This reunion seems a bit cooler than US reunions in the beginning. They show all the ladies coming in to the dressing rooms with out make-up. What was on Janet’s face. Why is their hair wet? Janet talks about how bad things have gotten in the press. The announcer says something like “And now the reunion that the whole of Australia has been waiting for…” And then we see the gaudiest set ever. It’s like a living room with way too much crap in it and the Australian Andy Cohen is a bald dude of ambiguous ethnicity wearing sunglasses on his head. Gina clearly scored the best designer to dress her. Her dress is stunning and her makeup is of a color found in nature but her legs remain orange. Janet’s dress looks like she forgot to bring anything to wear and tied a tablecloth under her arms and went with it.
Chyka says she loves everything about filming the housewives. Janet says that she lives in some boondocks area or something and is sheltered from all the public recognition. Jackie has not been doing as many reading because she is busy supporting Ben’s career now. Um, didn’t Ben’s career end in like 1984? The host asks about her reading in the first episode about someone cheating and they seem to be talking about Gina’s boyfriend, sorry, Potnah, already. Gina seems to be deflecting to the other couch where Lydia and Andrea are seated next to Chyka.
Lydia’s face is twice as wide as it used to be. I’m not even sure how that is surgically possible. Andrea is asked about how she is dealing with the press, AKA the fact that everyone hates her. She rambles on about Twitter and how she talks to trolls to enlighten them that they have their facts wrong and most everyone loves her once she does that. That sounds exhausting. Does Twitter not have a block button down under?
Andrea called Jackie the equivalent of poor white trash or something in whatever language they speak down there. Cashed out Bogen? I have no idea. I am not fully awake and am waiting for the Gina stuff. Andrea’s face looks horrible. Either too much or not enough foundation. It’s distracting.
The host really bothers me. He’s unattractive in sort of a scary way. If I was on an elevator with him I would get off the first time the doors open. There is something very creepy about him.
Blah blah blah clothes and spending. Apparently, Bulgari is the bragging brand in Australia.
Weird sex talk where Lydia talks about Gina’s sons’ sex lives and Gina asks Lydia if she has slept with them. Lydia and Gina go a bit tit for tat. Um no pun intended.
Chyka’s husband is at Harvard teaching a course. He does an adorable video comparing all of them to circus entertainers. Lydia was the clown. I don’t think she will like that. Bruce is really hot.
Montage of Andrea talking about how busy she is and how she delegates things to others. Like raising her kids. Andrea denies having five nannies. Then she says she has five college students she can call on at any time of day and that she currently has a nanny from 3:30 until 7:30 four nights a week to deal with the pesky little offspring she had to tie her husband down. She is still pretending she is publishing a book. Andrea starts crying because she used to be poor. Seriously? Gina mutters that she knew Andrea would cry. Now she seems to be crying because people say she has five nannies when she only has five competent people she trusts with the care of her children. Oh, um. I see. Perhaps “nanny” is a word they are trying to phase out in Australia, like “retard.” We say tomato, you say tomahto, but it’s still the same thing, Andrea. If Andrea doesn’t go to work he staff would not have job! She’s tired of people saying she doesn’t parent her kids on social media. Um, Andrea, do you remember filming a reality show where you claimed to be writing a book for working mothers that is based on a million checklists to leave for the nannies? There is a reason everyone is saying this on social media, darling. Now stop crying like a two year old.
Gina talks about Andrea defaming her on social media. Andrea denies it. Andrea admits to saying Gina has a vulgar mouth. Gina says Andrea has a vulgar heart. These people needed to watch a Jersey or Atlanta reunion before taping this. They are very bad with the insults. Gina just admitted to tattling to Andrea’s husband on a private Facebook message about Andrea’s behavior toward her on social media. Really Gina? Surely you can handle Andrea without dragging her poor husband into it. He has enough on his plate having to live with her.
They show a montage of Gina calling the others morons and imbeciles. As it is playing, Gina says she never said moron, she doesn’t use that word. What the hell are bogens? cashed out bogens? Gina says that Lydia only ever married for husband. Gina asks why she kept the name of her first husband who apparently comes from a rich family. Andrea jumps in and says she has three children under that name. Sidenote: Do you think Kris Jenner will change her name back to Kardashian now that she is divorcing Bruce? It seems like something she would do. Back to the bickering, Gina is trying to drive the point home that Lydia has never worked a day in her life and every thing she has was paid for by one of her husbands. This is like saying the sun rises in the east Gina. We really need better topics. Jackie is offended by Gina’s remarks about the western suburbs.
Next a montage of Jackie and Janet’s friendship. I really didn’t see them as that close on the regular season. Then a montage about Gina and Jackie not getting along. Suddenly, Jackie says that Gina made a threat that she would end up in cement boots at the bottom of the ocean. Gina is pissed that this is being mentioned. Chyka tries to tell the story of what Gina said at The Windsor and Gina shoot darts at her and tells her she needs to get it right. Chyka says that Gina was upset with Jackie over something she was called by Jackie in the previous days filming (cunt, I think) and she was on the phone with production when we all overheard her make a comment to production about Jackie. Then she refuses to repeat it because she might get it wrong and she doesn’t want to get into trouble. Chyka is clearly afraid of retaliation by Gina. Gina says that what she said to the producers is that the last time someone called her a word, one of her boys said to the other to get a body bag ready. Her boys were furious and very protective. Chyka confirms that the word body bag was used. Gina says that Jackie is making this all up. Gina is clearly lying. Jackie says Gina is a disgrace. Andrea says that Gina has a vulgar mouth off camera. Gina tells Andrea that she is an insignificant ass hair. Finally, we get this party going with only a few minutes left to go.
Alex, or whatever his name is tries to get Gina to stop calling Andrea names for a second so that Chyka can say how sad it is that it has come to this. Shut up Alex! Shut up you fool! This is exactly what we tune in for! Gina spews more insults calling Andrea a twit and a moron. Wait moron? Gina just said five minutes ago that she never uses the word moron. Then she says it again.
Andrea brings up the lawsuit that production would not let her talk about during filming. Apparently, Gina’s POTNAH threatened to sue them all for speaking about him on camera. Andrea reads the email on camera that says basically that he is sending a cease and desist order to Matchbox regarding any storyline about him and he will also be serving each cast member so they are aware. I’m assuming the legal action on his behalf was handled by Gina. Gina doesn’t see the issue, but she apologizes anyway.
I have to say, Gina didn’t come out looking like a winner in round one.
Next week: The whole cunt thing gets um, aired out so to speak. And Jackie storms off the set.