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You are here: Home / Entertainment News / Gather ‘Round Freaktards! American Horror Story: Freak Show Premieres Tonight!

Gather ‘Round Freaktards! American Horror Story: Freak Show Premieres Tonight!

October 8, 2014 by tamaratattles 133 Comments

By Urethra Franklin

Last season you were the scurrdy cats at our very own Coven of witches here at TT, but now I want to affectionately call you freaktards. Just embrace it, and don’t be offended by the lack of political correctness. We’re supposed to have freaky fun while freaking out while watching American Horror Story: Freak Show. Plan to be submerged into a dark sinister world set in the 1950’s in Jupiter Florida for the last struggling traveling carnival called “The Cabinets of Curiosities” with Jessica Lange as the ring leader Elsa Mars, who also sings some David Bowie too. #LifeOnMars

Prepare to not be able to unsee what you see. There will be plenty of human oddities that confuse the senses. Most impressively Sarah Paulson has 2 heads, Angela Bassett has 3 breasts, and Kathy Bates has a beard. I’ve read that this season the writers pushed the limits with some unsettling psychosexual situations too. You don’t even want to know what Evan Peters’ lobster hands can do. #ThirdBase

So who is the villain this season? It.is.a.fucking.clown! I’m already peeing in my pants at the thought of Twisty the Clown, and Twisty is going to be murdering people up in herre! What you freaktards need to know is that I can handle any kind of horror with no problems. But clowns? OH HELL NAH.AHS Freaks on Wednesday

 

For the record I have a mild-moderate phobia of clowns. I was a kid in the 70’s, and creepy clowns were a big part of my childhood & pop culture. There was Bozo the Clown, Romper Room, Ronald McDonald, & musical jack in the box toys. Do any of you remember when the Jack In the Box burger chain used to have an actual glowing 3D CLOWN HEAD staring you in the drive thru? My clown phobia was solidified thanks to notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy & his horrific clown creeper ways. So I’m gonna need some weekly volunteers to hold me during the clown scenes, preferably someone with a hairy chest. #Match.com

More surprising than the sexually explicit images in the opening credits is that the music was remixed. I thought the original music was iconic to the series, but it still has the essence of the former music, but it’s less jarring to the ears but more musical & dreamlike to fit the carnival theme. Later on in the season we’ll be able to recognize the hidden clues that are always peppered throughout the credits.

Speaking of pepper, I am thrilled that Pepper, a wildly popular but underused character from Season 2 AHS:Asylum, played by Naomi Grossman will be crossing over into Season 4. This is the FIRST time a character has crossed over to another season. Also joining the cast is Patti Labelle (YASS!!), Michael Chiklis, Matt Bomer, & Finn Wittrock, and expect more freaky surprises by show creator Ryan Murphy.

“Monsters Among Us” is the title of the 90 minute premiere of American Horror Story: Freak Show on FX tonight at 10 ET, and please join us here for our discussion. I will post a recap tomorrow or Friday, but I wanted an immediate place for us freaktards to gather and talk during and after the show. Watch out for Twisty because that freak don’t play.

This is the second season that TamaraTattles.com has had the pleasure of Urethra Franklin writing recaps. If you missed any last year’s you really should click hear to read them. The American Horror Story Seasons are all completely stand alone, but his recaps are really, really a fun read whether you watched last season or not. Just read with the lights on!  Also earn yourself a Tamara Tattles Token by following UF on Twitter by clicking here.

American Horror Story: Freak Show  premieres tonight, Wednesday, Oct. 8, at 10 p.m. Normal People Time in FX.

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Filed Under: Entertainment News Tagged With: Amazon Eve, American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Freak Show, Angela Bassett, Bearded Lady, Bette and Dot Tattler, Clown Killer, Dandy Mott, David Bowie, Dell Toledo, Denis O'Hare, Desiree Dupree, Edward Mordrake, Elsa Mars, Emma Roberts, Erika Ervin, Ethel Darling, Evan Peters, Florida, Frances Conroy, Freaks, FX, Gabourey Sidibe, Gloria Mott, Jamie Brewer, Jessica Lange, Jimmy Darling, John Carroll Lynch, John Wayne, Jupiter, Jyoti Amge, Kathy Bates, Legless Suzi, Ma Petite, Maggie Esmerelda, Mat Fraser, Michael Chiklis, Naomi Grossman, Paul the Illustrated Seal, Pepper, Rose Siggins, Sarah Paulson, Skyler Samuels, Stanley, Three Breasts, Twisty, Twisty the Clown, Two-headed Lady, Urethra Franklin, Wes Bentley

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. lori says

    October 8, 2014 at 6:55 pm

    Proud freaktard here! I just watched the documentary on the real lobster claw guy and his lobster claw family on the ID Discovery channel last month. This season is gonna be really creepy. I’m ready. I think.

