I’m sort of looking forward to recapping the episode of that show where all the men are gay and everyone, including their girlfriends, pretend not to notice. Because all of the trial and news junkie stuff is getting old fast. So the two Toms and Jax are off to the salon for mani/pedis and eyebrow threading as hetero males often do with their buddies. Gay Tom has very specific directions for his threading lady.
Ariana tells Stassi about Kristen coming over to get the cable box. Because this is the Kristen show. If I drank every time someone said Kristen I’d be drunk before the first commercial break. Stassi says that Kristen is terrorizing Ariana. Stassi says if she was still running SUR she would not allow it. Sorry Stassi. It’s Kristen’s restaurant and you are just there eating her goat balls.
Tom Schwartz “had a panic attack” and walked off the job at SUR on opening night after 30 minutes. Katie points out that even Jax can bartend. Katie says that Schwartz has embarrassed her. Katie says his lack of work ethic is an issue.
Jax gets his nose job. He really did need one. We are in the operating room. I DO NOT NEED TO SEE THAT. No, mam. Jax is so high on the anesthesia he is talking crazy. He fondles the nurse and tells her he loves her.
Stassi meets Katie for lunch. They rail on Schwartz.
Jax’s apartment is surprisingly clean. And somehow he has generic Xanax instead of Vicodin. Peter and Lisa stop by to revel in Jax’s pain. Schwartz is freaking out at just the sight of Lisa. Jax is worried Lisa will see all the Sur candles and other sundries he has stolen from SUR. Gay Tom and Scheana drop by with donuts.
Kristen and James revel in their unemployment at the gym. James is careful not to sweat and muss his hair.
Lisa shows up at SUR with Lance Bass and his Fiancé only to discover spots on the glasses. Oh the Horror. Peter is immediately reprimanded. James shows up to beg for his dishwashing job again. Lisa says she needs busboys so she let him come back.
Schwartz shows up to apologize to Lisa. Calls him a pussy and takes his shirts back.
Everyone is going to the OK! Party. Everyone hates Katie now that she is a Stassi minion again. I never stopped hating Katie. Or Stassi. At the party Katie, Schwartz and Stassi are at one table, and everyone else is at another. Peter is at the Stassi table. I find Peter very disappointing this season. Stassi loses a bet and has to go stop by the other table. Peter follows in her wake for reasons I do not understand. Stassi has a fake convo with Scheana. Kristen asks Stassi if she has seen Jax new nose and that was enough to send Stassi packing. Kristen controls everything.
Scheana is pissy or something so she takes a bottle of vodka and Kristen to visit the other table. Ariana does the best talking heads. She is getting huffy with Gay Tom because he is not causing a scene about Kristen sitting with them. Stassi and Katie go in on Scheana for being friends with Kristen. Stassi leaves and Peter walks out right behind her. Peter is a mean girl now. I need to turn my Peter Fan Club Card in somewhere.