UPDATE: Phaedra and the kids left the house on the evening of Friday the 5th and have not returned to the house. Apollo left Sunday the 7th about 2 pm to make is way to Kentucky. He drove his own car. No one has returned to the house yet. Apollo must turn himself in by noon tomorrow. He is supposedly spending tonight, in Nashville, Tennessee. Updates as they become available.
EXCLUSIVELY SOURCED STORY: Please use limited excerpts with clear and proper links to this post when quoting. Failure to follow basic internet protocol could result in chlamydia, impotence, female pattern baldness and/or incontinence. Your courtesy is appreciated.
I’d like to move away from the #FelonsByBravo in New Jersey and focus on one of our hometown #FelonsByBravo , Apollo Nida, who is getting ready to turn himself in to FMC Lexington in Lexington, Kentucky on Wednesday. I’ve been hold back some steaming hot tea.
For the past few weeks, I’ve had a source very close to the situation with Phaedra and Apollo updating me on what has been going on. I’ve been keeping this under my hat to avoid outing my source and causing them any inconvenience, but the time has come to let you in on what my exclusive Tamara Tattles spies have been reporting.
It’s been a long hot summer to say the least between Apollo and Phaedra Parks. For most of May and June, Apollo was doing his Farewell Tour through the south’s sleaziest small town strip clubs “promoting his brand.” He was the cover boy for Sister2Sister magazine for the month of May and was going buck wild on twitter posting videos about “haters” who were “disparaging his brand.” He begged Twitter to “verify him” as a celebrity (they did not oblige.) It was phenomenally hysterical. During that time, Phaedra went on her Southern Belle Prayer Cloth Tour so that she would be out-of-town whenever he was not. It was War of the Roses and they went weeks without being home a the same time. Apollo spent some time in Philly. Phaedra spent some time with Kandi and Fantasia in Cancun for a big blowout girl’s trip to celebrate Fantasia’s birthday. The unhappy couple was anywhere away from home that they could be for months.
In July filming for RHOA began and things began to change. Apollo stopped the self-aggrandizing tweets and began just asking people on Twitter for emotional support. On July 8th his “eight-year” sentence was handed down. Phaedra did not support him or go to court. He was salty and gave some more delusional interviews. He really doesn’t know when to shut up. You can read about the actual amount of time Apollo will serve here.
Of course Bravo wanted to get as much of this as possible on camera as possible. The very unhappy couple filmed for the first time after sentencing in Chastain Park on July 16th. I’m sure there was some real emotion there. Then, on July 17th, Kenya and Apollo filmed together at Bar One during an all cast in party scene for Cynthia. Phaedra showed up and immediately left when she found out Apollo was there without even parking her car. Clearly, warring couple was still not on speaking terms.
At the end of July, I think it began to sink in for Phaedra that the single parent life was looming and she needed to make some preparations. One of those was to decide to install a new electric gate at the end of her driveway. It seems kind of odd since she lives on a quiet little subdivision unto itself in a very nice neighborhood. But that gate has been under construction ever since. She must have hired Sheree to install it because the workers did not have the water or electric lines marked and the workers hit the waterline.
On August 6th, the film crew once again went to the Parks-Nida home to do interior filming with the family. August 9th, Phaedra took her prayer cloth to St Louis and Apollo and his mother and the overnight nanny spent that time with the boys. At least during the daytime.
Around August 18th, Apollo got a loaner BMW. I suspect this is because he likely sold his car and needs something to drive himself to the penitentiary. I did not hear if he went back to the other one or not. Oddly, he also recently purchased, or borrowed, or somehow acquired a brand new motorcycle. Perhaps that will be his chosen mode of transportation to Kentucky?
August 21st Phaedra goes to film for RHOA. Not sure if Apollo filmed as well or not. Then all the girls went to Puerto Rico. They guys including Apollo stayed home. Apollo received his letter telling him to report to FMC Lexington on September 1oth (please RSVP to Valerie’s commenting soiree she is hosting on that Wednesday) at 12 noon. The ladies were all home in time for Labor Day weekend with their families. Phaedra and Apollo were both home with family and friends. In fact the Labor Day weekend extended a few days and the boys stayed home with their family. Phaedra and Apollo had some sort of disagreement according to my sources on September 3rd when they were going somewhere but didn’t make it off the street.
Then on September 4th, they did what I suspect was their final filming together with RHOA. They were picked-up mid afternoon and did not return until late last that evening.
