Dandy visit’s Maggie at the Freak Show for a fortune reading because he’s having some bad luck with the ladies. She tells him that his voice is very familiar. Maybe if he calls her ‘tiny tits’ again that may jog her memory of almost being sawed in half by him in episode 4. Maggie was less creative this time than she was with Elsa’s reading because she tells him that the crystal ball is clear, and his indiscretion would be forgotten. He calls Maggie his savior & slaps down a Benjamin and startles her by grabbing her hand real hard as he compliments her on her talents. I suspect Dandy knows her reading was a load of #bullshit.
What her crystal ball didn’t reveal is that Dandy bludgeoned & decapitated the Avon Lady. He then sewed her head onto his mother’s body creating his own “puppet mother” marionette so that he can pretend he’s playing with Dot & Bette. #TeamCrazy
Jimmy is drunk & spoon feeding Ima, The Fat Lady, a big bowl of pudding with so much sexual innuendo & double entendres that it could have been a scene from some ‘gainer porn’. Google that Freaktards because it’s a freakishly real thang! Ima just giggles with delight as he slaps her meaty ass. #BBW
Even though Chrissy Metz (Ima) is a big beautiful woman, her character is wearing a fat suit to appear larger. Am I the only that notices how awfully obvious it is? The special effects are inconsistent considering something impossible like conjoined twins looks more realistic on camera than Ima Wiggles as a #FauxFatty.
Then Jimmy sees Dandy as he’s leaving & confronts him about the twins’ whereabouts. Plus he accuses him of being a murderer & the second clown in the woods. He throws a punch at Dandy but misses and falls down drunk. Since Jimmy took the twins’ away from him, Dandy vows revenge, “I am your God. You need to suffer. I’m going to destroy you and everything you love. It will be so much fun.”
Elsa & Stanley searched Ethel’s trailer & found a suicide note that she left for Jimmy telling him where the twins were hidden. They found them in a motel in West Palm Beach and tell them lies that a town mob is killing freaks and Ethel was the first victim, and they need to go hide at a safer place. Dot is suspicious of Elsa; but Elsa lies and says that she is fulfilling her wish & has contacted the surgeon that can separate them and he is on his way. Of course Dot be smiling & Bette be worrying. #YingYang
While Desiree searches the camp for the twins with Maggie, she runs into Theo Huxtable Angus T. Jefferson played by Malcolm Jamal Warner. He has come to visit her, but she dismisses him quickly and tells Maggie he is her beau. There was no further mention about him the rest of the episode.
Soon after, Desiree & Maggie walk in on Jimmy clumsily fucking Ima doggie style in the storage tent. Desiree laughs at them, but Maggie is jealous & yells at him for being drunk and sticking it in anything. She slaps him, and Ima gets in Maggie’s face & threatens to flatten her like a cracker. Jimmy likes Ms. WigglesOnMyDick and crudely grabs her “knockers” & says “she tastes like a lemon-lime lollipop”, and then he pukes. #Sourpuss
Next Jimmy goes to a Tupperware party gig to perform his finger banging services for the suburban housewives. The hostess comes out from the bedroom unsatisfied because he’s drunk & missing his aim. She paid him anyway & asked him to leave. Jimmy staggers out to the living room and in his drunken despair has hallucinations of his dead mother.
He drops to his knees, hugging her with his head buried in her bosom. While she lectures him & tells him to get over his grief, some bizarre parallel conversation is going on between the housewives & ‘Ethel’ about Tupperware. When he snaps back into reality he realizes that he was hugging one of the housewives instead of his mother. Just moments after he leaves Dandy shows up at the front door. He charmed his way into the house with flattery & pretends that he has car problems and needed to use the phone.
Stanley & Elsa drive the twins to a small metal barn in a secluded area. They tell the twins that they will have to stay there until the doctor arrives. There’s a makeshift medical table, and Dot wants to know why the doctor would do their surgery there. Bette begins to panic at the thought, but Stanley stresses to all that the table is only for the initial exam, and the surgery would be at the hospital. Of course Dot is down with plan and the possibility of a normal life; but Bette isn’t because it’s barbaric, and she doesn’t like the idea of living her life split right down the middle. This is so dumb. Who gets the #vajayjay?
In a flashback we see that Elsa is apprehensive to Stanley about either plans of murder or risky surgery because she loves her monsters. He then tells Elsa that the separation surgery is the better option and a win for everyone. Elsa can go off to Hollywood, and the twins can stay at the Freak Show living two separate lives. Conniving Stanley has Elsa wrapped around his finger. Unbeknown to Elsa, Stanley’s real plan is to have the twins euthanized in the metal barn. Oh Gawd so much stupidity happening. PLEASE give me the needle drip. #NoMercy
Back in suburbia, the Tupperware party hostess’ husband arrives home and screams when he finds the carnage of all the housewives floating in the indoor swimming pool. The water was blood red from end to end. Horrifying as the scene is, it perversely resembles a classic desert dish of the 1950’s… Red fruit #JelloMold.
