Couples Therapy: Decision Time

I haven’t recapped this in a while. I think I missed one episode (maybe) and finally watched the last one where they take a sledge-hammer to a house to release all their inner feelings. I always thought that was a stupid exercise, but then again, all televised therapy is meant to be dramatic and therapy itself is a mere after thought. So on to tonight’s show!

Nikki is still bitching about not being heard and her feelings not being acknowledged. NONE OF THAT IS TRUE. What happened was Cicely read a tabloid story where Ande from her season talked about how she dumped Juan Pablo after her bang card date because Juan Pablo was talking about how he screwed the first girl on the first bang card (not Nikki) even though he was not interested. Cicely said in front of Juan and Nikki that if anyone talked about her man like that she sure would not be friends with them anymore and she might have to go all in to set them straight. Juan had a knowing look and Nikki is pissed that Juan didn’t defend her when someone pointed  out that she should not allow anyone to treat Juan badly. What was Juan supposed to say? Oh “eeeeessss okay, for her friend to talk shit about me in tabloids?” Nikki is an idiot. If you had told me it was possible I would feel sorry for JUAN PABLO this season, I would never have believed you. Do I think he is into Nikki? Not at all. Is he doing the show for the money and exposure absolutely. Is he acting for the cameras to come off as the better person? Yes. Nikki on the other hand is not acting for the camera and her true obnoxious self is right there for us all to see.

Cicely points out that if Nikki’s “best friend” is someone she met on a TV show three months ago who was dating the same guy she was, then there is a problem. Dick on the other hand takes the time to be the rescuer of the damsel in distress. Because, that’s Evel

Treach and Dr. Jenn sit down for a one on one.  Treach hasn’t spoken to his dad in over 30 years. He said when he was about 18 he walked past his dad and his father did not even recognize him. Treach said he was armed at the time and wanted to turn around and do something. Treach says that he has seen pictures of his kids recently and knows he would not have recognized them. He is trying to have contact with his kids.  I think it is his oldest daughter he is referring to. Dr. Jenn is of course going to bring the dad in.

Cicely is way too worked up over Nikki. So is Jenna. They are gunning for her. Nikki goes for her one on one. NOW she is acting. NOW when she knows this is a scene that will be aired, instead of one she thinks is inconsequential we get VICTIM NIKKI.  She is crying saying she realizes now that the reason she stuck up for Ande is because on her bang card night she felt the same way that Ande did on hers. It was all about Juan Pablo.  Side note,  Nikki has really bad chin acne and or beard burn. One way for people of her age group to get such a condition confined to the area of he mouth is to make out with a guy with a beard a lot. Or to have other forms of oral contact with a person’s region that has coarse hair. Don’t ask me know I know this. I read a lot of books on the subject in the 1980s.

Moving on,  Nikki just wants someone to love her.  And like many a young (and old) lady, she tries to force a relationship that just isn’t giving her what she wants. It’s sort of what we do. Then we blame the asshole for being an asshole despite all signs pointing to asshole from the moment we picked him up. She rages at him, and he for the most part tolerates and placates because when he does he gets what he wants. Sex. And sometimes control. Or sometimes something else. He’s really not sweating the “crazy” because compared to the payoff, it’s not that big of a deal. Nikki says if she walks away now then everyone will be proven right, he is a douchebag (by everyone she means me, shit I still haven’t cashed that check) and HE’S NOT.  She’s missing the point. If EVERYONE (me) is saying he’s a douchebag, sticking with him and being miserable won’t make him less of a douchebag. She’s a competitive athlete. She wanted to win the game. She won, and now she is stuck with a douchebag as the prize. Sucks to be her.

Dr. Jenn wanted to talk to Nikki and Juan Pablo the next day so she could moderate (sure) the conversation between the two of them. The next morning Nikki tells JP that she is exhausted and has nothing left to give, which he takes to mean she wants to quit the show. JP informs a producer.

