Last week on this intellectual drama, we explored the deep and thought-provoking question, “Did Katie cheat on Schwartz?” We also delved a bit into Schwartz’s work ethic or lack thereof. This week our intellectual exploration continues as we delve into the life altering question, “Did Schwartz cheat on Katie?” If we’ve learned anything thing from history, we can rest assured that the answer to this question is “yes.” Yes he did. But, will we get an answer tonight or will we have to watch sixteen more episodes for him to come clean?
For some unfathomable reason, Schwartz has been called in to PUMP to work an event. Scheana, and Katie sit around and trash talk Jax in front of Schwartz. Schwartz says Jax is not that bad.
Meanwhile Kristen and Scheana trash talk Katie and Schwartz. Kristen says they are delusional about their relationship. I feel myself getting smarter watching this show already. Kristen is hurt that Katie doesn’t love her anymore. I mean all she did was tell Schwartz that Katie is a skeevy cheating whore. Kristen wants to meet up with Stassi.
Kristen and Stassi sit down face to face and Kristen is very polite. Kristen apologizes. Kristen says the intention was not to be cruel. Things seem to be going well. And the Kristen tells Stassi that not only did Katie cheat on Schwartz, but Schwartz cheated on Katie! Oh the horrors! Kristen is accused of wanting to “take down Katie and Schwartz!” OMG This is just like last season on RHOBH where the Dubrows tried to take down the Beadors! And that didn’t work out so well…
Jax goes to see his therapist and discusses his love of romantic comedies and crying. He loves a good cry.
Stassi runs back to tell Katie that Schwartz cheated in Vegas. Katie doesn’t believe it happened. Katie is going to go confront Jax and Scheana. Jax tells Katie that Schwartz did not cheat on her in Vegas. Jax is obviously lying because whatever Jax says is like the anti-truth. Katie clocks out early. Scheana and Kristen tell Katie Jax is lying. Schwartz is summoned for at tete a tete with Katie. Schwartz denies screwing the chick in Vegas. Schwartz made out with some other girl a year ago. Katie cries. Katie is mad at Jax. Katie needs to understand that Schwartz will never, ever break up with Jax.
Jax and Schwartz get together and compare notes. Jax admits that he told Katie that Schwartz banged a girl in Vegas. Jax says this makes him look bad. Then they bond over their hatred for having to pass drinks at events. Even worse they are passing hors d’oeuvres. Oh the horror! What a waste of talent and ability. Jax drops several trays.
Katie and the new minion girl and Stassi vent over cold pizza. The minion says that Schwartz will eventually admit he slept with the Vegas girls. At the end of the show Schwartz shows up with a guilty puppy dog face and a bouquet of flowers.
I think we can all admit, we have grown as cerebral beings by spending an hour watching this sophisticated programming.