I was watching The View this morning trying to figure out the mood of the show and checking my emails when someone was kind enjoy to share that Nene Leakes was Co-hosting The Ratchet Real this morning. So I flipped the channel and hit record a good five minutes in. I am going to TRY to see if anything interesting was said but I am not making any promises I can get through the whole thing. Because, ratchet.
The first lie Nene tells is that she doesn’t like going to events like the Grammy parties because she has to get a dress and do her hair buy some hair like product to glue to her head. She says she would rather be home with her fetch and step boy husband. This is the same Nene that has been screaming that “she has arrived” in Hollywood for the past however long. Perhaps this is self-talk to prepare her for her anticipated return to obscurity and shady deals.
They talk about their spouses friends and Nene points out she and Gregg don’t have that problem. They choose their own friends. Nene basically says Gregg isn’t the type to hang out with the guys so she doesn’t have that problem. That short leash is really working.
Nene is wearing a long blond wig with looser noodles curls and a sequinsy tan jumpsuit. Lord, I just saw the whole thing. Let me try to find you a picture. Okay, I found two. Trust me it’s even worse on TV. She and Tamar seem to have the same mentality. Nene is not saying much just bobbing her head and fake laughing and clapping.
Next up is a fashion segment where they check out dresses for Valentine’s Day. Nene introduces the first model as “The flirty Valemtimes Day girl!” Nene is um, very energetic today. Nene says, ” with this look she says she’s got legs for days, just like ME! WhooHoo!” Then she proceeds to kick her leg up in the air. Maybe manic would have been a better adjective than energetic. Nene says, “Okay so this next look for da goody Valemtimes Day girl….lessssss check it out!” Another good adjective might be slurry. Slurry and manic and clappy. Oh so clappy. Her hands are going to hurt after this show. When the model comes out Nene is literally screaming at this point. About herself. I would wear that! Some people are afraid of print, but not me honey! Love that! Clappity, clap, clap! The other chick says she likes the model’s short hair and height and that Nene could pull off that dress. Nene starts talking about her love for short hair but she is wearing long today and starts tossing her hair around and playing with it. The model is giggling.
Next up, Tika Sumpter was a guest. She plays Candice on The Haves and The Have Nots on OWN. I LOVE that show. It’s a Tyler Perry production so it is blocked like a play more than a TV show which just makes the whole campy soap opera more fun. Tika is brilliant in her role. It’s odd to see her as herself she’s nothing like Candace and is barely recognizable if you mostly know her as Candace. I wish T. Kyle would make us a gif of Nene tryna get up off the couch to greet her. I’m just saying.
Nene’s question is supposed to be about who Tika is seeing. But Nene wants to point out that they have gone to brunch together. And she is doing all of these Price As Right model moves with her arms as she asks the questions. I’m really starting to regret not telling you guys to watch this show. You really should watch it if you can find it on demand or something. And if you are the type that likes to drop a little acid, I suspect it would make the show all that much more intriguing. Sidenote: I used to live next door to this frat boy in college who was always dropping acid (and acid wasn’t even a popular drug at the time.) and he liked to watch shows on that 700 channel or whatever with all the TV evangelists because they moved their arms a lot which made colorful trails or something. He would so dig this show. Anyway, I paused to mention the bizarre arm and hand tics and then her question was full of machine gun sounds and “dis dat and de udder” let’s see if Tika even understands the question. She’s dating. She is not married to the person they say she is on Wikipedia.
I cannot stress enough how bizarre Nene’s behavior is. She’s Nene from da hood on 11. You must seek this show out.
Next they play some ratchet version of Marry, Fuck, Kill. The game itself is irrelevant. Nene seems to be trying to channel Bevy Smith at this point. She is making her weird faces and talking in some sort of odd voice. I think her head might spin around like that chick in that movie from the olden days. They spin the wheel and it’s Kevin Hart, Adam Levine and Ray J. Nene turns to the audience and says, “Look at Kevin Hart! His pockets are fat!” then she plays with her hair while gyrating. I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP! I can hear the Nenetards already but I am telling you what my eyes are seeing!
