I’m sort of looking forward to recapping the episode of that show where all the men are gay and everyone, including their girlfriends, pretend not to notice. Because all of the trial and news junkie stuff is getting old fast. So the two Toms and Jax are off to the salon for mani/pedis and eyebrow threading as hetero males often do with their buddies. Gay Tom has very specific directions for his threading lady.
Ariana tells Stassi about Kristen coming over to get the cable box. Because this is the Kristen show. If I drank every time someone said Kristen I’d be drunk before the first commercial break. Stassi says that Kristen is terrorizing Ariana. Stassi says if she was still running SUR she would not allow it. Sorry Stassi. It’s Kristen’s restaurant and you are just there eating her goat balls.
Tom Schwartz “had a panic attack” and walked off the job at SUR on opening night after 30 minutes. Katie points out that even Jax can bartend. Katie says that Schwartz has embarrassed her. Katie says his lack of work ethic is an issue.
Jax gets his nose job. He really did need one. We are in the operating room. I DO NOT NEED TO SEE THAT. No, mam. Jax is so high on the anesthesia he is talking crazy. He fondles the nurse and tells her he loves her. 
Stassi meets Katie for lunch. They rail on Schwartz.
Jax’s apartment is surprisingly clean. And somehow he has generic Xanax instead of Vicodin. Peter and Lisa stop by to revel in Jax’s pain. Schwartz is freaking out at just the sight of Lisa. Jax is worried Lisa will see all the Sur candles and other sundries he has stolen from SUR. Gay Tom and Scheana drop by with donuts.
Kristen and James revel in their unemployment at the gym. James is careful not to sweat and muss his hair.
Lisa shows up at SUR with Lance Bass and his Fiancé only to discover spots on the glasses. Oh the Horror. Peter is immediately reprimanded. James shows up to beg for his dishwashing job again. Lisa says she needs busboys so she let him come back.
Schwartz shows up to apologize to Lisa. Calls him a pussy and takes his shirts back.
Everyone is going to the OK! Party. Everyone hates Katie now that she is a Stassi minion again. I never stopped hating Katie. Or Stassi. At the party Katie, Schwartz and Stassi are at one table, and everyone else is at another. Peter is at the Stassi table. I find Peter very disappointing this season. Stassi loses a bet and has to go stop by the other table. Peter follows in her wake for reasons I do not understand. Stassi has a fake convo with Scheana. Kristen asks Stassi if she has seen Jax new nose and that was enough to send Stassi packing. Kristen controls everything.
Scheana is pissy or something so she takes a bottle of vodka and Kristen to visit the other table. Ariana does the best talking heads. She is getting huffy with Gay Tom because he is not causing a scene about Kristen sitting with them. Stassi and Katie go in on Scheana for being friends with Kristen. Stassi leaves and Peter walks out right behind her. Peter is a mean girl now. I need to turn my Peter Fan Club Card in somewhere.
Peter and Stassi used to date years ago and they’re still close. He said things were serious but he messed things up because he was immature.
That is not what Peter said. He said that he was immature for dating Stassi and Katie at the same time (for those few weeks of overlap). He mentioned in an interview that he was immature at the time and didn’t handle things well, unless you saw an interview that I didn’t? He said in season 1 that he was so happy to be free when he and Stassi broke up, and I’m not surprised. If you watch the beginning seasons, especially season 1, you see him standing up to her a lot, and not taking her crap. It seems to me that he has changed so much You see it every season, this season, I don’t even understand why he is there. He is acting like a mean girl. He is 31 years old and needs to grow the fuck up. I admit that Peter is my type physically, and that is why I have watched him so intently over the years.
Well that’s a relief. I didn’t miss a thing not watching. But I don’t friggin care if they burn down the entire state of Missouri tonight, I’M WATCHING RHOBH!
I’m so excited for RHoB. Need to wait for a torrent :(.
I wonder how Lisa feels that Jax has been pilfering all those items from Sur. Sure they are little items individually; candles, salt/pepper shakers, flat ware, liquor, etc, but those are considerable costs to a business when they have to keep replacing them over & over.
