We’re back on the Charter where Kate found her Charter Soul Mate in the primary charter only for him to devastate her by pointing out she never smiles and comes off as a bitch that doesn’t want to be there. Kate gets her revenge by folding his throw blanket into the shape of a penis. Or more of a spotted dick actually. It actually an amazing fold for someone who doesn’t even know many napkin folds. There is a distinct head, shaft and ball sack. Where did she learn to do that? Kat takes a photo to show everyone. Amy is so adorable when she sees it.
Ben is mad because Katie is jeopardizing everyone’s tip. Kate says that the crew is valuing money over her in her talking head. No Duh, Kate. It’s called their livelihood and until you are paying their bills, that is the way it is. Amy is unhappy that it is still on the bed and goes to undo the penis. I hope she wears a condom. If that thing blows….
The deckhands are angry because they are a man down and the stews keep asking them to pitch in and help with their work. Perhaps is they were as good at prioritizing tasks as one of them is a throw blanket origami, there would not be a problem. Eddie tells Jennice she is not to help the interior crew anymore. 
Amy and Kate discuss #PenisGate2014 Kate says the guy is gay he probably likes penis. OMG! If the primary is gay THIS IS EVEN WORSE! Amy keeps trying to talk sense into Kate. But Kate had her feelers hurt and feels completely justified in her actions. Amy is upset because the primary doesn’t know who did it and they will all be penalized.
Captain Lee drops in to talk to the guests. The primary brings up #PenisGate2014 The Captain is visibly shocked even behind the sunglasses. He’s blindsided and does not know what to say. He says he will look into it. As he walked off, he says “Fuck.” The captain calls in Kate. He asks Kate who made his bed today. She says, “I made it, but I heard there was something on it.” OMG. You do NOT lie to Captain Lee, bitch. Hell to the no. He asks how it got there. She lies and says she is not sure. Really Kate, you were so proud of it moments ago. Own your fucking evil. In a talking head Kate reveals her motto, “Lie til ya die, deny, deny.” I’ve actually never heard that before. I’m hoping it’s a song lyric or something and not her rule to live by.
Captain doesn’t call her on it, he lets her go and tells her to find out who did it. You KNOW he KNOWS. He calls up Eddie. He says Kate did it. He calls up everyone and they all confirm. Kat even provides a photo. Kat practices her penis fold before making the throw blanket into an anchor while discussing #PenisGate2014. Captain says lying to him is grounds for termination. YAY! BRING BACK ADRIENNE! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!
Captain says that he knows he did it. She goes into full Vinnie Barbarino mode “How? Why? Me? What?” She’s ridiculous. The whole crew is pissed about he fucking up their income, she’s bragged to all of them. Did she really think they would be dumb enough to lie to Captain Lee to cover her narrow behind? She denies. She says she made a rocket ship. WHAM! Suddenly it is like James Radford in a Phaedra Parks deposition up in here as The captain introduces Exhibit A a photograph of the penis in question. WHAM! The witness begins to stammer and claims that the guests are mean.
Captain Lee says this can’t be the first time a guest has pointed out she is bitchy WHAM! This chick is getting the beat down from a cool as ice Captain. Kate responds with, “I think I have a bitchy resting face.” She claims victimhood. She says it’s not that big a deal. She says she is not a liar. But she has lied her ass off. TO CAPTAIN LEE. She realizes she is in trouble. He tells her to apologize. She has no choice and has a bitchy active face. Captain Lee eviscerated her without ever raising his voice or insulting her. I think he is a Dad. I bet his kids were well-behaved growing up.
Jennice and Kelley are having a flirtmance. Which is fine but the deck crew is shorthanded. Eddie decides to send Jennice to the beach with the guests so Kelley can get work done.
Everyone is pissed at Kate for fucking up the tip. She has yet to apologize. Ben tries to tell Kate the primary is understanding and nice but that just makes her madder. Kate’s talking heads are full of rage and anger and resentment over not having the money to buy breasts and her aging out of the single scene and perhaps some anti-gay pent-up feelings. So she finally apologizes about “any offense that I might have caused this morning, I thought is was a miscommunication over the tone and the banter of the trip, so whatever you saw on the bed, it was not meant to be offensive. I’m very sorry.” SERIOUSLY? I looked at her like she was an idiot and smiled and said, “okay” and they parted ways. Kate tells us this is probably the worst day of her yachting career. I doubt it is because she felt like an ass and realized how badly she fucked up though. I think it was just because Captain Lee held her feet to the fire.
