Before we get going on tonight’s recap, I need to take a quick minute to acknowledge the utter hideousness of this set. It looks like something off Dynasty circa 1984. This is a NYC set? Also I hate all of the dresses. Every last one of them. Why are they allowing white? White on TV used to be a big no no. Maybe now that we have flat screens and high definition it isn’t an issue? I like TereSSa’s dress in theory but the boobs are a problem. Nicole’s is probably the best of the bunch but that sort of like winning the Special Olympics in this case. No offense to TeeCee’s kid’s accomplishments. It’s just a simile. I had more to say but it is already starting, so I better quit while I am behind.
We go straight in to Teresa and how she has changed as a person over the six season she has been on. Teresa looks so much younger in 2008. Teresa says she has definitely changed for the better. She doesn’t worry about petty things anymore and focuses on what is important. Cut to tight shot of Melissa trying to keep a respectable, face and not roll her eyes. You can see the effort. Andy asks if her values have changed. She says, “Everything, yes.” Cut to TereSSa turning her head and letting out a deep sigh.
Tre says she came on the show just to have fun and look where she is now. Andy asks if she blames the show. She says not the show but a lot of people who came on the show came on just to hurt them. Some were housewives and others just came to parties, but the all started a lot of trouble. I guess those trouble makers cause her to commit 41 counts of fraud. They sound like real assholes. They show a clip of Danielle season two talking about the house she lived in before they moved into the mansion. Danielle accused them then of being in foreclosure. Next it’s season 3 with Kim G. Then season 4 where Teresa tell Jac that if she was going to jail, she is sure she would know about it. Teresa laughing in a talking head about going to jail. Tre says to the others to be careful because people come on the show to try to hurt them.
Montage of the family. Everyone laughs at Milania’s bratty behavior. Teresa says in the clip she has no money put away for the girls college. I guess she spent it all on tutus and music videos and birthday parties. Teresa talks about her businesses suffering. They show the scens with Joe’s Dad and end with the whole huge family photo. Joe looks down. Tre tears up. Andy tells Joe he is sorry for his loss. Tre turns around and asks Joe if he okay and gets him a tissue. She seems genuinely concerned and mothering toward him. I think these two are probably closer than they’ve ever been. She’s much nicer than she was to him on WWHL a couple days before. Tre and Joe and Melissa talk about memories of Joe’s dad. Joe Gorga seems beside himself and unable to talk. Teresa says that Milania acts up for the camera. More Giudice family montage.
Andy asks why she listed the value of her businesses as zero on her presentencing documents. Teresa says that Fabelleni is not showing a profit yet. The dessert line is in the red too.
A viewer asks Joe Gorga if he blames Joe Giudice for what is happening to his sister. Joe pauses a long time, takes a deep breath and looks physically pained. He says, “I dunno, do I blame him? It happened. I’m not blaming anybody. It happened. I’m just going to be here for them and that’s it. That’s what family does, right?” Andy ask Juicy if he blames himself. He says he has to blame himself, who else is he going to blame? They play a montage of them going to court. They are watching it as it plays. It ends with Rosie praying for the family. It was very touching.
Andy says that part of Tre’s plea deal was that she would accept prison time, so was it surprising that you were given 15 months? Tre says she didn’t understand the plea deal. Andy says, “Wow, have you spoken to your lawyers about that?” Because Tre answered DOZENS of questions from the judge to assure that she knew the details of the plea deal including agreeing to serve a prison sentence between 21- 27 months. Andy asks Juicy if he thinks he will be deported. He says he will deal with that issue when it comes. As he is speaking Tre pipes up and says, “He can’t answer that now. Andy asks Tre to speak on what she said that Joe Gorga could do to support her. She said to see their parents every week. She says she talks to her parents every day. Joe says he will do that. A viewer asks if Joe supports his parents as much as Tre. Joe says that Tre spends more time with them, but he sees them a lot. Tre says she goes to all of their doctor’s appointments with them and Joe has to work a lot.
