I started this post writing about what is wrong with Real Housewives of Atlanta and how it has jumped the shark. I thought about how it could be fixed. How to save the franchise. I thought about how to make it more interesting, ways to make it better. But, very quickly in, I was reminded that we shouldn’t be watching this crap at all. Seriously. WHAT IS WRONG WITH US? But first, here is what I thought we should do back when I was still drinking the Kool-Aid. At the end I will link you back to my thoughts three years ago, before the crazy came.
There are too many women on this show. I have said this forever, when there are more than five housewives, it’s hard to get into any of their storylines. Hell, we don’t even notice anymore when Nene is not on at all.
There is was too much recapping of the previous episode. We get it the wives told their husband about the previous week’s forced dinner where someone was a cunt. The wives who weren’t in some scenes the previous week were filled in on what happened. We don’t need the first 25% of the show to be a recap. That’s what I am for.
Nobody has a storyline. There are two real things happening during filming. Peter’s Atlanta bar is looking for a new location due to shenanigans by the previous landlord and he has opened another bar in Charlotte. This is something that is actually happening. Yet it is merely the back drop for more catfighting by the “housewives” rather than actual discussions about the business decisions, the impact of Peter working in two cities on the marriage, the stress of looking for a new location in Atlanta and all that goes in to setting the place up. It should have a storyline similar to PUMP. Also, Apollo went to jail. Only NOTHING about that storyline was genuine. It was so contrived Phaedra could not keep the made up version straight from scene to scene. It’s clear this caused a rift with Kandi as she and Todd seemed to be supportive of Apollo. THAT would be a good storyline.
Kenya, Nene, Phaedra, Porsha and Kandi are all playing bizarre characters instead of themselves. Some idiot assigned Kenya the victim role this season. Apparently she was assigned the role of butthurt victim all season over being called a whore in previous seasons. Pleased. Kenya can’t even convincingly pretend to be the victim. She didn’t get as far as she has in life by crying at the drop of a hat over someone calling her a name. It’s ridiculous and totally under utilizing her. Nene’s over the top vanity doesn’t begin to mask her deep insecurities. Phaedra has told us since season one she is playing a role on RHOA. People thought it was cute in season one before they knew anything about the real Phaedra. Now it is just fucking ridiculous. We hated Porsha as the clueless stepford wife and she is even more annoying as the clueless whore. There is nothing the least bit interesting about her no matter who she is blowing for handbags. Kandi is either playing the role of the worst wife on the planet who lets her mother and her employees treat her husband like dogshit, or she really is the worst wife ever. Either way, we’ve seen Todd be emasculated enough. That leaves Claudia, Demetria and Cynthia. Cynthia makes a shitty carrier pigeon. Cynthia’s role on the show is the pretty, friendly, normal if a bit boring friend. The show needs that. Stop trying to make her be a trash talker like everyone else. Demetria might have some sort of a life. She sings and does a concert here and there. Sure they are probably paid for by someone on her team, but at least she is doing something. I am dying to know what she did that lost her that peach, because she might have been slightly interesting. And then there is Claudia. Let’s just give Claudia her own show about living in Atlanta and working at Dish Nation. We can see her dating and hanging out with Kenya and Cynthia and Demetria. They could have fun. They could get along. They could be silly. They could have minor spats and make up. What would be so wrong with that?
We are tired of all the “reading.” In fact, we are tired of even hearing the word “read” used in that context by so many people who probably are not literate enough to do much reading at all in the literal sense. We are tired of people threatening violence. Phaedra made more than a half a dozen violent threats on last night’s show alone. It’s not cute. We are tired of everyone calling everyone else a whore. It’s 2015. Being a whore is not particularly scandalous. If Porsha wants to sell her chuckalina to the highest bidder, more power to her, it’s probably all she has to sell. If Claudia wants to sleep with whoever she wants to sleep with, good for her. Let’s all keep tabs on our own lady gardens and let everyone else do as they please with theirs.
You know what? As I am writing this, I realize that I have said all this a million times before. I first posted about it in January of 2012 back when I still had a functioning brain and spelled things properly and used decent punctuation.
Bravo is not the problem. The housewives dancing around for Andy Cohen’s organ grinding with their metal cups extended to us are not the problem. WE ARE THE PROBLEM.
Click the link and then explain to me why we are still watching this garbage. What do we get out of it? There is obviously some reason we keep watching our fellow women be degraded for Bravo dollars on TV. What is it exactly?