Well fuck. I really wanted to be done for the night, but that one chick’s asshole brother is the bartender tonight. My post about that brother was the most read and of 2014. It had so many Facebook shares (and was stolen so many times by other sites that I had to take some legal action at sites that consistently steal my post for advertising purposes with not credit, it was the moneymaker post for me despite a few cease and desist shutdowns. Anyway you can read all about the brother here.
First, Andy and Lisa talk about how in his book he was considering Lisa Rinna as a housewife and she is fitting in perfectly. Lisa says she was essentially auditioning on WWHL and Andy tries to deny it by Lisa wanted on the show season one. I wish they would have had the sense to take her. She would be the fan favorite over everyone.
Anyway, I love WWHL but hate recapping because of all the dialogue. So I am going to paraphrase as much as possible rather than transcribe.
New twist. The guests and Andy will have to do a pushup for every time the drinking word is said. I already forgot what it was, because I was winding down for the evening thinking I was off the clock and now am WUI (working under the influence).
Bob Harper claimed he was crying over the kids going to college. Oh for fuck sake. Is Bob gay too? Come to think of it I think he is. I had either forgotten or blocked it out like I do for Anderson Cooper. Amy Phillips does a Lisa Rinna impression. Andy loves it. I thought ist was horrible.
The game is would Lisa do it? I bet all the answers are yes. Wow, first question she refuses to play the part of one of Osama Bin Laden’s wives. She was quick to answer. Hell I would (if I were her) it’s a movie role. Stephen Spielberg offers you at part in his next big film but you have to gain 100 pounds. She ask how much she will make. Andy is like, “It’s a Stephen Spielberg movie, SWEETIE.”
Pause to go off topic. When Andy calls you sweetie he is really saying the vilest word you can think of that you might take offense to in your head. Don’t argue with me I have researched this for three years. Andy hates Lisa.
Back on topic, Lisa says she will do it. I think she is either lying or out of her mind. No Hollywood actress would be that much of a force-fed goose for Speilberg . Not even Lisa “Anything for a buck” Rinna. But right now I am pissed at Andy for giving Lisa the “Sweetie” treatment. For the record, I don’t even think Andy knows he does this, but I do. You do not ever want to be called “Sweetie” by Andy on WWHL.
Anyway, Rinna is stupid because she is all excited about getting to be paid to lose the 100 pounds. Oh Rinna you have no idea.
Would you be Meryl Streep’s butt double in a movie? Would you do an underwater scene among a bunch of sea snakes? Would you steal a part from Harry? Would you do an anti-diarrhea commercial?
She said yes to everything except the Osama Bin Laden thing and stealing a part from Harry. She had to think a bit on the latter.
They show a clip from next week. Apparently the poker party is at Eileen’s house and Brandi tries to keep Kyle away from Kim as Kim and Brandi are storming out. Kyle grabs Brandi by the arm and tells her in no uncertain terms not to keep her from talking to her sister. Brandi pushes Kyle and spills the contents of her to go box. That sucks for Brandi because now what will she binge and purge on later? Allegedly.
Questions for Lisa:
What do you do to stay in such great shape? I work my ass off. (literally) I work out six days a week. I do yoga, I spin, I work out at the gym with Bob… Bob say you also pay attention to every single thing that goes into your mouth and you are very careful. (personal note: sigh. I wish I had the dedication. I’m working up to a big Lentil season ( 🙂 ) push though. It’s 46 days of clean living who wants to join me? We could have a thread here during the “lentil season” as the devout Catholics call it? Come be healthy and sober with me?
WAIT BREAKING NEWS! Bob Harper “dated” Reza from Shahs of Sunset. Bob says they had a tawdry thing a long time ago!
Lisa how are your parents? Not good about the same. I don’t see them as much as I’d like. I get why Lisa is hesitant to visit. (It’s so hard and depressing to see your parents aging and declining) but I think she will regret putting Hollywood in front of visiting. On the other hand many regular people put their jobs in front of visiting because it is hard to handle. I think moreso to see your daddy in decline. My mother dropped dead of a stroke (sort of, long story where I freaked out of a DNR order) but Daddy held on for years after and it is hard to see that. It really is. So I am not judging but I think she will regret not visiting more often. It’s not a Hollywood thing, it’s not a job thing and I could have made more time and I sort of dreaded it. Not because you don’t love your parents but …I it is a self-protective thing for everyone of all incomes. Watching your Daddy’s declining health is unbearable.
