I’m going to admit upfront, I’ve forgotten everything I ever knew about Alexis Bellino except that Tamra called her Jesus Jugs. Oh thank God David’s assistant whose name escapes me is filling us all in. It’s apparently their ten-year anniversary. It has to be done in a week. David also has his daughter’s first birthday party, Cielo. I hate that name by the way. It makes me think of CeeLo. It looks pretty on paper, but doesn’t sound right.
Alexis pretends to be shocked that David Tutera is in her house, despite being wired with a mike and camera crew all over her house. Did Alexis always talk this much? Alexis has ten ideas that don’t go together. Jim and Alexis are already fighting. My head hurts already. I have a 90 minute RHONJ episode to recap in less than two hours. I may not have time for this much drama.
Alexis and David are arguing at Michael Costello’s design studio. Alexis asked for a red dress but now has decided she wants plum which is good because when she walks out in the plum dress it is full of pins and tailoring cloth and she had clearly already been fitted for the dress several times. So no shocker, that will be her dress. Yet the charade continues. I think they just like making Alexis look stupid in ugly dresses. Alexis picks a white dress that she wants in red. David leaves to go take care of his kid’s birthday party because this staged scene is ridiculous.
Oh an Alexis keeps calling the event. “her wedding!” She loves to be rude and point out she is paying David. She is not paying anyone. She is on a show she begged to be on to get a free party. Why are they in a parking lot of a SkyZone? Oh is that what they do now? Oh how the sanctimonious have fallen.
I seriously think Alexis is on diet pills. She is going ninety miles an hour and she never shuts up. And she is abrasive and agitated. What’s the Orange County speedball of choice these days?
Wow. Alexis has a ton of facial skin damage with no makeup on. It’s going to take several coats to cover that shit up. Alexis broke a nail. Tragedy!
David arrives the party with the dress and Alexis goes to the bathroom to fake cry. Alexis is pissed because David told her she looked like Jessica Rabbit in the dress at the studio. I don’t think Alexis is this good of an actress. I stand firm in my conviction she is on something. Allegedly. If she were not on something, she would let the makeup girl cover up that face!
I can’t believe they are going to go buy her some off the rack dress for her to wear with less than an hour before the renewal. Because there is no way that happened. Jesus Jugs can’t fit into standard sized dressed, especially in size 2 and 4. Don’t ask me how I know this. Oh look! There is Lydia! I love her! He husband is looking HOT!
If Alexis doesn’t wear the dress Michael Costello gave her, she will never be wearing his dresses again. Can you afford Michael Costello couture from owning a Sky Zone? I dunno. I’m just asking. Oh now she is pointing out that she might not be able to fit her boobs into an off the rack dress. Um, duh.
Miraculously, the off the rack dress fits and Alexis rides in a Cinderella carriage to the ceremony. Everything is a competition for Alexis. She tells her son her siblings will be jealous that he got to ride in the carriage. She tells us that Jim’s vow were better than hers. She is a real piece of work and the strapless dress shows that the sun damage goes from top to bottom. The white reception is stunning. Wow, I was confused by the term hip hop violinist until I heard him play for three seconds and those three seconds were awesome!
Suddenly, Alexis has a second dress for the reception? WTF? I didn’t think we even had one. Jim gets up and does a monologue as the guests wait once again for Alexis. Holy shit. It’s the Michael Costello dress that she refused to wear before. Apparently, she figured out she would not get to be dressed by Michael Costello after disrespecting his dress. I thought it was amusing that David made so many references to pills in this episode. We noticed, David.
David pretends that shoving roses in a bowl is him doing his own arrangements. He did not do his own arrangements. Cielo is the sweetest thing. They didn’t show her crying at all!
Now off to set up for RHONJ post! It’s going to be a long night and the RHONJ post will probably take a while.
I like Alexis. Her little girls are so pretty,, they look like Alexis. Jim and his chin, not so good. Lol
ssssssssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh everyone gather around… it’s a rare Alexis Frootloop Dingus Fan! Snap a quiet photo.
On Sun, Sep 7, 2014 at 7:47 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Lol
I like Alexis too, Teresa and Tamara, lol! She was a ding bat, but I enjoyed her goofy airhead moments. To me, she was funny and very pretty. I miss her on Orange County 🙁
Well Classy, that makes 4. Then when tamra started being nice to Alexis, Gretchen couldn’t take it . Thanks for telling me. I know more than. 4 liked her.