There was a cooking segment. I zipped through and did not see Nene. Everyone is back at the table for viewer questions. The question is should I stop birth control even though my husband wants to wait. The ladies start talking and Nene’s hand gestures have now become a cross between a crossing guard and someone feeling the holy ghost. Palms out, waving in the air. Nene says that trapping a man is always the wrong move. Yes she did. I suppose she should know. She also overlooks the fact the this woman has already made the ultimate accomplishment for women everywhere by being married.
After the break, Nene continues to bounce up and down on her chair and clap like an over industrious hooker at an insurance conference and interrupt the promos with OOOOHS and AAAAHHHs . It’s crazy folks.
That was the most ratchet thing I’ve ever seen. It totally had my attention the entire hour. I’m quite convinced that we should all have some of whatever Nene Leakes is having. Allegedly.
I just can’t with that ghetto show but loved reading your description! Nene can now add talk show host to her resume – if she hasn’t already.
I agree! Frankly , I can’t understand what is great about NeNe she doesn’t offer much she isn’t as funny as she thinks & isn’t smart!
Sounds like she left Nene home and let Nae Nae out to play. That woman is bipolar.
Just another one of her a-kool-aids!
Hilarious!! I must find this show!
I only watch the Real now to see Tamera’s maternity fashion. Preggo girls need to look cute too
TT, you betta stop yo allegshuns girrrrrl, befoe you gets a sees and desiss letta!!!
I hope my cease and desist letter doesn’t ruin my Valemtimes Day!
On Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 2:02 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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It comes on at 3 where I’m at. I’ve already set my DVR! I can’t wait to see this ratchetness you speak of!
OMG, thank you for that great recap. It comes on at 1am, got my DVR all set to record this mess.
My DVR set as well… The Real can thank TT for a drastic increase in viewers–at least for this one show!
what do you think she is allegedly having/taking? I have been curious ever since the sex party last season
I dunno but if anyone finds out, I’d love to try some!
coke
Probably the only thing she picked up in H’wood: a coke habit.
Ha ha ha, DeeMart is cracking me up!
That hair, make up, outfit…she looks like a drag queen.
Wonder if she is wearing her ‘He by NeNay’ line from HSN today? I plan on watching it later – can’t wait to see this episode!
as always
Thanks T.T.
I set my dvr to record it! Lol.
I tried to watch, but 5 minutes was all I could handle before I ran screaming from the room! Lol
I don’t know how you did that. I was mesmerized the entire time. I don’t know what she was on but it was insane to watch.
On Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 2:11 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Tamara description of Nene’s behavior had me CRACKIN UP!! LOL
It’s on now here. You made me watch and now my happy hour is ruined. This has to be the most ghetto talk show on TV. How the hell did they get a TV show? Ratchet, which is a perfect for for NeNe.
Nene’s hair made me think of Porsha’s wig line or whatever she sells. Then I thought of how all of a sudden porsha is now selling t shirts too.
I hate, hate, hate NeNe but feel sorry for anyone falling down the dark hole of drug use. No Schadenfreude, damnit.
I don’t know why I didn’t put on my Depends before reading this. Now, I’m sitting in a puddle, laughing out loud in my office. TT, you gotta stop!!!!
Oh this recap was the best. “Hairlike product to glue to her head” made my lunch hour LOL
TT, I was at a doc appointment wear earbuds, and their cable was going in and out. In spite of those two factors, it was so very obvious that Nene was so overdoing it and “putting on” to the point of bizarre. I didn’t hear a word spoken, but your recap is just as I imagined the dialogue to be. That show should be canceled before air time tomorrow. I am so shocked that the Mowry twin would be associated with this crap.
Ive just always assumed Tia locked Tamera in her locker, and auditioned for the spot under the guise of Tamera in order to ruin “her” (sisters) reputation …you know, as revenge for stealing her prom date or something.
Ahh…the endless hijinks of having a twin in public high school.