Yesterday evening, Phaedra and the boys and all the on site babysitters and nannies left the house. Since then the only person around has been Apollo. He’s been washing his car and riding his motorcycle. My suspicion is that Phaedra and the boys told him goodbye and left to stay with her mother or something until Apollo has left for Kentucky.
My sources tell me that Apollo is likely to roll out a bit early and stay with a friend of his in Nashville. From there, he can get up early and make is noon check-in time at FMC Lexington.
Such a weird ass reality. Awaiting your time to clock in for your 8 year sentence. Washing my car and riding my motorcycle. Normal things that people do, however he won’t be able to do those things for a very long time. Does he have any regrets, except that he got caught?
The dress code for the soirée is prison casual. I’m wearing an off the shoulder number with a boa. Both orange. Very tasteful. Please get your RSVP IN BY TUESDAY. As well as your Beef, Chicken, Fish or Vegie preference. The theme of the party is reverence, as that is my middle name.
May I turn in my rsvp now please. I have a orange boa with silver christmas tree garland circa 1975 added for a little glamour.
I can always count on you to class up the place Jenn. My photographer will probably put you on the cover of our magazine called, “Soirée for Apollo’s Detention” or S.A.D. See you there.
Am I the only one wondering how he will fare unsupervised these next few days?
On Sat, Sep 6, 2014 at 10:37 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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LOL
I picture him masterbating in private. Once he’s locked up the privacy goes away. He should pick up an in n out burger too. Maybe start reading the bible so he can find Christianity and be ahead of the game.
we could send him a care package every month, say, grapefruit? 😉
Oh No! Not the grapefruit
Valerie: picturing Apollo masturbating is so bad for your health. I am vomiting as I type.
I would also like to RSVP yes to Valerie’s soiree.
Since orange is the new black, I shall wear a tangerine sheath with a silver Christmas garland for a touch of klass and reverence of the occasion we are celebrating. Oh, and chicken please!
Josie, you will look lovely, as usual. Can you please be in charge of the music? Just remember that your playlist needs to be themed around the great love story that is, “Phaedra and Apollo.” Just copy the music from, “War of the Roses” and throw in a little “Rat Pack” to cover the snitching he allegedly did. Also include, “Hole” no explanation needed. I trust you.
Valerie, it is wonderful of you to host this party. You probably do not know me. I come here almost every day and read the goodness but you have inspired me. I would like to RSVP YES. I will be wearing my orange tube top with a big rat delicately embroidered over my breasts. My jeans are purple and three sizes too small as they are thirty years old. Oh yes, my jewelry will be supplied by Clare’s, vintage (old from my daughters Halloween party years ago). I’m so lucky I held on. Oh, I will bring some orange taffy. Thank you!
Welcome vbewley10. Orange taffy sounds perfect and your jewelry choice is magnificent.
@vbewley10: Can I PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE borrow that awesome sounding tube top??? And Vicki would like her pants back–they just can’t get enough of that “stuffed like a sausage into too-small clothing” look in the OC.
A delicately embroidered rat on her tube top should definitely win, “Best Dressed” on Fashion Police. Joan would have loved it.
Awesome. 😉
Truth be told, I did feel sorry for him at first. I was thinking that he probably regrets leaving Ayden. He’s an ass but I think he loves him. Then I saw Valerie’s invite and got carried away (she says sheepishly).
I dont think the fool should have been given a damn motorcycle in his state of mind. Also, why isnt Phaedra there with the kids? Isnt it proper Southern belle protocol to be with your husband the last few days before he goes to jail? She is one cold woman…
Phaedra did give him time with the boy’s including Grandma…that was mighty kind…hehehe. I wonder if it has been on Apollo’s terms or or Phaedra’s. In regards to visitation up until this point?
Valerie, unfortunately we do not have In and Out Burger for some ungodly reason over her on the east coast! Why, In and Out, Why?!?!
Oh, the horror!
In and Out Burger is what Apollo is gonna be in prison.
Bwahahahaha! Good one, Eve!
Valerie:
May I tentatively RSVP? Do not worry about food for me as my attendance may be brief.
I will be wearing orange skating rink inspired booty shorts and a black tank along with laceless sneakers, and tube socks. I hope that is not too casual.
I’d like to bring a hostess gift – a tray of bologna sandwiches on white bread and a pitcher of vintage prison alcohol.
