On tonight’s Vanderpump Rules the gang goes to Miami for a bachelor, bachelorette party. Because a 3,000 miles from home is the perfect place to have a party. Especially when Bravo is paying. I’m not complaining. I love seeing Miami on TV, I wish it wasn’t the kiss of death for reality franchises though. Apparently, I am the only person that watches reality shows set in Miami.
Jax has some bullshit story about how he got a giant gash in his head. Some drunken incident he probably doesn’t remember would be my guess. Jax uninvited Tiffany from the trip so that Tom would not rat him out about the girl in San Diego. Everyone is nervous about the trip because everyone hates at least two people who are invited. It’s the perfect Bravo recipe for disaster.
The first stop is bottle service at Naked Taco. It’s girls and guys together and there are a lot of extra people who are Scheana’s real friends. Tom and Ariana are dressed alike and Ariana says they read each others minds. Kristen’s crazy is already starting to simmer. They have an erotic scavenger hunt that I believe is for the ladies. Dance on a bar, sign a man’s ass, fake a public orgasm, you know, the usual.
Stassi did not come on the trip and is not speaking to Katie. YAY!
Very quickly the topic of Jax cheating on Tiffany is brought up. Jax makes up lies and dares anyone to challenge his story lest he share the dirt he has on each of them. Schwartz seems most concerned about this possibility. Sandoval probably should be the most nervous, though. The Toms and Jax are sharing a bed tonight so if they get into it, it may be an awkward night.
Later everyone parties in Scheana’s huge suite. Tiffany calls and Jax promises that he is being good. Then he starts hitting on Vail. Jax tells Vail he is not a good person and has lots of issues. This makes Vail want to save him. By fucking him with her magical vagina. The next morning Vail plays the drunk card. Did something happen with Jax and Vail already?
The next day they all go out on a boat. If the parties are mixed, then why are the couples (other than Kristen and James) sleeping in separate rooms? This makes no sense. Everyone is there with their partners yet sleeping in beds with their same sex frinds. I don’t get it.
Jax is texting Carmen again. As well as Tiffany. Jax has offered to fly both of them in. Sandavol makes a very unfortunate analogy between Jax’s behavior and eating fudge.
Finally, the guys have a boys dinner, and the girls have their own at another restaurant. At the boys table, Sandoval talks about Jax screwing the girl in San Diego. Jax brings up Sandoval cheating in Miami. James is keeping Kristen updated through texts. She conveniently goes to the bathroom leaving her phone on the table. Vail picks up the phone and reads the texts. Vail seems to be Kristen level of crazy. Especially when she drinks.
Tom and Jax have a private conversation at the bar. Did Sandoval just admit to cheating on Ariana? OMG next week looks fabulous. Jax’s MIAMI SUGARDADDY IS ON THE SHOW! And Kristen and Sandoval make up? I can’t wait!