Fate. Destiny. Luck… That is what the bullseye wheel represents. Elsa narrates that in life we make all sorts of choices, but none of it matters because we all are spinning on the bullseye wheel of life. She’s practicing her knife throwing skills while imagining her freaks are strapped to the wheel. Elsa shares that she knows how to stay off the wheel; by controlling her own fate. She’s survived her life thus far because she’s willing to cut a bitch; and she will destroy anyone & anything to keep the gods in check. She is destiny’s child. #Beyonce
On the surface it’s just a prop that Elsa found in the storage tent and wants to use it for her non-existent TV show. She tells Ethel that television is her second act, but really it’s her third act if you count her dominatrix whore era. Ethel is concerned that with the twins missing & Elsa leaving that there won’t be much of a Freak Show left. Elsa pretends that she is pissed at the ungrateful twins for running away when she took them dress shopping. #Liar
Elsa expects the rest of her monsters to be more grateful, especially since she plans to have them be part of her TV show too. Ethel assures her that the freaks are indeed grateful to her, and that they are working on her birthday party… LOL when Elsa referred to the twins as ‘Hydra’, a mythological reference to a nine-headed serpent that grows two heads every time one head is cut off. #Foreshadowing
At the Mott mansion Gloria & Dandy are having dinner served by the new maid. Dandy pouts because he misses Dora, and Glories replies “Hindsight is 20/20 dear.” Over dessert Gloria gives him a tray of condoms. She explains that inbreeding has brought enough crazy to their family gene pool, and they don’t need two-headed babies running around. #ChildSupport
Dandy has no intentions of violating the twins. He declares his love for them because it took a woman with four eyes and two hearts to make him feel love. Gloria is visibly upset and won’t allow any of this because she doesn’t want to be isolated from society because of his new freak fetish. Dandy yells & cries that he is the one that is a freak, and he feels normal when he is with them. He hands her back with the condoms and tells her that he is going to put a ring on it, and they will be together forever. #Romantic
Elsa is all smiles while perched on a throne looking down on her freaks as they are lined up bearing gifts. For the most part they look like they are pacifying her… and YES Elsa is that annoying adult that forces everyone around her to make a big deal about her birthday. Paul, the Illustrated Seal, gives her some lingerie, and she gasps in shock & giggles with delight as they give each other a raised brow with a grin. Mmmhmmm. Ma Petite pops out of a box nearly mummified in a knitted hot water bottle slip cover. Elsa cradles her & is beyond thrilled with her #CuddleBuddy.
She notices that the rest of the freaks are looking gloomy, and they explain that they miss the twins and are worried about them. This causes Elsa to scream that the twins were well cared for, and they still chose to run away. She wants no more talk about them, and demands they resume the fun or she will put them on the wheel. #PartyPooper
Later that night Elsa is in bed smoking opium while Paul is kissing her neck & back. Oh my Gawd SKANDAL, Paul is her secret lover. She reminds him that he is just a booty call and not to fall in love with her and suggests that he come with her to Hollywood because “You do know how to please me.” He could be her chauffeur, but he has to be cool when she’s screwing other “normal suitors” He fakes being flattered at her offer… Normal? Bitch please, he ain’t got no arms, but you ain’t got no legs… On his way out Elsa has Paul bring Ma Petite from her resting spot, not far from the bed, to her. Either weird or maternal, Elsa cuddles her close to her bosom. She kisses her & whispers that she loves her while Ma Petite is still entombed in the knitted hot water bottle cover… How could Elsa expose Ma Petite to the sights & sounds of her sex romps? #MotherMonster
Paul went into town to sneak in bed with another woman — Penny the candy striper from the first episode that Elsa blackmailed after she spent days in a drug-fueled freak orgy, including Paul, that wasn’t entirely consensual. She’s down to fuck again, but Paul declines because he’s in love with her. He wants her to get to know him before they have sex again. Paul hides under the bed when her father comes banging on the door suspicious that she has a guy in the room. He seems like a concerned dad, but I’m getting a pedo-molester vibe from him. #Creeper
The twins each have different perceptions of their new life at the Mott mansion. Bette writes in her diary that she’s never been happier. Her former life of gray is now full of bright colors. Dandy makes her heart race & she’s falling in love; plus he’s been a gentleman and hasn’t tried to jump their bones. #Asexual
Dot on the other hand is wary of him. She’s unsure what Dandy’s motives are and feels trapped. In her diary she writes that she wonders what dark intentions await. I love the hilarious look of shock on Dot’s face as Bette & Dandy almost kiss while watching a movie. #ThreesCompany