    Reply
    • lori says

      October 8, 2014 at 6:57 pm

      I cannot tell you how THRILLED I am that you’re going to be blogging it UF. Love love love your AHS blogs. Always amazing and absolutely hysterical.

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        October 8, 2014 at 7:57 pm

        ​Plus Lori can now stop asking me if UF is going to do it. I really wasn’t 100% sure until today. #ClownPhobia

        On Wed, Oct 8, 2014 at 6:57 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
        • lori says

          October 8, 2014 at 8:44 pm

          When the email came in from Tamara Tattles with the AHS title my heart actually started beating faster in my chest and my eyes got wide with excitement.

          I really appreciated it because I know that recapping this show is a lot of work.

          Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        October 8, 2014 at 8:09 pm

        TT the clown phobia is real thing you know. But I am somewhat mature and nondramatical about it in my everyday life. But now because of AHS I have to just go with the flow… and I’m afraid some of that flow will be my piss.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          October 8, 2014 at 8:20 pm

          Sometimes I get random nipple hairs. If that is enough to meet your need to be held by someone with a hairy chest…..

          :)​

          On Wed, Oct 8, 2014 at 8:09 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 8, 2014 at 6:57 pm

      Yay you’re the 1st official freaktard!

      Reply
      • lori says

        October 8, 2014 at 7:00 pm

        Fuck yeah I am!

        Reply
      • lori says

        October 8, 2014 at 7:04 pm

        After you, of course. 😉

        Reply
    • IAmAmySuter says

      October 9, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      My little brother has always had #ClownIssues – I do now!

      Took me a day to watch. AMAZING! Talk about going big. Let’s hope it stays that way.

      Amy, TT fan from Campo

      Reply
  2. lori says

    October 8, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    So cool about Pepper. She certainly fits in. I’m psyched about Patti Labelle too, and I’m actually glad that they’ve changed the music. That’s the only part of AHS that I didn’t like. It was like an assault. I dealt with it season one, but after that I couldn’t listen to a second of it. I would panic on the remote trying to either turn it down or ff.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 8, 2014 at 8:06 pm

      I was the opposite about the music in the opening. I would always watch it & listen to it. It set the tone for each episode for me. But the former music sounded like “Nine Inch Nails” (who I love) with the heavy industrial metal sound. This remixed music sounds more trippy & with an epic dreamscape, or I should say Nightmarescape.

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        October 8, 2014 at 8:19 pm

        ​I really liked the opening YouTube thingy… which is weird. I didn’t think it was scary, just sort of fascinating…

        On Wed, Oct 8, 2014 at 8:06 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
      • LookersMissesMelissa says

        October 9, 2014 at 9:44 am

        I LOVE IT! Love the music love The Freakshow love NIN love what they did with the new music, blending the circus & the original music is genius. This show is genius IMO.

        Your recap sounds so good that I’m about to go read all of the ones you wrote for Coven!!
        I was so excited yesterday when this show FINALLY began…ugh I’m already loving this premise. I too grew up in the 70’s Urethra, I get the whole clown fear lol…in the words of the great Carrie Bradshaw “nothin worse than a clown!” But the MAKEUP..my lord the makeup, if this seasons’ AHS doesn’t deserve the Emmy for outstanding makeup I don’t know who does. I know the season has just started but come ON! LOOK AT THIS stuff! The only “real oddity” is the shortest woman alive am I right? She’s the only one who really exists in this form. Everyone else is MAKEUP! The clowns face! Holy FUK! I’ve done my share of makeup & even graduated from makeup artistry school & can tell you that clowns makeup is AMAZEBALLS, takes hours upon hours to do, and one of the TOP faces I’ve seen on television! It’s just going to get better too..ugh I can’t wait!

        I was also thinking we wouldn’t find out Jessica/Madame Elsa’s “thing” right away but hot dang they generously revealed it in the very first episode! No legs!!! Amazing. Just amazing.

        The whole opening with the cast of characters in “clay” versions is frikin crazy awesome…I just can’t wait for the others to arrive…and look forward to your weekly recaps!

        Reply
  3. Bella62 says

    October 8, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    Count me in! I am already a fucktard, so I will happily be a freaktard! I don’t comment much at all, but love your recaps. You litterally make me laugh out loud! Thanking you in advance!

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 8, 2014 at 7:54 pm

      UF is the best at recaps! I’m not sure if these will be funny though. I was scared just tagging in all the character names!

      Reply
      • Bella62 says

        October 8, 2014 at 8:21 pm

        His hash tags really crack me up. I am a horror movie geek, and the scarier, the better.

