Tamara Tattles

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You are here: Home / Bravo / Vanderpump Rules: Grand Opening and Closure (Recap)

Vanderpump Rules: Grand Opening and Closure (Recap)

November 17, 2014 by tamaratattles 49 Comments

Pump Rules Cast CasualI feel sort of bad for still liking Lisa Vanderpump after learning about the court cases at Villa Blanca, but I can’t help myself. I mean I keep taking Andy Cohen back after his crappy behavior and he doesn’t even have the posh accent or the fancy closet. So I am just going to pretend like I don’t know about and enjoy the show. Besides, PUMP’s grand opening is tonight and I think it’s going to be spectacular and full of drama.

I’m already laughing at my girl Kristen, she just wants Tom out of her life, y’all! How can you not love this girl? The delusions are amazeballs! She and James and some other douche are whining about Lisa’s punishment. I’m sure Kristen is used to being suspended but the poor British fucktoy is devastated he is no longer a dishwasher. Wait, isn’t he supposed to be a big time DJ making huge bank? Why is he crying about losing a dishwasher job? And who is the other doucheface?

Likewise, apparently Stassi doesn’t know how to block Scheana on Twitter. She can’t avoid seeing her on Twitter, or like you know when she shows up at Scheana’s workplace. Every time she goes to Scheana’s job, the bitch is there and it pisses her off!

Jax goes to his therapist and tries to relate the whole he got dumped while dumping someone story. My audio keeps cutting out. Jax says he broke Stassi’s heart. Really? Are we going to go through this again?

The two Toms go to workout and flirt with each other. Somehow their flirting involves talking about having sex with their female partners. It seems to work for them though. Pump Rules stassi

Stassi goes to SUR and is shocked! Shocked! To find Scheana is there. Oh wait. She wasn’t so she moves on to PUMP. At SUR, Katie and Peter talk about Peter being a prick to Kristen in the staff meeting. Word on the curb is that Peter has been there and done that, so he really has no room to talk about Kristen. It’s not hot, Peter. Oh look, the little British boy is working at PUMP. Perhaps terminated means something different in the Queen’s English? Katie is perplexed. But Katie is always perplexed. Peter goes to investigate. Which takes him down the block to ask Ken what to do about James showing up to work after being fired.

Lisa does a talking head with all her little British phrases. Meanwhile, the boys of Weho flock to her and genuflect. Scheana runs into Stassi at the bar. Scheana said that Stassi made fun of her wedding and didn’t want to be in it. Scheana says she has never tweeted crap about Stassi. She may have retweeted a few things.

Jax is at SUR saying he wants to check on Stassi and see how she is. He finds out she is at PUMP so it’s only a matter of time before he ends up there. Peter reminds James he is fired. James goes in an clocks out. James says he has had a problem with him ever since he started dating Kristen. Then they have an argument about who does and doesn’t steal Sangria at work. James is a moron.

Back at PUMP, Schwartz is not holding up well with the whole working for a living thing. Stassi repeats her ridiculous tweeting conversation with Scheana to Schwartz.  I thought I liked Schwartz last season, but I’m not really feeling him now.

Kristen goes to do some fight training. She’s pretty good. I am not sure if a crazy person should be that good at asskissing. #Dangerous

Stassi and her invisible boyfriend got a new apartment. It’s tiny but still bigger than their NYC apartment. Have I mentioned I don’t care about Stassi at all? Why is she on this show?

Peter is grumpy. Lisa is talking to Peter and James walks up. He has written Lisa a let-ah. He reads the let-ah out loud. Lisa falls for the let-ah. She is going to take him back. But first she lets him stew a bit.

Kristen shows up at Tom’s apartment. Kristen gets her insurance stuff. Kristen needs to turn in the cable box and Tom needs to get a new one. Kristen is crying because Ariana is there and she feels like Ariana has taken her place. Because she has. Kristen would so dump the British kid if Tom would take her back. Poor Kristen. Tom says he goes back and forth between feeling bad for Kristen and being enraged. Tom tells Kristen she needs to cut ties. Kristen says she still doesn’t have closure. She will probably be married with children one day and still think about him. Kristen wanders down the street sobbing. 🙁

Next week: Same shit, different episode. I’ll be there recapping.