And I miss her too
how you suffered through this is will never know but you have saved me the agony of having to watch it myself. she has always been a talker but never like she was on something,hmm. and she was ultra competitive with peggy tanous and really all of the women on o.c. like she had to prove how much money she had by how many luxury cars they had owned (leased). i felt sorry for her because she was never comfortable in her own skin and it was obvious and she was very awkward. her husband is an ass…
That was the BIGGEST piece of faux hysterical shit I’ve ever watched.
I feel so so stupid for wasting my time.
There is no way she has any redeeming qualities.
Yeah I definitely didn’t miss Alexis
I am on the fence about digging into this episode. The JWOW one put me off and I couldn’t stomach the baby shower one with whatshername. I do like seeing the parties that David puts together though. I feel badly for him. This is some shit show. Cringeworthy
I agree. I stopped after the JWow episode.
I swear Jwoww and Little Kim look like the same person with different colored skin. I think they have the same plastic surgeon.
A fabulous writer named Richard Lawson dubbed her Jesus Jugs – Tamra stole that moniker from him. It is awesome and I probably would have stolen it as well. And Alexis is awful.
Thanks, TT for once again sitting through and then writing about this for us! You are the best!
Yeah, I always wished Tamra would get called out on stealing Lawson’s “Juggs 4 Jesus” because he is so brilliant…but I guess it’s not relevant anymore. Kinda like Alexis!
That makes 3 of us and I am sure more like Alexis. They just don’t say.
The whole thing was fake. Sorry I watched it myself-I should have waited for your recap. Your humorous observations at least make the episode salvageable.
Alexis’ behavior was atrocious. I kind if wush he gies back to doing the parties and weddings for non celebrities, the people who would be more appreciative of what he does.
Is this a new thing now for David where he is reduced to putting on fake last minute parties for reality tv stars. I liked him a lot better before he did this whole “celebrity” thing when his show first came out I think it was just called David tutera weddings or something like that. Also is it just me or does David seem a lot more…gay. I know he always was but he seems extra now.
The featured dresses were not Alexis Couture™? I can’t believe it!
Cielo is a nice name I guess – that is, if you want to name her “Sky” with a bit more pretentiousness thrown in – but it always reminds me of Cielo Drive, site of the Manson Murders.
I haven’t missed Alexis for one moment on RHoOC. Her particular flavor of dipshit got old two seasons ago; I see she’s changed not at all – except her newfound “energy” making her even more annoying.
Glad to see I don’t need to waste my time watching this…even if Lydia is in it. (I loved her too, and am very disappointed that she let the other bitches drive her off the show!)
When was this on? What show? What network? I’ve never heard of it. Thanks!
Willow – west coast it airs on WE cable. It repeats often.
Alexis was always annoying and Alexis on pills -allegedly – is worse.
Thanks a lot calipatti, I’m on the west coast too, so this helps a lot!!
I don’t like that show at all. But I do like Alexis. I would not watch that show no matter who is on it. I wish more people liked her than me. I got upset how Gretchen did Alexis, after Alexis always had Gretchen’s back. Gretchen turned on her. Gretchen got her payback though. Gretchen was jealous of Tamra with Vicki or Alexis or any of the women.You all have a nice night.
i like her, too. i think she’s a little stupid but still didnt deserve the crap she got on rhoc. wouldnt go out of the way to watch her, tho.
Yes, she is goofy, but she got bad treatment on OC. But she is very pretty. That’s 2 of us that agree.
A lot of girls I know get on the A-train (Adderall) in order to lose weight. If you don’t have ADHD it makes you excessively talkative, abrasive and agitated exactly as you said TT! One of my close friends that took it was SO annoying and would speak extra loud and fast when she was on it. She loved it though because she said she was never hungry when on it. It sounds like this is something Alexis could be on.
Amy, that is true. I talk a lot when I am nervous. Constantly but when they tried adderall I was worse. That’s because I didn’t need it. But I have also been told the same as you. I think all these women are on something. But, lol, I do like Alexa’s. She took a lot on OC.
Not that I watched this, but: Adderal. It’s called Adderal.
Thanks
On Tue, Sep 9, 2014 at 9:12 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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