This week on Vanderpump Rules, all the guys head off to party in San Diego. Who is going to mix the damn cocktails at SUR?
But first, Stassi and two nameless minions lie in wait for Vail. They would like to rope her into their Stassi Butt Sniffing Society, but that’s not the stuff that Vail likes to sniff. Why is Stassi still so involved in the politics of a bar she no longer works at? I mean I get they apparently wanted her on the show, but everything with her is so overtly pointless. We’d be better off without her. Oh it’s Stassi’s birthday. This year no big trip was paid for Bravo and Stassi is stuck with a wine tasting with a bunch of no named waitstaff. One douchebag announces the he and his douchette just got their “second tier wedding invitation” to Scheana’s wedding. Apparently, she did not have enough positive responses to the first wave so she is inviting her less intimate friends now. Vail is mortified by all the shit talking going on at the table. Stassi and Katie were not invited to the wedding. #SourGrapes
Jax’ girlfriend, Tiffany, hooked the boys up with suites and the VIP treatment in San Diego. All the Toms, and Peter join him. Tiffany has already heard about Vail and is not thrilled. Tiffany is an idiot, the only one with any sense is the girl that dumped Jax for dating other people. They are staying at the Hard Rock and the promotion is flagrant so I guess the whole “Tiffany made the trip happen” is bulllshit to explain the suites and all the free booze. They begin the afternoon with a bottle of tequila and a bottle of vodka which they chug straight from the bottle. 
Back at SUR, the girls are working a charity event to feed starving children in Africa or something. Scheana tells Katie she can come to Miami with the crew. Katie quickly accepts so she can keep tabs on Schwartz.
Peter flat irons his hair. Every week I find him less and less attractive this season. Sandoval is cockblocking Jax at every opportunity. He claims it is out of respect for Tiffany paying for everything, but we all know he hates when chicks fuck his man. It really hurts his feelers. Jax got shitfaced and apparently brought chicks back to the room and banged them he woke up hungover with no pants or underwear on and no memory of what happened. Sandoval is so pissed at Jax. He plans to rat Jax out to Tiffany.
Back home Katie and the Toms chat and Sandoval tells Katie Jax fucked some THOT in San Diego. Tom Sandoval is just livid that Jax cheated on him. He totally can’t stand it.
Scheana, otherwise know as witness for the defense, is rewarded yet again with a bridal shower at Villa Blanca. Too bad the testimony didn’t sway the judge nor the jury. This must be killing Brandi Glanville. The cake says, “Congratulations, Scheana” which is a wedding etiquette faux pas. One congratulates the groom and offers best wishes or good luck to the bride. Other than that, the event is beautiful. Ariana tells the girls at the bridal shower, and the rumor spreads like wildfire. Kristen is thrilled by the news because she feels like Jax will retaliate against Sandoval and tell everyone who Sandoval banged in Miami. This episode needs more Kristen Doute.
Jax and the Toms go out for tacos and Jax lies his ass off. He also claims he told Tiffany the girl came up to the room. Jax said that Tiffany is fine with it. Both Toms know Jax is lying. As soon at Jax gets to his car, he calls Tiffany and gives her the cover story. Tiffany is pissed and hangs up on Jax.
Stassi goes to meet Scheana so she can invite her to Miami. Stassi is insulting Scheana in her talking heads interspersed with being a condescending bitch to her at their meeting. Scheana gets the last laugh by letting her know Katie is coming to Miami with her. Stassi’s head might explode. She may just slit Katie’s throat.
There was not much Vanderpump on Vanderpump Rules tonight.
Next Week: Everyone goes to Miami. And Jax retaliates against Sandoval.
Reading while watching is the best!
Stassi is such a horrible person. Jax is a giant douche and I hope Tiffany dumps him.
i still do not get why everyone wants to be stassi’s friend, she is mean and nasty to all of her friends if they do not do exactly as she says. she needs to be gone! jax is a complete and utter piece of shit. after we all saw what he was the last 2 years one would think his girlfriends would at the very least google what a lying and cheating ass he is. do they think they will be the one to make him honest and faithful? i was going to mention peter and the flat iron… so not manly. i do not know if i have ever seen a more catty bunch of bitches as those that work at sur. i had hoped that jax was full of shit about the other tims cheating, shouldn’t someone on this show be faithful besides lisa? and good for katie not being stassi’s little bitch anymore
Stassi would be a very domineering friend to have. The price to pay would be too high. I have no problem not betraying a friend, but I wouldn’t like having to be told how to think and how to feel about everything, while rubber stamping my approval about everything for her. I can imagine her allways having the same pain in the ass personality. It’s deeply ingrained.