During dinner Dot requests to go back to their tent to get some personal items. Instead Gloria offers to buy them everything that they need. LOL at the way Dot’s right foot kicked Bette’s left foot under the table when she caught her exchanging winks with Dandy. Later Dandy reads them a news article about the first surgery performed to separate Siamese twins. Dot has fantasied about this surgery before, and it would take her a life time to save for it. She perks up & changes her attitude when she realizes that she can use Dandy because he can easily afford the surgery that she desperately wants. #SugarDandy
Paul endures rude treatment by the owner of the drug store when he tries to buy some perfume for Penny. Before he pays for it, he is interrupted by Dandy who dumps several items on the counter. Paul recognizes Dandy from when he and his mother came to see the Freak Show, and that they tried to buy the twins. Paul notices Dandy’s items on the counter, and there is two of everything. Dandy starts acting nervous and tells the store owner that the freak tried to pick his pockets. Paul denies he’s a thief, but the owner kicks Paul out of the store anyway. He tries to assert his rights, but Dandy says “You’re not even American.” Paul spits a giant loogie at the window before walking away to go to another store. #Woolworth
Later that night Jimmy and Paul are cleaning up in the big tent after the show. Paul notices that the audience was lighter because the twins were not there to perform. Paul tells Jimmy about his run in with Dandy at the drugstore. He’s also suspicious of Elsa for their disappearance because she would do anything to anyone to maintain her place in the spot light, especially now that she has a Hollywood agent. Jimmy slaps the shit out of Paul for his accusations against Elsa. Before Paul walks off, he says that from his perspective he sees Elsa as a jealous broad who’s willing to kill anyone or anything that got in the way of her one last shot at it fame. #Testify
At the Mott mansion, Dot reads an updated news article about the Siamese twins’ surgery, and one of the twins died. Bette thinks that it’s an abomination to mess with God’s will, and Dot argues that they are “God’s cruel joke.” Bette wishes her sister would understand that they’ll always be together, and will always share EVERYTHING. Maybe so, but Dot says her thoughts are her own. #SoloAct
Dandy interrupts and tells Dot that she must love secrets because he’s noticed that she always locks her diary. Dot sternly tells him that her diary is her one private place. It’s her sanctuary and she and Bette have made a pact to never read what the other has written. Ummm can’t they hear each other’s thoughts when they write??? Dot is shooting daggers with her eyes at Dandy when he suggests that they should each tell a secret. He goes first. He says that he actually killed Twisty the Clown and saved the kids, and not Lobster Boy because he was unconscious. (Half true). Dot, who’s infatuated with Jimmy, doesn’t believe Dandy and refuses to play his secret exchange game. Dandy blows up with a huge hissy fit throwing things, calls Dot a bitch and storms out of the room. #Confessions
While having a smoke, Stanley sneaks up on Maggie under the night sky. Stanley needs something to sell to the museum. With the twins gone, he’s desperate for an easy payday. He wants to kill Jimmy so that he can cut off his lobster hands. Maggie panics in an effort to keep Jimmy safe, and says she has a better idea; something easy to transport that won’t leave behind any evidence. Maggie just saved Jimmy’s #LobsterTail.
Next, we see Stanley and Maggie drowning Ma Petite in a large glass jar. It was truly horrifying watching that vulnerable defenseless woman scream & fight for her life. But take a deep breath UF, it was another fakey fake fantasy scene for dramatic effect. Ryan Murphy I’ve had enough of this played out shtick. #FuckYou
In Elsa’s tent of tacky, she’s singing “September Song” to Paul. Y’all happy now that song is from the right era? When she’s finished, Paul begins to leave. She’s expecting some freaky sex, but he makes excuses so she asks him for a goodnight kiss. She smells Penny’s Venetian Romance perfume on him and asks who he’s been screwing. She wastes a perfectly good cocktail by throwing it in Paul’s face and calls him a prick. He confronts her about the twins’ disappearance and says everyone is talking about her. She blows up and demands he wake-up all her freaks. #MommieDearest
In the big tent Elsa is ENRAGED. She’s tearing up shit screaming ‘No, no, no, no, no.” The freaks rush in from their slumber and she is screaming at them “You ungrateful ingrates.” Furious & sobbing she reminds them of everything she has done to save & help them. She berates & terrorizes each of the freaks one by one. Jimmy tries to convince her that he doesn’t believe the gossip. Upset that her freaks don’t trust her she throws around their shabby & useless birthday gifts. #TrueColors
If any you don’t recognize that this scene was homage to the unintentionally camp classic “Mommie Dearest” and the infamous wire hanger scene, then you’re not my #Freaktard.