I remember an episode where Lisa went shopping (with Peter) for replacing those items as she complained that customers kept stealing those ‘sundries’. If I were her I’d fire Jax ASAP. Really no one is ever fired even after they have been fired. Why the hell is Stassi still on the show? She does not work at SUR anymore? But I do love her level 10 cuntiness.
As far as the stealing goes, it’s pretty much par for the course when you own a restaurant. My friend’s employees used to steal the meat and take it home and cook it and eat it.
When I was a junior in HS we all told our parents we were spending the night at a friends. We had a weekend camping trip (my friend’s older sister called my mother who never let me sleep away to ask for a second night because I was so “delightful” and they had tickets to a Falcons game and said they would love if I joined the family. I can’t to this day believe my mother fell for it.)
Anyway, one of the boys worked at Krystal and we had a case of Krystal patties, a bunch of oreos and a shit ton of beer. I lost 10 pounds in two days. I was TERRIFIED my mother would find out and notice I lost so much weight. I was a skinny kind in HS.
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 9:01 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Why did Jax have so many candles ? and i dont know if anyone caught the part with Lisa and Max, but did he really want her to buy him a new car rather than get his breaks fixed ? and Ken is paying his rent for him ?
It sounded like he was handling his money so that he would have it to pay rent. He probably has a spending problem or something..
Because, gay.
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 5:02 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Seriously what is your problem and or point? Who cares if they are gay or straight? Are you sleeping with any of them? I don’t think so. So lay off you sound nasty and ridiculous.
I hate gay people. I recognize I have a problem now. Thanks for enlightening me.
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 6:32 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Wow really? I am so sorry.
TT is being facetious it’s just her humour that we all come here to read and enjoy. She isn’t picking on a 15 yo in high school who is questioning their sexuality. This is a relaity TV show, they all deserve to be skewered. Join us!!!
I agree there I can’t think of a dumber group.
TT you elevate fag hags everywhere. Love you!
Well now, you’re starting early! 🙂 Please, don’t argue with the new person. I must learn to be more understanding of different sexualities. It doesn’t matter if the boys pretending to be straight on TV are gay. We are the world. We are the children. Excuse me I have to to an LGBTQRSTUV meeting now.
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 7:02 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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NOOOOOO TAMARA!!! Don’t hate us. WE LOVE YOOOOUUUUU!
Hush now. We must consider the opinion of some psychotic chick who just showed up to give her assessment of me. :) On her first post here….
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 11:14 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Okay I have read what you are about. I am psychotic because I didn’t understand your posts and really thought you were being mean to and about people. I can see you were joking about it. I can also see you aren’t joking about this. So I don’t think I need to read any more of your nasty comments about me or anyone else. My brother was murdered by a bigot and yes that upsets me. So sorry. You are a bitch though. So enjoy your nastiness but next time think not everyone has had the same experience with”joking” you have. For some it was deadly and heart breaking. I hope you never have to lose someone to joking. That’s what their excuse was also, they were just fooling around, joking and it got out of hand.
So your sense of humor died when your brother died? I mean YOU could have read the blog a little bit before condemning it in such a ridiculous manner. This blog is not designed around your sense of humor or lack their of. If you come in here acting like a cunt, things won’t go well for you. And we’re not going to do a family assessment, or count your dead siblings before pointing out that you are a fucktard.
Now, I believe you were going somewhere?
Hehehe, I don’t watch but I do read all your posts because, humour (see what i did there)
Jax is an aging beauty queen who drinks and parties to excess. The stress and abuse are catching up to him and he knows it. Making love in a room illuminated by dozens of candles, may seem romantic, but the truth is their there because they offer the illusion that one is 30.,,ish years old again.
Of course this self deception only goes so far. I, For instance, gave up the candle trick when my night vision went and I couldn’t find the viagra in the dark. Fortunately, with he lights off, we are all young and beautiful.
Or Gay.
They’re there…. stupid edit
Oh my. I have started a gay bashing trend. I feel horrible.
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 7:59 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I feel that if Jax where 45 I would find him even hotter. A lack of self respect is something I seek in an aging beauty queen partner. 😉
See I knew you typed your own comments! You lying ho bag!
