It’s now or never for the RHOOC to get everything all wrapped up for the season. Let’s see if Andy asks any hard-hitting questions.
A viewer essentially asks Shannon if Dr. Moon is fleecing her. Shannon says no, that he has healed her kids by his touch of many things. Um, the way I said that seems wrong. Andy asks her if she is so zen and holistic, why does she seem like a complete stress ball all the time? Shannon says since she came back from Bali she has been much more at peace, and that it is something she continues to work on. She does look happier on the reunion. Vicki is asked if Shannon’s suggestion to feng shui her office has helped her business. Vicki said yes! She says it went off the charts and continues to go off the charts. Vicki says she just had Elaine come to her home to feng shui it because she believes in it now. See Vicki? It does work for white people!
Vicki is asked why she was so open to Shannon and so rude to Lizzie, was it because Lizzie is younger? Vicki says she is not threatened by age. There are people older than her and younger than her. She says she connected to Shannon right away and things were a bit awkward with Lizzie. Vicki definitely had a boob job. The tops of her boobs are nearly to her collarbone. A bra doesn’t do that.
A viewer asks Lizzie when the last time was that Christian threw her over the countertop? Lizzie says that they have a lot of sex now. Lizzie is going to start trying for a third child in the beginning of next year. We rehash #birthdaygate . Tamra’s story for not calling earlier in this iteration is that she was trying to get in touch with her mother to babysit. That’s a new one I think.
I’m so bored. I am not even going to acknowledge the robot baby storyline with the aging woman with her tubes tied. And asks Tamra about the custody battle. She says he is not asking for full custody, just more custody than he has now (primary custody, I believe). She says that Gina (I can’t remember how she spells her name) from RHOOC several seasons ago who fought with Tamra because she took Simon’s side contacted her and apologized and said what Simon is doing is horrible.
Shannon says that she and David have been on four trips in the past three months. She says she doesn’t want to say the show saved her marriage but she truly believes that it has blessed her marriage. Andy seems thrilled with the Shannon marriage story. She seems like a lock for next season. Shannon says that she just came back from Hawaii with David and he said he is closer to her now than he has ever been.
Heather says the basement and first floor of her new house are framed. She expects to be in it by summer. I bet she beats Sheree Whitfield on the move-in. Sorry. Couldn’t help it. The fake phone call to Heather and Terry where they found out they had to leave because of a sick kid was discussed. Heather continues to deny it was fake. Now we are going to beat the dead horse of Heather uses too many big words. I don’t understand how grown women can moan about someone having an 10th grade vocabulary without realizing how stupid it makes them look. THAT YOU viewer who wrote in asking why Heather should have to dumb down her vocabulary for the morons. Did I drunkenly send in this question and not remember it? The viewer asks the resident Valedictorian, Lizzie if she is intimidated by her. She says no, that she looks up to Heather. Vicki and Tamra are asked, “Looking back on it, do you think you were too tough on Heather?” They both say yes. Vicki apologizes.
Is it finally time to go in on Tamra? Andy says the ladies say that Tamra talks out of both sides of her mouth. We are treated to a montage of Tamra’s duplicity. Tamra says in this group of people everyone talks. Then she calls out Vicki in particular for being two-faced. Tamra says that Lizzie lied about her bashing Brooks. Vicki says she could give a rats ass if she likes Brooks or not, but shut your mouth… Tamra cuts her off and says, “She asked me, what do you want me to do, lie?” Vicki says, “well you do it all the time, so why won’t you?” Tamra screams, “Fuck You!” And we’re finally off to the races.
Tamra says Vicki sat back and did nothing this year. Vicki said she had a great year and asks Tamra if she is jealous. Vicki says that if Tamra is so happy why does she seem so miserable. Tamra says she is not miserable. The other ladies basically say she could have fooled them. Vicki says you are supposed to get better and better and better but Tamra gets bitter and bitter and bitter. Vicki asks, “If you are so happily married, why are you so bitter and ugly to the people who care about you?” Tamra says he marriage has nothing to do with this and she is extremely happy in her marriage, so why are you going there nasty person? Ummm hmmmm. Vicki says why are you going to my relationship, nasty person? Vicki tells Tamra not to say “fuck you” to her ever again. and turns to Andy, who’s head has been pivoting like he is watching Wimbledon and says, “next question.” Shannon says to Vicki, “She’s scared of you.” Tamra shuts up because she has been served, and Andy goes right into the next question.