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Filed Under: Bravo, Vanderpump Rules Tagged With: Ariana, Ariana Madix, Bitch Slap, Bravo, Cabo, Did Jax Bang Kristen?, Did Jax Sleep WIth Kristen, Did Krisen sleep with Jax?, Did Tom Cheat on Ariana?, Did Tom Sleep With Ariana, Entertainment, Entertainment News, Gay Tom, Guillermo Zapata, Is Jax Lying AGAIN?, James, Jax, Jax changed his name, Jax Leaves Miami in Shame, Jax Taylor, Katie Maloney, Ken Todd, Kristen, Kristen Doute, Lisa Vanderpump, Mike Shay, News Archive, Peter, PUMP, Recap, Scheana, Scheana and Mike Get Engaged, Scheana Marie, Scheana's Wedding By Bravo, Schwartz, Season Finale, Spoilers, Stassi, Stassi Bitch Slaps Kristen, Stassi Schroeder, Stassi Slaps Kristen, Text Messages, Tiffany, Tom, Tom and Katie, Tom and Kristen on WWHL, Tom Attacks Jax, Tom Sandoval, Tom Schwartz, Twice, Vanderpump Rules, What is Jax's real name?, Why did Jax leave miami?, Why was Jax in Jail?, WWHL 2014

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. RealChicagoHousewife says

    November 17, 2014 at 10:07 pm

    Is it part of the uniform that the female servers all have tattoos of vapid quotes running didn’t their forearms? Is that a new bimbo chic look in LA?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      November 17, 2014 at 11:30 pm

      it’s optional for SUR. and Apparently mandatory for LA bimbo chic. :)​

      On Mon, Nov 17, 2014 at 10:07 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
  2. RealChicagoHousewife says

    November 17, 2014 at 10:09 pm

    I thought it was funny how Kristen was upset about the finality of the situation and Tom was upset about losing recordings on his DVR.

    Reply
    • therealdeb says

      November 17, 2014 at 10:33 pm

      omg, me also. she is so dumb. if she loved him so much she wouldn’t have screwed jax…yuck. she is like that drama girl in high school who thinks that a relationship is only passionate and working if there is turmoil all the time.

      Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      November 17, 2014 at 11:33 pm

      ​Losing recording on the DVR is painful. I had DISH with apparently a shit ton more storage than everyone else. I love DISH TV but hated their Internet and really had no choice but to return to Charter after 10 years apart. I hate Charter TV but LOVE Charter internet. sigh.

      Anyway. I am still not over my collection of Anthony Bourdain No Reservations shows on Dish. I had dozens and dozens of them and watched them all the time. On Charter, I can’t store much at all. They promised me a cloud. They lied. I did not get a fucking cloud.

      On Mon, Nov 17, 2014 at 10:09 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • therealdeb says

        November 18, 2014 at 1:26 am

        i have direct tv, i am always deleting to free up space as well. i feel your pain, mine is travel channel shows like off limits and such. i love direct tv though, they blow comcast out of the water, the interenet is slower with direct but i wold rather have better tv

        Reply
      • simone says

        November 18, 2014 at 11:26 am

        Charter is the most expensive cable I have EVER had out of living in 8 different states..I moved from Comcast Lovejoy to Charter Covington and pay an extra 80$ for the same SVC….WiFI is excellent..DVR is the WORST. Dish is the best, but Tamara they lost me with the internet company they with contracted Clear Channels….OK I’m finished..thx for allowing me to release….

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          November 18, 2014 at 12:08 pm

          ​I need to find a new remote or somehow fine tune this one. If you are not rabbit fast typing in say 727 for Bravo you en up on channel 7 or channel 72. It sometimes takes me four tries to change a channel when I am sober, sitting up and focused on the task. It I am trying to do it in the dark, I’m fucked. HATE the TV. And now my cable keeps going out.

          Dish was a bitch to cancel and I had to mail back a bunch of things. There were things I could not send BECAUSE THEY ARE ON THE ROOF and I called and they were just like send what you can, we will make a note, you won’t be charged. They charged a credit card. remember that dollar thing on your card they will give you back when they come out for service? They use that at the end to charge you whatever the fuck they want. And they still keep calling me telling me to call them because I owe them money (I don’t and if there had been a substaintial bill, Charter offered to buy it out.) and they sent me to collections. It’s been a total PITA switching. Now at the same time they are sending me to collections they are offering me $400 credit to come back… sigh.

          On Tue, Nov 18, 2014 at 11:26 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • WhyOWhy says

        November 18, 2014 at 2:46 pm

        Agreed, TT. It’s devastating and traumatizing to lose saved recordings. I recently had to get a new box from Dish because my old one crapped out… two weeks after the new fall season started. I’m STILL not caught up on stuff because I’m missing the first couple of episodes. Also, my timers are all screwed up and things with less priority are recording over other stuff. It’s annoying and it’s taken me six weeks to get it back to where it was.

