I am slow on the go tonight so this may take forever, but here we go on the Real Housewives of Atlanta. I’m also trying a new format tonight so let’s get on with the show.
I don’t even need to see this scene before I know it is going to be more evidence that Kandi and Todd’s marriage is never going to last. We are at the Kandi Factory and I am already thinking that they should have talked about WAY more stuff before hooking up. They don’t seem to agree about any of the big issues. This already seems so staged. I get that it is all staged. But could two people ever be more mismatched? I hope for Kandi’s sake this is not how she runs a business. She seems to know how to manage money and run a business, so I don’t believe any of this. Sorry, Bravo.
Wait. Why is Todd all up in her business?
Kandi has a team meeting about “her brand” but Todd decides to chime in. Kandi is suddenly on Don Juan over some shit about having Kandi give some classes on songwriting. This may be a good time to point out that in my VERY early days when maybe five people read here that Don Juan took it upon himself to question why I had the nerve to wonder why Kandi was doing an event at some Asian restaurant in the Midwest. I spent way too long looking for that post. It was a restaurant like Chin Chin if you are from Atlanta, it’s decent Chinese but not the place you would expect to hire a housewive. I loved Kandi and thought it was beneath her. Don Juan let me know that Kandi is a single mom just trying to support a child. Um WTF? She’s a millionaire. How is going to St Louis or wherever going to make a difference? She’s actually losing time with her child for a few thousand dollars she will never spend? It made no sense.
Sorry, back to the show.
Todd says that everyone is too comfortable. He chastises the staff. Kandi actually tries to draw out Todd more. Like she is asking him to drop the hammer because she has hired FRIENDS for her entire staff. Dumb move.
Later Don Juan asks Todd to step out so he can talk to Kandi. Basically he is pissed that Todd is reprimanding people. He is NOT an employee. Don Juan called this months ago. Kandi doesn’t realize how much Kandi does.
Todd has a conversation with Don Juan. Don Juan is also right. He puts his resume up against Kandi. WTF is TODD fucking up her business relationship of 12 years? Don Juan knows EVERYTHING Kandi which is why he tried to check me with 37 viewers. I may not be a fan of Don Juan but the boy is on top of shit. I am starting to side with Mama Joyce here. Todd is a cunt. I love Don Juan for saying, “Let’s put him in a step stair so he can look me in my eye.” Kandi is fucking up.
I’m so mesmerized by her beauty that I am trying not to let it affect my judgment. She is running into work late because she does a morning show and she is NOT a morning person. She is enjoying being on the radio because she will not be judged solely on her beauty. Ooops , Sorry Claudia.
It’s paternity test Tuesday on the Rickey Smiley show (and Dish Nation) how do Porsha and Claudia have the same job, I don’t get it. I think Claudia is radio only and Porsha is on TV? Can someone explain this to me? Claudia says that on radio you have to be on top of current event and you can’t have a “DUH!” moment. As she is saying this, I am thinking that Porsha seems kinda good at it. And then, cut to Porsha. #SHADE!
Porsha confirms that she does TV and Claudia does radio. #MORESHADE! If you missed it Porsha spells it out. Claudia wants her job. Porsha says her check has a whole nuther name on it than hers. Sometimes stupid pays more.
Claudia says that she and Porsha knew each other before she moved to Atlanta. They have mutual friends in Miami. I don’t believe her. Claudia she says she is all about getting to know someone and giving people the benefit of the doubt. Say what? I thought you said you knew her. Pick a script and stick to it girl!
Claudia is really nice to Porsha and compliments her on her work and Porsha is a frosty bitch. Claudia says that it’s clear Porsha is being shady because she heard she is BFF’s with Kenya. I really wanted Claudia to read her right there. Clearly, she has more class than I anticipated. She’s polite and considerate in the face of shade from a colleague. Go on now, pretty girl.
Later Claudia meets with Porsha. Claudia tries to make a friend of Porsha. She asks why she is such a cunt. ROFLMAO. Porsha just said they are both being paid for their “intellectual mindframe and whatever…” OMG she so doesn’t get she is the retard in a game of kick the retard.
Porsha seems to think she is Nene now. She really is Nene who looks like Arsenio Hall. Claudia is much nicer than I would have ever been. Claudia remained sweet as pie. FOR NOW. She did try.
