Oooops sorry off to a very late start. Weird day. Let’s do this!
Tom Schwartz wants a dog? Tom Schwartz can’t even take care of himself. I barely go anywhere and having a dog is an issue. This is a stupid idea. Oh he is getting one with Katie to keep her from dumping him for being a deadbeat who doesn’t want to marry her. I’m not sure if the dog he chooses is a rescue or a puppy mill dog. Update, it’s a store bought dog. It was a weird scene. Update, now it’s a rescue dog. It is totally working on Katie.
Bravo seems to think the show can’t go on without Stassi. My opinion differs. I’m not interested enough in her scenes to recap. Lisa has a cover shoot for a gay magazine.
Jax gets his nose splint off. It was too gross to watch. Just like Stassi. His nose seems massive. Jax and Gay Tom talk about how hot the male doctor is while reassuring each other they are not gay.
All the suspended employees are back on the clock at SUR. Jax is pissed with Katie for not reaching out to him because she is Team Stassi. It’s a ridiculous argument. Jax tells us that Schwartz is always depressed and hates his life and he doesn’t think Katie and Schwartz should be together. Jax and Scheana bond in sort of the enemy of my enemy is my friend way. Oh and they mention Katie is a whore. Come on now, guys the girl has to get laid somewhere. I’m sure when your boyfriend is gay you make arrangements. Mind your own business. Wait, according to Jax Katie was “motorboating the crotch region of a guy” in a public place. What does that even mean Jax? Wait, Scheana saw it too.
Lisa and Ken talk about my girl Kristen in a horrible fashion on the night of her return to work. Such high expectations, dayum, professtionalism? Meh. No one else has to meet such lofty standards…. Kristen and Jax bond outside on break by talking shit about Katie and Schwartz. Kristen is just happy someone else is fucking up their relationship for a change. Jax says Schwartz doesn’t even care. Um, DUH, because you are Schwartz’s big spoon.
Meanwhile, across the moat, Stassi has trepidations about crossing the drawbridge with the fucking swans who likely shit like geese everywhere. And I am finally getting tired of seeing Lisa Vanderpump’s closet. With all these closet scenes Lisa Vanderpump is more in the closest than the guys on this cast. I’m over it now. Stassi at least realizes that she is not really “styling” Lisa. At least she got to style Giggy.
Next up, a rooftop pool party. Where did this Katie hate come from? I don’t have a problem with it per se. But it seems like it sort of came out of nowhere.
Lisa’s photoshoot is going to happen at PUMP. Because, gay. Lisa seems to think that Stassi should be more grateful for the opportunity to check to be sure her bra straps are not showing. Stassi has no business cards to network with. #Fail
Jax and Gay Tom leave the pool party to go do an intervention with Schwartz. The mission is to get him to dump Katie. Schwartz is in denial about Katie being a whore. Or in the real life version, he has his own situation, and he lets Katie have hers. Butt out, butt buddies.
Kirsten and Katie have an awkward conversation. Kristen points out that motorboating a guy’s dick is inappropriate. Katie storms off saying this is why she can’t have nice things.
James wants us to know he is much better in bed and has a much bigger dick than Gay Tom.
Katie goes to lunch with Stassi and a minion. She tries to deny she is a crotch motorboater. Someone asks why Schwatz doesn’t care about. I think it is pretty obvious the crotch Katie was motorboating is not a crotch Schwartz is interested in. Um, duh. Stassi still can’t stop looking directly in the camera.
Meanwhile, Jax and the two Toms are on a bicycling date. Stassi leaves with her minion and the Schwartz and the boys cycle up. It’s the Jax and Katie confrontation. You’re a liar, no you’re a liar! You’re a cheater! No you’re a cheater! Schwartz half-heartedly says his relationship is great. Schwartz doesn’t really care what Katie does. Katie storms off and leaves Schwartz to enjoy his lunch with the boys. For five seconds. Schwartz goes after her and Katie mentions that he lets his friends talk crap about her. Schwartz dismisses her and returns back to his boys. Gay Tom says Schwartz should care about Katie’s cheating. Schwartz says Katie was probably just “borderline blackout drunk.”