Jae, I hope you can at least stay long enough for the S.A.D. Group Picture. Your orange booty shorts and tube socks will bring us the Object trouvé we need in order to be taken seriously within the Detention Soirée Circles.
I am new to the area, but would like to RSVP. Actually, I worked in a prison and our inmates wore green for years. May I dress in retro/throwback emerald green. I will of course wear the orange shoes.
Becky… You just BLEW MY MIND. You have brought this S.A.D. Soirée to a level I could have only hoped to aspire. Emerald green. I’m weeping.
I will be there with bells on! My food preference is “yes”, lol. What can I bring?
Fahlina, just bring your bells. Very festive.
May I request that Apollo will be the one tossing the salad, lol? I think that would make the day!
I think Apollo is the tossee and not the tosser….
On Sun, Sep 7, 2014 at 9:46 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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To anyone interested in wearing my tube top with the delicately embroidered rat across my breasts, I will gladly share it. Everyone should take a turn wearing it. Just in case, I have orange body paint, you know, for modesty. It almost looks as good as my fake tan. And my three size too small purple jeans, also available. Please be playing the Donna Summer song “Bad Girl” as I enter. It’s only right, toot, toot! God I love a good party. Been too long.
Bad Girl, you got it! I love a good entrance.
God dang it, I’m in moderation and I wanted to be first. Also, congrats TT on the exclusive.
This is weird. My first comment is still in moderation but my complaint about moderation made it through. So I should be the first three comments when my moderated comment is released. It was only obvious that Wordsmith would shut me up again. I am a blabber mouth. But I’m very cute.
Shut the door, lock it and throw away the key. I just can’t stand that little weasel. I hope that’s the last we hear about him.
Sue, He’ll be baaack.
Valerie, I hope that Hit the Road Jack will be on the playlist. cause it’s understood, ya ain’t got no money, your just no good.
Oh absolutely. Classic S.A.D. Song.
But his BRAND…….
I’ll believe it when I see it. There have been way too many delays in these cases.
Agreed! I have a feeling Apollo’s may just stick?
Thanks for the exclusive TT!
I hope Phaedra gives him back the condom pinata. It’s the decent thing to do…
I don’t like any of these people but I think Phaedra should have allowed the boys to be around their Dad these last days.
Suppose it doesn’t really matter with them being so young but somehow it seems wrong.
This is very wrong of me but I never liked Phaedra because of her face, it looks mooshed. Then when she opened her mouth I stopped feeling bad. A ugly woman.
What the heck is so wrong about what you said??? You just spoke the truth.
Valerie, I have an important question,… will there be canned food for the white people to eat? I cleaned the bathroom today. I would gladly start fermenting a lovely alcoholic beverage.
Oh wow. That sounds scrumptious. Clean toilet you say?
Pruno for everyone!
I think we should have a S.A.D. Pruno taste contest. The winner will win money equal to Nene’s salary, $1,000,000.00. The judge will have to be Tamara. She knows her Pruno.
In homage to Phaedra’s first season, will there be Lady Fingers with ‘Barbarian’ Cream? Everybody knows that a good Southern woman eats them at tea time.
Wallace, what kind of hostess doesn’t serve Lady Fingers with Barbarian Cream? What other kind of fingers and cream could there possibly be?
Frankie fingers and ass cream.
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW Julie. I take it back you might fit in with the sucksters! lol.
On Sun, Sep 7, 2014 at 6:35 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I feel bad that two innocent babies will be spending eight years without their father. I would support Phaedra if she chose not to bring them to visit dad in jail. That has to be a hard choice to make and one that no parent should have to. When you decide to play hard and loose with the law, your kids pay. He chose a lifestyle over his kids. All he had to do was be arm candy.
He won’t be doing anywhere near 8 years.
For his kids sake I hope not. For the people he stole from I hope his money is attached until his debt is paid. Hope he wins the lottery and they take it all. Karma.
Kim, I wonder if inmates get computer privileges and Apollo can see the kids via skype. Keeps the kids from having to see their dad in that environment.
I have the feeling that Bravo filmed a real tearjerker of an episode.
Don’t know about skype but I know some federal prisoners have access to email. Seriously. From what I know about federal time, it is MUCH easier than state time.
Gapeach: I’ve also heard that about federal time.
I am split on that issue. I’ve seen inmates visiting with there children and without. But I would think with today’s tech. they would have video visits, just as they do with video court. It cuts down on the trauma for the children and it lowers the flow of contraband into the facility (not just children visit but anyone).
visiting there with their children and without”
One innocent baby. Who knows who Mr. President’s father is, but to hear Apollo tell it, he has A son.
