Jodi Arias11/25 Afternoon Recap: The End Of Slime Highway

If you missed this mornings recap, go here.

After burritos everyone got back in the car. I’ll spare you the details but the smell is horrendous and I wanted to roll down the window but Juan has the child locks on and won’t let me.

“So was Jodi a master manipulator  because she didn’t discuss her sex life? Or just Travis?”

“Stop putting words in my mouth, Juan. I didn’t say that Travis was a master manipulator!” Ut oh. Don’t make Juan pull this car over and have the morning testimony read back to you. “I said he was a master of deception.” Oh. We’re going to play potato, potahto. I guess it’s better than talking about Jodi’s lady garden.

“According to your code of ethics you are supposed to be informed and objective. You are not informed are you? You are not objective, are You?”

“I use data points to be objective.”

“Watch my cross of Dan Freeman regarding the camping trip he went on with Travis, Jodi and his sister. You notice he says that Jodi and Travis fought a lot, she would go right back at Travis and never back down. Does that fit your assessment that poor widdle Jodi suffered in silence.”

“Suffering in silence means Jodi didn’t tell anyone about what was going on with Travis.”

“What does that even mean?”

“And I began to let him go. Hour by hour. Days into months. It was a physical sensation, like letting out the string of a kite. Except that the string was coming from my center.”
― Augusten Burroughs, You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas

“You have violated your code of ethics. You have made an assessment about Travis Alexander. You diagnosed him.”

“I  did no such thing, I just made observations about his relationship with Jodi. He talked about a noose several times. He made suicidal statements. He…”

“Assessment! Code of Ethics! Assessment! Assessment! Assessment!”

“Is that a question?”

“No. I have no further questions.”

I have to sit up in the back seat to poke Nurmi hard in the ribs.

“Hey WTF?”

“You’re up hot shot. Go get ’em, tiger!”

“Fuck, where are we at. What should I ask him?”

“Juan has his spidies in a twist over the word assessment. Make her say she didn’t assess Travis. After that, I dunno. Talk about Jodi’s vagina or something. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Oh TT, you are the world’s most awesome blogger and imaginary Internet lawyer! ”

“I know. Fix your tie.”

“Good afternoon, Dr. Forseca. I only have a few questions for you. Did you ever make an assessment of Travis Alexander?”

“I did not.” Nurmi glances at me and I give a nod  of acknowledgement toward his brilliant legal mind. His eyes lit up in response.

“I loved most when his eyelashes twitched and he blinked, and suddenly happiness was there inside his eyes. Unmistakable. Like a single word printed on a clean white page.”
― Augusten Burroughs, You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas

“So um, like you are a super duper good shrink right?”

“I like to think so. I’ve spent the last 35 years working with people with unconventional sex practices. I know a lot about sex. A lot.”

“Are you seeing anyone?”

“Not that my husband knows about, no.”

Objection! Relevance! Sustained.

” Okay then, Is TDogg a psychological assessment? Is Chris and Sky telling Travis he’s gutting women a psychological assessment?

“No. Not an assessment!”

“Not AN ASSESSMENT! NOT AN ASSESSMENT! Right?”

“Correct, it is not an assessment at all. I read stuff and talked about what I read. I watched stuff and talked about what I saw. I have data points.  I used staples to hold papers together after I read them. I have color coded charges. I have never had an ethics violation. I was not assessing anything. I was observing. I am an objective observer giving my objective opinion on the relationship between Jodi and Travis. And …”

“It’s not that I was an outright nitwit of a child.”
― Augusten Burroughs, You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas

Juan leans toward me and whispers, ” I bet now you are happy I was such a hard ass about the YES OR NO shit, right?” I nod.

“Did you feel like a big fat Saddy McSadderson when Juan accused you of not being objective? Did it hurt your feelers?”

“Yes, my feelers were very, very hurt. Juan is trying to besmirch me! Rumors stick! How will anyone ever come in to testify if they are going to have to be cross examined and have their professionalism BESMIRCHED. He besmirched me, Nurmi!”

“So what about when he said you were not informed? You were very informed right? You don’t have to read and watch EVERYTHING to be informed do you? You read the stuff that I gave you right? So, informed!”

I hate the smell of dried up ketchup. Who had ketchup? I don’t think Taco Bell even has ketchup.

“I am nothing if not informed, Nurmi. I observed a lot of observables and I read lots of informative information. I plotted data points, because I am informed and objective. And I did not make and assessments! ”

“Did Juan seem obsessed with the sex to you? Because he seemed obsessed with the sex to me.”

“Yes! I was looking at dynamics, not how Jodi sounded like when she was having an orgasm. I am informed and objective.”

” What did you think about Juan forcing us on this road trip down Slime Alley?” Um. It’s a highway not an alley.

” Juan’s questions were slimy and irrelevant. Juan was trying to make me look dumb. I’ve never dealt with anyone like Juan in my life. He was implying I was unethical and the mischaracterizing of my testimony like nothing I’ve ever seen. I am informed and objective.”

“I’m hungry. Let’s get pancakes. We can talk about misogyny on Tuesday. ”

“So, I’m finally going to get some coffee?”

This was the biggest waste of everyone’s time ever.

“I had always had the oddest feeling, consider it knowledge, that if I were ever to find myself inside the cockpit of a 767 with two dead pilots and a few hundred passengers in the cabin behind me, I would absolutely be able to land the ninety-thousand-pound jet.”
― Augusten Burroughs, You Better Not Cry: Stories for Christmas