Kate knows she is in deep shit so she starts trying to find entertainment at the last-minute for the clients beach party. Unfortunately, the weather is not cooperating. This blows over for a bit and the steel drummers entertain. Ben is making pork tenderloin. Ironically, I have one thawing for tomorrow. YAY a recipe! Wait what? He’s making all white food by adding mozzarella… to PORK? Um, no Ben. Just no. He can’t be serious. Can he? I love pork and I love cheese but not together. Huge storms approach and the conga party needs to break down. The party is cut short. The Captain calls everyone back. The dinner table is set up beautifully by Amy but the storm moves everything inside.
Kat just called tension rods white trash curtain rods. Thanks, Kat for insulting half my windows! 🙂 I have no man and cannot install window treatments. Tab top curtains are your friend. One of the guests refuses to eat the pork with mozzarella. I can’t blame her, but her rationale is she doesn’t eat red meat. I can not support her there. Ben makes her a fish dish.
Kelley and Jennice are talking on deck and he gives her the strangest kiss in the history of the world where he grabs her face and kisses her pretty much non-consensually and tells her to take what she wants from that and walks off saying “I hope this doesn’t fuck up work!” Well, um, that was not exactly a scene from The Notebook , was it? Jennice puts her head in her hands and says, “fuck!”
The 40 marker is Kate saying she doesn’t like being treated like “the help” by people less refined than she is. Because, refinement is determined by one’s ability to create an anatomically correct penis using nothing more than a throw pillow when working as a maid. And true refinement is achieved by wasting money on designer clothes whether you can afford, or have any remote interest in them or not. Kate, you are “the help” dear. And you are their maid. Perhaps on a yacht the position of maid, waitress, dishwasher and toilet scrubber is given a more…shall we say refined title of stewardess, or even better Chief Stewardess. But the fact remains, you clean their toilets, make their beds, server their meals and have all the job descriptions of an indoor slave from the 1800s. I get you are bitter about being “the help” but you are way overpaid for being “the help” and you get to fabulous benefits from it so either accept it or move on. Jesus your attitude is tiring.
The guests are drunk and want Pizza. The stews agree to make pizza but it is Eddie who actually makes them. The pizzas may have saved the day.
The guests leave. The primary tells the crew that the towel art was …hilarious. He likes pranks. He loved everything. DEAR GOD that is a huge envelope. As Kat says, “that envelope is the size of the penis on his bed!’
It’s tip time. The tip was 18K. $1.800 each. Kate talked trash about her crew not supporting her. Because, delusional.
Jennice told Eddie that Kelley kissed her. Eddie is worried. The Captain calls Kate up and she tells us she is tired of explaining herself. They got a huge tip? What’s the problem? Captain Lee explains that covering up the crime by lying to him was bad. She doesn’t get it. In the talking head she say she did not regret a thing.
Next Week: The Guests are not happy with service. Kelley gets rejected by Jennice. Kelley gets drunk on shore with guests Eddie carts him off. Amy is walking down the dock crying saying “This is not going to be good.” The primary is supposed to meet some who turns out to be ADRIENNE GANG! OMG! I cannot wait!
Let’s get #PenisGate2014 trending!
I.Love.Captain.Lee.
I tried to like Kate, just can’t. I would really like her to go. She’s not someone that I like to watch even though I hate them.
I don’t like Kelly either. Yuck.
kate fucked up hard, and because the primary had a sense of humor about it she feel vindicated, what a twat! kelly scares me, like he a pressure cooker about to blow his top. he is too controlled and that really makes me nervous. kat seemed to step up to the plate this time
I think Kelley is scarey too! I said that to myself the first time I saw him. He looks like an angry little man. He’s definitely a mean drunk and throws hissy fits when things don’t go his way. His sister is just the opposite, but running after him and mothering him at his job is enabling him to act this way. Of course, this is always IMHO! Did you see how mad he got when Jennice tried to talk to him in the previews for next week? Douchebag!
Something is definitely “off” about Kelley.
It’s not just Kate’s ‘resting face’ that looks bitchy, she ALWAYS looks bitchy because, you know why? SHE’S A BITCH!! Captain Lee is beyond cool, but he should have fired her lying butt and sent her packing. She can go work her aging ass at a Motel 6 somewhere, but wait, I’m doing a disservice to motel workers. All the ones I’ve met are lovely, hard-working ladies, they wouldn’t put up with her crap for one second. Kate, you’re a maid. Get over it!