Andy works his way around the room talking about how the housewives supported Tre. Amber says she tried to keep it short and sweet and focused on Teresa. Teresa turned to Amber and sincerely said “that was nice.” Amber is pretty much the only housewife other than Dina not getting a frigid shoulder. On to TereSSA. Andy points out she had issues with Tre this season. Teressa says it is a tragedy what Tre is going through and her heart breaks for her, but she can’t be a hypocrite and ignore what Tre did to her mother. She brought Victoria onto the show to spread lies. TereSSa says that Victoria’s publicist is threatening her publicist and saying it was all Tre and Amber. Tre and Amber both deny having anything to do with it. They play the talking head where TereSSa says “Karma’s a bitch” and makes the wrist motions while saying “Clink Clink.” Andy asks if she regrets saying that. TereSSa says something about belieiving in God while Tre asks what “Clink, Clink” means and Andy has to explain it to her. Really, Tre? You will find out soon enough I suppose. TereSSa says she is the only one being honest and not pretending like they all get along. Dina says she doesn’t agree with everything TereSSa but she gives her props for being honest because there is certainly a lack of that… she seems to be referring to Melissa. Clearly, Tre and Dina are pissed at Melissa for some reason. I’m starting to think that the subtext of Tre’s constant refrain of “I don’t know why this is happening to me!” is actually, “and not Melissa and Joe.” I think they are all guilty and Tre is pissed that she is doing time and Melissa is driving around in stolen Bentleys.
Andy keeps going back to the presentencing forms. Tre and Joe both say they never went over the presentencing financial disclosures with anyone. They both say the probation officer comes to your house. They were not hiding anything the PO came and walked through the whole house and saw everything they had. Their accountant called them on the phone and asked questions. They just signed everything they were told to sign and relied on him to fill everything out correctly. Nicole says the attorney should have gone over all of that with her. Tre says she has never been in this situation and had no idea what she was doing.
Andy said there was a lot viewer push back about her being on the show. He says people say she is a criminal and they have no sympathy for her. She says she doesn’t need sympathy. Andy talks about her crying while reading her statement in court. The judge said that Joe was the captain will have to live with the sentence I gave him. The first mate needs a bit of a sentence too. She said to Tre that quite frankly she displayed genuine remorse and at the end of the day she finally got it, and finally woke up. Andy asks if she agrees and that she gets it now. Tre says of course she does. It’s hard to talk about.
The Joe’s leave and we go back to the girls. We pay a bit of attention to the twins and I take a moment to grab another bottle of electrolyte water. Nicole still lives at home and says she and Bobby are in a really good place. Amber has her confused face on. Nicole thinks Bobby will give her a ring within a year. Andy brings up the fact that Bobby is from a wealthy family. He tries to make this a sinister thing. Andy tries to get Amber to say that Nicole is a gold digger. I’ve had a snack and refreshed my grapefruit water and we are still talking about the twins. Is Bobby gay? Nah. That’s ridiculous.
We come back and all of the men are out there now. Andy says to Jim, “Thanks for taking a break from Twitter.” Because douche is on there from sun up until sun down every day. How long til his blood money runs out at this rate? Andy asks Jim if he has an anger management problem, because, DUH. Amber who has been laughing nervously ever since he was seated on a bar chair behind her interrupts to say, “No he has an asshole problem.” Everyone seems to agree until she clarifies that Jim can’t deal with OTHER PEOPLE being an asshole. Way to get out of that beating, Amber. Jim spouts his usual delusional nonsense that is not recapping. Andy says he found out that Jim is not actually a lawyer. Really, you don’t say. Jim admits that “he doesn’t practice law.” Jim says he is an expert that gets paid a lot of money to advise lawyers. I’m laughing my ass off. Excuse me. It’s hard to type this. Jim says he recently (finally) passed the bar and has submitted to the character committee. He graduated in 2001 and “chose to take the bar in 2013” and probably in 2001-2012… he says now he has to dance with the ethics committee and that should take about a year and is perfectly normal. No, no it is not. He says that he waited to take the bar because he makes so very much money (as a whistle blower). Everyone from the twins to Andy point out that the opportune time to take the bar is right at the end of law school when your legal degree is still relevant to current law. Well, they didn’t give the reason, but that is it. Amber chimes in to say he was making so much money with the mortgage company he didn’t want to give that up. Except that is not true either, he was working for a pharmaceutical company (whistleblower) before he got booted from that industry into the mortgage business, which he also got booted from in the state of Washington and appears to still be having issues in New Jersey thus he has the time to sit on Twitter ALL DAY LONG threatening to sue people for pointing out all of his legal issues and generally douchebaggery.