Meanwhile, Cicely, Jenna and others talk about how much they don’t like Nikki. Cicely says that Nikki looks like a complete bitch and should be apologizing to JP. Dr. Jenn tells Nikki to talk things out with Cicely and they will talk to Juan Pablo together. Nikki is crying. I see no tears. It’s the Farrah Abraham School of Therapy Crying. Dr. Jenn goes to get Cicely. In her talking head, filmed later, Cicely was PISSED with Nikki for essentially ratting out their issues to Dr. Jenn. This should go well. Cicely holds Nikki’s feet to the fire. She does not let her wimp out or blame shift. However, she does accept her apology gracefully and tells Nikki that it means a lot that she came to her to do that. I like Cicely more for this scene. Way better than her raking Treach over the coals all day long.  She was stern but fair with Nikki and in the end they hugged it out.

Nikki and Juan Pablo have a discussion/argument with lots of “baby this, and baby that on both sides.” Nikki says that everyone feels like their relationship is an act. I sort of thought that might be code for, “nobody is buying OUR act.”  This happens right on the heels of Cicely telling her that something seemed off with their relationship from the first day. It’s almost like she is trying to tell Juan Pablo everyone is on to them. Then she says she doesn’t believe him either. Juan Pablo says he doesn’t feel acknowledged. Nikki says he doesn’t feel like he is taking anything seriously. I think it was Evel Dick that pointed out the fact that it is WAY to early in the relationship for them to be this miserable.

Dr. Jenn meets with Juan Pablo and Nikki. Nikki says that she is getting tired of trying to break Juan Pablo’s shell. Frankly, I don’t think Juan Pablo has a shell, he sees pretty much WYSIWYG. Nikki just doesn’t like what she sees and wants a different answer. Nikki wants to have a simple conversation with JP without a bunch of bullshit about cultural differences. Nikki, JP is very clear on what you want, and he is NOT willing to do it. He’s willing to say just enough to keep you on the hook. Juan Pablo is great at being a bigger diva than Nikki when he needs to be. He knows just what too say. He should have just not picked anyone and lived his life in Miami. He is insulted INSULTED that she would call him fake. See what he did there? We call this blame shifting. It’s not my fault I led this chick on for six months. It’s her that is the bitch. She calls me fake! Nothing I do is good enough. This is textbook chapter three in the Douchebag Handbook. And it very, very successfully makes Nikki look worse than the douchebag. Dr. Jenn, TV therapist to the reality participants knows this. Let’s see if she calls him on it even a little bit.

Dr. Jenn literally looks stoned, or possibly drunk. Her reaction to all of this is a said with half-closed eyelids and a finger twirl in slow motion, “Nikki? Where are you?” /sadstonerface  Nikki does what girls do when they are in the middle of this stupid game. They start APOLOGIZING TO THE DOUCHEBAG. It’s sad and pathetic, but it is what we do. I mean what they do.  What THOSE GIRLS do. So I hear. She says she never meant to HURT HIM. Oh Nikki I want to bitch slap you and hug you at the same time. She says, “I just feel like my feelings never get acknowledged.” And Dr. Jenn plays wingman to the douchebag and says, “And neither do his, you guys just go in circles.”  Dr. Jenn looks at Nikki and says if you keep doing this you are not going to have a relationship. She says, “It’s going to be fucking done.”

I feel the need to address Dr. Jenn’s profanity.  I am fond of profanity. Especially as a blogger, a bit of profanity can provoke and provocation brings the pageviews as I like to say. It can also make your point stronger. It can grab someone’s attention. But in a situation that we are at least pretending to be a therapeutic environment, it should be used sparingly by the alleged therapist. This is not an escalated situation that needed a profanity bomb to get everyone back to paying attention. She has used profanity correctly in many instances but this season I don’t think she has made it through a group or individual or couples session without profanity and that seems fucking unprofessional.