Next Week: It seems that Schwartz has his own side piece and it even be a chick!
I really liked stassi last season but she’s not doing anything for me this season. She’s just using up space. She’s very boring now you can tell by the way she dresses how granny she got. Kristin is actually growing on me. Jax has aged so quickly in a bad way! Like damn buddy he looks old compared to the first season. He looks greasy , dirty and constipated now. Scheana is a 8 year old stuck in a 20 something body I don’t respect her overall stassi gotta go to her invisible bf and make invisible babies
I’m a HUGE (um pun?) lover of palazzo pants. so I got to give her that. I thought she looked lovely trying to dodge the swan shit. But I just don’t like her.
On Mon, Dec 1, 2014 at 10:41 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I admit doing a piss poor job at recapping this show. But I mean… I just don’t know what to say…
On Mon, Dec 1, 2014 at 11:50 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
> I’m a HUGE (um pun?) lover of palazzo pants. so I got to give her that. I > thought she looked lovely trying to dodge the swan shit. But I just don’t > like her. > > On Mon, Dec 1, 2014 at 10:41 PM, Tamara Tattles [email protected]> wrote: > >>
I find Jax’s giant face super distracting.
So far this season is pretty blah. I really hate that James douche.
People “really like Stassi”?!?!
What could there possible have been (besides clothing as Tamara stated she liked) that could’ve had anyone over 14 years old actually like this person?
She has NEVER been nice or even pleasant because the show began after she’d already been “burned by Jax” (or so she says over & over & over & over) so ALL we’ve seen of her has been bashing of pretty much everyone, using every person she can as it suits her, plotting evil, conspiring to bring people down, ZERO humility..her parents are absolutely disgusting snobby pathetic drunks, her father is a little mini man with penis size issues (what grown man acts like that?!?) but this explains why their kid is such an asshole. She thinks she is THE most beautiful girl in the world and gods gift to men, meanwhile she looks like a foot. Besides being evil & plotting revenge at all times she has ZERO personality! It was funny when she was telling her dad that New Yorkers actively DO THINGS all day & that when she lived here people would look at her like a freak because she “did nothing all day”. Oh wait she would walk around Manhattan exploring & sometimes cook ::rolling eyes::
Of course you did nothing because you have no interests, no brain, you’re boring and dumb. You’re a dumb little spoiled wanna be princess who’s looking for a man who works hard & makes good money to support your boring ass so you can become a baby factory for a while and have his balls in your pocket. Then you’ll move on to the next man to secure a retirement fund. Thing is, Stassi doesn’t have much of anything to offer men like this who get female body parts thrown at them all day long. What could she possibly offer except what’s between her legs which honestly they can find many many many of?
Of course her boyfriend didn’t want to EVER be filmed, he doesn’t want the association, doesn’t want his reputation tarnished with this girl because he won’t be with her for very long. Unless it’s already over & she’s just pretending for the cameras.
It’s funny how Stassi doesn’t think she is vapid, classless, pretentious and boring, just like every other boring, dim wit girl on this show.
At least Scheana is gorgeous. The only one who is attractive, the rest of them just have good bodies, but BUTTAH faces. Every damn one of them. Fugly. Boring. Vapid. Pretentious. Hopeful future baby makers.
Hooray!
“Oh I didn’t motorboat a dick, I was trying to put my shoes on.”
Hilarious.
Every time I see a comment of yours I read it in that amazing voice of hers in my head. Continue!
have you all noticed how sometimes katie appears to be really homely and others she looks pretty? crazy. stassi is using up space and for lisa to let her speak to an employee that way is wrong. doesn’t matter that stassi used to work there and that there is a history it should not have happened. sheana has a very annoying voice, borderline nasal whine… can’t stand it but i like her so i put up with it. stassi’s little minion who was at brunch drinks the stassi kool-aid like katie does and i find it rather stupid, like they do not have an original though that hasn’t been cleared through her. jax and the toms jsut need to come out, schwarts indifference to katie maybe cheating and him just sitting there during the whole he said she said thing should speak volumes to katie, hello he is so over you and is only eith you because it’s like that really comfortable ratty shirt you keep because you are used to it. i swear none of these morons could keep a job anywhere else.
ok, now that i have seen it again, i see why stassi was such a twat. got it. stassi really is an arrogant snatch that i love to hate.
