The Task: Host a Circle Line Boat Tour around the city with an original theme and provide the entertainment. The winner will be decided solely on guest feedback.
I titled this episode of Celebrity Apprentice before watching so if the captain doesn’t go down with the ship, I may have to think of a better title. The official title is ” It’s Like A Booze Cruise With Knowledge.” Which seems dumb. So hopefully we see a captain go down with their ship. 🙂 Winner gets $30K
Team Infinity
Kenya Moore, Brandi Glanville, Leeza Gibbons, Johnny Damon, Ian Zierling
Project Manager: Brandi Glanville
Brandi points out that Sig may think he as the advantage because he is the captain, but Sig is not going to be driving the boat. They are basically throwing a party and Brandi certainly knows how to party. When Brandi is passing out tasks she so far has given everyone something to do except for Kenya. Leeza has a talking head where she talks about her devotion to Brandi. I used to like Leeza. Past tense. Leeza implies that Kenya wants the team to fail. Brandi asks Kenya if she wants to be in charge of the entertainment and the graphics. Which is pretty much everything. Interesting. Kenya points out those are two very broad things. If they could come up with a theme, that would help her tremendously. It’s all very polite. And Kenya has Ian who is very pro-Kenya to support her. Leeza talks about Brandi and Ian teaming up against Brandi? Really? How about how they just get along like you do with the trashbox that is Brandi Glanville, Leeza. Kenya throws out ideas for themes because Brandi seems to have none. Everyone seems to like Mardi Gras Manhattan except for Brandi. Brandi wants the theme to be more New York. I think she has a valid point. Kenya asks Brandi what charity she is playing for and she says Make A Wish. Kenya compliments her charity and says she wants to make it clear that she is on board and wants to win. Brandi says she doesn’t believe Kenya and thinks she wants to see her go down. Brandi doesn’t get how this game is played. It’s a team effort at this point.
No one wants to be in the boardroom. No. One. As long as they are the same team, they are ON THE SAME TEAM.
Brandi agrees to go to Mardi Gras at first. But then changes her mind. I agree with Brandi. Brandi goes with Leeza’s idea of Big Apple Bonanza. Whatever that means. It is very NYC focused. Kenya offers to sing her Gone With The Wind Fabulous. Brandi thinks it’s a good idea, because if they lose, she can try to get Kenya fired.
Brandi’s cruise goes well. The entire team is working together. Leeza narrated the cruise very well. Someone says, “It’s like a booze cruise with knowledge.” Johnny got the band. They are a well oiled machine. They will win.
Kenya sings her Gone With The Wind Song! Everyone twirls. It was way over the top. She lies on the deck and does pelvic thrusts. A parent literally covers her child’s eyes. If they lose, Kenya is gone. Brandi recovers with a congo line.
Team Vortex
Geraldo Rivera, Sig Hansen , Vivica Fox, Kate Gosselin
Project Manager: Sig Hansen
They are planning the tour on the boat which is really rocking. Geraldo tries to take over. He wants some stupid war reenactments. Really? Some of his ideas are good but this is not one of them. This one is so bad that Vivica and Kate put aside their differences to stop his plan from happening. That’s bad. These two hate each other. Vivica has thrown Kate under the bus in the boardroom EVERY WEEK. They totally need to try to oust Geraldo if they lose.
After Sig and the gang shoot down the revolutionary war theme, they come up with “The Sexiest Catch” Sig knows the president of Hooters and asks if he should get some Hooters girls on the boat. Sig and Geraldo are all in. Kate and Vivica think this is a bad idea. This is a family, touristy cruise. The ladies are probably right.
Sig’s charity is the Coast Guard Foundation he is trying to get a fly by or something from the Coast Guard.
Sig’s bartenders are late and he is having to haul ice and booze and start the setup. When the bartenders get there, Sig loses his shit on them. Sig is in captain’s mode (even though Geraldo is wearing the captain’s uniform, Because, Geraldo.) and he is having a major outburst.
Geraldo narrates the cruise for Vortex. There are a lot of women on their cruise that don’t seem to be feeling the Hooters girls. Everyone gets cute sailor hats. It does look like a lot of fun. But Geraldo is boring everyone with facts and history of the huddled masses yearning to be free. He’s also screaming “Screw the Terrorists!” Geraldo needs to go home. OTOH Trump would be all about terrorist screwing so he’s probably safe. Geraldo interviews the brainless Hooters girls. #Fail
The coast guard shows up. Sig gets emotional.
