Real Housewives of Melbourne : Snow Bunnies and Saber Tooth Tigers

So, if I don’t get up early enough to recap this in real-time on Sunday, it’s really hard to find a moment to watch it.  This week, Andrea, Lydia and Jackie are going on a ski trip. Jackie has never skied, Andrea hasn’t skied in years, and I think Lydia probably does ski. The snow house, as they call it, is not at all what I expected and I’m a bit disappointed.

Janet is getting ready for her first date in many years. Step one, book the Royal Suite at The Hotel Windsor that has triple the square footage of my house. It’s so expensive they don’t even list the price on the website. Thank God production has an arrangement to get the suite in exchange for promotional placement. Step two, invite two friends, Chyka and Gina over to hold your hand and talk you through the preparation process. Step three, have a glass of champagne to take the edge off. Janet’s last husband was 70,  she’s 55 the date is 35, raaaawwwwwrrr!

The snow bunnies go out to dinner. They discuss the kerfuffle between Jackie and Gina. Andrea and Lydia think it was rude of Gina to cause drama with Jackie at her housewarming. Andrea made fun of Gina’s style. Lydia stood up for Gina on that a bit. Andrea keeps going in on Gina’s hair and make up. Andrea says that Gina’s favorite movie is probably Priscilla Queen of the Desert. (For those that don’t know, it’s a campy Drag Queen movie)

Janet asks for help picking a dress from Gina and Chyka. I’m not sure I would use Gina as my stylist. However, I did like the dress they chose. Gina gives her a safe phrase to text her if she needs to be rescued. Gina and Chyka sneak into the restaurant and spy on Janet with her date.  Just as Janet as invited her boytoy back to her lair, the two basically pop out of the hedges to surprise her. Janet is definitely getting laid tonight.

The snow bunnies finally make it to the slopes. Lydia hired a cute ski instructor for the ladies. Lydia peels off to ski on her own and Andrea and Jackie attempt to make it down the hill. Jackie has invented was to fall I have never seen before. Andrea skis like me. She can stay upright but steering and stopping can be problematic. Lydia regales us with all the European slopes she has skied.

Chyka and Gina return to Hotel Windsor the next day for high tea. Janet had the boytoy stay over and threw him out before housekeeping came. Janet and her boytoy have an arrangement. And that arrangement is fuck buddies. Or more likely Sugar mama and sugar baby. The ladies get manis and pedis in the suite. Are there Vietnamese people in Australia? Gina believes that Jackie has psychic power, but her spiritual sources are demonic.

The snow bunnies decide to call Janet and the girls to hear about the date. While the are all on call, Janet invites them to her birthday bashes at the Love Tunnel. It’s gay night so there will be a lot of drag queens coming. Lydia says, “including Gina” and the snow bunnies giggle.  Then they go shopping in the cool ski resort stores. Why do housewives always gravitate to leopard print? Later back at the snow house, Lydia talks to the others about how important it is for the very rich to be down to earth. Lydia says this. The one who lists all of the planes and cars, and snow houses and ski vacations on the regular.

Next Week: The ladies all get back together and sparks fly over all the gossiping going on.