In honour of Apollo I’m going to watch the first episode of season 2 Orange is the new Black. Should have finished season 1 by then :).
Just watched it last night Micheal. It’s a good one! Enjoy! (The season one finale is just awesome too!)
I don’t want Tamara to regret that she’s allowing me to host the S.A.D. Soirée, there is a lot of pressure when hosting such a prestigious and award winning shindig. I think I should have a couple of masseuses. One Male and one female. I believe I’ll have my friend read tarot cards. My husband thinks it’s just a good parlor game, but if so it’s a hell of a parlor trick, because she’s amazing. If Pura attends maybe she can read our charts (is that a thing?). And of course, on a continuous loop , Apollo, nonstop, with whatever music Josie thinks is best. I’ll heat the pool and jacuzzi so we can relax after dinner. Tamara will be our Goddess of S.A.D. and as such will have at least nine (9) costume changes. My photog will be trailing her for most of the evening. Whenever the Goddess says, “at the end of the day” we will all take a drink, smoke, pill or whatever your cocktail of choice happens to be. If you’re Mormon (I’ve invited the missionaries. What, two 20 year old boys in their sexual prime? Of course they’re invited.) then you can borrow my pills. It’s not in The Word of Wisdom so Jesus will still love you.
I hate to tell you guys that Phaedra has decided not to make her scheduled appearance. She said she would only come if she could be the Goddess for S.A.D. Not happening.
The food will be catered by Nigella Lawson. Who will also be the female masseuse. That woman can do everything. She will be bringing canned spaghettios for the white folks. So, please bring your hungry.
Can we have an awkward moment like when Nene graciously spoke at the charity ball Kenya threw in her favor? Then some people can storm out and fight in the parking lot. I assume there will be a valet as we will all arrive in our BMWs, Bentleys, Range Rovers, and special edition Apollo Incarceration bikes.
Great idea! I’ll work on a script. See what I can do. Maybe I need another photog for the valet parking. You can’t have enough paparazzi at these events.
Dammit, the paps follow me everywhere. I thought you’d get the airspace blocked off for the evening so helicopters can’t take our pictures!
Sorry, this is a party for Apollo’s Detention. Paps are a requirement. I’ll do a quieter soirée next time.
I’ll let Kim Kardashian know so she doesn’t waste her time. She has a lot of selfies to take anyways.
In honor of Apollo’s detention I think we’d better have cake. Betty Crocker would be best as their catchphrase has always been, “Ready when you are, and even when you aren’t, it’s Betty Crocker ready to spread…”
Meredo’s in but doesn’t have a thing to wear. May I suggest an orange thong. Sometimes less is more.
An orange thong will be perfect! Especially since I’ve been watching my daughters do their “Donkey Booty” workout. My ass is the size of a small farm, but I’m sure I’ll see results vicariously through their efforts. If not, please make sure no small children are present.I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s nightmares.
Perfect. And no children allowed. None, no exceptions. Not even if you’re pregnant. No babies, born or unborn. Meredo, the photog will probably be taking your picture from behind for obvious reasons. So keep learning your booty moves. I’m counting on you.
Valerie, I will also add “Folsom Prison Blues” by Johhny Cash and “Back on the Chain Gang” by the Pretenders!
You can never go wrong with Johnny Cash and the Pretenders. I think I’ll bring in a medium to channel Johnny Cash. Hopefully we won’t get John Ritter instead (and if you understand what I’m talking about then you are a true Johnny Cash fan, if you don’t, you should be ashamed of yourself).
“I Fought the Law and the Law Won”.
There will be several food trucks in attendance. I thought they would add to the prison chic theme of the soirée:
Carls Jr., “Because if it doesn’t get all over the place it doesn’t belong in your face.”
Pringles, “Once you pop, the fun don’t stop.”
Gatorade, “Is it in you?”
Maxwell House Coffee, “Good to the last drop/tastes as good as it smells.”
I’m here all night folks. (Tamara if you’re already beating yourself up for giving me a forum, I apologize. But I gotta say, you had to know I would get carried away with my little piece of the kingdom. I really don’t know what I’ll do with myself once this soirée is over. An Oscar party just seems blasé next to my S.A.D. Event.)