Thank you for saying it, Kate is a maid who is in denial and putting others’ pay at risk. Age is just a number and no matter what she says, her face says her age is one freaking hundred. I would not be surprised if she really does resent the fact that it’s not her being waited on and cleaned up after, it’s her doing the hard work that everyone else takes more pride and effort in doing.
I frankly did not believe that the primary thought that Kate’s phallic tribute was hillarious. He just said so to prove Kate’s artful accusation wrong.
I also think that the incident may shocked him and gave him insight about his prickly conduct, and he, aware of how low he’d appear if he tipped what was deserved after that insulting tribute, tipped the crew reportedly higher than all other clients to demonstrate to viewers what a nice guy that he really is in spite of what our lying eyes saw, and what our lying ears heard.
I totally agree. He realizes he looked bad and had to come up with a way to rebound. If a club owner looks like a tool no one will go to his club.
The primary guest was a nightclub owner. His guests were a bunch of sexy horny people, and most of the women were a paycheck away from being porn actresses. I suspect there was a lot of sex on that cruise. Kate should have explained that the penis blanket was simply an “extra touch” to complement the tone of the sexy charter & guests. At the end It seemed that the primary perceived it that way too.
I am clearly in the minority, but I LOVE Kate. I think she was so hurt by the primary’s comments because she actually really liked him and the group before he made those comments to her. She thought he was her soulmate and he called her a bitch. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I think she takes her job seriously and does a good job (even if she does have resting bitch face). And I enjoy her talking heads.
Jennice is annoying. She has been flirting with Kelly this whole time so I don’t know why she is so surprised that he kissed her. Plus, it is like she is bragging about it when she tells each crew member that he tried to kiss her.
Does Kat have a different accent this season?
Kate was hurt because the primary expected a smile on her face and a pleasant attitude? It is minimum standard in any customer service position…….she needs to get out of yaughting! She is jealous and bitter. Kat’s accent changes when she is wasted….I am sure we will see the accent again 🙂
Tamara, why so much hate and name calling? Just because of a different point of view? That’s not fun or entertaining-I just won’t read you anymore. You are really offensive and nasty. Somehow, you must think you are so above anyone who has a differing opinion. Mellow/for your own sake and bye-this isn’t fun or worth it.
You really should not barrel into a website and start posting your stupid opinions without reading the comment rules.
Now fuck off. I do not tolerate multiple I’M LEAVING THIS HORRIBLE SITE FOREVER tantrums. Cuntsatchel.
On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 11:49 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I like Kate, too!
Tamara, you’re hysterical, girl!
I love Kate too. Bitchy face, arrogance all of it. Those clients were trashy and the primary a real arrogant ass. Loved the penis folded blanket. And Kate is right, she is above these uneducated, unrefined trashy clients. Not all yacht guests behave so demandingly. Some are polite and appreciate the special things provided to make their trips special; not this past client and his inelegant young partiers.
Jennice has flirted herself shamelessly and Kelly just gave her what she had been begging for; she is definitely a cock tease who takes herself too seriously. Jennice, you are not that cute or special, get over yourself; you wanted and loved that kiss. Move on Kelly, you are not appreciated by this tease.
LOL How is Kate about them exactly? You’re ridiculous. She’s a glorified chambermaid.
On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 5:16 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Nice, Tamara. Chambermaid’s don’t schedule special music and games etc. Using the term “chambermaid” is just to demean her because you don’t like her. Ridiculous, really? Nice. So open.
You’re right, I just should have said she was a cunt who is not above any of the guests. You really seemed to be impressed that she can pick up a phone in the Caribbean, look up entertainment in the yellow pages and book a drummer in between folding blankets into penis shapes and scrubbing toilets.
You’re an idiot.
On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 8:06 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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That’s dangerously close to saying that because a woman flirts and is dressed sexy she is asking for rape.
Justso, you must realize the irony of blasting Tamara for name calling, and in the same breath saying Jennice is a “cock tease” and that she got what she was “begging for.” You sound like a psychopath and a rapist. Just so you know.
I liked when Cap’n Lee told Kate, “I can’t (or don’t) believe you’ve never heard that before”. Bitchy, that is.
