We begin with Yolanda’s scavenger hunt. I assume that is one of her shakes from home she is drinking? I wonder what is in there! Camille Grammer shows up for the race! Yolanda claims she did not make up the teams. No one wants to be on Brandi’s team (except Kim). The scavenger hunt is done by a company who puts these thins on for corporate team bonding. It requires problem solving and teamwork. Kim is bitching about it already and they haven’t even started yet. This reminds me of the time we all had to stand in a circle in the parking lot of the school and throw a giant dead fish at someone in the parking lot and give them a compliment. I hate that shit. But this seems fun. I like scavenger hunts and keep wanting to go geocaching. But that would require leaving you fucknuts unsupervised.
Anyway, no time for fascinating personal stories, I have a Jodi Arias blog to get back to. Let’s get this recap up and done! Kyle is captain of Team #1 ( Brandi & Camille) Eileen is captain of Team #2 ( Kim and Lynn) and Yo is captain of Team #3 ( Lisa & Lisa) they select teams by random draw. Clearly this was not random at all and Team Three will win.
Team #1 has all the stupid people except Kim. They can’t finish the first task. Eileen is handicapped by Kim. I don’t know who this random Lyn person is. Am I supposed to? Actually, Team #3 is dumber than I expected. Eileen may have to win this despite her two person handicap. Yolanda sucks at cooperating with her own team. Kim is even worse.
At the finish line all the cheating comes out. Eileen’s team basically won for not cheating. The entire scavenger hunt took less than four minutes. They made it seem like it was all day event. In Brandi’s talking head she says there is nothing Kyle can say to make up for what she has said to her. Really? That’s hilarious. Production kicks Camille and Lynn out so that serious fake filming can begin. Yolanda announces that everyone is going to Amsterdam. Brandi says that they can smoke pot. Vanderpump and Rinna want to do it too. Brandi says “It’s amazing there’s hookers and windows!” While I did walk through the red light district with my parents as a kid, (what were they going to do with me?) I was more traumatized by the Anne Frank House and the Dutch boy who my parents and his parents made us take a picture together. #ChildhoodTrauma
Why would Yolanda have a man on standby to run out and fix the dishwasher but no maid in sight to load the dishwasher? She’s rich, and deathly ill! Two fabulous excuses not to lift a finger! Yolanda explains that the Dutch are assholes. You would know this if you had ever been to Holland, or even Curacao. I still think Germans are worse.
Portia gets into some makeup and looks like a hooker. Kyle is worried that Mauricio can’t handle the house and kids while she is in Holland.
Lisa is giving the kids schedules to he housekeeper. She is not relying on her husband either.
Is talking to her odd gay roommate about Kim being in a city full of drugs and alcohol as if every city is not full of drugs an alcohol. Where should that go with Kim, Tehran?
They are flying on Yolanda’s private plane. Supposedly, Lisa and Eileen have to work and can’t make it. That or they are just smart. Brandi on the other hand decided to tell Kim everything that Lisa Rinna said at their lunch. I imagine she left out the parts where she said stuff. Kim still thinks she was sober despite taking Monty’s pill.
On the plane, Kim is being standoffish to Lisa. There was some weird editing about someone whose first deal was $36 million dollars. I am already 40 minutes behind and I rewound once and still don’t get that part. Lisa asks Kim if she is okay. Kim ignores her. Lisa asks Kim if she is mad at her. Kim says ” Worry about your own family and stop talking about me!” Kim says, ” I don’t drink. I don’t take drugs I shouldn’t. End of story, so please don’t talk about me!”
Lisa says, “Okay but the anger I don’t understand.”
Kim says, ” I have worked very hard for my sobriety. to let someone take it down and defame that.”
Lisa says ” I am not trying to take down your sobriety, I’m just concerned about you.”
Kim, “And not I’m asking you to drop it. I do not drink and I do not abuse any prescription medications!”
Lisa says,” My apologies. I’m sorry”
Kim gets her scary voice and says ” DROP IT NOW!
Kim’s face looks horrible. It’s red and odd looking. Kyle has curled into a little ball on her seat. Yo is sitting on the floor near the galley for some reason in between two people in seats, one looks like a man. Security? Oh shit no, it’s Baby Face! Kyle just told us. All of this is going down on a private plane with Babyface and god knows who else on it! I imagine this private plane is just to Calgary and they will fly commercial to Holland. This plane is kind of small for a Holland trip.
Eileen is worried about leaving her boy with Vince. it’s cute.
In Canada the ladies all go to David’s Charity event. They are all worried that their dresses are not expensive enough as they climb into the nicest limo ever. Because decadence is important for women supporting charity. Lisa talks about Harry losing two brothers to alcoholism and Harry deciding to stop drinking. Brandi and Kim came to the party in a different vehicle.
Yolanda gives a speech that of course is all about what a great man her husband is. She mentions “her husband” a dozen times. Steven Tyler is there making a donation and kissing up to David. Some dude donated a million dollars. Babyface has the number one song in the world that he sang. It was all very CHI CHI CHI! Steven Tyler sang and kissed Kyle on the lips. They raised over 8 million dollars.
Eventually, they all make it to Amsterdam. The Richards sisters are not good with luggage. Kyle loses her luggage with all of her jewelry for about an hour before finding it . Then, Kim Literally breaks the escalator in the Amsterdam airport because she can’t get her cart off at the top. That is why they have elevators for people like this who need 6 suitcases for five days. Yolanda says to Kyle, perhaps she shouldn’t help load the luggage. Where is the driver to do that anyway. I’ve never loaded a thing curbside. Brandi throws Kim under the bus with an assist from Kyle saying Kim was the one who jammed the entire escalator at the airport. Kim denies it was her despite photographic evidence to the right. She claims she turned around to check on Kyle. Um, nope. No she did not. More denial and blame shifting to her sister. Kim says to Kyle that we waited on her for an hour and half (to find her luggage) and she is now all chocked up in tears screaming that every time she was ever late Kyle always made a big deal out of it laughing at me. Kyle says I apologized to everyone, I’m sorry I lost my bag. What was I supposed to do? On the van Kim starts not making sense.
Next Week: Vanderpump and Eileen arrive. At dinner Kim says something about Harry and Lisa Rinna loses her mind and throws her drink at Kim and damn near jumps across the table to kill her. I can’t wait.