        Reply
  4. Urethra Franklin says

    October 8, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    A couple of years ago in some AHS forum I’ve read speculation that in a future season that Jessica Lange will play a Marlene Dietrich inspired character. Well this character of Elsa Mars is IT. I’m certain that this season’s theme has been more than an idea for a while. I hope it reflects in the story telling and pace. AHEM Coven……

    Reply
  5. Kyfried says

    October 8, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    I have to jump in to mention the clown in Stephen King’s “It”. #nightmares

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 8, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      NOT HELPING! NOT HELPING!

      LOL I am not even sure I am going to watch.

      Reply
      • Angel says

        October 8, 2014 at 8:13 pm

        TT, please watch, want you chiming in in comments.

        I have stacks of clean panties ready to go. I am starting the series off watching the midnight showing, alone, as always.

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        October 8, 2014 at 8:56 pm

        TT, not helping, not helping. We need positive reinforcement for UF. He is your indentured servant after all. Lol (at least pretend shhhhh).

        Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 8, 2014 at 8:00 pm

      Yeah NO. My clown phobia was a well maintained trait by the time “IT” hit the theaters, and I never saw it. Just the images of that clown alone make me shiver with fright.

      Reply
    • mixedupchile says

      October 9, 2014 at 8:32 am

      Right on, Kyfried! I read that book non-stop over 24 straight hours then couldn’t sleep. TERRIFIED!

      Reply
  6. Rhubarb says

    October 8, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    I.Can’t.Wait!!!!!!!!!! One of the best newer shows and concepts out right now. “Freaktards” unite! Lol

    Reply
  7. Bella62 says

    October 8, 2014 at 8:30 pm

    His use of has tags really crack me up! I am an admitted horror movie geek. The scarier, the better! I am without people, but have 2 Rottweilers, and a little chi/fox terrier mix, so I am in great company. Thanks for all of your blogs, I am here off and on every day, I enjoy it so much.

    Reply
    • Bella62 says

      October 8, 2014 at 8:31 pm

      Sorry, that was in reply to Tamara, please excuse my errors, as I am new to posting.

      Reply
  8. nativepeach says

    October 8, 2014 at 8:35 pm

    Yay! Welcome back, Urethra. I’m so excited for this season!! I have to admit though, I can’t watch this shit at night. I’ll be dvring and watching in the daylight. Fuck some crazy clown dreams.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:28 am

      You are making a wise choice. That clown is not right in the head.

      Reply
    • Bombero129 says

      October 9, 2014 at 11:00 pm

      I’m with you… I’m obsessed with AHS and loveeeee UF’s recaps! But this is some saturday morning daytime TV for me

      Reply
  9. hannahkingrose says

    October 8, 2014 at 8:43 pm

    UF, my Freaktard flag is flying high already. Can’t wait for your recap babe. Unfortunately, I don’t have a hairy chest to help you through the clown phobia stuff, but I will be glad to buy some faux fur and wear it if that would help. Anything to keep you recapping. It seems like it has been a year since AHS has been on my t.v. and tonight is the night. A commercial for it is on as I type.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 8, 2014 at 8:55 pm

      OMG at your faux fur option. Hilarious but ummm still unacceptable.

      Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        October 8, 2014 at 9:13 pm

        Sorry UF. It’s the best I can do being female lol.

        Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        October 8, 2014 at 10:12 pm

        ​Well, at least the new radiator and pretty new basement will help. I somehow could not get to FX on time but I think I am mostly caught up. Missed the first 2-3 minutes.

        On Wed, Oct 8, 2014 at 8:55 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
  10. J.D. (@JaMailMail) says

    October 8, 2014 at 9:34 pm

    Thanks so much TT for having UF for a second season. I’ve been following UF for a long time, so I assume I will be reimbursed my TT Tokens at a later date? And besides, I haven’t been an annoying tre hugger in the RHONJ posts (though I guess I have been backing Amber…). YOU DON’T APPRECIATE ME, Tamara! *cries* <3

    Anyway, I'm so excited for the season, and I like what they did with music. It is especially whimsical and appropriate. Maybe they should have remixed the last two seasons as well to better fit their themes.

    Regardless, I'm super excited for what appears will be some social commentary on the idea of "outcasts". Secondly, the opening has ALOT of sexual overtones to it, so maybe we'll explore how society views sex… I'm just so excited.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 8, 2014 at 10:14 pm

      Followers of UF from last season get 5 tokens. ​For being smart enough to invest early.:)

      On Wed, Oct 8, 2014 at 9:34 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • J.D. (@JaMailMail) says

        October 8, 2014 at 10:46 pm

        YAY!!! SEE I have moments of smartness. I’m trying to not be pretty and dumb anymore. <3

        Reply
      • IAmAmySuter says

        October 9, 2014 at 5:00 pm

        Yeah so I can re-earn tokens! For this I adore u more. Love UF love TT! #ClownPhobia #AHSclownissues

        Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:01 am

      Yay JD is in the freak house with us. TY for all your support.