LMAO! i like the nice twin too, but i like this show also, sans NeNe…it’s not too bad, the Braxton is the only thing that needs to go, other than that the ladies bring some fun perspective and low budget tv viewing, cause their show is hella ghetto fab! lol
I don’t watch this show. I didn’t know Tamara and Loni where pregnant. Congrats to the both of them. Something must be in the water at the studio
I don’t think Loni is pregnant.
Oh that recap was DEE-LISH-US! I haven’t even seen this show yet but I am going to find it (if I can) before the day, or week is out. I am laughing so damn hard til my mascara is getting into my eyes, and then on my contacts, and now I am blind (but still laughing) I tell you I am ugly right now, with laughter. TT was recapping her a$$ off on this one:) When I have vision again and find this show, I will get back with my thoughts.
Tika is an underrated actress. I would have loved if she was cast as Storm in the new Xmen movie instead of Alexandra Shipp. Tika looks more like Storm but Hollywood likes to make everyone light skin
I love Tika as Candace on The Haves and Have Nots. Her character is fearless, and so is Tika in her portrayal. I would love a fantasy throw-down between Candace & Cookie from EMPIRE. #YASSSS
It comes on here at midnight……… i’ll have to check it out! Thx!
When I use the guide function on my remote to see what’s on, as I head to Bravo, BET is right under it. I THINK BET shows the rerun of the show somewhere around the same time. Heads up for those hoping to see this mess.
Yes. It replays on BET.
Thanks for directing me to BET, I was just looking for the show. I could use a good laugh tonight 🙂
Thanks for this, TT! I’ve tried to watch this show a few times and have never made it through an entire episode. Too obnoxious. That said, I shall watch this ENTIRE episode just for the laughs. It comes on in the ATL (AT&T Uverse) at 1:00 a.m. on BET (after Wendy Williams).
Did anyone notice that is looks like Nene is wearing the same jump suit that Star Jones was critiqued for on Fashion Queens? They were saying it was to loose on Star but I think Nene has the opposite problem.
I can stomach none of the shows that TT recaps, I’m here for the hilarious recaps. More than once, laughter has woke everyone in the house. I will be watching this show tonight at 1 am….thank you so much for bringing a smile to my lips, and tears to my eyes! I appreciate all your hard work.
Tamar is a sneaky bitch. Tamar and her Husband are both producers for The Real. Tamar doesn’t like Kenya and has shaded her several times before the two even had the pleasure of meeting. It’s just odd to me that both Porsha and now Nene were given the opportunity to co-host the Real, more than likely under Tamar’s clearance. Tamar seems like she’s trying to to gather her chicks in a row to blow over her beef with Kenya. Watching Tamar on BFV with her sisters, this is how she operates. It’s either US v. Her or vice-versa.
I believe Tamar is intimidated by Kenya Moore. And that’s not a reach. The girl screams insecurity from the top of her lungs daily, thanks to syndication.
Totally agree ! you hit the nail on the head with that one.
Bingo!! Great observation!!
I did NOT see that show…..but Tamara? Your recap was hilarious! I almost peed my pants while reading your discriptions of NayNay Leaks!
I only caught the last 15 minutes of nene trying desperately to show that she fits in with the ratchetness. She was giving yet another example of how she will act on her upcoming talk show, Hunnnnnnni. She acted like she was still on Broaway or Vegas with her exaggerated mannerisms so they could see her in the nosebleed section.
What the Hell is with Tamar and her different clown disguises every day? Is she channeling Cynthia Thomas? Her stchick was funny once or twice when she first started it on the Braxton Family shows, but it’s not funny every single second of every-single-fucking-day. com.
“After the break, Nene continues to bounce up and down on her chair and clap like an over industrious hooker at an insurance conference.”
OMG, TT. I’m snorting over that one. Hahahahaha
As long as you aren’t snorting what NeNe’s snorting. TT’s got her groove back. Thanks for brightening my day with ratchety goodness, Tamara.
Happy Valemtime’s Day ladies, omgoodness, I just can’t with her, from humble to horrendous. Did we create this monster?