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 8:28 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I JUST FOUND THIS SITE….I LOVED EVERY WORD!!!! I LAUGHED THE WHOLE TIME!!!! THANK YOU…
Thanks for recapping this crap for us, TT! I can’t bear watching it anymore, but love your take on it, as usual! Jax & Stassi make me want to break my TV and I can’t afford a new one. He is soooo smarmy & she is soooo cunty, they should marry and make each other miserable, forever after.
When Tom S. and Jax were in the car, what was up with Tom pulling at his hair. Some kind of tic? That guy has some issues. Lisa was right to call him a pussy.
Schwartz is the gayest of all the straight gays on this show!! Am I the only one that sees this? Forget the other Toms specific eyebrow threading or Jax’s high maintenance, did this boy just tell his beard…I mean girlfriend…I mean his “bubbie”…that his panic attack at Pump was “ALMOST as bad as the one he had after he ate half the brownie tray”?!?! Whilst picking his toes & playing with his dirty hair in his tight sweatpants on his heart lit wrought iron bed? Is he a dirty pirate hooker? Is he a spoiled kid of wealthy parents who sometimes give him money to stay away from them? I think that’s why Katie clings so tightly to him to be honest, I think Schwartz is a rich kid who’s parents “try to teach him the value of the dollar” by making him “work” but not REALLY. I don’t think he’s like Tom or Jax who actually HAVE to work he is too eccentric & laid back. Schwartz is the broke down version of Josh Flagg from Million Dollar Listing…not nearly as cultured & wealthy of course and definitely not as hard working (whatever that means for trust find babies) but he is the same breed.
THIS ^^^ EXACTLY.
Seeing Jax all hopped up on meds was hilarious! Especially when he fell asleep while Schwartz was talking to him. Pretty sure Ariana is my new favorite cast member. I don’t get the Scheana/Kristin friendship. If Scheana really was BFFs with Ariana there’s no way she’d be friends with Kristin. I have a feeling Stassi is going to end up back working at SUR and that’s why she’s still “relevant.”
She’s not.
I love that her boyfriend refuses to film.
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 5:28 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I’m wondering if she’s still on Daddy’s payroll, mooching off of bf, or if VPR really pays her well enough to be a stay at home girlfriend.
If I ever have surgery I want to pay a random who signs a confidentiality agreement to pick me up and look after me. Fuck knows what i would say to my family and partner if they did it! The lack of control scares the shit out of me.
I was amused by Jax profession of undying love for everyone. I am a loving drunk too. When you see me sign off of twitter at night telling all 7K followers I love them. It’s a tell. You can expect a late morning sign in the next day.
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 6:43 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I’m the type who over shares…. my mum doesn’t need to hear that. I can be the controversial drunk, especially if I mix my drinks. Which I usually do as the bar runs out of my first choice. 🙁
The most shocking part of the episode: you can say pussy on TV?!?! You or I probably couldn’t, but Lisa can.
Jax did get Vicodin. And Xanax. The Vicodin was labeled the generic Hydrocodone just as the Xanax was labeled as the generic Alprozalam.
I guess Jax double dipped on the narcotic RX. The doctor and pharmacy should know better. Gay Tom and the other queens don’t read.
We good looking gays don’t need to read! I make my partner type my comments and read out TT’s blog for me. I dont have time for that! I have manscaping to do.
You must poop gold too. I love your life. 😛
I have one of those special geese. 🙂
i think i love you micheal, you make me giggle.
Oh you are a voracious reader, Sir. Punny people like you probably read in utero.
“by elevating your reading, you will improve your writing or at least improve your thinking” (Wm Safire) — which is why I read here;)
**tickle your thinking*** ^^^
How about when blood was dripping down his face and everyone said it was jelly donut and left?
I love this show. Seriously. I want a Pump Rules live feed.
Yeah, that was classic.
Since this is the place where I am inappropriately questioning the sexuality of people on TV shows, I came here to ask a question.
Um, Pharell? Don’t laugh if everyone knows this except me. I’m just trying to learn about this whole gay people thing.