      Reply
  11. Tata4now says

    October 8, 2014 at 9:47 pm

    I’m so freaking excited..except for the clown part. I hate clowns, but UF can do it I’ll try.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 8, 2014 at 10:15 pm

      ​IT’S A KILLER CLOWN BWAHAHAHHAHAHAHH Clowns don’t scare me. The rest will give me nightmares.

      On Wed, Oct 8, 2014 at 9:47 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:06 am

      OMG Tata this clown is worst than I feared. He is depraved.

      Reply
  12. steve says

    October 8, 2014 at 10:12 pm

    its finally starting, yaaaay. UF try growing up where gacy got his start. never trusted clowns, gonna love the show. cant wait until tomorrow for the recap so we can talk about it

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 8, 2014 at 10:17 pm

      We are talking about it now!

      TWO HEADS! That is one an three quarters more than Teresa Giudice…

      Here comes the sex.​

      On Wed, Oct 8, 2014 at 10:12 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • Donna says

        October 9, 2014 at 12:32 pm

        lol, two heads is one and three quarters more than Teresa. Why she only needs a threehead, because her brain takes up very little space.

        Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 8, 2014 at 11:56 pm

      Hey Steve so good to have you back around us freaks here. And YIKES to your Gacy connection. Good thing you weren’t lured with candy by a perverted murdering clown.

      Reply
      • steve says

        October 9, 2014 at 12:05 am

        i lurk thru most of TTs posts, but dont watch most of the shows so dont talk much. this was a good start for this season, watching the rerun to see what i missed the first time through. UF, glad your doing this again for all us freaks 🙂

        Reply
  13. steve says

    October 8, 2014 at 10:23 pm

    once again Jessicsa Lange brings another accent. her german is better than her west viginia in season one.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:08 am

      OMG I’m gonna have a problem with that accent. And I’m already googling German words.

      Reply
      • lori says

        October 9, 2014 at 12:38 am

        Subtitles.

        Reply
  14. Tata4now says

    October 8, 2014 at 10:25 pm

    That clown is going to give me nightmares for years!

    Reply
  15. Fairplay says

    October 8, 2014 at 10:44 pm

    I was born in the late 70s and clowns scare the crap out of me. They are simply not funny. Thank you for the update because I love ahs, but I will not be watching this season. I will never sleep. Just thinking about it creeps me out. Ahhhhh!!!!!

    Reply
  16. Bye Felicia says

    October 8, 2014 at 10:53 pm

    I skipped over all of the comments and am currently watching this. My DVR F’d up and I missed the first 10 minutes.

    VERY good so far. I love how they start with a clean slate each season (The New Orleans season is my favorite thus far). Can’t wait to see how they introduce Kathy Bates, Angela Bassett, Gab Sid and the Stevie Knicks protege.

    Kathy Bates (Bearded Lady) just showed up. Gotta go!!

    Reply
    • steve says

      October 8, 2014 at 11:00 pm

      misty and zoe arent in this season,

      Reply
  17. Kyfried says

    October 8, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    Evan Peters is hot even as a carnie. #shocker

    Reply
  18. Urethra Franklin says

    October 8, 2014 at 11:59 pm

    OMG that murderous clown is beyond. Why does he got to be so extra?

    Reply
    • DarkThoughts says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:14 am

      WTF is he? Is his head covered in other peoples’ head skin? Those teeth! Why is the premier so sexualized? Not that I mind though…cuz I’m a freaktard.

      UF, I am so thankful you are recapping here again. Let the nightmares begin!

      Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        October 9, 2014 at 12:18 am

        TY DarkThoughts. It does look like he is wearing skin as part of his mask. That is the exact same schtick that was used in season 2 AHS:Asylum with Bloody Face and his victims face mask.

        Reply
  19. Barbara R. says

    October 9, 2014 at 12:12 am

    Just watched. OMG, OMG, OMG! A combo of the 50’s movie Freaks, some Stephen King and a pinch of True Detective. Not sure if I can sleep tonight. Thanks UF for covering this show.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 9, 2014 at 1:22 am

      Yes Barb there were a lot of references . I know I missed some. I have to watch a 2nd & maybe 3rd time to recap.

      Reply
  20. Urethra Franklin says

    October 9, 2014 at 12:15 am

    TT did you notice in one scene they said the name Eudora Tattler. She was one of the clowns victims. Uh-oh….

    Reply
    • hannahkingrose says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:18 am

      Uh-oh what UF? I can’t remember from last season. Don’t do that and not finish and then not recap till tomorrow or Friday. Damn it.

      Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        October 9, 2014 at 12:25 am

        Sorry Hannah, I promise a recap will be posted but just be patient and keep checking back; but in the mean time share your thoughts. I always love and appreciate your perspective and your ways with prose.

        Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 9, 2014 at 11:48 am

      ​You may not have noticed but I over drank in preparation for the show, started reading about Ebola, went on a twitter rampage about out insecure borders how we are all going to die, and went to bed. All to avoid this show. It was worth it.

      On Thu, Oct 9, 2014 at 12:15 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • lori says

        October 9, 2014 at 12:18 pm

        *sigh

        Reply
    • steve says

      October 9, 2014 at 6:23 pm

      eudora was bette and dots mom wasnt she? thats how the milkman came to find them? or did i miss something.

      Reply
      • lori says

        October 9, 2014 at 7:00 pm

        Yes, she was their mom. At least she wasn’t killed by Twisty. Just by her two headed, or rather one bodied, daughters, which is always so much better.

        Reply
  21. DarkThoughts says

    October 9, 2014 at 12:17 am

    Did anyone catch what Jimmy Darling said. That sooner or later they would all end up in asylums? It’s interesting since we know that Pepper, sadly, will wind up there…

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:26 am

      And WOWOWOWOW to Pepper getting her freak on in that home video.

      Reply
      • DarkThoughts says

        October 9, 2014 at 12:33 am

        I sure did…well, as an official freaktard I will not be ashamed to admit I’m going to have to rewatch a few scenes including that one cuz I was going ummm did I just see what I think I just saw?

        Reply
      • lori says

        October 9, 2014 at 1:06 am

        And I love that Pepper has a male counterpart.

        Reply
      • LookersMissesMelissa says

        October 9, 2014 at 9:55 am

        Loved it!! But i gotta tell ya, I was much more wow’d with the lobster hands & the uptight housewives in the bordello!!!
        Oh. Mah. Gaaaaad.

        Reply
  22. hannahkingrose says

    October 9, 2014 at 12:50 am

    I’m not afraid of clowns and even I have to admit that the shot of Ooga Booga the Clown sitting on the merry-go-round kind of caught me off guard.

    Reply
  23. steve says

    October 9, 2014 at 12:51 am

    think doc johnson is going to make motorized lobster claw gloves?

    Reply
    • DarkThoughts says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:56 am

      Yep, they’re gonna call it the Iclaw vibrator.

      Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 9, 2014 at 1:09 am

      OMFG some account on twitter called TwistyTheClown is following me & tweet taunting me…. I.QUIT.THIS BITCH….

      Reply
      • lori says

        October 9, 2014 at 1:15 am

        Oh geez UF. Tamara and her nipple hairs better get to you fast!

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        October 9, 2014 at 1:17 am

        Hit the block button UF. Never give up. I’ll get the townsfolk with the pitchforks. I know that’s usually for Frankenstein but it will probably work on Twisty as well.

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        October 9, 2014 at 1:20 am

        Moderation hell on AHS night. This sucks.

        Reply
  24. lori says

    October 9, 2014 at 1:03 am

    OMG, I just finished watching. Soooooo good! I kind of wish that they didn’t show any of the freaks in the previews, as I would have loved to have been surprised at what was behind that hospital curtain. Anyway, there are many who we haven’t seen, so that’s good.

    That was one brave milkman, but seriously, a rolling pin??? Surely there were many better weapon choices in the kitchen than that.

    I loved the song that Jessica Lange sang. I’m already in love with her character. They did a great job of making us (me?) feel something for pretty much every character so quickly. I have a feeling this may end up being my favorite season ever. For me it’s always been season one, but this one feels a lot like that one for me, as far as really feeling connected to the characters. It’s crazy how much Kathy Bates looks like a man with that beard. I kept forgetting that she’s not a man, but a bearded lady.

    There’s just too much to even comment on. I really liked how they did that split screen thing with the twins sometimes when they were looking at people.

    I wonder why she wants the candy striper girl there. But the way, the actress who plays her was on the recent Halle Berry show Extant.

    Can’t wait for your blog UF, and I can’t wait for next week’s show.

    P.S. Tamara, I am so happy you’re watching!!!

    Reply
    • Donna says

      October 9, 2014 at 12:41 pm

      lori, I was laughing about the rolling pin too. Really? You are going to make pastry? At least grab a cast iron pan if not a knife.

      The candy striper, yes, she is so much like her mother. A Gummer for sure.

      Reply
      • lori says

        October 9, 2014 at 12:44 pm

        Those are the exact two items that I yelled at my screen that he should have taken. Lol

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          October 9, 2014 at 1:06 pm

          So that little lady in the birdcage is a kid, right?