Dandy is back at his mansion preparing another blood bath. He harvested blood from the murdered housewives in Tupperware, and he’s pouring a bowl into his tub when Regina walks in and says that she’s called the cops regarding her missing mother. Dandy, very casually, says that he killed her mother. Regina looks like she just had the wind knocked out of her. He cocks his head to side to side with a “now what” look. Gasping for breath she notices blood splatter stains & asks if they came from her mother. He admits Dora was killed weeks ago, and that he killed his mother too. #ThugLife
He tells Regina he’s discovered the power of bathing in blood, and he wants to take a bath with the blood from some ladies he killed earlier. She tries to leave but he rushes to the door and locks her inside his room. He corners her & tells her that he loves killing. He loves having control over peoples’ lives, and killing is his destiny, “I’m finally happy.” She’s terrified & he’s in her face, and I LOL when he picked a piece of lint off of her jacket. #OCD
He gleefully invites her to get in the bathtub with him like when they were kids & disrobes. Dandy has no interest in killing Regina and demands she get in the tub while standing in front of her in all his naked glory. She wants to leave, but he scoffs that she is a bore. Surprisingly he unlocks the door. As she runs out he screams, “I am ABOVE THE LAW. BEYOND THE LAW. I AM THE LAW!!” #BathSaltCrazy
Still in the metal barn, Dot and Bette talk more about the surgery. Bette says that everyone thinks she’s the dumb one, but she pays attention. She knows only one of them can survive the surgery. Dot wants to do it because she is tired of living her life in this “arranged marriage” with her sister. Bette knows that she can’t survive without Dot. She would rather “one of them truly live than both of them withering away together.” She cries that she would like to sacrifice her life if it meant that Dot could have a full & normal one. Both cry as they tell each other, “I love you.”
Under the night sky with the Freak Show circus visible in background, Dell is walking down a road drinking out of his flask. Stanley gets out of his car & taunts Dell about Andy, his missing hustler-lover. Dell is rattled & on edge. Stanley tells him to chill out & accuses Dell of being “half-cocked.” If you’ve studied gay-cruising 101, you won’t be surprised that Stanley used that as a segway to whip out his 13 inch dick. Dell just stared it at, “Holy shit, you’re a freak.” Stanley starts slapping his schlong & begins to masturbate while Dell just stares it at like it’s a glass of ice-cold lemonade in the middle of the desert. Stanley kicks it up a notch with some dirty talk trying to seduce Dell to engage in their “dirty secret.” #GagWorthy
Later in his trailer, Dell tries to write a letter to Desiree. He tears out the page. Next he tries to write one addressed to Jimmy. He tears that out also. Finally he addresses one to “My son.” He’s still drinking & is very drunk, and he’s thinking about his earlier encounter with Stanley. Dell is writing a suicide note; but before he finishes, Ma Petite’s ghost squeals at him “SIGN IT!” like a Notary of Death.
He steps up on a chair to hang himself but then Ethel’s ghost appears because she wants to watch & calls him a coward. Dell is crying & can’t take the shame anymore for being “what I am.” She tells him how he wears his shame on the inside, whereas all the other freaks are forced to wear theirs on the outside. No matter how strong he is bending steel, he’s always been weak. She tells him to get back on that chair and “Get it done.”
He hangs himself and starts flailing, maybe to breathe, maybe to save himself. We get his first person view of almost blacking out with blurred vision & spots of light, but then Desiree says his name. I’m not sure if the rope snapped from his weight or Desiree cut it, but Dell survived.
Stanley is in his motel room with his regular male prostitute. The ‘himbo hooker’ is dressed up as a sexy doctor doing double duty. First rehearsing his lines for Stanley’s half-assed plan to euthanize the twins; and secondly doing what he probably does best, looking hot with no gag reflex. #DeepThroat
Regina comes back to the mansion with a detective Colquitt. Dandy graciously invites them in because he has nothing to hide. Y’all know how he has no self-awareness and has admits everything to anyone. He tells the detective that Regina is not a liar and Dora & his mother must be dead. Dandy goes on about what he’s done and says that he has money & power, and he will get away with all of it. He gets close to the detectives face and tells him that he is God & nothing can stop him now.
Detective Colquitt opens the holster to his gun as a precaution. The detective tells Dandy that he better stop talking, as he’s digging himself a hole. Dandy says, “How about you dig a hole for her,” pointing to Regina, “and I’ll pay you a million dollars CASH.” Immediately the detective shoots Regina in the head & kills her… And VOILA for the second time in two AHS seasons (like Kathy Bates’ decapitation) Gabourey Sidibe suffers a gunshot blast to the head. #HistoryRepeating
Dandy Mott’s family owns a company very similar to Mott Food products? OMG how did the FX lawyers let them use that company’s name? I suddenly have an urge for some apple juice. #Thirsty
Back at camp, the twins are waiting for Jimmy in his trailer. He’s still drunk. Dot says that they were about to do something horrible, the surgery, but that they’ve decided not to go through with the separation. Dot has finally realized that she & her sister belong together, and she is ready to live a happy life. Dot expresses her condolences about Ethel.
She tells Jimmy that she’s in love with him and wants to replace his pain with love. Dot drops their robe (pardon my subject verb disagreement), and she/they are topless. She bares her soul and offers herself sexually to him while Bette looks off to the side appearing emotionally disconnected. Jimmy asks Bette how she feels about this because it is her body too, but she assures him they would have privacy when she shuts her eyes & disappears. Since Jimmy has been such a man-slut, I’m expecting some freaky conjoined-twin threesome. After kissing each other, OMG Dot is doing the hard sell that they have two mouths to devote to him. Oh yes she went there. Jimmy sweetly turns Dot down because he is in love with somebody else…Who? Maggie or Ima?
The police have found Jimmy’s glove at a murder scene and showed up to his trailer to arrest him for the Tupperware party massacre. #TheEnd
COMMENTARY: This is was a good & entertaining episode on a superficial level. But where the hell is the horror in American Horror Story? I just live for any & all of Dandy’s scenes. So far he is the most consistent character. Everyone else just seems to change their minds & personalities in each episode. Personally I think writers are setting up Dandy for a Mordrake visit. Remember Evil Face chose to kill Twisty because he had no remorse or feeling that he had done anything wrong, just like Dandy Mott. Plus I would love to see him & his killer wardrobe for eternity in Hell.
Thanks for reading Freaktards. Of course I have more snark & commentary to add below, so please read and join me down there and share your thoughts too. Please stalk me like Stanley looking for a blowjob @Urethra_F