We begin with cocktail waitress, Scheana stopping by her boss’s big pink mansion to talk about her feelings about her upcoming wedding day. Didn’t we all do that when we got married? High tea with out boss to discuss our heightened emotions over our big day? The reception dinner will of course be at SUR. I can’t believe Lisa would not have preferred PUMP maybe it is doing to well to disrupt with a filming. She also mentions that she recently got a settlement in a law suit from an injury. This is probably not a good time to bring up lawsuits with Pumpy. Her own lawsuits are not going so well for her. Scheana says her original budget was 30K but now it is 90K. Actually, she won’t be spending much at all of her own money because, Wedding By Bravo! Good for her! She asks Lisa for 300 bottles of he pink sangria and vodka to go with her pink and white wedding theme. Smart. Lisa acts like it is Pandy’s call but it will definitely be provided for promotion.
Scheana is excited about honeymooning in Hawaii but she is nervous about Kristen. Apparently, she has seen the script.
The rehearsal dinner is huge. Katie has a lot of talking heads about her and Schwatz getting married. ICYMI, She clearly seemed pregnant on WWHL. Not in an LA I had a burrito for lunch today sort of way, but in the glowing, radiant, mother to be sort of way. We can expect a proposal by the end of the show, or perhaps on Friday when they tape the reunion. Next season we will have another Wedding By Bravo! I’m sure Katie is taking copius notes.
James arrives to SUR without Kristen because she is not allowed on the property anymore. /heavy sigh. James asks Sandoval to go out and smoke a cigarette with him. The two were very close (as the script goes) before James and Kristen got together. Sandoval has of history for forgiving his bros, like Jax for example who did the exact same thing with the exact same girl. Sandoval now seems to feel badly for James. He shows James recent texts from Kristen asking to hang out.
Scheana’s “wedding planner” seems to be a dud. She is some chick she found on Instagram for three thousand dollars. Hell, this is another business I should be doing. You know, if I felt like actually doing shit. I still feel like clueless expert witness is a more lucrative field, though.
James confronts Kristen the next day about his chat with Tom. Kristen takes Tom’s warnings as proof that Tom is jealous. Kristen says it will take some time before she stops going through spells of giving a shit about Sandoval.
We get to see Scheana’s parents. They seem sweet and very down to earth. Ariana sleeps over with Scheana the night before her wedding. That seems weird to me. But cute I guess.
It’s the wedding day! Scheana had these wine glasses made with the bridal party painted on them for pre wedding drinks. I must say, the artist did a great job. Scheana forgot he wedding gift for Shay. This is the first thing that goes wrong. She calls Kristen to pick it up for her.
Sandoval styled Shay. He seems to have used James’ hairstylist. It is so not Shay. Also Sandoval is tasked with pretending like he bought Shay a tux, and the requisite promotional display of the label occurs.
At the glam squad house, Arianna is whining about Kristen horning in on the hair and makeup. Meanshile the bride is wandering around with Fireball and shot glasses. At the venue, there is no one to show Scheana and the bridal party where to go. Where is the wedding coordinator?
The guests begin to roll in with the men all in suits and ties, except for Peter who seems to only own one black shirt. Jax and Carmon arrive together. The setting is gorgeous. It’s at a polo club in the mountains somewhere. The views are incredible.
The :40 clip is a talking head by Jax where he rags on George Clooney’s wife. “A human rights lawyer? Could you imagine the sex?” Yes. Yes I could, Jax. As could anyone who has ever dated a lawyer. Because, freaks.
Scheana’s aunt made her dress for her. It’s two pieces, a bodice and a long beautiful skirt. I love it. I just wish she would stop calling it a crop top. The beading is amazing. It’s really beautiful and so “Scheana Marie.”
They actually closed SUR for the wedding so everyone could go. Even Giggy is there. The wedding is running late. It seems the boys are late. Of course they are. Scheana is stuck in a closet waiting for the boys to pass her location. They are taking forever. Eventually, after a hiccup or two, the wedding happens.
Next Week: We are all back for the reception. Kristen confronts Lisa. Because, crazypants. Schwartz gets emotional and gives Katie something from a ring box. The wedding planner once again fucks up Scheana’s entrance and she misses parts of her own reception. Stassi is back for a minon scene to mock Scheana’s wedding dress. Jax tries to get Carmon back to his room and … James and Kristen appear to break up. I CAN’T WAIT!