I feel sort of bad for still liking Lisa Vanderpump after learning about the court cases at Villa Blanca, but I can’t help myself. I mean I keep taking Andy Cohen back after his crappy behavior and he doesn’t even have the posh accent or the fancy closet. So I am just going to pretend like I don’t know about and enjoy the show. Besides, PUMP’s grand opening is tonight and I think it’s going to be spectacular and full of drama.
I’m already laughing at my girl Kristen, she just wants Tom out of her life, y’all! How can you not love this girl? The delusions are amazeballs! She and James and some other douche are whining about Lisa’s punishment. I’m sure Kristen is used to being suspended but the poor British fucktoy is devastated he is no longer a dishwasher. Wait, isn’t he supposed to be a big time DJ making huge bank? Why is he crying about losing a dishwasher job? And who is the other doucheface?
Likewise, apparently Stassi doesn’t know how to block Scheana on Twitter. She can’t avoid seeing her on Twitter, or like you know when she shows up at Scheana’s workplace. Every time she goes to Scheana’s job, the bitch is there and it pisses her off!
Jax goes to his therapist and tries to relate the whole he got dumped while dumping someone story. My audio keeps cutting out. Jax says he broke Stassi’s heart. Really? Are we going to go through this again?
Stassi goes to SUR and is shocked! Shocked! To find Scheana is there. Oh wait. She wasn’t so she moves on to PUMP. At SUR, Katie and Peter talk about Peter being a prick to Kristen in the staff meeting. Word on the curb is that Peter has been there and done that, so he really has no room to talk about Kristen. It’s not hot, Peter. Oh look, the little British boy is working at PUMP. Perhaps terminated means something different in the Queen’s English? Katie is perplexed. But Katie is always perplexed. Peter goes to investigate. Which takes him down the block to ask Ken what to do about James showing up to work after being fired.
Lisa does a talking head with all her little British phrases. Meanwhile, the boys of Weho flock to her and genuflect. Scheana runs into Stassi at the bar. Scheana said that Stassi made fun of her wedding and didn’t want to be in it. Scheana says she has never tweeted crap about Stassi. She may have retweeted a few things.
Jax is at SUR saying he wants to check on Stassi and see how she is. He finds out she is at PUMP so it’s only a matter of time before he ends up there. Peter reminds James he is fired. James goes in an clocks out. James says he has had a problem with him ever since he started dating Kristen. Then they have an argument about who does and doesn’t steal Sangria at work. James is a moron.
Back at PUMP, Schwartz is not holding up well with the whole working for a living thing. Stassi repeats her ridiculous tweeting conversation with Scheana to Schwartz. I thought I liked Schwartz last season, but I’m not really feeling him now.
Kristen goes to do some fight training. She’s pretty good. I am not sure if a crazy person should be that good at asskissing. #Dangerous
Stassi and her invisible boyfriend got a new apartment. It’s tiny but still bigger than their NYC apartment. Have I mentioned I don’t care about Stassi at all? Why is she on this show?
Peter is grumpy. Lisa is talking to Peter and James walks up. He has written Lisa a let-ah. He reads the let-ah out loud. Lisa falls for the let-ah. She is going to take him back. But first she lets him stew a bit.
Kristen shows up at Tom’s apartment. Kristen gets her insurance stuff. Kristen needs to turn in the cable box and Tom needs to get a new one. Kristen is crying because Ariana is there and she feels like Ariana has taken her place. Because she has. Kristen would so dump the British kid if Tom would take her back. Poor Kristen. Tom says he goes back and forth between feeling bad for Kristen and being enraged. Tom tells Kristen she needs to cut ties. Kristen says she still doesn’t have closure. She will probably be married with children one day and still think about him. Kristen wanders down the street sobbing. 🙁
Next week: Same shit, different episode. I’ll be there recapping.