Somewhat Bravo related. In Andy’s new book he kind of officially ‘outs’ Kevin Spacey. Isn’t that a Hollywood no no?
If he didn’t…. you just did 😀
It’s a controversial thing to do to say the least. I’m totally against outing people. As much as we would like to think that every family will accept their daughter or son being gay, they don’t. It’s still dangerous to be gay in lots of places. You don’t know what’s going on in someone’s family or living situation. Your sexuality is your own and you decide when and if you want to talk about it. It’s no one else’s perogative. Just because Andy is an out gay man doesn’t mean he can demand that others live “out” too.
Kevin Spacey is GAY? My gaydar did not even ping. Are we sure about this?
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 8:32 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Its pretty much a fact (well he is at least bi). Have you seen House of Cards? That sealed it for me.
no. I am OLD I don’t NeFlix.
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 11:16 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I can’t figure out if you’re being facetious about Kevin Spacey not pinging your radar… Its kinda of a known secret, no? At least it is in Britain… He was found on Hampstead Heath (Where the dirty ‘mos go cruising) in the dead of night, and used the excuse he was “badger spotting” or something.
Well, I can see how “beaver spotting” might have been a better choice. But I’ve never paid much attention to Kevin Spacey. What was he in again?
On Tue, Nov 25, 2014 at 11:21 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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TT, I can’t tell if you’re joking about no gaydar with Kevin Spacey either. However, I can remember being surprised originally so will answer your question. He was in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, the dad in American Beauty, he was in that movie Pay it Forward. I’m old and don’t Netflix either. But a huge fan of Spacey.
I’m like familiar with Kevin Spacey… but I just don’t remember him in anything. OTOH, that is probably true about everyone. The other morning Wendy Williams was doing a game where you have to list certain things in thirty seconds. She asked the lady to name movies with George Clooney… I was at a loss… the one where he was that spy guy… oh Oceans 11 um and 12? I would not have won any money. 🙁
Was Spacey the one in the Tom Hanks movie about coming out?
On Wed, Nov 26, 2014 at 9:10 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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He was also in A Time to Kill, Seven and Usual Suspects.
Rumors have swirled about Pharell for a long time, but there hasn’t been enough to confirm. Not like Kevin Spacey who never denies (like AT ALL) but won’t confirm.
Pharrell is one of the few men whose closet I would like to share. If he is gay, he has the best closet ever. I love everything he wears except the stupid sweat bands. He seems like a genuinely good person. That’s mostly what I pick up from him. It’s sort of a rare thing in the entertainment industry. I do wish he would eat a sandwich.
On Wed, Nov 26, 2014 at 12:32 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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TT- I’m imagining you furiously blogging while wearing Pharell’s huge hat and listening to “Happy” on repeat.
He seems so nice. He’s a bit boyish for me though. I’d break him. 🙂
On Wed, Nov 26, 2014 at 4:45 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I’ve been reading your blogs for a couple of weeks now and I just love the recaps! I totally agree with you about Kristen. This is the Kristen show for sure.
I did have one comment to make about the show that bothered me a little bit. It seems as if everyone was acting like having a panic attack is “no big deal” and that anyone can have them when they are in an overwhelming situation. I don’t know if Tom actually had one or not, but I seriously doubt Katie had one while waiting on tables or LVP had one when walking to her construction site. My son has them on the regular and they he can’t control it. It’s something I had never seen before…I don’t understand it and I don’t know how to help, but the uncontrollable shallow breathing and sweating profusely when he has an episode is very scary to me (he’s ten). I just felt like Katie and LVP were essentially saying that it’s easy to just “get over it”.
Everyone in Hollywood is gay. Well maybe not EVERYone but I would say about 89% of them are. Most are closeted because they believe they’d lose their minivan majority fans, the overweight minivan driving moms whom secretly rule this country’s celebrity infatuation and ARE the majority who buy into their bullshit pretend lives. They also write novels like “50 Shades of Grey” because they need the outlet for their Twilight loving fantasies of Sparkly Edward Cullen going down on them & beating them senseless.