Jim should marry Nene Leakes, they both like to pretend they are making millions of dollars. Jim just asked Rino if he made $8.5 million dollars this year. Rino, who may well have made $8.5 million with three very successful restaurants in the NYC area says he doesn’t discuss anything with finances. Melissa says to Tre tell him not to talk about his money on the show. LOL. Tre says it’s none of his business. I can’t wait for the ethics committee to be sent a copy of this show. This is fantastic.
Next Jim wants to talk about “little Bobby” who also likely ran circles around Jim’s income this year. He says that Bobby doesn’t make that kind of money unless his dad gives it to him. Bobby says that is funny because on Twitter you said I was worth $500 million, which is it. Jim says that is his daddy. Amber chimes in to agree. Bobby says,”Who refers to an adult parent as “daddy”?” A little punk like Jim Marchese, that’s who, Bobby. Jim is green with envy that Bobby comes from a wealthy family.
Andy asks Jim if he understands why there is…pauses to select his words…”great disdain for you?” Jim basically says the people born into money don’t like him because he came from nothing. Frankly, he is still nothing. Getting money from a successful family beats the holy hell out of getting it from duping cancer patients and then blowing the whistle on the scheme when you get fired. Allegedly. According to court documents. Shitweasel. Jim seems to think they are talking about Twitter and all of the billions of people on Twitter who despised him there. He says they are all influence by Bobby. Wow. Bobby is rich AND almighty powerful on Twitter. That’s hot.
Andy gives up and moves on. Let’s talk about Amber calling Nicole a home wrecker on the show. Rehash, rehash. Amber gets raked over the coals over all the home wrecker comments. Jim whips out a stack of papers. Everyone is mocking Jim amongst themselves. Dina tells Andy she thought there was a no props allowed rule. Andy smiles and says, “That’s not a prop, it is evidence.” We have officially entered the Twilight Zone. Amber’s mike is back on so she can drone on about the stupid assertion that Jim keeps making on Twitter about being in charge of Bobby’s contract with Bravo. Bobby points out the stupidity of what Amber is saying. Jim waves around his sheath of papers. Now he is holding up some printed out pictures saying “Famewhore!” Amber looks around as if to answer, but he is not talking to her. He is talking about Bobby. He has pictures of Bobby at Tre’s book signing, and Kathy’s book signing and with Jac. Because that is evidence of a vast famewhore conspiracy. I’m sure most of Jersey went to get those books. It’s not like he is pretending to be an expert legal consultant to the AUSA or making a stage one cancer story the focus of his whole storyline or anything.
Amber and the twins jaw with each other like felons in the yard and Andy literally tells them to shut up. Jim tells Andy the twins don’t like “shut up, it’s shush up.” My gawd with this lunatic. Amber goes on with her conspiracy theory about Bobby setting up the girls to ambush Amber. What’s that quote about water rising to its own level? Amber and Jim are made for each other. I can’t believe they were allowed to breed. Andy tries to explain to Jim that he is a misogynist. Jim goes on a misogynist rant to deny it. Joe Gorga says he would never speak to a woman like that. Amber and Jim bring up that Jim called Teresa garbage and a scumbag. Joe Gorga is about to lose it on Jim. Juicy is laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing is. And so am I.
Jim Marchese is the biggest douchebag, loser , scum bucket ever to be on Bravo. That says a lot. Next week, more with the men and the whale douche.