I can already tell this episode is going to have too much Brandi.
Brandi and Kim are besties on this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills it seems. Brandi tells Kim about running into Adrienne. Kim thinks that Brandi has grown as a person. At least that is what she is calling not having another other choice of filming buddies. Brandi has not just been dumped by five landlords in five years, she’s also been dumped by JR who decided the chick he cheated on her with is preferable. She is not going to go with out a fight though.
Lisa Vanderpump is getting a new shirt tailor made for her. It’s just and excuse to see her closet, really. We are focusing on the help this episode it seems. Lisa employs servants as a act of compassion for them. She’s nice like that. She also has decided to allow Kyle and Yolanda to share her airspace from time to time. Lisa tells Ken she has no desire to reunite with Brandi.
Kyle and Mauricio are going to Lake Tahoe. Kyle tells Mauricio about Brandi and Adrienne talking. Mauricio pretends to care. We are 15 minutes in and absolutely nothing has happened. It’s mostly rehash from last week when not much happened either. On the plus side, it’s easy to blog. Kyle and the family are flying in a private puddle jumper. Kyle is worried that Portia is going to be spoiled. Her siblings did not grow up this way.
It’s Lisa Rinna! She has a new agent. Is she vegan? Her agent is presenting her with a Scream series on MTV. Lisa Rinna is like, fine! I’ll do it! Lisa will do anything. The new agent is talking about working on her branding and endorsements. Lisa starts talking about the Depends commercial. She says she got paid more to do that than she has ever gotten paid to do anything ever in her life. She doesn’t even look at the endorsement choices. She says she’ll take them all! I just love her.
Next we see LVP at Mohammed’s house. How long as he been trying to sell that house now? About as long as Sheree has been trying to build one. She goes out with Mo’s new fiancé to show for jewelry. It’s an infomercial for the jeweler so that she can get a discount. I am loving this place though. I need a rich Sugardaddy. I do not like the giant pink sapphire ring she likes. I know she loves pink, but a pink sapphire is just an underdeveloped ruby. It should not cost anywhere NEAR what that guy was insinuating. I am unmoved by pink gemstones.
Yolanda greets David in some lingerie and an apron and is cooking his dinner. Oh dear God they are having dinner at a table in their bedroom overlooking the ocean. The wall in the master bedroom is full fucking retractable and there is a full ocean view. Now THIS. This moves me. Sign me up for some of that! I’d never leave that room. David recounts a story about meeting Yo for Valentines Day when they were dating. She was in the restaurant in a trench coat when he arrived. The restaurant was full and she flashed him to show she was only wearing red lingerie underneath. David said, “If anyone had seen that they would have thought you were a hooker!” Yolanda has a look on her face like, holy fuck this was not in your script! Oh god we have to send Bella of to NYC this season. Will we be required to fingerpaint something for her apartment? David can’t go, he has to be in Shanghai to be a mentor for The Voice in China.
Brandi and Kim are besties now so Brandi goes over to tell Kim that she banged one of the children who moved her into the new house. I’m pretty sure that is against child labor laws. She is saying she did bang him to Kim but she clearly did. She starts talking about JR saying that he tells her that he loves her but he loves his new girlfriend too. Brandi is a moron. She is now taking advice from Kim. Kim’s plan is for them to stalk him with his new girlfriend so Brandi can see them together and realize he has moved on. Kim has a bunch of wigs and hats and sunglasses. I kind of like Kim as a brunette. Kim and Brandi literally hide in some bushed. Brandi can’t pronounce Louboutin. The see JR out but he was not out with the girlfriend. He was alone. He is probably lying about having a girlfriend to get rid of Brandi.
Did Brandi’s roommate move into the new house too?
Yolanda can barely get into her child size riding pants. She complains to the help who is a size 20 about being fat. This episode should be called The Help. For a chronically ill person Yolanda does more than most healthy people. Yolanda schools us on the superiority of English horseback riding over Western horseback riding. Kim shows up western style. Yolanda feels quite superior to poor, western Kim. Kim is actually a Disney rider. Kim offers to help Yolanda deal with Gigi moving to NYC Both Gigi and Bella have taken off in the modeling world. The horse riding scene is gorgeous. This is why we want to watch these shows.
Brandi calls Adrienne on the way to meet Adrienne for coffee. Did Brandi just say she is not going into the meeting looking for an apology. Um, what? You nearly broke the Internet by blurting out Adrienne’s private family secret on national TV and you think she owes you an apology? She is going in to speak her piece and say she’s sorry and move on. I’ll believe it when I see it. She did not dress for the coffee day. Her hair looks dirty and flat. When going to a showdown with an enemy you should try to look fierce without looking like you tried to look fierce.
Brandi apologizes! With like a sincere apology. She said she is sorry for everything and she regrets what she said. She had no intention of hurting her family. It was all very adult. She does sort of throw LVP under the bus. Adrienne is very graceful in accepting her apology. Is this a housewives scene? They had a light lunch. It was all very civilized and impressive.
Next week: It’s Lisa Rinna’s birthday and Harry gives her piece of jewelry in a giant Cartier box. I love Harry even more. Kyle talks about Portia understanding the value of a dollar and not raising a brat. So she buys her a T-Shirt that says I left my Louis in the Jet and jumps when Portia demands that Kyle buy her things. We have a little west coast Milania happening. Yo unloads another kid on NYC. And Eileen finally shows up.