When Peter was flat ironing his hair I swear it looked like it was wet (or very, very damp). WTF — if these guys are going to do metrosexual b.s. like flat ironing their hair, then the should at least learn basics like flat ironing wet hair damages the follicles.
it damages the strands, not the follicles. blasts the cuticle wide open
I stand corrected.
But at least I know not to do it. These guys should learn the same if they want to live the metro lifestyle- in for a penny, in for a pound.
Cuticles, follicles, strands………whateeevaah.
I don’t want to witness what makes Peter look good. He just got 10 points deducted for making me see him “flat iron his do”
Just show up, looking good, be sexy and shut up.
I have naturally curly kinky hair and if you just blow it out… He can use a hairdryer. BUT NOT A FLAT IRON.
On Tue, Dec 30, 2014 at 2:09 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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PS — since I almost never have anything nice to say when it comes to the repugnant personalities on this show, I will add that I thought all the girls looked nice at Scheana’s shower. I actually thought Scheana’s dress was adorable for her age & the occasion.
they did, they didn’t look like trashy waitresses like usual. they looked classy and adult. very nicely dressed and they seemed to have good manners as well, no brawls.
It was a lovely civilized bridal shower.
Because Stassi was not invited. 🙂
On Mon, Dec 29, 2014 at 11:08 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Exactly!
Im surprised Tiffany would want to be with Jax, since she runs with a high end crowd. He’s so transparent. I’m wondering how it is that she can keep a straight face while listening to him spin his web. The younger girl was smarter. I think sometimes , maybe women can be smarter when younger , and you have alot of time ahead of you. Maybe then you listen to your gut instinct more , instead of letting your heart believe what it wants to believe because its what you need to believe.
I don’t think Jax and Tiffany are even a thing. I think Tiffany knows someone who got her cast at Jax beard this season….
That’s just what I think. No source, rumor, evidence of any kind.
On Tue, Dec 30, 2014 at 1:56 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Well, if Tiffany is Jax’s beard just wait—-one of the Tom’s will pluck it, wax it or thread it. Geesh.
I’ve heard that Jax and Andy…
On Tue, Dec 30, 2014 at 2:14 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Okay…..I know I am stating the obvious and repetitive but……how did MEN turn into to THIS??!? Oh Lord, the waxing, spray tanning, the threading, the tweezing, the flat ironing, blow drying, eyeliner on and on and on. The constant never ending Primp-a-Rama, Primp City, Primp ala Mode, Primp a Licious, Primp a Thon—–and the worst—-Primp a TOM!
Make it stop, Tamara. Make it stop.
I want men back.
Totally agree. Not masculine at all.
Sorry. Blame “Women’s Liberation.” Fucking FemiNazis wanted us to be equal, the same, no difference between male and female.
And they got their wish. Now we have quasi-straight men plucking and gelling and threading and spray tanning and getting mani-pedis.
I miss men.
On Tue, Dec 30, 2014 at 1:57 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Fuckin FemiNazis.
Jax is pathological liar. He lies so easily, and is convincing, which makes him a dangerous friend. He cant hold anything either, and he spills his guts to anyone who will listen. But…he makes good TV, and that’s what Andy wants, or he says in his book. Andy thinks that Jax swings both ways.
Now Tom…I don’t think he is jealous, I think he wants payback. Jax slept with Kristen, and I don’t think that Tom has forgiven the betrayal. Andy said in his book, that he thinks Tom is beautiful. Tom is Andy’s type of man.
Kristen…why does she look so unkempt? She looks frumpy. I wonder what she would look like with short hair?
Stassi, I agree with Tamara. What is the purpose of her being on the show? She is trying to bring the drama, but it seems as if no one is interested in her opinions anymore. Her 15 minutes was up when she quit SUR.
Katie…her hair looks much better. I hated the orange hair. She has more of a storyline this season, and seems interesting…so far.
Schena. I don’t care for her at all. Way to much make-up. I agree with Stassi on every comment she makes about Schena’s looks & style. I thought her dress was really cute though. She whines too much for me.