Nenetard checking in!
I didn’t see the show and if it’s half as bad as described, I’m glad I missed it. I’ve actually never even heard of the show. I absolutely hate these jumpsuits the ladies love so much. It’s not a good look on anybody, IMO.
Tape the rerun! This could be the cure we have been looking for, for your chronic Nenetardation! 🙂
On Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 6:47 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Wow she looks like a caramel Popsicle or something else that I would be censored for lol!
Oooooh I hope I can find this show on line.. Sounds fabulous!!!
Funniest recap I ever read. “Slurry, manic and clappy” sound like a new Atlanta law firm.
I guess that she has gone from wearing Ramen Noodles on her head to a long and flowing Cup-O-Noodles wig.
The bedazzled camel toe just adds to the classy look.
Cup-O-Noodles is perfection.
Check out
Funny recap! It almost makes me want to watch it, but I can’t stand Tamar’s head bobbin muggin face. You would think after that Naynay’s pajama party last season and then getting “crack lung” (yes, that is what it is called), she would’ve cut back
She needz to take that “RICH BITCH” $$ & by her a decent career
I cannot bear to even see a segment of Nene at ANYTIME.. this woman is such an EGO MANIAC.. that I am so embarrassed for “her” .. she makes a fool out of herself on national TV and anywhere else she’s in public…. Never saw a person change so much as this woman from the first season. She reminds me of Phaedra.. FAKE FAKE AND MORE FAKE.. But TT you are HYSTERICALLY FUNNY!! LOL I hope Nene reads your post.. LOL
Have to say, I FUCKING LOVE Tika Sumpter. She seems like far too good an actress from what I’ve seen in THATHN. She was good in Gossip Girl too. I can imagine she completely outclassed NayNay. She seems very eloquent. And also, a sexy bitch. And this is coming from a gay guy.
Again, silly British Person that watches too much US tv.. 😉
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! STOP APOLGIZING FOR BEING BRITISH! There are thousands of Brits that read here every day.
We love you. just stop!
tt
On Tue, Feb 10, 2015 at 11:48 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I’ve had a good few glasses of red, and obviously the teecee or whatever comments hit a nerve. Mostly because your blog (and and some car crash tv) has been keeping me sane through my very first super fun #cancerscare. LOL! I’m just a young chap, and I appreciate the humour. Everyone keeps looking at me like they’re sad.
There were TeeCee comments? OH THE HORROR!
Um dude. Buck up! Cancer Schmancer. This isn’t a support group. Is you in or Is you out? Don’t swim with the sharks an bitch later.
Put on your big boy pants and swim in where we can depants you. Hopefully with pictures…
On Wed, Feb 11, 2015 at 12:07 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Also: Talk more about Tika: What do you think, actress wise?
Are you telling me what to talk about?
#sideeye
Tika is AMAZEBALLS. I swear if she had talked in a fake accent or something I would have never known she was Candace. It’s actually still hard to believe.
On Wed, Feb 11, 2015 at 12:12 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Can you all believe NeNe “Moose” Leakes said on Sunday’s episode of RHOA to Horse-Haired and alligator mouth Porsha, “that being/getting married was an accomplishment!” Are you kidding me?? Just goes to show by “opening her legs” to a married man is something to aspire to. I thought having an upward career trajectory, getting an education, raising productive and independent thinking children were things normal people consider an accomplish! If getting a man to put a “ring on it” is an accomplishment, then I have failed miserably at life….Shaking My DAMN Head at that one!!!
I looked for my post about Nene and Gregg being shysters on my blog. But that all was when I was on blogger so apparently it is not indexed. It was on the news here when the show first started. The LOCAL NEWS was mocking Nene and Gregg for being broke ass fucktards.
It was funny.
On Wed, Feb 11, 2015 at 12:28 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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LOVE your blog! Your witty humor keeps me laughing for days. You are lethal with your fingers…Nene Noodles & glue = $25, Greg’s lapdog tendencies = $75, Duly noting them as FUCKTARDS = PRICELESS!!
