Okay, things always get insane just before primetime. Sources. People Leaving. This. Board. Forever, Phone calls. The dog wants stuff. It’s chaos on a Sunday night at the offices of Tamara Tattles. Which is fine. But it is also my excuse for being behind. So let’s get going!
Melissa and Joe are not exactly in the garbage business. They are in the sensitive government shredded document disposal business. Which makes perfect sense when your sister has been indicted on 41 counts of federal charges. Joe Gorga says that Melissa doesn’t know how many millions he has invested in this business. Um, perhaps we should start a how long until Joe Gorga is indicted for some federal charges pool? He is now telling Melissa the house is on hold. They must make do with their pitiful 5,000 square foot rental house for now. However will Melissa bear up during this period of homelessness and despair? Oh the sacrifices they are making.
Jim threatens to make his kid do a hundred pushups and then holds a family prayer all in one breath. I like that Amber and Jim are teaching their kids manners, I do, but it they seem weird. Very weird. They are planning a commercial for Jim’s mortgage business with the kids. Speaking of commercials and exploiting children, Teresa is doing a photo shoot to publicize “her” cupcake line. Milania is at Def Con whatever the biggest one is. I’ve never understood what Def Con means. Please enlighten me in comments.
Amber and Melissa are in a car going somewhere and catching up on the twins. Amber tells Melissa that Nicole was divorced over some cheating, and that Nicole “broke up a family.” I have no idea WTF they are talking about, and moreover, I don’t care. But I am going to try to figure it out anyway. In her talking head, Amber says she is not a gossip but she loves Melissa and wants to get her up to speed.
Dina drops by Teresa’s for a small party to celebrate cupcakes or whatever her new line is. It’ seems to be desserts of pretty much every variety because Tre is a fantastic blogger, New York Bestsellers Times author, wine maker, and cook with a vast knowledge of the latest ingrediencesez. Sigh. If I were to luck into some position like Tre has where everyone wanted my name on their products, I think I would at least try to learn about the product. Or in the case of the books learn to read. Is it just me? Dina is Audrianna’s godmother. Perfect. She can have her when Tre goes to jail. In Dina’s talking head, the producers ask her if she is in some ways closer to Tre than her own sisters. She says she is not going there. Audriana breaks a glass and then is basically given a pass on it (which is probably fine, accidents happen) and then immediately begins to climb on the furniture again potentially busting up things the family needs to sell for restitution!
At Tre’s party, Amber apologized for some of her guest’s behavior at her party. Amber is teary eyed and seems very supportive of Tre which makes Tre cry. Audrianna asks Tre why she was crying. Amber continues to make Tre cry. Amber just keeps on going down the road of making everyone emotional. Amber brings up the cancer again. Tre is like, “Are you okay now?” Jesus.
The twins and their partners invite Tre and Joe out to one of their restaurants, Angelos. TeRESSA says she knows Tre is as dumb as a door knob (she really did say that) but she loves her heart. Her cold, black, sociopathic, why is this bad thing happening to me just because I frauded banks out of millions and lied under oath to a federal bankruptcy court, heart. TeRESSA is kind. Actually, TeRESSA is a suck up. Rino is too. The guys invite Joe on a guys night out.
Melissa and Amber meet up again. Whatever work Melissa had done, looks great on her. That is what plastic surgery should look like. Jim is babysitting and his friend Bobby brings the kids McDonald’s. Amber would shit a brick. The kids are sworn to secrecy. Amber tells Melissa or she is an actress. Melissa inquires and Amber says she has done commercials. Yes, commercials for your husband’s business. Amber is so annoying. And she is one of THOSE cancer survivors. Disclaimer: If I ever get cancer, and it is all throughout my family. I will be the worst cancer survivor EVER. I saw my sister be one, it was horrific, but there is some genetic thing in our family, or just nurture where we are all attention seeking hypochondriac, self-absorbed people more often than not. My other sister is the good sister btw and is exempt from judgment. She’s a saint. But the rest of us…not so much. So I am not in any place to judge. But here I go. Amber seems consumed by the cancer that she no longer has. At least I am consumed with the shit I still experience. I dunno, I feel bad for even mentioning it, it’s CANCER. It’s a terrible thing. But Amber who is fully recovered uses it to relate to other people a lot. It’s like that time I had cancer.. And well, sometimes it’s not. And sometimes if people have issues that are not as extreme as cancer, it’s not necessary to jump in with, “but I had cancer!” Again. Apologies for being an awful person, but as someone once said, being dead doesn’t suddenly make you likeable. And neither does having cancer. #EndRant Just hit play and Melissa herself is telling her to move on.
Meanwhile, Jim says that he can’t go out with the boys because he is a mortgage company owner, and Joe is a fraudster and he is not interested in hanging out with him. Suddenly, Jim has a flash of normalcy.
Dina and Lexi have a scene about her NYU admission. She did not get in on early admission. Dina always has an
endorsement (BVLGARI) gift for every occasion. I love BVLGARI vert cologne products if they would like me to endorse… just saying. The bracelet was cool for a teen.
It’s apparently boys not out and everyone is going bowling. Rosie and Rich are part of the boys night out. Rino immediately loved Rosie. Bobby explains that Jim is not there because the Joes fight. Jim really just doesn’t associate with felons. Bobby is having a first responders party soon. I am not sure we really need to see the guys so much on Real HOUSEWIVES. But Bobby is kind of hot.
James Van Praagh is apparently Dina’s friend. He is a medium/mediawhore. James refers to Tre as “the famous cookbook author” while grinning as if he is in on the joke.
The twins and Melissa go shopping. Nicole tells Melissa that Jim doesn’t want to be seen with felons. Melissa is pissed. Nicole is pouring gasoline on the fire between Melissa and Amber. Melissa pours gasoline on the fire between Nicole and Amber by sharing that Amber said Nicole broke up a family. The twins want to go confront Amber. They leave in the clothes they were trying on. There are still full service gas stations in Jersey? I’d love if we still had them.
Back to James and the psychic. James says he thinks she might be moving someplace. OMFG. I am dying here. Bravo is SOFA KING messy! Yes, James, she is moving into a um, big house! This is already delightful. Looking for a house that will accommodate you better. OMG James practically predicted the death of Joe’s father. Surely this is one of those filmed after the death things. James says Joe is still looking for approval from his father, but he indicates he didn’t think his father was alive. Stop with this shit! It’s disturbs me! James then says he doesn’t think Tre will do jail time. He thinks Joe will. Tre continues on with the “Why is this happening???” routine. And it plays well to her ignorant fan base who have not read here. (Tre’s PLEA DEAL) or here (Juicy’s Plea Deal) it is happening because you are both CRIMINALS.
The twins arrive at Amber’s house and decide to abort because the kids are there. They will wait for Bobby’s party.
I kind of hate this show.