My idea of perfect clients for Kate; Vicki and the Gals from RHOC. Between the Woo Hoos and Heather pointing out all the mistakes, Kate would go insane. Tamra would appreciate the penis blanket. Should we include the guys? Yes!!! Kate could get grossed out by Vicki’s and Brook’s PDA. Then Ramona and the ladies from RHONY. Ramona and her extreme pickiness, demanding that her undergarments be hand washed and Ironed. Sonja hitting on all the male crew members and showing her vagina.And getting a case of Ramona pinot and a toaster oven in lieu of a tip. The casts of RHOA & RHONJ would offer more episodes of hilarity and contribute to Kate’s feelings of resentment and rage because she is forced to act as an indentured servant to such unrefined people.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Tamra would just die for the penis blanket! She’s so immature.
my god, fivecats, you should sell this idea to bravo. (LOL)
Kate should count her tip money, then count her blessings. She got lucky.
I’ve dealt with “guests” like this primary before, and was sure he wasn’t going to leave a tip at all. He and his buddies complained about everything. I’ve had guests tell me the bad weather was my fault, I felt these people were like that, too.
Kate not only risked her own tip, but tip money for the rest of the crew. Yes, teamwork is important, but she was not much of a team player by letting her ego and anger take over. She made an already difficult charter even harder for everyone.
And when she said she didn’t like being treated like the help, I said the same thing you did. Kate, dear, you ARE “the help”.
It may be time for Kate to reconsider her career choices.
It was pure selfishness on Kate’s part to jeopardize the tip and complain her crewmates didn’t support her. If she feels ashamed because she is the help, then she needs to look into another career option. Even if she just worked for tips, $1800 for 5 days is $360/day. Not bad for serving drinks and scrubbing toilets. Count in the great surroundings and Cordon Bleu meals, she has it made.
I mean, it’s sort of obvious that Kate’s struggle between being good at her job (she is SUPER meticulous) and being unhappy in her role is Kate’s whole storyline this season.
As soon as everyone started obsessing over the top, I knew that guy would tip well. Bravo really thinks we’re easy to shock. No shocker there.
I agree, I think Kate is the classic example of someone who is capable of being amazing at her job but is just burnt out. It happens…she needs to seriously revisit whether this career is for her and suck it up or move on. Situations like this apply to every job…I have worked for the same Fortune 500 company for over 12 years and am often unappreciated and borderline abused, but I consider the alternatives and own my choice to stay.
Tamara, is Apollo in jail now??
I’m mad that it looks like Kat and Eddie are hating on Adrienne next episode!!! The only reason she got a bad rap is because that annoying Sam was always turning people against her.
Oh I am so glad Sam and that super ugly guy she was hooking up with are gone. SO GLAD!
Excited to see Adrienne!!!
I think Kate either banged the primary or he rejected her advances. I can’ believe that she came that unglued over his statement unless she was more vested in the primary than what we saw.
Wasn’t Adrienne engaged and ready to be married last season? It looks like from the previews, she’s pinch hitting for the other team again. The producers pulled a fast one with bringing her in on the crew. Could you imagine having to serve her as one of the guests? Good luck with that tip too!
omg i loved your comment about a condom and if that thing explodes!! lolol anywho that kiss btw kelley and jennice was bad, i noticed he practically grabbed her face hard and it was a BAD Bad kiss, glad she addressed it, yuk and i would reject it too, was not a nice notebook kiss at all, it was like he never kissed a girl before……..don’t like him! love the show tho
Tamara,
Did you catch who the primary guest is on the next episode? It’s the same woman from the Season 1 finale that brought the miniature schnauzer.
Hey there Jarenov! I’ve missed you! Thanks for the info. I am terrible about remembering what happened yesterday let alone what happened on the finale last year. Refresh my memory?
I know I was seeing a lot of ad to be on the show very late into filming. They probably called that primary up and offered a deal to return. They really weren’t cutting that much off the cost and frankly people who charter do so to be left alone, not filmed.
It’s good to see your round again…
tt
On Fri, Sep 12, 2014 at 2:12 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Hey Tamara,
I still read your blog when I can. I’ve been crazy busy this year but I”ll definitely more vocal here once AHS starts! 🙂
From the info I was able find, the primary guest for the next episode was the same one from last year’s finale with the group of lesbians. This time she is bringing her family and the dog is coming back with her. She wanted to bring her family last year but couldn’t pull it off so she brought friends instead.
“Active bitchy face” that was funny I’m stealing that .
FYI, Pork Is red meat, so the female guest’s statement that she ‘did not eat red meat’, was entirely appropriate in this circumstance and not ‘questionable’ (unless if earlier in the episode the same guest had in fact consumed red meat).