I don’t love to hate her.
I don’t even hate her. I just wonder why she is on this show?
On Tue, Dec 2, 2014 at 12:41 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
>
Whats up with how these people dress? Jax has worn that wrinkled pastel button down shirt since day one, Katie flowers and that wretched dress needs to go back to the thrift store you bought it at. Stassi did look good in the palazzo pants. I wish Kristen and gay Tom would get back together, Arianna is a bore. This show reminds me of The Hills, but Stassi is no Lauren Conrad nor is Jax a Brody Jenner.
They be po.
On Tue, Dec 2, 2014 at 1:21 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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This is the stupidest & gayest show on tv. When I watch, all I hear are my brain cells go pop pop pop like bubble wrap. GAWD these people are the worst. It’s obvious that Jax got his deviated septum fixed so that he can breath better for quality blows jobs for Tom 1 & wonky eyed Tom 2.
Now that I think about it. How the fuck did I give you the week off. You could have recapped this shitfest this week.
Then you would know how to recap in like 500 words, because NOTHING HAPPENS.
On your show shit happens! Recapping Vanderpump Rules is like recapping nothingness….
On Tue, Dec 2, 2014 at 1:28 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Deep breath…exhale….repeat till you fall asleep.
In Scheana’s talking head, she said that it pisses her off when she sees people commenting on Scwartz and Katie on Instagram saying they are the perfect couple. Right before she told us all that Katie is actually a cheater and they are an awful couple and everyone should actually want to be like her and Shay, who are the real perfect couple. It’s not often on reality TV that people just tell you their motives for talking shit/lying right out the gate. But Scheana is a moron, so…
Jax is by far the nastiest woman on this show. I can’t imagine how stupid a woman (or man) would have to be to be interested in this uneducated 35 year old bartender, who is more catty than a 14 year old girl, gets girls names tattooed on his arm after 3 dates and is relegated to riding a bicycle because his daddy refused to pay his car insurance.
You guys said it all…which is great because I have no words…just yet another 40 mins. of my life I will never get back,
I agree and I’m finding it hard to watch a show when there’s no one to like and cheer for. TT forgive me if you’re going to recap Andy’s show, but this is bugging me. What’s up with Andy calling Jax sweetie? 3 flippin times by my count. I’ve never noticed him doing this before, is there a crush there? I wouldn’t touch Jax with someone else’s hand. yuck
Andy calls people sweetie when he is shaming them. If you get the sweetie. You been mocked.
On Tue, Dec 2, 2014 at 1:16 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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He was talking down to him, being condescending.
I love it when I read the recap before I watch the show! It just gets me more excited to watch this train wreck.
Last night I saw a tweet by Jax & he said he had to cut his trip to NYC (for WWHL) short because he had to go back to LA for unexpected additional filming for Vanderpump Rules. I thought all the filming was already in can? Anyway I went back to copy his tweet to paste here and it has been deleted.
Oh wow James is pretty in that top pic. He is 10x prettier than Kristen.
Jax is so annoyingly immature. What’s worse is that he revels in his own immaturity like it’s something to be proud of.
Stassi is so ungrateful and just made herself look incredibly unprofessional to potential future employers – not that she has any intentions of actually making her own living.
I think Schwartz actually handled the cheating allegations maturely. He knows jax and gayest tom are liars and didn’t even entertain the thought. I don’t believe katie “motorboated someone’s crotch” but even if she did, is that equal to sex or intimacy? I mean, it’s not appropriate but it sounds like shitfaced antics and not on the same level of what people typically refer to as cheating.
And re:the dog… That poor puppy! But I’m happy to see they adopted one and didn’t get a designer dog from a puppy mill.