We begin with David Tutera and his adorable baby girl who is still an infant. David spilt with his boyfriend of ten years last year and at the time of the split, they had a surrogate carrying their twins. One was biologically his, and one biologically his exes. He kept his girl, his partner took his boy the two kids never lived with each other. That was in September of last year. This filming seems to be not too long afterward and David already has a new partner he wants to move into the new house with his new baby. This displeases me.
Moving on, Taylor calls David and tells him she has sent out invitations for a wedding in two weeks but has no idea how to make it happen, she literally says she changes her mind every day and needs him to take over and make decisions for her. She will never be able to deal with that and David will hold her to it. David is sort of going all fangirl and meangirl at the same time. David and his new coordinator go to meet with Taylor with only 12 days until the wedding.
Taylor seems to be drunk when David arrives. Taylor keeps saying she has eight different personalities. I think she is forgetting to count a few hundred. I am not sure she can count past eight potato anyway.
She says her first marriage had no guests, she and Russell just went and got married because she was pregnant. She knew walking down the aisle that it was not right. Now Taylor is ready for a celebration. Taylor has a lot of party girl friends and the seating chart can be complicated.
Choosing the (free) Wedding Dress
The benefactor for the wedding dress is Chagoury. Taylor meets David and his assistant at their retail location with her daughter, her mother, and he BGF, Dwight. The lack of hair brushing is genetic over three generations. Taylor immediately wants couture. That should not be a problem, there is over a week until the… dear God this is fake. This promotional deal didn’t happen in a day or two. But let’s all suspend disbelief and watch as Taylor gets a custom gown, because Taylor is too good for off the rack. Taylor doesn’t know what couture means. Something is either couture, that is made specifically for one client, or it is not. “Super couture!” Is not a thing, Taylor. Dwight and Taylor insult the entire 2014 Chagoury Bridal Collection piece by piece. When Taylor walked in she claimed to love, Chagoury. Where did the love go, Taylor? Taylor is worried about what the tabloids will say. Kennedy says the lovely gold dress looks like “bathroom tile.” Taylor has a tantrum. Taylor screams at David and says that she hated all of the dresses. David asks her why she is so concerned about what other people think, as opposed to what she likes. She seems confused by the question. A TMZ tour bus pulls I between the camera and the fight on the sidewalk. I wonder how much TMZ had to pay for that? Remind me to put up a new donate button for the TamaraTattles Tour Bus Fund. As soon as Taylor sees the bus, she comes to a full stop and smiles sweetly at the bus. Then, the bus leaves and she goes back to reaming David a new asshole. #CouplesTherapyGreenTowelsFlashback
Taylor the Cowgirl
David has a safeword with his assistant for his next meeting with Taylor. I thought that was only when you were going to meet… oh…um…nevermind. I have no idea what a safeword is used for. The set for this scene is bizarre. They are at a ranch somewhere. Is Taylor trying to pretend like these are her horses? When did Cowgirl Taylor join the multiple personalities within? Taylor just wants to have a conversation with David and be peaceful. David says that would be great but his asshole may not be fully enough recovered from their last conversation to ride a horse. I paraphrase. At the ranch/stables it’s clear Taylor has already done her lips for the wedding. Did I say done? I mean over done of course. I can’t really listen to her words because I am too busy watching the way her big fat lips contort when she speaks. I don’t understanding how she looks in the mirror and thinks that looks attractive. She rambles on about her first season on RHOBH talking about how she was a Stepford wife version of herself. She sobs about the details of her first marriage, ocular implant, found her husband hanging and her little girl was with her… blah blah blah blah blah the lips kept contorting, and the sob story drones on. Forgive my lack of compassion but I don’t buy half of what she is selling. She says that Russell threatened her and she could not leave. David tells her again to stop worrying about what people think.
The Wedding Set Up
David pretends he picked the Bel-Air Bay Club a week out of planning. Really? Again, it’s a free venue for promotional services, just like the napkins. Could they just go to the location without the bullshit stories? I hate the linens. I hate the chairs. I hate the reception room set up. David’s new assistant is kind of bitchy and bossy.
Four hours before the ceremony, Taylor is spazzing out. She hasn’t written her vows. She is worried about the ceremony on grass with everyone in heels. David gives her the dress and she pretends to like it. I don’t like it. She is going to wing her vows since she never wrote them.
Oh look it’s Lisa Vanderpump and Ken! And Saba and Whitney from Couples Therapy, and Kyle Richards (No sign of Mauricio) but Kyle was practically carrying a suitcase down the aisle and Dr. Jenn! It’s all so very media whorish! Kyle’s daughter Portia was a flower girl! There was no bridal party at all. Kennedy walked Taylor down the aisle. There weren’t that many people in attendance and those who were have been talking about Taylor’s vows being quite odd. They didn’t show the unedited version where she supposedly talked about Russell and ran through her sob story again. Damn you editors!
It was gaudy. Taylor loved it. Adrienne and Paul were both there seated at different tables with their new infant significant others, according to David. Oh the speech might have been at the reception. John announces the adoption of Kennedy is complete.