In Brandi Glanville’s never-ending quest to be Lisa Vanderpump, she is going to brand a line of Chardonnay! Which, um, no one cares about, and really who drinks Chardonnay? It is way better than Moscato which is like cough syrup and champale combined…but still. Speaking of misguided wine ventures, whatever happened to Nene’s wine line? I remember giving suggestions for wines here once when I was still getting my feet wet. I was being a bit pretentious. Truth be told I love a cheap Chilean merlot, a good Pinot Grigio (shut up, I said good), or Veuve Clicquot Brut for celebrations.
But anyway, the thing is Brandi wanted to name her wine, STFU! And that was denied. So she took to twitter for help from her fans to name the brand and she still doesn’t have one. She needs our help.
It’s late, and I thought of how much fun a game here with y’all would be but I have no good ideas. I am sure you guys have some great suggestions. I can’t wait for TeeCee to play this game. And maybe Trho, but I think she might like Brandi.
Here are a couple off the top of my head:
Jaundiced
Brandi Glanswill
Vaginal Rejuicination
Life is Chard
Do it the Chard Way (more of a slogan)
Adult White Swim
Okay. I am bad at this…you go!
Oh wait, I have one that would be great….ready???
TWATTER!
“Champale” OMG Tamara, that is priceless. I haven’t heard that since the 80’s when “Pink Champale” was a young ladies (teenagers) drink of choice! I don’t have a submission for the game but can’t wait to see what the other suggestions are.
You can think of something.
Like …
Twat Waffle!
On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 12:21 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I always loved Fred Sanford’s. Champipple.
Omg Tamara! Long time reader, first time commenting… Vaginal Rejuicination is just too damn funny!!! I wish she would have been able to to STFU as the name, but I would buy a bottle of VR just to display on our home bar for a good laugh!
“Black People Can’t Swimchardonnay”
“Classless and “Clueless”
“Tampon Stringria” (for her non existent sangria)
“I hate LeAnndonnay”
That’s all I got.
LOL.. good job Ellis 🙂
Lol @ ellis
String.
Skank Sippon
Skank Juice ……. Juice de Skank
String Along Chard ,,,,,,,,,,,, Chard de String……….de Tampon ………de UCK
Skank Sippon is HILARIOUS!
Boozy Floozy is great.
Slut Pig is great but would not fly. See what I did there?
On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 11:36 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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upysa chard (UP YO SKINNY ASS)
Cannot wait until the morning crew gets hold of this!
What does this vile woman know about wine? She needs to go away . Maybe she should try these names
BEVERLY HILLS BIMBO NECTAR
Skank Liquid
My tampon string
Botox girl
Drama queen
Trailer trash juice
Chipmunk juice
Desperation
I can’t move on
Shameless
@ Josie … Lol
Chardonnay for the Useless Non Talented or for short, CUNT wines. I wanted to say some kind of String comment but felt it was crass. Other people were going for it so I thought wtf. Low blow but Northern Lights would sum it all up.
Perhaps a simple string hanging out of the cork will do?
Lmao….string hanging from cork would be perfect!
lmao.
You are funny.
Man I’m a bad person cause I really want to keep coming up with horrible names. SLUT wine, someone lacking unique talent.
I do like SKANK! or perhaps SNATCH?
“White Wonderland” (one sip makes you taller…)
“Grapes of Wraith”
“Vino veritas” cannon
Go Chardonnay Yourself….by Brandi
This is both funny and actually usable.
Chardonnay isn’t all bad, but I can’t imagine Brandi’s being any better than some gas station plonk, or anything in a box.
My suggestions:
Blanc Stare
More Wood Than I’ve Seen
May Cause Tweeting
Enabler
California Panty Remover
It’s late, but these are all I have got…
Sour Grapes
Rime Time
Salope du Jour. That is slut or skank of the day in French.
That’s funny! At least Belle Du Jour got paid for her whoring. Brandi can’t seem to give it away poor thing.
It’s like Givenchy vs.NeNe of HSN
hey! i like moscato! (the non fizzy kind)
I was going to go with Bitch, but that one is already on the market.
Eau de Tampon (Eau de vie is a type of brandy)
I can’t stand Brandi. I liked her at first but her mouth and mothering got out of control. I can’t even look at her without feeling irritated so no rhobh for me this year. I think the liquor department has been exhausted with the housewives.
Just name it “Leann” and call it a day.
Just name it chlamydia and be done with it.
