I am so over Brandi Glanville for the evening, but I have a feeling that Jeff Lewis is going to make the laborious recapping of this episode. Brandi is wearing a completely sheer skirt (except for the stripes) with nothing but black underwear underneath. I think Brandi Said it was La Perla. She’s totally wearing lingerie on WWHL. Jeff Lewis has already called her a prostitute. The family who watches from the bed rather than the couch on People’s Couch are the bartenders.
Andy says he enjoyed watching Brandi make Kate Gosselin cry on Celebrity Apprentice. Brandi says she misses the episode because she was on the plane to NYC to be with Andy tonight.
Andy asks Brandi if she regrets anything from tonight’s episode. She says, ” I do, I think when you waste wine, it’s alcohol abuse.” Andy shakes his head. Brandi says she does regret it. She asks Andy, “When you say sorry once, do you have to say it a million times?” Andy says, “Yes.” Brandi says, “Nope.” Jeff says, ” Well, I disagree, I’m happy and I do drink that much.”
They play a game where Jeff advises Brandi on different issues she has going. First, Brandi versus Kenya. Jeff says Kenya was justified. He was there and Brandi was drunk and came for her. Brandi says, “But was I high?” Jeff says he doesn’t know. Brandi says that she had dinner with Jeff right before the incident there was not time for her to get high.
Next, Joanna Krupa. Jeff says, whether it is true or not, you should not repeat that. Brandi agrees. Jeff says, Joanna also called you white trash which is true.
Next, Lisa Vanderpump and Ken. Jeff says, “What bothered me is that you went after their business. You put out rumors about a bankruptcy. That could affect their business. ” Brandi is incredulous that claiming someone is bankrupt on TV could affect their business.
Scheana Marie. Jeff finally takes Brandi’s side and says, “She is a home wrecker and deserves to be publically shamed.” On this one and only this one he agrees with Brandi. But he is wrong, because Scheana did not know he was married.
Leann Rimes. Jeff also agrees with Brandi.
Next game Brandi has to tell us how big she thinks certain celebrity penises are.
The Donald. 12″ I say 3″ (And I actually like Donald, but he is overcompensating.)
Kanye 3″ I say 8″ Jeff says between 7-8.
Bill O’Reilly 8″ I say a solid 6″ Jeff says 7″
Ryan Seacreast Brandi says he is her friend so she is going to go with 6″, I agree, Jeff says 6″ also.
Jax Brandi between 4″ and 5″, Jeff Between 7″ and 8″ me, I’m surprised if it hasn’t already fallen off.
Brandi, What was harder, Apprentice or RHOBH? Apprentice.
Jeff, Are you and Gage still on track to have children? Yes. They have a surrogate lined up and are looking for an egg. Brandi really wants to donate. OMG. Noe.
Brandi, You said you have anxiety and it seems like you are mixing your meds with the wine and it ain’t fine if you know what I mean? (To be fair the caller is fucked up!) Brandi says she takes Lexapro in the morning. She drinks at night and takes Xanax if she has a panic attack. I have to back her up on this. I don’t take antidepressants anymore now that we FINALLY figured out my issues are hormonal thus anti-depressants not helping. But really Xanax and wine are both about the same thing, it’s just a one or the other situation. If you are in a stressful work environment or having a panic attack in the morning, you take a Xanax. It the panic attacks hits later in the day you have wine. It’s really not fun to take the two in close proximity it just makes you sleepy. If your panic attack happens out in public you pop a lose dose Xanax if it happens at night because you hear something weird outside, you have a glass or 3 of wine. It’s not rocket science.
I also agree that all bets are off on long flights. When I flew to Romania, there was wine served in coach (first row bulkhead) like four times a day. If you have a panic attack five hours into a 9 hour flight and you’ve had wine with your meals, Brandi and I both say you can take a Xanax. There is a difference with someone with a 1mg or less Xanax script and those people gobbling down bars of street Xanax.
There was some banter about trying to get Brandi to run her hands through Jeff’s hair to prove he is not wearing a toupee like Andy did to Kenya. Andy said he yanked Kenya’s hair to prove she does not wear a weave. Brandi says she saw Kenya in hair and makeup getting her weave put in! OOOOOHHHHHH!
For the record, Brandi and Jeff seem to be quite friendly. Andy’s mom didn’t like the penis game.
Jeff, how is Zoila’s dating situation? Jeff says he asks all the time and Zoila says she doesn’t need a man. Jeff says he agrees because she has him. I concur. Andy asks when Flipping out will return and he says the network has told him not to say until he announces
Brandi, what possessed you to throw the wine? She says she will let Jeff answer for her because they talked about it earlier. It was a prank that went awry. Let’s get over it. Really Jeff?
Brandi, what do you think about Lisa Rinna calling you a child and white trash? Brandi says she understood it, and she likes that side of herself because she has to be the adult so much and white trash it is what it is and that is how she grew up.
Jeff, did you see the promo for Vanderpump Rules next week? Does your gaydar go off for Jax’s friend from Miami? Brandi chimes in, “or for Tom?” Jeff says he has no gaydar. PUHLEASE. They try to say Jax is not gay (Andy knows better) and as for Tom he thinks he is curious. Oh Jeff this whole show you are disappointing me.
Yet a third game plugging Jeff’s paint line. It’s naughty sex game version of Pictionary using his paint. meh.
Okay. I don’t know what happened in the break, but Brandi threw a glass of wine on Jeff when the show returned. Clearly he hurt her feelings during the break and she is drunk again. Maybe she does take Xanax and drink at the same time. DAYUM. Jeff and Andy both truly looked shocked. My DVR is paused and Jeff’s face, hair and fancypants jacket is wet. WTF?
Jeff says, ” I can’t believe I defended you.” I left out the part of Andy trying to get Brandi to run her fingers through Jeff’s hair where Jeff quipped “Can I get an STD from that?” So before dousing Jeff with a full glass of white wine (at least it wasn’t red like civilized people drink) she made some statement about alcohol killing everything and once again really threw a full glass of wine on someone, likely in borrowed clothes like she is… and… I just have no words.
Andy is all like, really, this is about the line about the STDs? Seriously this is insane. They seemed to be getting along very well, and then I guess Brandi got drunk and pissed about the JOKE about “can I get an STD from that?” I have no idea if they are kidding or not but Jeff is OCD and a full glass of wine to his face and clothing is not a good thing. Andy says you two were just chatting in the commercial break. Oh okay this is a set up. Brandi is fake crying. It’s bullshit.
Somebody watch the aftershow, because I’ve had way too much Brandi in my life.