The Boardroom
Sig talks about the Coast Guard and how brave and helpful they are. Sig says he thinks he won. Sig tries to justify bringing in the Hooters girls. Kate says that Hooters girls were probably not a good idea. Sig is basically go big or go home. Geraldo sucks up to Sig. Geraldo says they are both seafarers.
Brandi says that everyone is good. Brandi says she and Kenya put their differences aside. Trump asks if she would fire Keyna if they lose. She says no. She doesn’t think they will lose. Ian starts throwing Brandi under the bus.
Brandi’s team reviews were it was a really fun cruise but the theme was weak and the Manhattan theme was not played up very much. Also Kenya’s performance was iffy. Some people thought Kenya’s performance was not classy. It was not.
Sig’s team reviews said that the trip was fun and they liked the cupcakes and the theme. The negatives were Geraldo. He was polarizing in his political views. He got very high marks, or they thought he went too far politically. The women did not like the Hooters theme.
Brandi’s team won. Brandi says she is very happy to win, but she feels bad for the coast guard and asks Trump to give them money too. VERY classy move by Brandi. And Trump agrees to give the coast guard $25K. Who says we can’t have touching moments with Brandi? When she is sober she can be delightful and selfless. As they are leaving, Trump personally congratulates Kenya.
Brandi won 50K. She is thrilled with her team. I have a bit of an allergy problem.
Everyone agrees that Sig needs to go. Sig is out.
Geraldo stops Sig at the elevator and personally donates another $40K for his charity. Wow. This was a really nice episode with no ratchetness.
I’m with you on Leeza. She has definitely drank the Brandi Kool Aid. If she’s around her long enough she’ll learn just like the others did.
Omg.. Should I have typed “drunk the koolaid” instead of “drank”?
Probably. Maybe. IDK Did I mention I HATED teaching that one class of college freshman remedial English?
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 9:22 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I’m not sure. Still getting used to Americanisms. But from what I get so far, ‘drunk’ is different to ‘drank’? ‘Drank’ seems to refer to something purple and made of cough syrup? Am I right, or being stupid?
LOL
drank is past/imperfect tense and never has a helping verb.
I drank the Koolaid. I have never have drunk the Koolaid
On Tue, Jan 27, 2015 at 1:05 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Did Brandi promise Leeza a spot on RHOBH in exchange for her support? I’m just not understanding how she gets older women to treat her like she’s some delicate flower that must be protected. At least she’s staying sober.
I know right?
Brandi has a definite bootstrapper kind of “story” I guess, which everybody knows now, as well as the 2 books, the rat fink ex, and so on. So she’s on a version of the hero’s journey (i’m feeling fancy tonight). And that makes Brandi more relatable I think, and Leeza knows good copy when she sees it.
Plus she nearly let her kid die during filming. So there is that.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:10 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Oh shit, I forgot about that and that she tweeted emergency room pics ha! (Yet Kyle is the one who only thinks of being on camera??)
“She nearly let her kid die during filming.” Okay, that’s too much for anyone faced with that situation. Too, too much for any mother, regardless of whether they are an alcoholic, have a tampon string hanging out of their crotch, or otherwise. Because it’s a lie. And in the words of Forrest Gump: “that’s all I got to say about that.”
How would you feel about she spent her time photographing her child who could not breathe in the ambulance, and in the hospital and tweeting it before calling his father. Can we say that?
But not the fact the kid nearly died. AGAIN.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:59 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Isn’t Brandi something like 42? She plays the I am so young and delicate role very well.
Brandy is a good player but she loves to throw Kenya a jab or two. She works really hard. Kenya does well but she usually does something to mess it up like getting on the ground it likes she has good ideals but she has to do a 180 and piss people off.
Geraldo needs to go. HE takes over every task with himself as the lead player and these guys just LET him. Damn, Nene has flaws but I think she’d shut that shizz down.
I’m torn for just this very reason. I was taught a winner ALWAYS wants the ball. It’s the passion I’d want in my team mates, he’s just so fucking annoying. But I’d want him as an employee.
I get what your saying, but if I had him as an employee he would drive me crazy. I would have to find assignments or projects he could do alone!
