Claudia Jordan posted yet another heartfelt blog this week about her move to Atlanta, fitting in with two new jobs, setting up an new apartment, making new friends getting settled in to a new city. That’s a lot for anyone to take on all at once. When you factor in that she was replacing a popular person on Dish Nation whose fans were not overly receptive to the new girl, and she was trying to find her place on RHOA at the same time that’s overwhelming!
Here’s some of her blog from this week:
Bravotv.com: Why did you break down when discussing the Porsha situation with Kenya and Cynthia?
CJ: Really I was not crying about Porsha or the fact that I’m biracial! There was such a buildup of so many things that it just took one little thing to push me over the top. I am not that emotionally invested in Porsha, and if you ever catch me getting there, please take me out to pasture and put me out of my misery! Let’s be very clear — like crystal clear — I am not jealous of Porsha, she has nothing I want or couldn’t get if I wanted it. I do not want her life, hair, body, mouth, or situation. I’ve never been the type of woman that couldn’t co-exist with successful women. I’ve never had the need to be the “star” in my group of friends. I actually like to surround myself with women that are upwardly mobile, intelligent, fabulous, successful, independent, and inspirational. So to suggest jealousy over a woman that only has more material items than me for now is laughable.
Again, being the new girl on the block on the radio show was extremely stressful. I had to sit in the seat and take over the position of a very beloved radio personality that’s by far one of the best in the business. To say her fans were upset was an understatement, and that’s totally understandable! It was pretty much a no-win situation for me. And I was very aware of what folks were saying. Now all I wanted to do was work and collect my check and go home with as little drama as possible. I was trying to fit in with a new crew in a new city; I had to leave my friends and family up north, and honestly I was overwhelmed and the move was bittersweet.
So when I was pulled aside by several people at the station and told they noticed the tension and it was making folks whisper and feel some type of way, honestly even though I knew it wasn’t something I was doing, I kind of panicked. I so did not want to be that chick bringing drama to a new job. That and only that was the reason I asked Porsha to lunch in the first place and even bit my tongue that day when she was acting like a child at the table deflecting and discussing lotion in the middle of a talk. You guys now know I have no problems reading a chick, and looking back I think some can appreciate and acknowledge just how much I held back that day. I mention it to say this: I only held back to really try to make things be cool between us at work. You saw Porsha was being shady as hell to me at work way before Puerto Rico. So when I came for her on the bus it was beyond justified. It was a buildup and I let out all the things I had held back in all of our other interactions that she brought upon herself. So yes, my crying was not about being biracial and it was not over Porsha. I was stressed and sick of all the B.S. that was coming my way, and it was a culmination of lots of things. Basically I was over it.
Bravotv.com: Was it awkward when Ricky pulled in Porsha to try and smooth things over between the two of you?
CJ: Hell yeah it was awkward! I did not go to Rickey to talk about Porsha! I handled Porsha just fine without anyone else’s assistance and did not need back up. She is not a tough cookie to crack. I went to get feedback about my progress with the show, and when Rickey decided to bring Porsha in, it frustrated me because I didn’t think it would be productive, and again, I wasn’t there for that! But at the same time it’s Rickey’s show, and if he felt the tension (and he admitted he did) and wanted to see if he could help, then who am I to tell the man that gave me a job what to do regarding his show?
I never brought up Porsha’s name. She’s right about one thing — we don’t work together (besides the episodes of Dish Nation when the show asked me to come on), but we do work in the same space with the same people, who are casualties of our issues. I was fine with us ignoring each other in the hallway, but when it got to the point where folks are pulling me aside telling me it was getting weird for them and I wouldn’t want that getting to Rickey, then I’m going to do my part to make it better. We both owe it to Rickey and the rest of the employees that are affected. Period. Point blank. If Porsha wants to play fake and act like I’m imagining things, that’s fine. But at the end of the day, it is what it is. And the truth is the truth. I do not operate in the land of make believe; I tend to live in a thing called the real world. So I don’t regret anything I’ve done, because I’ve done it with purpose and with no shady ulterior motives. I’m a realist and that’s that!