This might be the best group of partiers I’ve never met. Lord, how I need this fun. Thank you Tamara for raising my spirits and entertaining me when ever I login to your site. You, and of course, Valerie are amazing. All jokes aside, thank you for the mad digging and reading and everything else you do to bring the tea to us. Bless you!
What!? You mean Bar One isn’t catering?
I didn’t invite Peter. He owes me 5 bucks.
I’ve decided I need a seating chart. There are just certain people (that shall not be mentioned), that cannot sit next to other certain people (that shall also not be mentioned). I will be sending each of you the seating arrangements via Strippergram. Any and all changes must be approved by the Goddess first and then notarized.
Will you put hearts on only some of our placecards a la Yolanda?
Sorry, I just can’t copy Yolanda’s party ideas. I just can’t. Anyone else except Yolanda. My bouncer knows not to let her in.
Fine, then I’m bringing Kim Richards’s dog.
Of course, he can hang out with my dog and Banjo.
I think the line Phaedra has to walk here is perilous and I give her a fair amount of credit actually. She can’t divorce him because then marital privilege walks out that door. She can’t even afford to piss him off too much because he could elect to testify against her. She’s his money train when he gets out – he knows it and she knows it. Her best case is he gets shivved in prison and she can drape herself in black and do the grieving Southern Belle act for ratings. But I doubt she is that lucky.
You can bet that the day after the statute of limitations is up for any crap she’s done, there is a quiet divorce at the courthouse. I hope Apollo gets himself set up by then or he’s going to be cast aside like all the other detritus she’s left in her wake.
She can also embalm him after he gets shivved!
Tamara, I find this very sexist. Female pattern baldness? What about MALE pattern baldness???? *disgusted face*
Valerie, TT, I would like to go ahead and RSVP. One question though, may I bring a plus one? There is this guy, he has magic abilities, and I would love to bring him. You may know him by his stage name “Ridiculus”.
Doesn’t he also go by the name of “The Snake Charmer”?
Of course bring him. Ridiculous and S.A.D. go hand in hand.
YES!!!! I’ll be wearing my orange backpack filled with singles to make it RAIN!!!
I was at a Chuckie Cheese in Woodstock, Georgia today for my nephew’s birthday and for a split second, I thought that I saw Aiden and Phaedra’s mom…I know that it was not them, but it did make me do a double take.
We are allowed to mention reality tea in the comments right? Like they are the exception to the rule? Just checking…
Sigh. If you want to talk about something at RT, talk about it in their comments!
On Sun, Sep 7, 2014 at 10:57 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Did the rules say RT was the exception?
Dumb question, Microop. Sorry. Just telling the truth.
My masseuse is a UFOlogist. She’s in. I think she’ll add an extra un je ne sais quoi. She cannot be missed. Very eye opening. Plus her husband is a bartender, so, win win.
I thought it might be appropriate that each of us take no more than 25 minutes to communicate (verbal or non verbal) what S.A.D. means to you. If you need extra time please make sure the Goddess okays it and then, of course, get it notarized.
It just dawned on me that I should have a notary on hand. I wonder if Nigella has her notary.
I will close out the S.A.D. Soirée with a one woman play I wrote and star in. It’s called, “Ode to the Goddess on this S.A.D. Occasion.” Then the fireworks. You will all receive your photo album within 7 to 10 days as well as a 10 % discount coupon for FMC Lexington. This coupon can be used for anything but condoms. Condoms are full price.
I’m bringing the pinata!!!!
Valerie, if I get an invitation, I’ll be glad to run by the health department to pick up extra condoms for the extremely intoxicated partiers. You can still charge any ridiculous price you choose but you’ll have plenty of extras. I think they even have them in pretty colors.
Pretty colors would be nice, but orange even better. S.A.D. Orange Condoms, very prison chic. I guess I need to designate a Champagne Room for any sexual activity. Please be advised that I will be hiring a second photog in order to give this S.A.D. Sex Room it’s proper place in the S.A.D. Photo Album. Great idea Hannah. I’m sure we can expect some fabulous Kama sutra shots from you. Please keep the sex strictly in this designated area. NO SEX IN THE JACUZZI! The Jacuzzi is a foreplay only zone. Oh dear, when did this become a S.A.D. sex party? I believe Hannah has brought out the gutter in me. Oh well, it can’t be undone now, I already have Annie Leibovitz on board for the S.S.C.R. (S.A.D. Sex Champagne Room) photos. She’s bringing the Vaseline.