        On the VR topic — Still hate Stassi. Why is she there? She’ll eventually go back to working for Lisa. Otherwise, she has no point on the show. I kind of like Ariana, Scheana is annoying and I want to punch Jax just for being stupid.

        Reply
      • Karma Grant says

        November 20, 2014 at 11:19 am

        See, I love my Dish dvr too but refuse to have the limitations that their internet has. I live in the sticks so the data cap is ridiculous, especially in a gamer house. So until I move back to the city next year I have DSL (CenturyLink) for internet. I am hoping when i move back to the city though that I can still have my DISH. I love being able to have a million things stored on the dvr to watch whenever I feel like. I also have had less problems with the DISH dvr than when I had Time Warner in the city.

        Reply
  3. Johanna says

    November 17, 2014 at 10:37 pm

    The other guy was Max, Lisa’s son

    Reply
    • z e e says

      November 18, 2014 at 10:37 am

      Yeah, dude that’s Max, if u adore Lisa as much as you said than u should know that!

      Reply
  4. LisaLisa says

    November 17, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    To be honest, I think they keep Stassi around because she does funny interviews. She is wittier than most of them.

    Reply
  5. Michelle Logan says

    November 17, 2014 at 10:43 pm

    James is awful

    Reply
    • hannahkingrose says

      November 18, 2014 at 5:02 am

      Michelle, I think the reason Peter checked with Ken was because of well… Lisa. Being fired or suspended doesn’t necessarily mean actually being fired or suspended. After James just went back to work and had to be told to leave, he showed up with his “let-ah” for Lisa and asTamara says Lisa is going to give him his enviable job as busser to the rich and famous back. How was Peter to know that Lisa had not already done that and he just didn’t know?

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        November 18, 2014 at 9:42 am

        ​Or that the other partner didn’t know and just let him back….

        On Tue, Nov 18, 2014 at 5:02 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
        • Samantha says

          November 18, 2014 at 9:55 am

          Or ..it just gave them more story line to keep this Reality Show afloat .

          Reply
    • Mark says

      November 18, 2014 at 11:06 am

      Dunno why… But I have a weird theory that they keep doing this to showcase that PUMP is within walking distance from SUR. Katie followed Lisa to PUMP as well on the last episode.

      Also: Stassis Dad is hot. 8/10 would bang.

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        November 18, 2014 at 12:03 pm

        ​ew.

        On Tue, Nov 18, 2014 at 11:06 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
      • Mark says

        November 18, 2014 at 6:38 pm

        Don’t judge me.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          November 18, 2014 at 8:32 pm

          ​Don’t worry, I have an unconventional taste in men too. I have no room to judge. Big and Tall for me covers a multitude of other physical issues. 🙂 And if the Guy himself is Big and Tall, that’s even better!

          heh.

          See what I did there?

          #shameless

          On Tue, Nov 18, 2014 at 6:38 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • Mark says

        November 19, 2014 at 10:40 pm

        Hehe I hear ya’! If you’re a big hunk of a man you’re almost there already. If you’re “in proportion,” even better!!!

        *blush*

        Reply
  6. Angel(?) says

    November 17, 2014 at 11:22 pm

    I have a question…does Shay (Scheena’s boyfriend) have a backbone? All he seems to do is follow behind her and agree with everything she says. I’m also beginning to wonder, if Lisa does end up firing Kristen, what will the show be about then? OMG, TT may be right again! Kristen is the star. 🙂

    Reply
    • Maisey says

      November 18, 2014 at 12:20 am

      I used to really like Schwartz a lot. After witnessing his, ehm….work ethic…I suggest they shove him up Shays butt to create an artificial backbone for Sheana’s boy. At least he would be put to some good use then.

      Reply
      • Angel(?) says

        November 18, 2014 at 7:09 am

        Lol….I used think Schwartz was the only good one, with the except I’m of Peter, but that facade has been blown! He can’t handle a bar tending job at Pump? Peter is showing signs of disappointment. Your the manager and can’t make decisions? Did he put on a little weight? Darling, don’t speak just look a like sexy pirate! :))

        Reply
      • MK (@okmegk1) says

        November 18, 2014 at 10:33 am

        Hahahahahaha. Poor Shay.

        Reply
  7. Kitty Mamma says

    November 18, 2014 at 12:00 am

    Did anyone catch the shade that Peter inadvertently threw at Lisa? It was before James walked in with the letter. Someone goosed him, and he said something snarky about touchy feely people, and it was Lisa. I’m surprised they showed that. And James said he spoke to Nathalie. There’s no way he would have clocked in and worked unless someone said it was okay. Perhaps Peter is out of the loop?

    Reply
    • Angel(?) says

      November 18, 2014 at 7:14 am

      Perhaps he is not “The Manager” but head server?