So Dr. Jenn looked dead at Nikki and said if they don’t acknowledge each other they will be “fucking done.” Could not have been a better wingman for the douche bag. So now Nikki is talking about what she needs to do to fix things. She needs to let go of the anger and resentment she has built up around the “I love you  issue” and … around… she turns to Juan Pablo and says “I’m sorry I spent so much time trying to get my feelings acknowledged that I didn’t even stop to think how that would make YOU feel. ” SIGH. Really, Nikki? Now you are apologizing for expressing your need for acknowledgement?

Dr. Jenn turns to Juan Pablo, and says, “Given that we only have a few days left, do you still want to work on this relationship?” Translation, “I am buying into your douchebaggery because I am obviously not in my right mind and you have a sexy accent despite having the IQ of a kumquat. So therefore what do you want to do? Here is your chance to dump her.” JP decides he would like to string her along and play dick, dick, fuck, fuck with her for as long as they can keep drawing the paparazzi. Dr. Jenn nods knowingly. Nikki promises to be a good girl. Dr. Jenn tells them they need to “work their asses off.”  She says if they can’t she doesn’t “wanna waste their fucking time.” I swear a lot more when I fucking drink too, Dr. Jenn.

You know what? I get these people are mostly there to do anything for a paycheck, but if we presume Treach really hasn’t seen his daddy in 30 years, this is something that could have been handled off camera. But, Dr. Jenn is about to throw them both in a room for our amusement and call it therapy. I believe Treach and sort of want to be his girlfriend now, I mean you know just for this part because, Cicely. But then the next episode with Cicely seems VERY staged. Cicely’s fake shock that they found his father is totally fake. Like it was the tenth time they filmed it. Like three days later.

It’s the day that Treach’s father is coming, another scene with Treach and Cicely was filmed. Treach is visibly nervous wondering aloud what time his father is coming. Cicely’s response is, “So you’re not nervous yet?”  SIGH. In this relationship I have to be on Treach’s side. Girl, you’re with a dude from a rap group called “Naughty by Nature.” Come on now. You gotta roll with the punches a little bit here. He’s stuck with you for SEVEN YEARS.  Cut him a little slack you seem really overbearing. With ERRYBODY.

Time  for the family reunion. Treach says he feels numb. In walks his father. Daddy walks in. They do the bro handshake into hug thing like guy close friends do, not the emotional hug and emotional breakdown that Dr. Phil guests do. I’m totally buying this. Treach is either genuinely doing near tears or deserves an Academy Award. I feel a bit dirty for wanting to watch. I’m watching anyway.  Oh shit Treach is crying and griping the arms of his chair. His father is much more light-skinned.  I just looked to see how old Treach is. He’s 43! His father is in his sixties I’d guess. He looks well. Is dressed well. He tells Dr. Jenn it has been too long since he has seen his son, there has been a void, it’s been too long for him. His daddy’s voice breaks he is crying. This is heartbreaking.

Treach previously told a story of the last time he went to see his father. He explained to Dr. Jenn he was just a kid and had save money to buy a silk tie for his daddy for Christmas. A few day before Christmas, he snuck away to give it to his daddy who lived not too far away. He knocked on the door and his male roommate told him he did not live there anymore. For some reason in the episode he told that story, the male roommate thing seemed weird. But that is Treach’s recollection. The male roommate told him he had moved. That was how he lost contact with his daddy.

Dr, Jenn asks what questions Treach wants to ask “first” there is a clear edit that makes me think this is the question production found most interesting. Treach says, “I don’t know if you know it but when you lived on ( I missed the street) I came over and your  roommate was there or some dude and … ” Daddy interrupts and says, ” No, From what I gathered, it was the landlord. And he said I didn’t live there anymore. But, I didn’t know anything about it at that time.” Now it’s been a while since I watched the episode where Treach mentioned this before, but I could have sworn he had previously seen his father several times at that address and he had a male roommate. I think the REAL issue is going to be Treach has a gay daddy and he was afraid to contact him all these years because he felt he would disparage his career or something. I may be dead wrong. I did point out that his daddy seemed well dressed for an elderly gentleman.