Love these comments. Laughing out loud!
I will be there, but I insist on wearing vintage black & white prison stripes.
I assume the photographer will be taking mug shots.
I’m from WA, so naturally I’ll bring the weed–it’s everywhere you look nowadays.
Vintage black and white and weed? You’ll be the star of the soirée.
Everybody SING! “Na, na, na, na…Na, na, na, na….Hey, hey…GOODBYE!”
I do not feel Apollo. I looked at his mentions and cant understand how anyone can support his butt. I would like see to their well wishes to Apollo if their credit and identity was stolen.
It’s not his fault. His “brand” made him do it….
I do not feel for Apollo I mean. For any grammar nazi’s out tbere
No, I think we can all agree that he is a bad person, as is Phaedra. I really don’t see him ever rehabilitating either.
TODAY IS HIS LAST DAY OF FREEDOM… wonder what he’s up to…
He’s in Kentucky. He left the house the day of this post (or the day after? I’d have to look at my source emails) and he has not been back. Neither has Phaedra or the boys. No one has been there except the fence builders.
On Tue, Sep 9, 2014 at 5:47 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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That fence is gonna have a storyline that’s more entertaining than some of the housewives.
Tamara has kindly donated her helicopter for those of you who don’t want to drink (smoke, pill pop, orgasm) and drive your Bentleys home. Please make sure that your roof’s helipad is clear for landing.
Tamara, thanks again for giving me a forum. As this kind of honor only occurs once in a lifetime, I am of course taking advantage to the max, much to the chagrin of many. I just don’t care. I have one more day and then I will behave. I am keeping my silly to this thread and I love you all for participating in this SCRUMPTRULESCENT S.A.D. SOIRÉE! I stole scrumptrulescent from Will Ferrell, who by the way, will be our helicopter pilot for the evening. See you all tomorrow. Please be fashionably late.
I’ve given you a lot of leeway here, Valerie.
A LOT.
But I have some bad news for you.
Oh I have to let the dog out… wait for it… reflect on what you have done wrong… and I shall return.
On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 12:16 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I shall wait down on my knees, in the corner with my nose to the wall. Reflection thy name is Valerie.
Well dear, now that you see the error of you ways. Please let me explain your deficiency!
I am indeed the star and I shun all paps. So you must cancel them ALL and come up with some body guards and security who will log in all fucking “smart phones” at the door.
There will be no phones. There will be a secure laptop station (as that is all one needs) with webcam disables where everyone can tweet and post and enjoy the party.
You have ten hours and counting to make this happen.
And I shall be wearing black. Because Black is the Old Black, and I am old.
Carry on.
On Wed, Sep 10, 2014 at 1:44 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Your not old.
Imagine my horror if you will. My internet went out. I thought my party was doomed. DOOMED, I say!
Ok, back to reality thank goodness. I have canceled Annie Leibovitz and her ilk. She was devastated to say the least, but I talked her off the ledge. Even the Champagne Room will be free of any cameras. From the very beginning I was going to confiscate everyone’s cell phones. I should have made that clear from the start. My apologies. You can never be too careful. I spoke to Brad and Angie (who have rsvp’ed yes with canned chicken) to see who they use for protection. Of course they suggested the Hell’s Angels and surprisingly enough, Will Ferrel, who just happens to be our designated helicopter pilot. Seems he has some C.I.A. training. So we will have 5 guys just on you alone Tamara. several more to secure the S.A.D. Party and said S.A.D. Party’s perimeter. Plus Will in the sky. As you are the GODDESS of the S.A.D. Party I would expect you to wear black , but no one else. Only the Goddess is allowed to wear black as you are the queen. Please wear your ruby ring (the 10 carrot, not the 5) so we may kiss it in deference to your station. I have the Secret Sevice on standby, in case we think we need extra security. Cartier is making your S.A.D. tiara, but if you feel more comfortable wearing one of the tiaras you already own, you decide once you see Cartiers design. Does this cover everything? We won’t have our S.A.D. photo book, but the memories will still be priceless. I must go now as Nigella is here to set up her Station. I have a bodyguard watching her too in case her husband decides to crash. See everyone soon. Remember, fashionably late.
I want to make it clear that I made the 10 hour deadline, but my comment is in moderation, which makes sense actually. Oh, the medium has arrived to see where the best place to set up in order to channel spirits. Excellent. Oh good, here comes Tamara’s S.A.D. throne. Top drawer.