          I’m trying to watch this again. Sober with all the lights on in the middle of the day. This seems possible. ​

          On Thu, Oct 9, 2014 at 12:44 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • lori says

        October 9, 2014 at 1:16 pm

        Nope. She is really the smallest woman alive. Her name is Jyoti Amge. She is 20 years old and just a little over 2 feet tall. Also, the tall woman is played by Erika Ervin, the world’s tallest professional model. She’s 6′ 8″.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          October 9, 2014 at 1:35 pm

          Okay, that is just….freaky.​

          On Thu, Oct 9, 2014 at 1:16 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
  25. Tata4now says

    October 9, 2014 at 1:10 am

    No way…that clown thing has a twitter.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 9, 2014 at 1:19 am

      Its following me and tweeting me. It’s creeping me the fuck out. Gotta keep my big boy pants dry.

      Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        October 9, 2014 at 1:23 am

        I tried to tell you in an earlier post that I was rallying the townsfolk with pitchforks usually reserved for Frankenstein for Twisty the Clown but Moderation Hell wouldn’t let me comfort you.

        Reply
  26. eastjames says

    October 9, 2014 at 1:33 am

    I was 8 when my parents let me watch “It” so I definitely grew up with a healthy fear of clowns. I’m sorry….too buzzed to read….did AHS start tonight? Been looking forward to it but don’t have cable anymore due to an existential breakdown.

    Reply
  27. itwasjulie says

    October 9, 2014 at 2:05 am

    UF glad you are back, my better half shares your clown phobia, so I understand your sacrifice.Many moons ago I found a really creepy clown doll made in Japan (Japan tends to make some freaky things) in a thrift shop. I placed it ,so he would be staring at it when he walked in at night. Still laugh thinking of the high pitched scream; he made followed by a few choice words. Finally ,I believed he really really did not like clowns. Waiting for your recap with baited breath. Thank you for your bravery.

    Reply
  28. meredo says

    October 9, 2014 at 3:08 am

    I am thrilled to be able to go to my favorite site and read a recap of AHS. I am also thrilled to be a freaktard. Been counting down the days for AHS and it certainly did not disappoint. So far Murder House has been my fave, so I’m ready fora new favorite
    BTW, is the clown followimg you on twitter really saying thimgs to bother you? I’m soooo curious! #howscary

    Reply
  29. Angel says

    October 9, 2014 at 4:26 am

    This first episode is the best thing I have seen on tv in years. I don’t know how I missed the sexual parts of the preview, until I read about it here. I wish I could slow down my screen sometimes, I miss things. I feel like my eyes have slowed down with age. Maybe I am a freak.

    The law was sure more interested in locking up the 2 headed woman that killed one person than realizing there is a serial killer, the clown that is stalking UF now. He really is, I have seen Twisty myself.

    Reply
  30. Din says

    October 9, 2014 at 5:24 am

    Can’t wait! Finally some good american TV again, things were running dry over here.

    Reply
  31. Riley says

    October 9, 2014 at 9:16 am

    I’m just so happy. I look forward to the season and look forward to the recaps. They are like dessert after a great meal. HAPPY. HAPPY !

    Reply
  32. Donna says

    October 9, 2014 at 10:50 am

    Another freaktard here! I am sooooo happy that Urethra is safely chained and recapping AHS. I can’t offer a hairy chest for you to snuggle in, Urethra, but I’ll protect you from the scary clown.

    Reply
  33. Donna says

    October 9, 2014 at 12:08 pm

    Sorry for mistakes, it was hard to understand the lyrics many times, but the song Elsa sings:
    Fraulein Elsa
    It’s a god awful small affair
    to the girl with the mousy hair
    but her mommy is yelling no
    and her daddy has told her to go
    but her friend is nowhere to be seen
    now she walks through her sunken dream
    to the seat with the clearest view
    and she’s hooked to the silver screen
    but the film is a saddling bore
    ’cause she’s lifted ten times or more
    she could fit in the eyes of fools
    as they ask her to focus on sailors fighting in the dance hall
    old man, look at those hips
    and know, it is a freakiest show
    is there life on mars

    Reply
  34. Jacque says

    October 9, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    I’m with you, I have a clown phobia stemming from a childhood incident.
    Wow, lobster boy, sure knows how to use his claws!
    I LOVED Jessica Lang singing David Bowie!
    Kathy Bates as the bearded woman and Mom of Lobster Boy, as well as Jessica Lang’s right hand (wo)man is brilliant!

    Reply
  35. Jacque says

    October 9, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    BTW, who was the flexible women giving an upside down blow job to the wolfman?

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 9, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      ​Only here are questions like this asked. SMH. I missed that part.

      UF has been granted an extension on the blog this week due to some things that came up in real life. That pesky real life really interferes sometimes.