      Reply
      • Angel(?) says

        November 18, 2014 at 7:17 am

        Oh and who fires someone and NOT immediately block his key card access to the business? When Katie notice him entering the building he was swiping a key card.

        Reply
      • Maisey says

        November 18, 2014 at 11:12 am

        Oooohhh……Trust me, at that place they are ALL serving head.

        Reply
    • Karma Grant says

      November 20, 2014 at 11:23 am

      Oh it was Lisa? I didn’t catch who it was that touched him. Thought it was just another staff member.

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        November 20, 2014 at 11:46 am

        ​It was another server. A guy walked by and just reached out and touched him. I don’t know how to explain it, it’s just a thing, your busy, your mind is somewhere else so you do the tap thing to acknowledge the person. Peter who has been grumpy all season tells the bartender he finds all the random touching annoying. Then Lisa V came up and playfully swats him from behind with her pocketbook. Peter turns and sees it is her and pretends it’s not annoying.

        I’m gonna say the over under on how many times that scene was filmed should be five.

        On Thu, Nov 20, 2014 at 11:23 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
    • Gabriella says

      November 23, 2014 at 6:13 am

      No, it was a guy server who touched him. Did anyone notice Lisa’s little sweat patch on her bum when she just finished getting her hair done and she had her purple dress on and was walking out? Oh bless. She’s got a fantastic figure for her age!

      Reply
  8. Brianna says

    November 18, 2014 at 12:08 am

    Does anyone else get a gay vibe from Stassi’s dad!? I could just see him w a shirtless selfie on grinder!!

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      November 18, 2014 at 12:12 am

      ​I believe that has been addressed. I forget the consensus though. God, I’m like the blogger with no brain tonight. Sorry. Sick. Tired. Dementia. 🙂

      On Tue, Nov 18, 2014 at 12:08 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • Micheal says

      November 18, 2014 at 12:56 am

      Grindr* geesh. 😉

      Reply
  9. Urethra Franklin says

    November 18, 2014 at 4:29 am

    Is Tom’s fauxmosexual dick really that good that he banged every shred of dignity out of Kristen’s body?

    Reply
    • eastjames says

      November 18, 2014 at 8:01 am

      I don’t know. Why don’t you take one for the team and find out for us?

      Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        November 18, 2014 at 11:48 am

        😮 Ewwwww no way.

        Reply
    • Bombshell says

      November 18, 2014 at 9:54 am

      Oh my gosh that is the funniest post ever!

      Reply
      • Samantha says

        November 18, 2014 at 10:08 am

        That IS hilarious ! …but I believe that IF VR continues with another season …it should be based on him FINALLY comingvout as a Bisexual …its there .. Wait for it …maybe Andy Cohen can be his coach on “Coming Out”

        Reply
  10. Samantha says

    November 18, 2014 at 8:22 am

    Yeah why the Hell is Stassi on here ? I can’t stand her… Lisa I really try to like but ..its REEally hard sometimes…I am losing interest in this season …

    Reply
  11. MK (@okmegk1) says

    November 18, 2014 at 10:35 am

    If I were Kristen, I would have been crying about the sad state of my old apartment. Tom and Ariana are living like frat boys in that place. I can’t believe they don’t even tidy up for filming!!

    Reply
  12. Anastasia_Beave says

    November 18, 2014 at 2:21 pm

    Kristen is legit crazy. Like Danielle Staub crazy.
    Tom with the dvr was hilarious.
    (Hi! First comment!)

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      November 18, 2014 at 2:39 pm

      Hi! And yes, Kristen is legit crazy. But fun to watch!

      Reply
      • Samantha says

        November 18, 2014 at 3:43 pm

        Maybe Andy should have a show with Kristen’s psychiatrist …he can tell how he keeps her meds regulatated for the craziness she shows on VR …

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          November 18, 2014 at 4:00 pm

          oh clearly she is off the meds.

          Reply
      • Anastasia_Beave says

        November 18, 2014 at 3:54 pm

        Most definitely. I love seeing the world through the eyes of crazy.

        Reply
  13. Karma Grant says

    November 20, 2014 at 11:16 am

    Finally got to finish watching this this morning. $12 for a cocktail isn’t that bad. Went to Joe’s Crab Shack 2yrs ago and had a Pomegranate Margarita (and it definitely was not a large drink) and it cost $10.

    The Tom/Kristen thing I am so over. Real people would have canceled the cable AND car insurance. And it makes no sense that Tom would put his bank info on the cable account that wasn’t not in his name. Kristen could have changed the service address and left his bank info there.

    Reply

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