Hey Tamara, my comment that was sent to moderation purgatory has disappeared. Now I’m worried because I definitely got it in within the 10 hour timeframe. Have you seen it? I’m worried.
Do you have an update on Apollo? Has he been strip searched? Have they bug sprayed his genitals yet. Do we know if he looks good in orange?
These Boots Are Made For Walking, by Nancy Sinatra as back ground music?
Staggers in… in all black…
Did I miss it? I’ve been sort of busy today. Why is everyone passed out?
WARNING: THIS IS GOING TO BE A LONG SYNOPSIS… I WILL NEVER HAVE THIS CHANCE AGAIN AND I AM GOING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE ONE LAST TIME.
Tamara, Of course you didn’t miss it. You were fashionably late, like the diva you are. Had you not shown up I would have found you and dragged you here. You might not remember a lot of it as you and your Hell’s Angel bodyguards spent a lot of time in the Champagne Room with the Pruno. BTW, thanks for judging the pruno tasting contest. I was honored you awarded mine first place. The police were called only once . Needless to say, I’ll be bailing Annie Leibovitz out of jail after my hangover goes away. Thanks everyone for pitching in when I passed the hat for her bail money. She took it extremely hard when I uninvited her and kept trying to crash. Will Ferrell finally called the po po on her.
Thanks again to the best S.A.D. Goddess ever. Thank you for letting me bring in a portrait artist so I could commemorate this S.A.D. occasion with a lovely piece of art of you wearing your haute couture black gown, with ruby ring and Cartier tiara. You looked like a queen on your throne. I just wish you hadn’t insisted your 5 bodyguards also be in the portrait. You guys were inseparable. They were just not going to leave your side for one minute. Instant soul mates. Who knew?
Thanks to all who attended (you know who you are). You all really brought your A game tonight. You were here to PARTY!!! And boy did everyone look prison chic. I’m so proud of all of you for bringing it.
Thank you to Josie, for the music. It was delightful. What a touch if class to have brought the London Symphony Orchestra. When they played Bolero I noticed a rush to the Champagne Room. I want to thank Nigella for the wonderful spread. She also massaged quite a few of you, along with my male masseuse Richard (or Dick as the night went on).
BEST DRESSED CATAGORY GOES TO: VBEWLEY10, I want to thank your breasts for looking so delicious with your delicately embroidered rat on them. What a piece de resistance. The other best dressed goes to (besides our Goddess, of course) Jenn, Jae, Josie, Becky, (with her emerald green) Fahlina (who knew that when she said she’d be there with bells on, she would show up wearing only bells…kudos). Meredo (tiniest thong ever, and your booty moves were quite scandalous). Ridiculous, Fahlina, (with her orange backpack that was empty at the end of the soirée), BH Wannabe (Kim’s dog was the perfect accessory),
More thank yous: ItwasJulie and Tasos for giving me the award winning pruno recipe. I will be donating the $1,000,000.00 dollars to charity (Nene tried to tell me to donate to one of hers, but no.) my tarot card reader, ufologist, and medium (no on Johnny Cash, but Joan Rivers showed up and we all had a hoot), HANNAHKINGROSE, for the orange, glow in the dark condoms, Will Ferrell, Brad and Angelina, and the Hell’s Angels.
I want to thank everyone for keeping their speeches about what this S.A.D. Soirée means to them to 25 minutes a piece. Two of you went over, but Nigella notarized the changes so crises averted.
I noticed there was not a dry eye in the place during my one woman show titled, “Ode to the Goddess on this S.A.D. Occasion.” The firework finale was the perfect ending.
Again I need to thank our Goddess, Tamara. Without which this S.A.D. Soirée would have never been possible. Thanks to all who participated because you know how to bring the fun!
I will now try and go back to “on topic” discussions as is proper. I had so much fun with this but I’m done. Someone else is going to have to plan the next TT Soirée.
I believe the next party coming down the pike will have to be Tre’s baby shower (no she’s not pregnant) it is Teresa’s Infant Themed Shower or T.I.T.S. I think this T.I.T. Shower needs to be held in N.J. At her McMansion because of her upcoming possible house arrest. If she actually goes to the big house we’ll have to have her T.I.T. Shower in prison. See you all there!
I forgot to give a huge thank you to Adele who performed with the orchestra. Josie the music was magical.
I can’t believe you all have still got the HOTs for the grapefruit. Lol.