I waited 12 hours for chlamydia? Seriously? Now I have to go out into THE WORLD disappointed.
On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 10:43 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Everyone else (including you) did such a great job, I couldn’t do better!!
2 Buck Slut
Ahhhh! Now we are getting somewhere!
On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 11:24 AM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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You mean $1.99?
YESSSSSSSSSSSS
I like this one!
2 Buck Slut is the winner (in my book)!
Two Buck Slut is pretty awesome.
or
Two Buck Fuck
On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 2:23 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! This it!
Leann’s reserve: Closet Chardonnay. food pairings: laxatives, adderall, in-n-out burger, carpet lint, blind rage
Good Taste Takes a Holiday Chardonnay
Mentally Andanate, Adult Adolescent Chardonnay
Regret Wine: Learning the Hard Way Chardonnay
Boozy Floozy: Chardonnay Holiday (from parental responsibility)
Slut Pig Matinee: Day Drinking Chardonnay
Food Pairing: Greasy Realtor’s tongue in a parked car
Forever Alone Vino: Why do all men Run Away Chardonnay?
Food Pairing: Juvederm Syringe and Regret
WTF happenned to my life? Chardonnay of Present Day
Food Pairing: Dog Pee and Regret
PMSL!!!
Sloppy Drunk
“WHITE GIRL DRUNK”
Oops! “WHITE GIRL WASTED”
“No Strings Attached” in honor of her unfortunate tampon string incident…
“Loose Juice”…..”Gatorlaid”……Wordpress won’t let me post my other suggestion, so I’ll clean it up and call it “Cat Pee”.
Abulia – which is Greek meaning: abnormal lack of ability to act or make decisions that is characteristic of certain psychotic and neurotic conditions. It was on one of my boys extra credit vocabulary words a few years ago and I think it has a certain je me sais quoi.
Oops, je ne sais quoi.
I like the word…but it’s too sophisticated for Brandi.
On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 3:26 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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I guess we just go for the obvious then. She should call it, “I will personally come to your house and suck your cock if you pay for what’s in this bottle.” Too long. Perhaps, “DESPERATION” would work better.
Oops, sorry Josie you already said Desperation.
BH Koolaid (or California Koolaid) [why not add a little copy infringement to her troubles?]
Mother’s Little Helper
STFU (Swill This Fucker Up)
There are some funny real wine names such as Fat Bastard and il bastado, mommys time out, four play wine…
How about:
Strung Out
Hanging by a String
Blotto Chardonnay
Crocked & Loaded
Sauced & Saucy
Hosed Chardonnay
One more:
Ass & Nine Chardonnay
Haha
Drunkerexia
Pathetico…
Brandinay Whine
Brandished by Brandi
Bewildered by Brandi
Why Talk Just Drink by Brandi
Attention Whore by Brandi
Trash de Blanco
La Basura Blanca ( white trash)
So, Villa Basura would work…and continue in the copying Lisa vein…
On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 9:40 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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Ha! Love it!
Loves this one!
How about “No Consequence” with a note on the label that says:
“Because no matter how much you drink, you won’t wake up as ugly as LeAnn Rimes.”
I knew this post would displease you. You are still buying me a winter home in Saint Tropez though, right?
On Thu, Jul 31, 2014 at 11:54 PM, Tamara Tattles wrote:
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No you owe me the place on Lake Como (because abramdi lasted longer than Kenya on CA, remember?). I will give you time to go house hunting with me first.
I thought we settled on you buying me a small flat in the 7th arrondissement in Paris? Mais non?
*Brandi
How about. Chardonass on all Fours?
Brandi said her heart is taken but her vagina is free. How about:
La Vagina Libre (free vagina)
Everything sounds so much nicer in Spanish☺
Every thing does sound nicer in Spanish and more expensive in French. Such as a croque monsieur vs. a grilled ham and cheese vs.Torta con Queso y jamon. I got up at five and made 100 egg and 100 cucumber tea sandwiches for a friend’s reception. I never want to see egg salad again. However I now want a torta Milanesa. Breaded steak cutlet, avocado, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise on a Mexican roll. Bolillo.
Youre an awesome friend to do that…
Yum to the Torta Millanesa!
Josie, I still want that torta. My favorite mom and pop restaurant changed cooks. No me gusts son comics. I guess I’ll have to make my own and I’m lazy.
Vintage Caveat Emptor ( Let the Buyer Beware) That’s even a clean one, but we all know the waste of a dirty mind is a terrible thing.