{{HUGS to TT}}
Nene’s average and that average is “being on top of the bottom”
Nene getting paid! Don’t hate the player – hate the game.
I don’t think anyone is hating Nene. We are just enjoying laughing at her as she goes back to her natural state.
On Wed, Feb 11, 2015 at 12:31 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Exactly…who in heck would hate on a BRIDEMAID, VALENTIMES, AGGCOLAIDS stripping former stripper.
Side Note: Does Valentines show possession as in Valentine’s…always wondered…Oh well, maybe Porsha can chime in and explain it to me!!
As for your punctuation question, it is debatable. Both are acceptable.
Lmao your description of Nene is just perfect, TT. And as someone who doesn’t mind trippin balls, I wouldn’t watch Nene on acid. Her movements are great but the loudness factor…. I guess she’d work on mute.
That jumpsuit was horrid. Just horrid.
When will these women learn that wearing a too-tight, disco condom jumpsuit is not a flattering look?
And camel toe??!?
Mike, Mike, Mike…….what day is it???
I just spit my cofee out at the screen. I love this place.
Maisey, that was funny as hell. Omg.
Dying. Spot-on.
Maisey I’m so gonna be a “Disco Conden” for halla-ween! Even though 54 would never let anyone in wearing that travesty.
Hahaha! Tamara,you are very funny how you described Nene in details what she do in every show segments she is on I noticed when she is not in Rhoa there less thing to blog out. I wonder why? Just saying no offenses!
That jumpsuit was NOT flattering! It looks like she’s been eating too many of those pork chops with fried eggs.
I could never, ever watch the ratchet again but this recap was so hilarious it almost made me in demand it. Almost. *grin*
I watched the day before yesterday’s episode when they were announcing nene would be on and had to change the channel
I was so disgusted. All of them including Tamara, led by Tamar of course, said that all of cast mates on the housewives of Atlanta were jealous of nene because she’s the star of the show. I instantly started hating the real.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she had red wine or vodka tonics. I am also getting the sense that Gregg Leakes is a sub and loves being dominated by NeNe. He’s probably saving a fortune on dominatrices.
I watched this show before it got picked up because I like Tamera Mowry who is a class act. It looked like something new but I just can’t with Tamar Braxton and Adrienne Boullon…they are just too loud and stereotypical. I dvr’d this show because of TT. NeNe was her usual self to me. That jumpsuit was a mess and I think she was aiming for retro Hollywood hair but it didn’t work. The length looked nice on her but I would like to see her change up her color other than blonde. Tika looks nothing like Candace and enjoyed her. Tamar drove me nuts pulling on her hair….geez and why was her husband on set?
He’s a producer.
On Wed, Feb 11, 2015 at 1:28 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I just watched this show late last night. There is nothing more I can say about Mz Leakes that hasn’t already been said. I will be so glad when she just fades away. She is just vomit worthy.
Nene was HOT mess on the panel. I don’t know if she was trying to mock Tamar or what but she didn’t look cute. She looked strange, giddy like. Was she trying to fit in? Not Nene! And if she’s going to leave RHOA just go! Tap into your other side. Like this gig on Broadway “Cinderella”. When you make it to broaway, you should have grown up at that point. Choose your “friends” carefully. She has made a name for herself, but just as fast as she has made it to that level she can go right back down that pole…oops did I say that…..
What in the fuck is Nene doing? Interrupting, squirming around, crunching her ramen noodle wig, tweaker! She’s trying WAY too hard or she’s hopped up. For real, she sucks. At first I’m like, “Oh, just loud Nene”, but as the show went on I think I had the same reaction as TT. She’s being WEIRD!
I almost wonder if she has a speech impediment? No joke. How can she not know how to say basic words?
It’s not “Valen-TIMES”!!!
By the way, this show is PAINFULLY ratchet.
I hate when people do these over the top picture poses. Its like look at me I’m thinking about how to make this picture look more fun than it really is at the moment. Like smile and keep it moving
You know it is sad when Lonni looks like the most put together .Especially since she is really more miss than hit.