Yolanda an David going to Italy for a huge charity event where Sophia Loren and George Clooney will be honored by their charity. Yolanda is packing for several days and nights of black tie events. How is it possible that Yolanda has back fat? Or an ill-fitting bra? He breasts look huge. Have they always been huge?
Ken and Lisa are meeting for dinner. Max is going to submit his DNA to find out what his genetic heritage through one of those mail in DNA tests. I think Lisa is hoping this will be enough for Max. She doesn’t seem too keen on him meeting his parents. Yep, that is exactly what she just said, “That might be enough for him.”
Max is now running food at SUR and making more money. Lisa and Max get online for the geneology testing site and Max asks what is real name is. She refuses to tell him. Ken seems very bothered as well. Lisa says she will type it into the system but he can’t look at it. Lisa says she adopted Max from foster care and has met both of his birth parents. She is just not ready to let him go searching for answers. Lisa doesn’t type the name in. Max says it is fine. He just wants to know his heritage. He doesn’t care about his biological parents. Lisa is trying to protect him. Then Lisa decides to put in his biological parents names.
Brandi, Kim’s best friend drops by her house to check on her. Kim was standing on a step stool cleaning something or doing something when Brandi showed up. Kim launches into how she has been just resting and taking it easy because she can’t do anything because she was in the hospital. She tells us she was in the hospital for “7 or 8 ” days which is unlike the nine she claimed in this version of the story. She is super tan so she must have been laying out a lot. She was in the hospital because “the pain” was just too bad she says shrugging her shoulders. Brandi asks if she remembers talking to her outside the OR when she had just gotten out of her procedure? She says she seemed like she was in so much pain. What procedure? We don’t know. Kim says the whole thing was just so much pain. If the drinking word was “so much pain” I’d be drunk by now. Kim says she was on”anti-inflammatories, steroids, three different kinds of antibiotics, it was beginning to make me feel like maybe it was something terminal. It was starting to frighten me. ”
Brandi wants to know who has reached out to her since the party. She says she saw Kyle earlier and we flash back to earlier today where she is in the same outfit lying in bed as though she is dying with Kyle at her bedside. Kyle says she has heard so many different things and she still doesn’t know why she went to the hospital. Kim tells Kyle, ” I coughed and something snapped, and Kyle I just let our a scream and Monty called the doctor. Sure enough, it was a hernia and a cracked and fractured rib..” Flashback to Brandi who is asking what a hernia is. Kim doesn’t know either. Now suddenly Kim has begun to realize she should be coughing. So she does. It’s like what my first graders used to pull before an activity they did not want to do.
Back to Kim talking to Kyle… By the way, in this scene, they have made the film almost like a sepia tone. It makes overly tanned Kim look super wrinkly and old. In her talking heads she has normal skin and looks lovely. Interesting. Kim tells Kyle that she took a pain pill before the party and Eileen’s. So much pain. So much pain. She told Monty she didn’t know if she should go but Monty said, “Here, take one of my pain pills. It will make you feel better and just go.” This is most likely a flat out lie. Or Monty REALLY wanted her out of the house for a few hours. Kim says, ” So I took one.” Kim’s voice with Kyle is very fake gravelly. Unlike an hour later talking to Brandi.
Kim tells Brandi, whatever the pill was, it’s for cancer. But I was so hurting! Brandi gives Kim her version of the story about how she protected Kim from her evil sister. Kyle has a flashback to Kim when she was using. Kyle knows Kim has relapsed. Brandi keeps telling Kim she knows she is sober. Kim is mad at Kyle for “making a spectacle.” Despite the whole “I can’t remember anything” story. This scene has gone on way too long. Kim tells Kyle that Brandi is more there for her than she is. In Kim’s talking heads she is blaming and guilting Kyle. Kim made Kyle cry.
Brandi tells Kim she is there for her and her sister is not. Brandi basically says to only have people around each other that support her and make her life easier. Kim invites Brandi to the gay mixer with her. Kim tells Kyle she has always been her best friend and no one can come between them. Kim is koo koo for Cocoa Puffs.
Kyle is having a tops and bottoms party for her gay friends and her friends gay friends at a martini bar. WeHo has a shortage of tops.
Brandi, Kyle and Brandi’s gay roommate head to Kyle’s party. Kim does not appear sober. Lisa brings on of her gay employee’s from PUMP. Eileen brings two of her gay friends. Lisa Rinna managed to scrounge up a gay friend. At the party everyone has a celebrity name on their back and they have to ask people yes or no questions to figure out who it is. Kyle’s yes or no question was, ” Do an imitation!” Because, Kyle. So Lisa Rinna kind of sort of Kisses Vanderpump on the lips and looks at Kyle and says, “and I liked it!” Kyle says, “Madonna?” Oh Kyle, never change. Intelligence is fraught with scary knowledge.
Kim and Brandi walk in. Kyle immediately goes into panic mode. Eileen says not this again, now we are in public. Kim tells Kyle she brought Brandi so they can make up. I think Kyle should inform Kim that Brandi is not invited so she will be escorted out and Kim can stay and not mention Brandi again or leave with her. Kim is not acting sober. Kyle takes the high road and greets Brandi with a cool “How are you” and an air kiss. Kudos for that Kyle.
Kyle moves on to greet her friend Faye Resnick. Meanwhile, Rinna asks Kim how long she was in the hospital. Kim says “five days.” Sigh. Lisa asked what made her go in? Was it the hernia? Kim says “the pain.” Everybody drink. Brandi said she drank a whole bottle of champagne on the ride over. Then she switched to tequila and then she had wine. This is not quite how she put it in the Lying McLiarson Blog.
Kyle goes up to Brandi and says she wants to apologize for pushing Brandi’s arm down. She says she does feel that she should know better than to come between two sisters. Brandi says she excepts her apology but she knows a lot about their history. And thus begins the fight of the night. Brandi really does tower over Kyle. Kim starts taking Brandi’s side. Brandi is waving her manhands in Kyles face. Kim says Kyle is just starting to cause trouble. Kim stomps off and now Kim and Kyle are having a crying match in the bar. Kim is not making any sense. Why is Kyle entertaining this? Security should take the two addicts out of the martini bar. Brandi is threatening to knock Kyle’s teeth out. Brandi becomes physically intimidating. Finally, the ladysitter arrives. But he does nothing. Brandi drops the whole “your husband doesn’t want you” crap. Kim says “I’m such a good sister to you and every time there is a problem, you try to drag me into it.” Kyle gives Kim the double fuck you and walks off. Kim smokes an electronic cigarette and we get the damn TO BE CONTINUED nonsense .
I really don’t want this to continue. It’s a horrific storyline. Kim needs to be in in-patient rehab and Brandi needs to be in a room down the hall.
Next Week: Kyle cries and is pissed at Brandi. Lisa Rinna keeps trying to point out Kim is on something. Yolanda is trying to tell Brandi she is an alcoholic. Brandi replies that people say the same thing about Bella. And there it is. The unforgivable betrayal of Yolanda. She’s officially a member of the club. Eileen somehow gets stick refereeing a fight between Kim and Kyle.