We last left the captiol, Poppa Pope had given up on his baby girl and high tailed it out of there to regroup somewhere. We begin with Olivia in her same white outfit and flat hair sitting holding her coat looking at her two men figure out what to do next. They have people looking everywhere. For some reason the go look in THE HOLE. Why would they look there. You think he would put his own ass in THE HOLE? No. No he would not. But not these fucktards have released Mama Pope on the population. Great work guys. Mama Pope thinks baby girl is going to save her, but she is not. She tells them to charge her mother and lock her up. Then hunt down her father and kill him. Olivia be dickmatized squared.
Meanwhile, Huck goes to check on Javi. His baby mamma is pissed and won’t let him in.
Joe Morton is still in the credits. YAY?!
Olivia finally answers her phone so that Quinn can tell her that Kuviac or whatever his name was and Elizabeth and the Vice-President were conspiring. Kuviac is dead and Elizabeth and the VP are screwing. Olivia just happens to run into Elizabeth as this conversation is going down. Elizabeth is pissed that the phone Olivia was supposed to clean from any bugs knows that her phone was bugged by Cyrus Beene. Elizabeth leaked Cyrus’ sex photos to the press.
Olivia meets with the inner circle including Mellie to brief him on the photos and the fact that the Veep is fucking Mellie’s boyfriend. Oh shit, the media knows that Michael is a prostitute. They decide to fight the press. Olivia goes to work. She has drawn up a prenup for Cyrus and Michael. Michael gets a million dollars a year from Cyrus for each year of marriage. He signs a non-disclosure if he violates anything he has to repay the money. It’s a hooker with a heart of gold story. Gay version. It’s genius. I’m in if it means keeping Michael around. Michael says so basically Cyrus would own me? Cyrus replies, “Instead of just renting you mean?” Michael is the first to agree. Cyrus is skeptical. “Why so quickly, you are now the most famous gay hooker in gay hooker history. You could write a book, play yourself in the porn version of inside of Cyrus Beene.” Oh Cyrus, you underestimate the draw of power and money among the shallow and the pretty. Cyrus says he was in the closet for 40 years sleeping with women. He’s only been with two men, James and a prostitute. He can’t do this to James. That makes no sense. He pimped James out, treated him like shit, and ultimately got him killed. WTF with the moral righteousness now?
Rosen is deposing Abby and asks if she helped Cyrus delete his info on the night of March 25th. She says no. She tries to get him not to make her give an alibi. He forces it. She says her alibi was Leo Bergen. He is confused and a bit upset. She spent the night with him. The whole night? Yes. Endless Love is playing in the background as Rosen ends the depo. #giggles #YouAsked
Apparently, everyone in B613 is going to be systematically killed by Rowan. Rowan has giving them all a playing card with their target like the Al Qaeda deck the US military allegedly had. That is ridiculous. They are B613 don’t they know each other? Quinn goes to tell what’s his name the doucheyface’s B613 killer she used to fuck. Oh Charlie. And they fuck some more. After they hook up again, his phone rings and she tells him. He tells her to shut off his phone, it’s in his pocket she sees that CHARLIE has the kill card for Quinn. SHOCKING! He walks in the room and she holds up the card. You came here to kill me? He says no. She slaps him. He says yes. She slaps him. He says maybe. They start ninja fighting like the two trained killers they are. Endless Love plays again. It’s a hysterical juxtaposition. I keep shooting back up here to add to this situation that has played out over several scenes. It’s pretty freaking funny. They make up after the fight. Charlie shares that his granny died and Quinn is all like. I know you don’t have anyone and I should keep in touch more. It’s sweet. Quinn says he ruined Hucks whole life. He says maybe he can fix it. He is the guy that swapped out the B613 files out for blanks but he kept some as insurance.
Jake wants to go after Rowan alone. He also takes Liv a gun to protect herself from Rowan. It’s a Glock 26 if you are interested. We make them just up the street. Jake offers Liv the chance to run off back into the sun together! GO LIV GO! Liv says the sun went down a long time ago and it is not coming back up.
Elizabeth has a rendezvous with the VEEP and they screw in the VEEP’s office. The bad press is growing by leaps and bounds. Cyrus goes to Fitz and tries to resign and tells him to go all in on him. Save himself. Fitz says no. He finally agrees. HOLY SHIT ARE THEY GOING TO KILL OF CYRUS WITH A SUICIDE? NO!
