sweet of her to do right before they have to pose together. Scheana tell Ariana what Jax said about Miami Girl on a break in filming but Ariana doesn’t believe Sandoval would lie or cheat. LOLOLOL. Um, okay. So he would cheat with you but now on you. I see. Ariana says she texted with Tom all night. She says that Facetime “didn’t work” in his hotel room. Yeah, I dated a guy once whose IM that he was on all day long with me in town “didn’t work” on his work computer he took on business trips. Scheana points out that Eddie would text Brandi a lot when they were dating. Ariana says she is not stupid and she is smarter tan anyone she ever met in her life. Ariana tells Scheana she is sure Tom didn’t cheat. Scheana wisely says she will not bring it up ever again.
Schwartz is at his counselor discussing proposing to Katie. He’s conflicted.
After the shoot, Sandoval confronts Jax about talking about the Miami Girl. I miss Kristen. Sandoval just said if I were to grab Kristen and bring her over here… why is Kristen at the photoshoot?
Stassi shows up at SUR for something or other and chats with Lisa. Lisa tells Stassi she is not a good friend, especially to Katie. She wants Stassi to come to the party tonight and to talk to Katie and try to make up with her. James has begged Lisa to get Kristen into the party. James makes Kristen promise that after this party she will not continue to cause a commotion with all of his co-workers. It’s like James doesn’t even know who he is dating.
Katie is the first to trash talk the lovely Kristen. As Sandoval and Ariana come in, Kristen is plotting something on her phone. Is she wearing a suicide bomb under that red dress? Stassi comes in and on of the few to hug Kristen. Schwartz did so rather reluctantly earlier. It seems that everyone hates Stassi now. This is taking some of the hate off of Kristen for a bit.
Sandoval is still pissed with Jax. But Vanderpump is still doing her push-pull, insult-flirt thing with Jax. Meanwhile Stassi is completing her assignment to chat with Katie privately. I have been blogging more than looking but it sure is pretty where they are. Perhaps they are at PUMP and not SUR for this party. Stassi wants to know why things have to be so awkward. Katie is like, um but you are such a cunt. She says that Stassi doesn’t take an interest in anyone but herself. Stassi in her talking head says that Katie is now the host body for the parasite that is Scheana. Stassi tries the fake cry but Katie is not buying into it. Stassi, have no other tricks up her sleeve walks away.
Vail flirts with Jax hard right in front of Peter and then flounces off. Lisa and Kristen have a conversation. Lisa just loves to lecture Kristen. You can’t lecture crazy Lisa. You just have to love it or leave it. Lisa stupidly tells Kristen she needs to make things right with Tom and Ariana. Lisa also tries to keep Stassi at the party when Jax arrives. She is the one that sturs all the shit. Okay, they are at SUR, it just seemed like there was a lot of foliage in restaurant for the party. Anyway, Stassi slinks away from the party, a loser. everyone mocks her. It’s a TV show sendoff that says that she will not be back again, ever.
Sandoval wants to have it out with Jax once and for all. Now he says that Jax is trying to break up Sandoval and Scwartz and Sandoval and Ariana. Jax lies. Kristen comes out and says that Jax did in fact told everyone that Sandoval banged Miami Girl. Sandoval says mean shit to Kristen again and it seems like she gets it. She gets up and goes inside to be with her boyfriend. She tells Ariana good luck and runs off with James. Sandoval makes everything going on with him and Ariana about Kristen. He’s super good at deflecting all of his actions onto Kristen. Because Kristen is fucking nuts. Sandoval asks Ariana to move in with him she says yes!
Schwatz and Katie talk privately. Katie puts the clamps on Schwartz. Katie gives him a six month ultimatum or she is out.
Lisa debuts the photo shoot for the year. Kristen leaves first and goes home to fuck her bus boy. Jax goes home alone. His truck was towed. Time to call Uber.