For Brandi it appears that Leeza is the new Yolanda who gleefully took over the job from LVP. All Wealthy. attractive and somewhat famous women she manages to win over by playing the victim in order to earn their sympathy. She hides behind their support then kicks them to the curb and trades their secrets when she finds a new benefactor.
Ditto on everything, I do not know what Brandi’s hillybilly story is that she tells these ladies, but she has one.
Hillybilly! Bwaahaaahaaaa!
Well I thought for sure kenya was going home! I wish she wouldn’t get down in the mud with people so much!
She was digging and digging her grave, and then kept digging.. First family lol!
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
{looks at watch…glances at T… waiting….smells like Lake Como….}
Oh, and can someone tell me again how smart Kenya is?
Sure Pura, Kenya is smart enough to market her brand, which is beauty, to milions of more people by taking avantage of expensive as heck airtime to promote herself on the show.. Should she have got on the ground, maybe not, but then again folks know and will remember her tonight. Trump viewers know who Kenya Moore is now if not prior to her concert. She is an entertainer and not a preschool teacher so I ask you Puravidacosarica2, does Kenya do her job well? Her tactics are a big part of her success and her haters are too. She is a smart woman.
Thanks Simone! I guess I was in the dark about “beauty” equating to twerking on the floor in front of kids. But, hey, you go girl! And, as they will remember Kenya (perhaps not as fondly as you would like), they will similarly remember Brandi (for better or for worse, based on CA and RHOBH).
OBJECTION! Your honor, Miss ‘Rica is misstating evidence. Kenya did not TWERK.
it was more of a 1980s Rocky Horror Picture Show Pelvic Trust. Your Honor, I urge you to rule on my motion to defect.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 10:43 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Yes you were Pura, but I am glad you got it now. And while you are all about the kids and not hating on Kenya, do not forget to be concern about the show airing it as well, you came for Kenya hard like it is her show. You are more jealous of her twerking then you are about the kids seeing her or you would have mentioned that in your FAIR assessment of this offense.
Please refrain from testifying until the above motion is considered.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 10:25 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Okay, Simone, I’m so jealous of Kenya’s twerking. {insert eyeroll here} And I came in hard, so hard for Kenya, pointing out her “offense”. {another eyeroll} Reading comprehension 101, or are you just being quick to defend your girl when I wasn’t the one who attacked her? 🙂 Again, in case my comment wasn’t clear, no one is jealous of Kenya, no one came in hard, and no one called her out on an “offense”. I just asked people to remind me again why they think Kenya is so smart. My definition of “beauty” just didn’t match yours.
So, if it wasn’t twerking, what is the proper phraseology? Oh yeah, that would be “humping the floor” (perhaps due to lack of other humping material)?
She was HUMPING THE AIR you cunt satchel. FUCKING THE AIR is not Twerking.
/cries
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:29 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Okay, okay! Humping the air for a non-existent penis! Okay, I get it!
I’d like to submit a motion to change to Team Brandi, simply for the remainder of the season of Celebrity Apprentice. I’d like to cite the case of the State v. Woman’s Prerogative to Change Her Mind. I also feel as though Kenya’s behavior was impossible to predict which hindered this party’s ability to make an informed decision.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 10:24 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Motion denied.
Wait? Why are you the judge? You are not familiar with the case at all! We have a major bet….er… civil case going on here. If you have been assigned to this case, I’d like to go on record as saying that I have been deceived and I think Miss “rica is trying to defraud me out of large sums of cash. Er. I mean $1.25. Which is the financial amount on the table here $1.25.
I would like you to throw out this entire case and find Miss ‘rica in contempt!
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:15 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I was not team Kenya on CA after RHOA last night after she hung up the phone on Phaedra , I thought of Vivica’s claim about Kenya and her phone abd Kenya took it to far.
I was not team Kenya on Celebrity after RHOA last night after she hung up the phone on Phaedra , I thought of Vivica. Kenya goes too far sometimes and it turns people off.
Motion denied. Unclean hands. Moving party is just trying to get out of an earlier bet made when neither moving party and non-movant were aware of Kenya’s — uh, what’s the right word so as not to piss off dear Kenya-stan, Simone — “shortcomings.” 🙂
You cannot be the other party and the judge you fucktard. Sadly. A judge has already ruled in your motherfucking favor. Is that your other nic?
Motion for Miss ‘rica to provide documentation of contract.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:27 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Tamara leaving Team Kenya lol no wonder the northeast is getting pounded with snow..