She cries that the only way for her freaks to prove their trust and loyalty is for one of them to get on her wheel so she can hurl knives at them. Jimmy offers to get on the wheel first, but Paul steps up and says no, “It should be me.” Paul is strapped in, the wheel is spun. Elsa throws two knives at the wheel and both miss Paul. The third knife directly hits his abdomen. For a second Elsa smiled for hitting the bullseye, but then screams “It was an accident,” but we all know the truth. The freaks take him off the wheel to give him some aid. #WheelOfMisfortune
Back at Penny’s house, she tries to sneak out to meet up with Paul, but her father pulls a shot gun on her. She tells him that she’s in love, and that she’d rather die than live in his house. She leaves and no shots were fired. I have a feeling that this guy is going to be trouble for the freaks in a future episode, especially Paul. #Warning
Ma Petite is sleeping in her bed, and Maggie comes for her and picks her up. Ma Petite goes willingly and is smiling as she hugs Maggie telling her she’s beautiful. Maggie takes Ma Petite to a nearby barn and says that they’re going to play a game. She puts her in a glass jar, and Ma Petite pretends she is like a butterfly and starts fluttering her hands with pure joy & innocence. Poor Ma Petite has no idea what’s going on as Maggie reaches for the liquid to pour over her. #EvilBitch
Meanwhile Paul is in his trailer wounded and waiting for an ambulance that is not coming because Elsa lied that one is on the way. She’s getting high on opium and tells him that she wouldn’t even shed a tear if he died; not because he’s a freak, but because he betrayed her. Penny shows up and is distraught that Paul might die. #911
The next morning while Ethel is frosting Elsa’s birthday cake, Jimmy tells Ethel that he’s suspicious of Elsa because the doctor she allegedly called never even showed up. He also tells her about Paul’s accusations against Elsa about the missing twins. Then he runs into Maggie who is carrying Ma Petite… YAY she’s alive & unharmed!!!! Again fuck you Ryan Murphy and your TWO fakey fake out death scenes about Ma Petite in one episode. No hashtag for you!
As it turns out Maggie couldn’t go through will killing Ma Petite. She begs Jimmy to run away with her. He agrees after she kisses him but says he has one more thing to do first, and she runs off to pack her bags… This is the same chick that refused to kiss him last week?? #SMH
Maggie returns to her tent only to find Stanley, and he’s furiously impatient waiting for a dead freak. He threatens her & says they’re going to go through with the original plan to get Lobster Boy’s hands. He orders Maggie to lure Jimmy to the shed. #CatchOfTheDay
Gloria brings “snackies & RC cola” up to Dandy’s room. He’s crying & devastated after breaking open Dot’s diary and reading it. She called him a yucky man-boy, thinks he’s boring, and that she is using him to get money to pay for her surgery. Gloria tries to see the bright side that at least the other head likes him. She enables Dandy by suggesting that he shower Bette with gifts to make Dot jealous to win her affections.
Dandy explodes with rage & emotion that he doesn’t want to buy love. He recalls his time in Utah and compares his heart to a barren & dry desert. There’s nothing but dust & scorpions inside of him. He says he was never destined to feel love. He says the desert knows no mercy and that he must accept his emptiness as a blessing not a curse. He tells Gloria that he knows why he was here on earth. His purpose is to bring death. He takes out an antique dagger from his toy chest and leaves his room with the dagger tucked into his pants. Gloria watches him walk away with a defeated helpless look on her face… I am obsessed with the blood red shirt & cable sweater vest he’s wearing. #GQ
The doorbell rings, and Gloria answers the door. Jimmy says that he’s a friend of Dandy and wants to see him. Out of breath Gloria says “My son has no friends.” Dandy glares, “Let him in Mother. He’s here for the girls.” #CrowdedHouse
Elsa shows up in the big tent to attend her birthday party… This bitch is STILL celebrating her birthday? GAWD I hate it even more when adults stretch a birthday to a whole week–I don’t give a fuck! Only Ethel is there, and has a slice of cake waiting for her. Ethel tells her the other freaks are with Paul and don’t feel like celebrating. Elsa tells Ethel that she’s like a sister and wants to know why none of the freaks are loyal to her after all she’s done for them. Ethel tells Elsa that the twins’ disappearance and Paul’s accident has shaken the faith & loyalty among her freaks.
Elsa cries while Ethel lights the candle for her to blow out. Ethel tells Elsa that if she ever finds out she’s lying and brought harm to the twins’, “I’ll kill you with my own two hands.” Elsa blows out her candle and makes a wish, “I just want to be loved.” #TheEnd
Wow so much drama was set up in this episode that needs to be resolved soon. What’s gonna happen between Dandy & Jimmy? What happens to Elsa when the twins’ are found? Her freaks need her but will there be freak strike? Will Penny’s dad show up at the camp with his shotgun? Where the hell was Desiree & Dell? How is Maggie going to stop Stanley plans?
And for the love of God no more fake out death scenes. Last year in Coven we watch almost everyone die and come back to life; but this season on American Horror Story: Freak Show they keep faking us out with fantasy death scenes, but nobody dies. Stop being chicken shit and just kill someone and get it over with. TT is loosening my chain now, and I’m in the mood to eat some Vietnamese food on this very cold day. I look forward to chatting with you freaktards down below. You can stalk me like Penny’s dad with a shotgun @Urethra_F