Dr. Jenn who is not picking up anything that I am  says basically, you knew where he lived, you could have sent a card with the new address. Daddy says, “that’s easier said than done.”  Treach flinches. Dr. Jenn says “help me understand why.” Daddy says, “Um, well time just evolves” Which is manspeak  for ain’t none of your business you half-lidded white lady.  You know Dr. Jenn does appear to be wearing false eyelashes. Maybe that is the issue with her “stoned” look.  But the dumb shit coming out of her mouth doesn’t support that theory.  She asks Treach what is it like to hear him say this? Treach says he was 12 so he had no idea what was going on. “I didn’t know if I had done something. I didn’t know if I ran him off. But I wanted more attention than he could give me. I knew he really couldn’t be there like that. I blamed myself. I wanted too much from him. ”

His father is an asshole. He starts rambling about how you can’t split atoms. You can’t split yourself. You can’t clone yourself. And during the work he had to do backwards and forwards and whatnot he just didn’t have time. Dr. Jenn points out that he could pick up the phone for five minutes from time to time and just say, “hey son, I am thinking about you and I love you.”

Asshole Daddy is all like “how many times can you try to do something and whatnot, and you want to do something and you want to make it right and you just … I dunno.” New theory. This is a real experience for Treach but this man is not a closeted gay from the 1980s, he’s a paid actor to be on this show. Because this shit cannot be real.  OMG. And now he says what is painful to HIM. PAINFUL TO HIM is that “After he got up from being Anthony Criss to being Treach and being successful THAT HE DIDN’T GET TO BE A PART OF THAT!”  Treach is zoning out and going somewhere else and I just want to STAB THIS MAN WITH FORKS REPEATEDLY IN HIS EYEBALLS.  He abandoned his son. Never tried to contact him in 30 years and is now back in the room with him for the first time and his conversation first of all is a paid appearance, secondly he says his biggest regret is essentially not being able to bask in his son’s success. Missing out on being a celebrity father. THIS CAN NOT BE A REAL THING.

Treach says, “To me it seems like he miss Treach more than he miss Tony.”  Asshole daddy says “No just the opposite.” Glimmer of hope?  Dr. Jenn  asks what asshole misses about Tony?” Asshole says, ” Tony? I ….ummm.. ”

Treach speaks up. “He really don’t know…he don’t know Tony.  He don’t know him. Too bad he gone forever. ”

The world’s second worst therapist says “I think you missed an opportunity to really get to know Tony. And I think it makes it very hard to get to know Treach. What I don’t hear you saying is I neglected you and I am so sorry that I made the choices I made, I wish I had made different choices. I wish I had been there for you, I wish I would have had a father.”

Asshole daddy says, ” I wish my life could have been different then. I wish my whole life could have been different then.”

Dr. Jenn “But there is something missing and that is you acknowledging the pain it caused and you acknowledging that the you made a choice that was horrifically painful and life-altering for him.

Asshole says, “Hey I can take the blame  but I can’t say I am sorry a million times and whatnot…”

( interrupts) Dr. Jenn, “But I haven’t heard you say I am sorry ONE time.”

Asshole, ” …and that be something that would mend it. I can’t undo anything….

Treach stands up and says, “God bless you man. ” and walks out the door. ”

Asshole says, “That’s the Treach.”

And for ONCE Dr. Jenn gets it right and says, “No, that’s the pain that you caused him.”

AND SCENE.

But of course whether real or fake this shit will be pimped out for AT LEAST one more episode because it is heart wrenching if true, or despicable by all parties even more if it is not.

Oh and next week. They have found Jenna’s mother’s grave. I swear to God shit like this should not be faked. I’m torn. I mean come on couldn’t Jenna have found it if she wanted to?