I think Kristen looks pretty this season actually. Obsession becomes her. Ha ha. To me she looks rested and glowing despite the emotional turmoil. Maybe its the sex with James. On the other topic, I think guys do alot of this grooming because its an investment to getting them laid and playing and using women. That simple. There are a substancial amount of women for whom, it’s all about the looks. I’ve known women who are like this and go for all this stuff and waxing and manscaping. Guys that are players, know they can get women to fall into bed and in love with them by being in tip top shape with their appeatance. Since its popular and more common they are expected to keep up with the other dudes who do it.
Okay, I just have to get this off of my chest. Got to share it. Got to cough it up so I can move on.
Tonight I witnessed just about the most pathetic, soulless, sexless scene between 2 supposed “lovers” Arianna and Tom.
Just want to dip my head in a vat of Clorox to rinse my pupils.
Did you see this chick sit in the corner, watching and snickering as her little hairless chihuahua boyfriend get his little spray tan?
He was standing there in all his skinny ass glory, wearing his pokey-dick underoos like a droopy armed 4 year old. Oh, Lord. Stop. Just stop.
SHE even knew it was all pathetic.
Sorry I am posting so much tonight. I swear—–I have just never seen anything quite like this. And I have been around.
Gloriously around.
Just not like these pathetic,squirming, bleating little primping weenies.
Thanks. Feel a lot better now.
I did not. I diverted my eyes. I just could not. But thanks for describing it here because I could not do it.
On Tue, Dec 30, 2014 at 2:54 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Jeezus F’in Christopher…the visual I got from “dip my head in a vat of Clorox to rinse my pupils” literally made my tummy heave. Thanks. LOL!
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I find it hard to believe that Ariana is truly interested in Tom. He is repulsive! Kristen had that guy’s number, whatever it is. Maybe we don’t want to know, but I have a feeling we may find out anyway.
Stassi is a has been who never was. She was able to ‘rule’ SUR because of her position w/ LVPs daughter as a wannabe, deadline missing, fashion blogger; Also I guess Lisa feels if the staff allows it she just looks the other way or has a laugh when it’s wickedly funny.
However, now that she’s no longer working there, anyone who falls for her bullshit and OTT histrionics is a fool. Her presence this season, is superfluous as there are more interesting characters, Kristen, Scheana & Katie, who can narrate the action and actually work at SUR.
Totally agree. I think because Stassi was so central to the drama the past two seasons (mostly because of her relationship with Jax) they were nervous that the show couldn’t hold its own without her. I think this season has proven so far that it absolutely can. And should. She serves no purpose and her scenes are awful. She can really only film with Katie and that obnoxious yes man anorexic brunette chick who is always around but we literally know nothing about as her only role is to ask Stassi questions, agree, and drink with her. All she does is talk shit about Jax, who she now has no interaction with, Kristen, who she claims not to give a shit about, and Scheana, who she expressly dislikes and has no desire to be friends with. Why is she here? Hoping they get the message and pull her next season. The show will be fine, if not much better, sans Stassi.
I hate admitting that I like this show as much as I do. I’m really not sure why. But I’m drawn to it. Maybe I’m hoping for someone to have a breakthrough.
Alas. I know. Not likely to happen.
Pretty much everything about them annoys, astonishes or angers me. The level of selfishness and sense of entitlement is shameful and the mean girl behavior is merciless.
And the boys. I am rendered almost speechless. I just don’t see any of them as sexy or manly. Jax is smarmy but I do find Tom Sandoval oddly pretty.
After all is said and done, I still like Lisa and Ken, warts, farts, bad juju and all. Love their home. I love pink. (No shade!)
So there’s that.
I’m glad you blog about it. You snark things I hadn’t caught and I love good snark.
Didn’t realize I had so much to say.
I agree with most on here, but I’ll say this: if the guys wanna preen, let ’em preen.
Best scene of the night! The morning after Jax wakes up half naked he asks tom what’s up! Tom walks out in his capris, sits and crosses his legs pouting, “I dunno”. Gee I wonder what he was really angry about! I had to pause lol and actually the next boyfriend was sitting the same way with his head by sandoval’s butt! WTF!’