Jake is off looking for Poppa Pope! And he finds him with Huck’s help. In a safe house opening a bottle of wine! Nope! He is opening a bottle of wine at OLIVIA’s house! It was Liv’s wine he was opening. Jake is all the way in some backwater town. He tells Olivia that he told her he was leaving and leaving him alone but she is not going to be happy until he is dead. She says he was never going to leave her alone because he has no place to go. She says the only live he has is the sad, twisted one he has here, the one where he lurks in the shadows and pretends that the world could not exist without his protection. He’s a sick lonely man who only knows how to lie and call it love. Poppa Pope explodes, “COULD YOU BE MORE UNGRATEFUL? You’re my flesh! There would be no Olivia Pope if not for me!” He gives the I have failed for a father speech again. He says everything you have said, it is you who is not normal it is you who is lonely it is you who doesn’t know how to love. If I make you stomach turn it is because you are looking in the mirror. Olivia grabs her glock and point it at her Daddy. He says, “Olivia, watch yourself. She pulls the trigger and he screams. The gun was not loaded. He had removed the bullets. Never in a million years did he think she would be willing to pull the trigger. He looks at the old record he wants to play for her. It was the night before her first day of kindergarten. He played Stevie Wonder to calm her and she was out in ten minutes. He puts his coat on. He says no matter how hard you try to deny it, you will miss me when I’m gone. Can we just give Joe Morton all the Emmys and skip the whole show. Just give him all the ones they planned to give out and save us all another vapid red carpet event. Thanks.
Olivia goes to her mother. He wants to know where he went what she has on him. She says he visited her in the hole everyday! She says all they do is talk about each other. They are exactly alike. He ruined her. They do all the same things. They serve at the pleasure of the president. They hang out all day with B613 people. She needs to move on. Olivia starts sobbing. Mamma says, “Cry me a river, Livvie. Whatever.” They exchange icy stares.
Liv visits Cyrus he is packing up and moving out. Liv asks where he is going. He says probably Europe they have a long history of accepting failure and disgrace. The news called him a gay stereotype. Liv gives him a harsh lecture. GROW THE HELL UP. The Cyrus Beene I know doesn’t wear his pants like a little bitch baby. WHO ARE YOU CY? They have a huge screaming match. CYRUS IS NOT A LITTLE BITCH BABY! Cut to a morning news show type thing with Cyrus and Michael discussing their wedding. He’s back. America loves the gay pretty woman story.
Liz roars into Mellie’s office wanting to know why the country is not going to war like they planned. Liz talks about Fitz, and Mellie points out it is Mr. President not Fitz to her. Liz says, “I’m sorry did I do something to offend you? I thought you and I were on the same page?” Mellie just smiles, by the way Phaedra, this is what a southern belle looks like in present day. I’m sure she is your shero. Mellie smiles and says, ” Because we’re both screwing Andrew? That doesn’t make us friends, it just makes us both at risk for the same STDs.” God I want a pillow with that embroidered on it for Christmas. Perhaps, Jeff can make that happen. Mellie continues, ” I don’t blame you, I know as well as the next gal how generous Andrew was in bed. He is dedicated, but He’s weak. Certainly not a presidential contender, and when the next election comes around I’d make sure damn sure you bet the right horse because when it comes to screwing someone? I’m not nearly as gentle as Andrew. From me it will hurt.” Okay maybe Joe can spare a half dozen or so of those trophies for Bellamy Young.
Huck shows up with two cases of B613 documents on his family’s door step. He begs her to read them. I am not sure I want Huck to reunite with this family. I mean maybe play video games with Javi, but… I just don’t know what I want to happen.
Meanwhile, Quinn figures out that the Veep is highly involved financially with West Angola. Speaking of, I forgot to check my stocks today. Anyway, Veep set it up so that POTUS would declare war. As Quinn is explaining everything to Huck, Veep is telling the POTUS that any other president would have declared war.
Liv is trying to have some sort of absurd party with Jake where they listen to Poppa Pope’s album collection and dance and drink and order pizza. Jake and I are both confused by all of this. WTF? It’s almost like standing in the sun only it’s drunk dancing in her apartment. EVERYONE IS HAPPY! Jake stops to watch her dance and says, “Damn do I love you.” She says, “I want Vermont with Fitz.” CUTS HIM THROUGH THE HEART AND INTO THE BONE. #NastyBitch. He looks down. He says “oh, okay” Then the dumb bitch says, ” I also want the sun, with you.” I hate Olivia. I really do. She says she is choosing Olivia and right now she wants to dance. He can dance with her or get off her dance floor. She is fine dancing alone. And as I am screaming for Jake to walk out the door, he stupidly kisses her. And they tear each other others clothes off. Some conversation about fucking on the piano causes jake to go get pillows to protect it. When he comes back, Liv is gone. Good. I hope she fucking dies in a fire. Her wine is spilled on the couch. Jake is all like Liv? Liv?
As the VEEP makes it clear to the president that if he doesn’t declare war his little side piece is GONE, GIRL!
Shocking! And we are out of here until January 29th!!!!!
I’m going to go find out WHO KILLED SAM! But there shall be no discussion of this here or in any other posts until I post my recap after watching twice tomorrow. Please limit comments to SCANDAL!