Andy says the number one question for Lisa was, “Is Brandi really a drunk?” Lisa says to Andy, “What do you think?” He looks down and moves on.
Which is more dramatic? Working on a soap or RHOBH? Lisa says they are both dramatic but probably this show. But Melrose Place was very dramatic backstage. Those two might be equal.
Do you think Kylie Jenner got lip injections? Yes.
Lisa I really like you but don’t you think calling Brandi white trash was a bit harsh? Well…I will tell you that I call myself white trash also if you look at the extended version of the scene. So maybe it was but I don’t know.. (Bob interrupts to say he grew up white trash). Side note: These comments sadden me. As a newly poor person, I don’t feel like trash. I joke about eating white trash food and rich people food but money or lack thereof doesn’t define me. Being poor doesn’t make a person “trash” no one is “trash.” Some people have more opportunities than others. I have had many fantastic opportunities. Way more than most people So when I make the white trash comments , I mean it in a loving way about things I like that remind me of the US. My dividing lines are do you try to be literate and educated to the best of your abilities. Your level of income does not define you. There is just as much “trash” white or otherwise in the 1%ers as there is in the rest of us. But no Lisa doesn’t feel bad about referring to Brandi that way.
Do you think Lisa Vanderpump and Brandi can be friends again? Lisa says apparently the question was for Bob he says he doesn’t think so, once you get on Lisa’s bad side there is not going back. ( Sidenote: I agree and I don’t think there is anything wrong with Lisa’s stance concerning Brandi. Or anyone else, once you get on my bad side you are done. Unless you have a functioning penis in which case we will fight ad infinitum. )
Bob’s housewife’s tagline would be, “You’ll think I’m the good cop until the handcuffs go on! ” I think I dated Bob probably in the 80’s I’ve forgotten.
What was going through your mind on the wine toss scene? Well exactly what you think it was! It’s surreal. No one does that in life!
Yolanda tweeted about the poll and says “I give it to Lisa Rinna” oooh spoiler alert. Yolanda ultimately jumps ship on Brandi too. “
Bob says in reaction to a question about who was the biggest disappointment for putting all their weight back on after the show… he basically says there are too many to count because so many do. AKA. No one can sustain that level of torture indefinitely.
Okay wait. By the time the Mazel and Jackhole part comes I am usually (and am now) so tired I just want to go to bed, but WHAT THE FUCK? Andy Cohen just gave a MAZEL to a father who accidently packed his cocaine stash off in his pre school kid’s lunch instead of his actual lunch because they were in the same TUPPERWARE? That is a Mazel, why? WTF MOTHER FUCK? This is SOBER ANDY? I’m appalled. And I rarely get appalled. He says “the bad news is he was immediately arrested?” How the fuck is that bad news? Andy just laughs and laughs.
The jackhole is for the Today show (on his network btw) for training a guide dog. Did he get the Mazel and the jackhole backwards? He mocks the seeing eye dog training. Is he trying to be funny by pretending to mix the the Mazel and the Jack hole up? Is it opposite day on Twitter? I have no idea. I am busy working all day… so someone let me in on what I hope is the joke.
Poll Question is which RHOBH has the best body? Rinnat got 27 % Brandi 16% Kim 13% Kyle 10% Eileen 4% (Jesus Christ WTF is wrong with you people? Now she will catch an eating disorder and she is a size 0. asswipes) Vanderpump got 10% and Yolanda got 20%.
The drinking question was “the” and they said it… 43 times and they all have to do pushups. I think Andy won’t make it. That one girl’s brother jumped out from behind the bar and started doing them double speed. Blech.
For all my WWHL blogs go here. Please share the site but not with idiots. Thanks.
For how this post relates to the most popular post of 2014 go here. This was the biggest post of 2014. And these were right up there. He’s awful. I don’t dislike many gay men, but he is almost as bad as my gaybor who I hope dies very soon in a the most painful way.