Why I am the first to scream and giggle at TT’s “I heard that Jax and Andy”…My gay-dar did not sound for Jax at all.My mid life crisis-dar screamed from season one, episode 3, but gay would be a shame…I hope for bi at best. Sandoval though…just tell your parents the old fashioned way and come out of that sparkling closet once and for all. Schwartz…I have a hung jury on him as well. Maybe my gay-dar needs a update of some kind. Metrosexuals have me so damn confused anymore. I miss men, too. Lumberjack kind of men. *sigh*
there is something to be said for a guy who comes home from work and dirty in work boots and you get to put in the shower. that is why i love my hubs. he works in a mill and has laughed and asked if the toms and jax are gay when he has happened to see them. cracks me up
I feel truly sorry for all the 20 and 30 something year old women of this generation…they will never know what it is like to be with a real man. A man, who doesn’t own styling gel, a flat iron, get spray tanned, waxed or threaded, and who doesn’t feel completely comfortable wearing their girlfriend’s clothes.
The look on my poor husband’s face as i was watching the scene of Sandoval getting spray tanned was priceless. I don’t want to say abject horror, but…yeah, it was pretty much that. I think it’s definitely an LA thing? I don’t know. I’m from the Philly area and I’ve never met a guy who does any of these things. Actually, Jersey Shore comes to mind…
The tacos looked tasty, though.
Maybe I’m in some weird bubble here, but the only bodywaxed, metrosexual, murse toting dipshits I see around town are generally models/actors/rentboyz. No shortage of unreconstructed males around me, for which I’m deeply grateful.
And as far as Stassi goes, I think Production may have been afraid that they wouldn’t have enough drama without her, so she is included this season as kind of a kickstand.
They need some new bitches (male and female) with staying power in order to replace her.
I would enjoy her presence more on the show if she had an actual job, like a real stylist, rather than the highly-contrived “helping Lisa” story line.
I find it interesting that she can’t boss her new boyfriend (Patrick Meagher) into being on the show….because who wouldn’t love to see Kristin stir up dust in that relationship…..
Maybe Production will force Sheena (or however you spell it) to get a boyfriend who can actually speak. He might be a nice guy and good husband material, but he seems mute to me.
I don’t care for James, but at least he’s willing to let his bitch flag fly. It’s hard work to come off haughty when you are a common busboy who had to beg for the job, but James makes it work. And he has a nicer apartment than Sandoval, that’s for sure. Not to mention a (highly-leveraged) BMW.
Nothing of interest or scially redeeming on this show. My food service friends were much more interesting…and we worked our asses off. Don’t like any of them. Occassionally watch…but never on purpose.
Jax….yuck.
Was I dreaming…or did I see LVP and Jax?? Editing?miliseconds.
The patron saint of homosexuality. Is she a beard?
So for the first time ever, I made my non-TV-watching boyfriend watch TV with me. And this is what we watched. It was my mistake for this to be the first thing we watched together. He was horrified… HORRIFIED… to see these people and the fact that this is on television disgusted him.
Of course, this was after he asked me if every single guy on the show was gay… and wouldn’t let me change the channel. LOL.
Ok, so I just watched this shitshow. There are no words. Well, maybe just a few:
Scheana – Not inviting one partner is a big faux pas and obviously meant as a dig toward Katie. As was inviting one day before the shower.
Katie – Pathetic that she went. Even more pathetic is her shitty relationship with Schwartz, who doesn’t care about her at all. Katie doesn’t understand that Schwartz is wasting her time and will not be marrying her. Ever. Actually, Lisa and Stassi (whose name I want to spell stussi) share the same opinion about Tom 2, except Lisa has a higher likeability factor.
Lisa – I had to laugh that Lisa actually told Katie that Lisa intervened on her behalf with cunty Maybelline Scheana. Lisa’s the only reason Katie was there not because Scheana had a come to Jesus moment.
Schwartz – Dipshit.
Tom 1 – ok, maybe he’s maturing a little bit, outgrowing the Carnel Knowledge bro phase. Oh wait. No. He’s all emo over Jax cheating on him with some floozy.
Jax – Dipshit. But at least he kind of owns it.
Peter – Hm. Flat iron, eh?
Stassi has been demoted and that could not be any more clear after this episode. Last year she was given an all expenses paid trip to Mexico for her birthday and this year she was lucky to have Bravo pick up the tab on her “quieter” wine tasting party. Katie isn’t a total idiot…she’s jumping ship. It’s funny watching Stassi go on and on about how she’s completely moved on from Sur and how she feels so bad for all of her friends who are still there. It’s obvious that she’s addicted to the drama and misses it. The lady doth protest too much. There’s no need for her to come back for another season. The chevron painting she was working on in her empty apartment was strangely symbolic. That horrid pattern has overstayed its welcome and so has Stassi.