Cynthia gets a free shopping trip at store that got promotional space. Kenya and Claudia join her. I love #TeamPretty. Claudia hates her feet. Cynthia is shy of her feet too! I have great feet except I haven’t had a pedi in FOREVER. Am I the only one who HATES getting a mani/pedi? I like the result but not the process. So time-consuming. I could lose a pound or two if I would just go get a pedi. I hate socks.
Cynthia talks about Porsha and Claudia mentions Porsha’s Frosty The Snowbeard act with her at her real job. YAY! Finally a season where Porsha is not coddled because of her low IQ. Retards can be just as annoying as average IQ people, y’all. And Porsha is what this old lady would have call RETARDED in the clinical sense in her day. We keep changing the name. I think now it is Intellectually Disabled. She is retarded. Her IQ has to be below 70 which is the defining factor and also why we joke about people with an IQ below room temperature. Again, I hate when people are offended on behalf of other groups of which they are not a member. When the retards revolt and say they are tired of being called retards, I might care. But, come on. The bitch is functionally retarded.
Speaking of retarded. I am not feeling Kenya’s hat. Did she wear that in? Or is she trying new things in the store? She looks amazing but the hat is sort of 1978.
Anyway, Claudia says that Porsha has been mean to her since she went to Cynthia’s event with Kenya.
Phaedra and Kandi go for a spa day with Nene and Porsha. Why do these idiots on house wives show wear such hideous nail polish? How you claim to be a southern belle and wear God awful yellow nail polish that a 13 year old would be mocked for in Junior High? Side Note: My Gay Principal, who I loved in my first year with him but then he turned into a catty cunt the second year , was literally a choir boy. So when I tried to explain that the intercom in my room was “God Awful” loud. He nearly started speaking in tongues. He was all like, “So I am God Awful?” Uber religious gays can be so touchy.
Anyway Phaedra has a whole lot going on…you know with
masterminding several federal crimes her husband going to prison.
Hmm, Nene points out how small Phaedra’s waist is… I guess the tiny implants slipped past her. LOL. Look who is back from a week at the doctor’s office. (blind item revealed).
Porsha tries to talk about her time with Cynthia. Even Phaedra makes fun of Porsha in her talking head. Nene tell the girls she was “bronsided” by Cynthia. I used to think Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian where the dumbest people on our TV. OH.HOW. VERY. WRONG. I. WAS. This crew is like a 12 step program for fools. Kandi realizes this and laughs. As Kandi figures out how to move over to #TeamPretty. We will welcome you Kandi.
I have heard NOTHING about a dog. And her entire cul-de-sac is full of Real Housewives of Atlanta that hate her (but love her kids). Never a mention of a dog.
Wait, they let Apollo drink but he gets the alcoholic discount in prison? SERIOUSLY? Apollo guzzles a clear shot. Maybe it is water because Peter makes a big deal out of it. Apollo is unsure when he fucked up and how this all happened. Um, it started within a few months of you getting out. You found a new right hand bitch as soon as you got out. And she got busted and rolled on you. Peter and Apollo talk about Phaedra saying she would not bring the boys to see him in prison. Apollo says that Phaedra was on him when he was on an air mattress in the projects asking to rub his feet. Begging for him. Oh my Phaedra, this will not bode well for your court case with Angela Stanton. In fact you may have perjured yourself. I need to drag out those documents. I get that Apollo is a Lying Liar who lies… but I think this is the only way to get back at Phaedra. What attorney is trying to get with a man who just got out of prison. He may be building things up, but she did get knocked up and marry his felonious ass if nothing else. She was coming to see him at 3 am.
Apollo says “Phaedra used to be down.” Why is he abandoning him at his lowest time (getting caught). Apollo still wants Kenya to come see him in prison. Wishful thinking.
Kenya and Kandi go on a boxing work out. Kenya knows how to box. Kandi apologizes to Kenya for believing the lies. It’s the beginning of the end of Kandi’s friendship with Phaedra. Because if she doesn’t, she has no storyline on the show. Kenya is pissed that everyone is not believing her. Kenya has a genuine breakdown in the background. This may be the realest scene on RHOA. Kenya has a breakdown over women treating her like shit. And Kandi knows it is not fake and will slowly side over to the other side, or at least be friends with Kenya.
Oh and this would be a good time to point out that Nene was not featured in this episode. BECAUSE, LIMITED CONTRACT! But they let her do voiceovers on ever single return. MINIMAL PAY BITCHES. I TOLD YOU HONORARY PEACH.
How much do you need to be paid for being a FOH with a peach. JUST LIKE I SAID.