      On Thu, Oct 9, 2014 at 2:12 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        October 9, 2014 at 7:45 pm

        Hey freaktards sorry to be late with the first recap of the season, but I woke up today to some bad news & personal drama that needed some of my attention. I’m working on it ( it was a long episode too), and I promise to get it posted asap.

        Reply
        • lori says

          October 9, 2014 at 10:37 pm

          Hey UF, don’t worry about it. We’ll appreciate it WHENEVER you get it posted. You take care of your life first and foremost. Hope everything is alright.

          Reply
      • steve says

        October 9, 2014 at 8:16 pm

        UF, you wake up hiding from your twisty clown stalker?

        Reply
    • lori says

      October 9, 2014 at 3:12 pm

      I think maybe it was the candy striper herself?

      Reply
  36. lori says

    October 9, 2014 at 7:07 pm

    I think the scariest scene for me was when they first showed what I just knew was that gd clown, walking towards us from the distance.

    On another note, the clown in the opening credits is quite terrifying in his own right.

    Reply
  37. JoJo says

    October 9, 2014 at 8:29 pm

    OK. It’s on like Donkey Kong. I only got through about #500freakingcomments, and not even the ones after the show started.
    I have to say some things so I don’t forget after all the comments:
    Really, I get 5 Tokens for being a Coven Diehard last season? FuckinA!
    It’s Ryan Murphyville and the Freaktards is going to make it more reason I’ll have to watch 5 times to catch everything: Jessica Lange was revealed to have NO LEGS?? Or her ‘thing’ is NO LEGS?
    Clowns don’t bother me, hell there’s Jokers to the left and clowns to the right, I’m used to them I guess. I want to know what actor is the clown though?
    And finally, this is the Freak Sex Show….everything was about the sex and it wasn’t on the Mission Trail. So I expect besides a ripped face or leg or 50, there’s going to be one helluva freak sex show.
    Do I want to watch a season of Freaks, Geeks and Sex? I don’t know yet. But just knowing that TT is having UF recap, I’m in!!!!:))

    Reply
    • JoJo says

      October 9, 2014 at 8:53 pm

      Also, I haven’t gone back to re-read everything we all speculated on what era, where, what would the theme be this year. I vaguely remember it was definitely the ’50’s but some said 1950. Jessica would be German, maybe some ex cabaret singer. There were speculation that the 50’s and the nuclear bomb and Area 51 stuff might be the gist of the theme too.
      Well from ‘Elsa’s’ first appearance, I got the impression she is some ex star of some sort of course I’ll have to wait for the replay on tonight hopefully tomorrow. I was the one that thought there’d be this Cabaret subplot, but as it looks now she’s just a German Madam of Freaks w/ a lust for the stardom she once had….somewhere:)

      Reply
    • hannahkingrose says

      October 10, 2014 at 1:39 pm

      And JoJo what of what really happened to Elsa’s legs? Where did they go? Who or what took them away? Are we the only ones who know she she’s like Capt. Dan and has no legs?

      Reply
      • tamaratattles says

        October 10, 2014 at 1:43 pm

        I had nightmares all night last nigh about a guy with a freaky baby that grew on his hip and he had a trunk full of freak babies and made me hold one for him and I DID NOT WANT TO TOUCH IT.

        I may not survive this season.​

        On Fri, Oct 10, 2014 at 1:40 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

        >

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        October 10, 2014 at 1:43 pm

        What oh what not what of what. Damn, need to read post before hitting the post comment button.

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        October 10, 2014 at 1:46 pm

        TT do we need to find you need to find you some weekly volunteers preferably with a hairy chest like UF wants to help you through AHS?

        Reply
      • hannahkingrose says

        October 10, 2014 at 1:49 pm

        I swear to God I’m not high. Lmao, but my posts sure look that way today. Damn it. I don’t think I’ve had a stroke either.

        Reply
      • lori says

        October 10, 2014 at 1:58 pm

        Lol Tamara. I’ve been having a lot of dreams with bravolebities in them lately. I dint know which is worse.

        Your dream reminded me of something else. What on earth is that in the opening credits where they show a guy with like an arm where his dick should be, wearing a boot I believe? I wonder if we’ll be meeting him at some point. So much to look forward to! Lol

        Reply
  38. ZenJen says

    October 9, 2014 at 8:46 pm

    I’m looking forward to another season! Its now my Wednesday nite date! UF got me hooked last year and I wouldn’t miss this! OMG Jessica’s wardrobe is phenom, that cape/ jacket is stylin, love the 50s dresses, hats and gloves. Freaktards we are!