Andy asks Heather about the Tamra situation. Heather says that from her perspective Tamra has been supportive of Brooks. Heather says Vicki should have pulled Tamra aside. Tamra says she doesn’t think Brooks is the best for Vicki. Vicki says, she doesn’t either and the beautiful part of her life is that she has options and choices.
FINALLY, Marry, Shag, Kill, now is the time for some unseen footage, Andrew! The usual bitching ensues. Tamra says Lizzie was so mad that she didn’t come to her party that she wanted to take her down. Andy asks her if she just said that. DING DING DING now we know where the Take the Beadors Down vernacular came from. Tamra made the whole thing up. Tamra puts her head in her hand and says she is so pissed off she can’t even think straight right now. LOL. Busted. Tamra has cussed Lizzie up one side and down the other. Lizzie is sticking up for herself saying it was her birthday and it was the one thing that was supposed to be about her and the lack of participation hurt her feelings. Lizzie says that she is sorry Tamra is such a bitter old lady that doesn’t have any feelings. Tamra keeps on bringing up that Lizzie said she would leave her husband if she didn’t have a better birthday. She also keeps bringing up the one thing that Lizzie is probably most embarrassed by, when she said to her husband to try to get it up once a week.
Andy asks Tamra if she feels like she owes anyone here any type of apology. Tamra says really the person she owes an apology to is Shannon for talking about her marriage to other people and making it worse than what it was. Shannon’s jaw hits the floor. Shannon accepts Tamra’s apology; however, she accepted it the first time she offered it and she did it again. Yes Shannon, that is how Tamra operates. Tamra asks if Shannon forgave Lizzie. Shannon said of course, she said she came to her and said she realized she was misled and once she got to know Shannon in Bali, she felt bad. Shannon forgave her and it ended there. Andy asks Tamra if she was Shannon in Shannon’s place would she forgive you? Tamra says she forgives and forgets all the time. She attacks Vicki again saying she has forgiven and forgotten things she has said all the time. Vicki says she doesn’t see a long-term relation ship with Tamra. Tamra is pissed and says she considers Vicki a true friend because they have thing son each other. It came off totally threatening to Vicki.
Tamra says she is so hurt. Lizzie chimes in with, “we’re all hurt.” Tamra turns to Lizzie and says, “Shut UP! God! Just go sit over there!” There was some back and forth with Tamra being a cunt (well that took too long) to Lizzie. Andy intervenes. Vicki and Tamra go back and forth for another round. Lizzie is crying. Heather gets up and gets the box of tissues and goes to sit next to Lizzie and asks her what’s going on. Smart ploy Heather. You weren’t getting much airtime. Andy asks Lizzie what is wrong and she says that it’s just such a hateful conversation. Heather tells Tamra to apologize. Tamra is backed into a corner for a change sitting on the couch alone. She spits out, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry BUT you know what you hurt me. I have been so nice to you! (really? Did I miss Tamra being nice?) and the things you have done to me and said to me are so disgusting!….” Sidenote: Tamra squinty eyes are so squinty that I honestly don’t think there is any way she can see out of them. The TV is paused and her face is pure hatred and evil. It’s really quite scary. Lizzie says that she thought Tamra was her friend. She turns to Andy and says, “This is so hurtful to me, I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Andy.” Oh and she is crying actual tears. Tamra shoot back with, “No you don’t (want to talk about it anymore) because you have been backed in a corner!” Hmmm I thought Tamra just denied that she backed people into a corner.
Tamra is trying to claim that Lizzie was the ringleader of all the drama this season. She really doesn’t want Lizzie to get another season. Heather gets up and goes back over to Tamra’s couch and seems to be sitting a bit further away. Tamra knows that Shannon is coming back so she keeps sucking up to Shannon. Lizzie says she is very sorry for everything that has happened and she forgives Tamra. Lizzie looks very sad. Tamra looks possessed by Satan.
They end with Andy asking everyone one thing they learned this season.
Shannon says she learned that family is the most important thing and how to make corrections in her marriage. Vicki said she learned that regardless of the naysayers, she is going to do what is right for her. Lizzie learned not to be so trusting of people and that she is a pretty strong person and she should believe in herself. Heather learned in the words of Frozen to let it go. Tamra says she has learned that just because you know something doesn’t mean you have to talk about it. (I don’t think she learned that or anything else.)
The end with a tequila shot.
Andy asks Vicki to give the toast but Heather jumps in when Vicki falters and says, “How about to forgiving each others weaknesses and celebrating each other’s strengths?” You have to admit, it was a good toast.