On tonight’s Real Housewives of Atlanta , we begin back at the scene of the read heard ’round the world . Claudia Jordan begins by reading Nene Leakes for filth and later calls out Porsha Williams escorting service for Nigerians!
Claudia: You’re worried about my clit and my bankruptcy and my finances, like why are you worried?
Nene: No hunni …
Claudia: You should worry about what you got going on, that great clothing line.
Nene: You wanna do what I do.
Claudia: I don’t want to glue hair to my forehead, I don’t wanna be a former stripper, that’s carless…
Nene: I can glue hair to my forehead, girl I got all kinda cars right now, I don’t care what was repossessed, you just check my crib bitch, and see the cars in my garage when you lift the goddamn garage up! Don’t tell me what’s has been tell me what’s NOW! You wish you could get this check I get from them clothing lines! Then you could loan you some fashions because that is some cheap shit.
Claudia: And your dress is….
Nene: This off the runway.
Claudia: They don’t make your size for the runway
Nene: You better pull this zipper down and see…the make ’em when you got the coins.
Claudia: You overpaid. You can get that at Ross.
Nene: I know you don’t know what come down the runway considering what you got on spaghetti straps.
Claudia: Yeah, because I’ve never walked down a runway….you should have a little less spaghetti in your diet.
Nene: Girl, bye! Hollywood ain’t looking for you.
Claudia: Atlanta is and I think that’s why you’re so bothered.
Nene: Me bothered by you?
Claudia: I didn’t know you were into Google searching me.
Nene: You wish I would Google you with a bob.
Claudia: What’s wrong with a bob?
Claudia: It’s better than a hair hat…
Nene: Girl? Bye, Girl.
Claudia: Bye. Are you leaving?
Nene: Listen to your boss. You weak hunni.
KANDI’s TALKING HEAD: Honestly, I think that Claudia has said EVERYTHING that anyone has ever thought about saying to Nene.
Team Pretty Heads Off For Drinks
Kenya says “I’m done with this, let’s just go have drinks somewhere else” and Team Beauty exits leaving Kandi behind with Team Beast. You know Kandi wanted to leave with them. Kandi compliments Cynthia on her dress and Nene says “Girl, she look like a damn old lady.”
Kenya apologizes to Demetria for the behavior of Team Beast. Claudia apologizes for getting into the gutter with Nene at her dinner. In Kenya’s talking head she says, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it is still a beast.” Claudia says this is not the first time she has heard or read those sorts of things about her. She says she has been talked about since she was 17 years old. Claudia says that clearly Nene has been checking on her on the Internet. Team Beauty sashays down the sidewalk to find a quiet place to have a drink and a kiki.
Nene seems too drunk to make sense. The beasts plus Kandi just continue to be loud drunken fools. Nene hasn’t stopped talking about Claudia from the point of this conversation until today. Everybody knows she was read right into the ground and she just can’t get over it. Then, Nene talks about how Phaedra was shady to Demetria. Team Beast continues to act like loud fools on camera. The high fiving and bouncing up and down on their chairs like they are having reverse cowgirl sex was horrifying.
Morning Has Broken
Nene. in her talking head, sitting in her Dutch boy wig, mocking Claudia’s hair is the funniest thing ever!
The next day, Nene claims that she feels bad for the comments she made to Claudia. Now, that is a first. I love Claudia! She’s having a breakfast cocktail. When I was in St. Lucia, I would have a giant banana daiquiri for breakfast. Don’t judge. Banana is a breakfast food! They made them with whole bananas! Kandi comes out to join Team Beast. Phaedra thinks that Demetria was just too sensitive and doesn’t get her sense of humor. Because, sociopath. Phaedra was up talking to someone until 4am. Mr. Chocolate perhaps?
Team Pretty and Team Beast Separate For The Day
Team Beast goes to Cartier. That’s like eating at McDonald’s in Paris. So stupid. Kandi informs us she going to have another Bedroom Kandi party because the first one got ruined. Please God. Make these women stop playing with dildos in public.
Team Beauty goes to a local bar with lots of flavor for Pina Coladas. Apparently, this bar is where Pina Coladas were first created. The girls laugh and drink and have fun.
Later that evening, Demetria shows up at Phaedra’s door. She tries to clear the air. She apologizes for the Apollo comment. Phaedra does not apologize to Demetria. Phaedra still appears to be medicated.
At Kandi’s party, everyone has on pretty resort wear except for Portia. I am not sure if she is in a swim suit,or lingerie or what, but she may as well be naked. Kandi asked Porsha about her
john boyfriend she claims she is getting tired of him. More like passed around. Kandi just loves playing pass the dildo with your knees. I can’t with these women.
The next day, Team Beast goes to the beach.
Water Sports Anyone? Not THAT Kind, Kandi!
Kenya and Cynthia ad Claudia go to a pool. Both groups have fun together. I say fire Team Beast entirely and keep the four ladies on Team Pretty. I’ve always said they have too many women on these shows. If there were fewer ladies we could get to know them better. And there would still be plenty of drama. Kenya and Claudia troll for Puerto Rican peen. I don’t usually like to travel with other people, but I think I could hang with Kenya and Claudia. Kenya and Claudia are getting in the pool, getting their real hair wet and having a blast. Team Beast clomped down the beach avoiding the ocean at all costs. Phaedra actually ASKED to have her picture taken in that fishnet monstrosity. WTF?
On the bus Nene tries to sort of apologize to Claudia. Nene says that lots of people talk about her shows getting cancelled but when one door closes, another door opens. She tells them she is giving them all two tickets to come see her in Cinderella. Cynthia says she always wants to support successful black women. Claudia says she recognizes Nene’s accomplishments. She then points out that Nene needs to recognizes other people’s accolades as well.
Nene says absolutely. Nene says to Claudia she would never try to snatch any of her “Akoolaids” from her. Claudia says, “But you did.” Claudia says that she did not start with Nene, but she will finish it. Claudia says, “I am far from a whore.” Nene apologizes. Kandi and Cynthia are shocked. Nene has never apologized to either of them.
Porsha Williams Escorting Is Exposed
Porsha opens her big mouth and Claudia says she did not appreciate Porsha laughing like the fool that she is when Nene called her a whore. It’s a double standard considering Claudia knows that the guy that got Porsha the car is an old married African man. Then they pop a blog up on the screen about Porsha’s married john who bought her the car.
Nene apologizes AGAIN to Claudia for calling her a whore. Nene says she doesn’t glue hair to her forehead. Claudia says she doesn’t know how Nene attaches that shit to her head. Claudia just won’t quit while she is ahead. Kenya jumps in and says that the issue that Claudia is having. Kenya asks Nene if she knows that Porsha gets her merchandise from whoring with an African man? Porsha tries to threaten a slander suit. LOLOLOLOL God Porsha is dumb. Cynthia says, You know you know about that African man, Nene!” Porsha is bent that her whoring ways were discussed on camera.
YOU HAD ONE JOB!
The girls are 20 minutes late to Demetria’s 30 minute performance. These bitches had ONE JOB. One place to be that was the point of the whole Puerto Rico trip! They know they are late and are just moseying in to the club without a care in the world. Demetria is the first housewife (other than Kandi) that can actually sing. Wow Da Brat was there! By the way, Nene wore daisy dukes to the concert with her white rayon Nene Leakes duster.
Next Week: Todd goes in for a sperm count. Cynthia burns her friendship contract with Nene and some of the ladies go to Charlotte for Sport One’s opening and Claudia and Kordell exchange digits. 🙂