    Reply
  39. fivecatsownme says

    October 9, 2014 at 9:00 pm

    Sounds like a cross between the 1932 MGM movie Freaks and Attack of the Killer Clowns from Outer Space

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 9, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      5cats. You definitely need to read UF’s recap in a day or two…​you don’t have to watch the show to enjoy them. He literally puts the show into novel form over the course of the season. It’s pretty damn brilliant. Not like my slipshod unedited fast and furious recaps, it’s seriously like reading a novel. With amusing hashtags.

      On Thu, Oct 9, 2014 at 9:00 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • steve says

        October 9, 2014 at 11:20 pm

        i have to agree with TT, the show is good but UFs recaps take it another step farther. i actually learned stuff from his research into the history behind coven last season. entertained and educated at the same time, its hard to beat that. 🙂

        Reply
  40. Jarenov says

    October 10, 2014 at 2:17 am

    Did anyone catch the theme song to The Elephant Man (1980 David Lynch movie) playing at the very beginning? I thought that was pretty cool.

    Reply
    • lori says

      October 10, 2014 at 11:27 am

      I wouldn’t recognize it if I heard it since its been I don’t know how many years since I’ve seen that movie, but that’s very cool. Good catch.

      Reply
  41. Urethra Franklin says

    October 10, 2014 at 8:47 pm

    Sorry guys I just finished the recap and sent it to TT. So if she’s not drunk sleeping it might be posted soon. We have a lot to talk about. See ya in the next post. xoxo UF

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      October 10, 2014 at 9:11 pm

      I have ebola. I’ll post it tomorrow if I survive.​

      On Fri, Oct 10, 2014 at 8:47 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

      >

      Reply
      • Urethra Franklin says

        October 11, 2014 at 12:32 am

        Well then I have time for a rewrite edit while you recover.

        Reply
      • Donna says

        October 11, 2014 at 2:24 am

        I wasn’t drunk and sleeping it off, I had Ebola! One more reason to love this blog.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          October 11, 2014 at 3:22 am

          Don’t you bleed out of your eyeballs with Ebola, because it feels like that is happening. My eyelashes hurt. and my eyeballs are hot. And I have not gotten any sleep. I don’t feel chills and fevery anymore. No more sniffles. But I may be going blind. Or maybe the facial hair thing has moved to my eyelashes and they are just growing out super long at warp speed. It’s painful, but if I wake up with really long eyelashes it will be work it. Sort of. Maybe.

          And for the love of God, UF stop editing. ​

          On Sat, Oct 11, 2014 at 2:24 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
          • lori says

            October 11, 2014 at 3:34 am

            You really don’t feel well Tamara? I thought you were just kidding. 🙁 Feel better.

            Reply
      • lori says

        October 11, 2014 at 3:30 pm

        Nightmares < Ebola

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          October 11, 2014 at 4:03 pm

          Ebola is the worst. I am just laying here waiting for my organs to liquidate. I think my eyeballs may be the first to go. I really need to run to the store but I don’t want to take off this lovely set of old man flannel pjs in a navy and Kelly green tartan I am wearing. Or brush my hairs. ​

          On Sat, Oct 11, 2014 at 3:30 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
      • Donna says

        October 11, 2014 at 4:25 pm

        Poor Tamara. I feel bad now for poking fun. The eye thing sounds like allergies. When my allergies are bad my eyes hurt and I wake up with so much gunk in my eyes I can barely see. Hope you feel better soon.

        Reply
        • tamaratattles says

          October 11, 2014 at 4:29 pm

          Probably is allergies or just season change. I usually get sick when fall comes for a couple days. ​

          On Sat, Oct 11, 2014 at 4:25 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:

          >

          Reply
  42. teecee66 says

    October 10, 2014 at 11:18 pm

    Kathy Bates’ accent is so disracting.

    Reply
    • Urethra Franklin says

      October 10, 2014 at 11:54 pm

      I couldn’t tell if it was Amish, or Scottish, Dutch or what. But it’s supposed to be a Baltimore accent. I didn’t know Baltimore had an accent.

      Jessica’s accent in the first 30 minutes was unbearable.

      Reply
      • Jarenov says

        October 11, 2014 at 4:01 am

        I use to live near Baltimore and trust me, they do have an accent there. Watch some of the early John Waters movies from the 1970s. You’ll really hear it in those films.

        Reply
      • teecee66 says

        October 11, 2014 at 1:45 pm

        Baltimore has an accent. She did not do it so well. Like, she overdid it. I am not far from there. I can tell if a person is from south philly, south jersey, southern de, the eastern shore or balt’more. Mostly by asking them to say water. Or berry. The bates character didn’t need an accent if she can’t do it right. It sucks that it’s so distracting. That said, jessica lange’s dietrich, by way of madaline Kahn, sounded perfectly fine to me.

        Reply
    • Donna says

      October 11, 2014 at 2:22 am

      I was trying to not notice the bad accent. I usually love Kathy Bates, but so far, not loving her character.

      Reply

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