LOL@Pura….I cannot stan…I talk shit about everybody.
No worries, Simone, I love your sh*t-talking. TT, I guess we’ll have to plow through your previous posts on CA to figure out the parties’ intent. But, as you said, your motion was denied.
fuck.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:47 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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LOL I LOVE THIS ENTIRE THREAD!!! You are all cracking me up, thanks for that. And TT, The Supreme Court of Popcorn and Vodka states that Team Brandi is a valid team purely for the length and airtime of Celebrity Apprentice and/or up to the moment Brandi gets fired but not for one minute longer.
THE SUPREME COURT OF POPCORN AND VODKA HAS RULED!
I WIN!
and also my Internet shut me down for overuse or something again.
On Tue, Jan 27, 2015 at 1:36 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I am so tired of the “Geraldo Show”. He keeps pushing his way into the spotlight, and they keep losing. When will they wake up and see this?
Geraldo is just plain creepy. Freakazoid.
Thanks for recapping TT! Just when I was beginning to forget what it was like to think well of Brandi at all, she does something generous and, well, nice. Glad to see it.
I don’t particularly like Geraldo, yet I find his childlike self-regard — of the “i pooped today Mommy!” sort — oddly charming. I’ll always remember him walking around so proudly, in his drawers. He’s gotta go though.
I like pageant Kenya. Leeza’s being as strategic as she can I guess.
Kenya’s red pants looked oddly like Phadrae’s movie premier pants yuk. Brandi to not have a lick of class on RHBH is doing well on here. She works hard and is smarter than one might think. She really should consider AA or rehab or something. She’s somewhat pleasant when not throwing drinks on people and spewing obscenities. Maybe she should think of taking a different direction. I can’t understand why in none of these tasks they don’t play up the celebrity aspect. I would have have a celebrity cruise. I’m sure all of them have a celebrity friend or two that could have lent a hand.
excellent points all, Chey Chey.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:12 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Could it be because RHOBH is more scripted than many of us have been led to believe until now?
So your pony is a fake drunk and is caught out falling down drunk outside the show with her tampon flailing in the windy gap of her anorexic cunt?
Do not broaden this issue beyond the simple civil action.
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:32 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Probably because Atlanta has really slipped this year with a lot of editing and fakery so it makes me believe that the other shoes could possibly be more fake than their real lives. I think they probably started out more real and had to keep amping it up to keep the ratings and viewer attention. Let’s face it without the drama most people would not watch.
Just a pony, TT. Nothing more. I hear Lake Como is beautiful in May. Wanna go shopping? 😉
What is this lake you speak of. I suffer from CRS. I may be mentally incompetent to form a contract. In fact, I shall ask my shirk next Tuesday to write a letter of certification thereof. Therefore, I am prone to supporting other mentally ill people in their endeavors. I can bring up many examples to the court such as my obsession with Kristen on Vanderpump Rules who is clearly insane.
I feel the entire matter will be tossed on mental incomptency.
Did you offer to take me shopping?
On Mon, Jan 26, 2015 at 11:53 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Am I the only one that can understand why she’s bitter and drunk? I mean, ex is HAWT. Not a superstar, but still. I’d be fighting the moonlight all over him, ALL night.
He is nothing more than a walking STD. ICK!
Maybe Brandi’s stance that when she doesn’t have her kids, she tends to party is actually true. And maybe Brandi can have some self awareness and see how much nicer she is when she’s not drinking. Give that a try on RHOBH. However, she’s kind of dug her grave on that show, so I’m not sure she can pull off a turnaround.
Ewe that sounds pleasing to the eye. I’m glad I missed that.
Brandi has the Trump clan eating out of her hand. She manages to impress people early on before she breaks a bottle of wine in half and shanks their asses with her awful words. She is such a lousy drunk / drug addict.
Is it just me or is Trump and Geraldo one in the same?
” Leeza has a talking head where she talks about her devotion to Brandi. I used to like Leeza. Past tense. ” Well, that explains why she was at Brandi’s fake housewarming I guess.
Both those boat parties looked really lame. I think I would be dissatisfied even if it was a freebie……… waste of time and a beautiful afternoon.
Surprisingly Brandi did a good job. Kenya started out nonadversarial and then veered way overboard. And where did she find those ratchet dancers? Sig we barely knew ye but I wouldn’t want to be on your bad side.